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48

Killing the ego (self.marriedredpill)

submitted by BobbyPeru

Over the years, I've learned the difference between being judgmental and being observant. Sometimes, this is a fine line. One thing I have observed on MRP is new guys often think it's a "race" to become alpha, and a little bit of progress can be easily mistaken as a total transformation. This is the ego

After a lifetime of being lied to by the media, friends, family members, and your own mother, unplugging from the matrix is no easy task. In fact, many of the people that have lied to you are simultaneously lying to their self. So, the line between truth. lies, reality, fantasy, and wishful thinking can become blurred. MRP can often make things more muddy before the clean-up starts It's kind of like cleaning out a garage - it will look more messy than ever before the real progress is revealed.

One of the biggest issues is ego . All too often, we either see a newer guy come on here posting about a situation he needs to fix right now, but in reality, if we provide solutions, they are band-aids, and they generally will not help the new guy's progress.

These type posts start with tell-tale signs of the markings of ego. For example, when I see a guy start off with 'I've always been alpha, but blah blah blah'... or I'm probably a 9 SMV (snd then gives no details about lifts, height, and weight - yes, all three are required for a reasonable analysis)... or 'wife is shit testing me about folding the socks,'... or 'wife gave me a hard no, but I didn't show any butthurt.'... etc... the problem is usually the ego is in the way of the beginning of progress

Progress begins when the new guy has finished all of the sidebar readings and is starting over.

Progress begins when the new guy can honestly post all physical stats Height, weight, and lifts .

Progress starts when the new guy doesn't lace his post with pats on the back or please tell me I'm a pussy pleadings.

Progress begins when the new guy realizes he's been brainwashed and is still brainwashed , and he wants to do the work to deprogram.

Progress begins when the new guy realizes there are guys on this board who have put in a ton of effort, way beyond what he has put in, and he is willing to listen to feedback, no matter how much it stings.

Progress begins when you hit your first lifting plateau after adding 5 pounds a week on all lifts for many months straight.

Progress begins when the new guy has cleaned up his diet, is under 15% BF, and has the stats to back it up.

Progress begins when the new guy realizes he is a pussy with no frame , and he becomes willing to STFU and lift , and then gradually add A&A, AM, fogging and other frame builders.

Progress begins when the new guy has internalized frame and no longer is faking frame, which his LTR will see right through and break easily anyway.

Progress begins with all of these acts , thoughts, and behaviors of humility.

Progress begins when the stay plan becomes the same as the go plan

Progress begins when the new guy can admit he has a long hard road ahead, and he starts to become comfortable with small but valuable strides of progress.

Progress begins when a new guy can come on here, present objective facts, and not lace it with implications of the grand ole alpha days, the great resent victories on who should fold the socks, and not present us with paragraphs of he said/she said dialog. You will not find progress within the mundane details of every day BS conversations between you and your LTR

Progress begins when your LTR isn't giving you hard no's anymore, and you realize that your sexual strategy is a combination of things in this post, and it is working

Progress beings with killing the ego because then the new guy can tear down the sand castle he has built and build a solid rock fortress**

The enemy is not women

The enemy is not your LTR

The enemy is not the media and the brainwashing you received

The enemy is your ego.

Kill the enemy


[–]FormulaFriday4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

For a noob 6 weeks in, this post is exactly what someone like me needs read and re-read. In spite of working the MRP MAP like my life depends on it, and actually seeing some positive progress, I still fall into old patterns every day. I need to hear this is a long road so STFU and keep pulling.

[–]MAGAManARFARF1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just stay with it, and know you dont have it together yet. Ive been on the program for roughly 1 year and only now feel things really clicking. Ive had breakdowns through the journey where frustrations boiled over, where nothing seemed to be improving.

Keep reading. Read more. Reread the books that affected you.

Keep lifting. Lift more. Lift past where you thought you couldnt lift more.

When you stop reading and stop lifting you begin to die.

[–]thunderbeyond4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

When I started out, I was full of vim and vigor. The doors of perception had been blown wide open and after only a short amount of time, I felt like instead of lagging behind everyone, I was three steps ahead and able to peer over the horizon. It was an intoxicating feeling.

But you're 100% right. Even though you start reading and lifting and dressing better and all of the other things you should be doing, it takes a long time to be that new man. It takes an even longer time for others to regard you as one.

OP you should copy this to r/askMRP as well. The ones who should be reading there are the ones chasing IOIs, still looking for their wife's validation, wrestling with oneitis, or DEERing every comment that calls him out. In a way, this place reinvents (or restores?) men to where they should be - and that necessitates destroying who they think they are, and showing them who they should become.

[–]BobbyPeru 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

OP you should copy this to r/askMRP as well.

I did . Thanks.

[–]johneyapocalypseTold Death to Fuck Off - MRP is easy mode1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First decent post I've seen in this sub in a while.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Garage analogy is a good one.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

a little bit of progress can be easily mistaken as a total transformation. This is the ego

Not to mention when you are at the bottom there is no place to go but up. If you are on the once a month plan and the wife is spiteful and cruel, just getting to a normal life with sex 2-3 times a week seems like a great victory- and it is!

