I copied and pasted this from my post in the OYS thread this week, hence the mention of it toward the end.

The main event came this week. Looking back I can see all the precursors, and where I could've done things better to maybe avoid it. But ultimately it was needed, and I was expecting it sooner than later.

It came after a situation exposed a difference in personal views. To avoid doxxing, I'll leave it at that. We both told the other where we stood on it, she stayed mad while I spent 2 days just moving on from it, after telling her I was going to just agree to disagree and had to explicitly tell her I wasn't telling her I thought she was "wrong", I just viewed it differently. I offered plenty of invites to join in on some fun, all were shot down and the show went on without her.

Day 3, it came to a head for her. She starts by telling me how pissed she is at me, how it shouldn't have to be this hard, and ultimately "I think we need a break, I'm going to stay with [family member] for awhile."

"Do what you need to do. I'll take care of the