However, it is only one battle in this never ending war. Sun Tzu said: "Overconfidence leads to disaster."

When you win a great victory, the enemy your wife will almost always attempt a counterattack.

[–]mundocorde1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not to mention when you are at the bottom there is no place to go but up.

Was exactly thinking that when reading this post. And as you say, those steps towards "normality" are, indeed, great victories.

And your wife will always, nor almost always, counterattack. Shit tests are to be embraced.

[–]mundocorde2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Progress begins when the new guy has finished all of the sidebar readings and is starting over."

This is my position right now. I am so brainwashed, yes, brainwashed, that the mere understanding and agreement of the theory is far from enough. And the entire world, specially my family, pulling me into the blue pill mentality since I was a little kid...

Applying, doing things, lifting, leading, building frame, that's where it's at.

This post was pure gold. Thanks.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really like the first sentence about judgement versus observation. It’s very informative of a man’s ego. Only you can allow others to judge. Everything else is someone else’s observation.

Hence, the age old idiom: “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me”

[–]Iammrp21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good post.

[–]BluPillMaster-bater1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

FNG here, who has no clue what in tarnation is A&A, fogging or AM are (though I have an inkling as to frame, but not how to define it for others).

I cannot stop reading. It has really impacted work too.. nothing else seems important. I have this intense sense that everything related to redpill is the most important thing in my life right now.

I see young guys constantly think they get it, perhaps. But for middle aged dudes in long term marriages/relationships, turning around years of programming is far more difficult than earning a degree, or establishing a career. We're talking about destroying and then rebuilding your entire self-identity, and by consequence, all of your relationships and your family.

To think that, in any form, this transistion is going to be months at best is absolute bullshit. This process must take years. If I had to put a number on it, I would say 4-5 years. That should be just long enough to not be fat, up that SMV, clean up finances, decide on divorce or not, etc.

It is a daunting and long journey. If you don't approach it with humility, you just make it miserable.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A&A, fogging or AM are (though I have an inkling as to frame, but not how to define it for others).

Keep reading. You won’t even internalize all this in a matter months, much less be able to display it.

I have this intense sense that everything related to redpill is the most important thing in my life right now.

Yep.

turning around years of programming is far more difficult than earning a degree, or establishing a career. We're talking about destroying and then rebuilding your entire self-identity, and by consequence, all of your relationships and your family.

Keep this thought in the back of your mind because it’s easy to forget.

To think that, in any form, this transistion is going to be months at best is absolute bullshit. This process must take years. If I had to put a number on it, I would say 4-5 years. That should be just long enough to not be fat, up that SMV, clean up finances, decide on divorce or not, etc.

I always thought the BP Professors 12 steps of dread, while poignant and relevant, may be a bit optimistic with regards to how long it can take. I’ve been here 2.5 years and am still learning, still getting stronger and still tweaking my strategy.

[–]The_LitzMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my experience the handfull of American women I've met seemed nice enough. Don't fall for the idea that foreign women are by better by default, there are harpy bitches in every nation in the world, just the percentages differ.

Different does not mean better.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ive been mulling a post tangential to this.... you vs you

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_0 points1 point  (41 children) | Copy Link

Can someone explain to me what is the point of marrying american women to whom submissiveness is a foreign concept?

[–]Iammrp24 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

The point? If you're asking "why marry an American woman when I can marry a submissive foreign woman?"

The answer is do whatever the fuck you want.

But seriously, IMO American women who are independent and don't put up with bullshit bluepillers are actually a good thing and healthy for society.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

There is no point to marrying the woman you describe. But you're painting US women with a very broad brush.

It's not as pervasive as it first appears. I know a lot of US women who are very happy in a submissive role. I know a whole lot more that would be happy in that role, but the weak man they settled for won't step up so they have to instead.

These women just arent as vocal as the "you go girl" feminists because they'll get shouted down by their own kind if they speak out. Crabs/bucket analogy.

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

So they married these weak men for their money and fuck other more dominant men to satisfy themselves the meanwhile?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Some do. Most settled for the guy, aren't attracted to him anymore, and don't fuck anyone on the reg. They are in a situation where cheating is a significant possibility if the right tingles inducing guy comes along, but it's not the guaranteed outcome like some on this sub would make it out to be.

You're coming across as an angry mgtow type. Don't blame women for acting in their own best interests - we all do the same.

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

So you admitted most men in MRP should un-marry-redpill before their need for half assed validation from random women fucks them up financially and existentially.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're projecting again, interpreting words in ways that fit your preconceived narrative.

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ok lets throw out all the foundations of TRP because you want to chase blue pill goals.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Non sequitur.

This isn't the kiddie pool. You need to up your game.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

what is the point of marrying american women

understand that American women only 1/2 of the problem. American men are the other half of the problem. For men the problem is unilaterally solvable in most cases.

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Statistically women who have lost their virginity drop in the double digits of having a successful marriage that lasts a decade long. It dosent sound like a good business move to bond yourself to a ticking time bomb.

Marriage is absolutely unnecessary and hurts men. If she really wants to be with you she will take your last name without marrying you, that way you can still look like a legit couple without all the downsides of the paperworks. Also you have better odds keeping the kids without marriage.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

what is the point of marrying american women

then this is a double meaning....

1.) what is the point of marrying.

would be the first meaning. As you described, there is no point.

2)...what is the point of marrying an "American woman"

That is what my original comment was about.

[–]johneyapocalypseTold Death to Fuck Off - MRP is easy mode0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Statistically women who have lost their virginity drop in the double digits of having a successful marriage that lasts a decade long.

Source?

Sounds woefully counterintuitive to me.

[–]Captain_Save_A_Hoe_0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Statistically speaking, you're going to die. Are you going to kill yourself now?

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

+1, LMAO . The difference between cause and effect.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Statistically speaking, you're going to die. Are you going to kill yourself now?

Since I am so much older, I must think about this. OK done. nada.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm basically living as you described, and even I know those stats aren't a safety net.

Drill down, there's underlying reasons. Those are your goals, not just checking boxes in a stats book

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Better odds of keeping kids without marriage?

Care to explain this statement?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Without marriage you don't have as many rights... not that fathers count for much in this misandrous FI nightmare we have awoken from anyway, but single guys even less.

However, paternal support you will be paying married or not.

[–]BluPillMaster-bater1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

After a trip to SouthEast Asia, I have to ask the same question. I think American men marry american women because they haven't traveled, don't have experience with overseas women, or are just stuck with what is available.

American women, aside from being large, tall, just big, and aging about as well as fish, are often indoctrinated with either feminism or feminism/puritanism. Yeah, I'm using a broad fucking brush for godsakes, because no one can list all of the exceptions. Im sure there are a few million american women who might make a great LTR.

But it sure seems like all Thai and Vietnamese women make a great LTR. Sure seems like friends who married eastern european women are happy.

If I could start over, I would have traveled more before getting married. Then you have the greatest clarity and are not choosing the best pieces of garbage from teh american feminist dump.

[–]weakandsensitive5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you think it's because womenz and not YOU, you're going to fail.

Don't waste time at MRP with this horseshit. If you want to participate in that type of victim conversation - spend your time at MGTOW or PPD or something.

You've been warned. Keep wasting people's time with your "philosophical" horseshit and I'll ban you pretty quick.

From what you've posted, you've already shown that you're lazy and incapable or doing work - and therefore have no real insight or value add.

Edit - actually, you know what, since you're too fucking lazy or stupid to google anything, I'm just going to ban you and save myself time. Come back in a month or something when you've done some work.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

The stereotypes Dragon Lady and Tiger Mom exist for a reason. And a gaijin isn't likely to see that side until he's locked into commitment.

 

There are plenty of women on both ends of the spectrum in every culture. Get your SMV out of the BB territory and into the AF domain and that will become readily apparent.

[–]BluPillMaster-bater0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Gotta ask.. what the heck is BB and AF?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

You need to start reading and stop posting until you have the bare basics down. That is a remedial mrp question. Sidebar is your friend.

Bare minimum help here- Google Rollo and Hypergamy.

[–]BluPillMaster-bater-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I read all of the sidebar here and TRP, I've read all of Rollo, (and illimited) I've read and researched this to the nth degree. I haven't read shit on game though, because Im about the basics before the reward; i.e., I do the hard stuff first.

Probably too much reading.. sometimes I pause and have to work out the acronym. But in this case, I really dont have a clue what AF and BB are, but I'll probably think 'duh' when I find out.

Seems weird that you took the time to post that, based on presumptions. No worries though, I'm very well versed in giving and taking "RTFM" (I'm guessing you know that one..)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You might have read a bit, but you've absorbed Jack shit. Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks. Hypergamy 101. Seriously man, this is day one stuff.

[–]BluPillMaster-bater-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah, there's my "duh"

Anyway, your input is as pleasant as stepping in dog shit, but way more valuable. I could just say "thanks" like you can just answer the question, but it's the internet and here we go 'round and round.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Latinas... just saying

[–]BluPillMaster-bater1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But! Critical caveat here - american latinas are the worst.

Tread carefully, you could end up with the worst type of woman, and american latinas, on top of attitude, tend to just get fatter and fatter.

Opposite of those Asian babes..

But otherwise, dear lord, some of the most beautiful women I've seen are latinas.

And never overlook Iranian women.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My first woman was US Latina.. and my second wife was a Central America Latina. The US Latina did not have hypergamy in check and I was not RP enough to keep it in check. Now that I am with a better woman and I have RP knowledge, it's better, because I'm better.

[–]ElSupremoDeluxe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

All women have the capability of being submissive. The question is, “Are you the right man to bring it out in them?”.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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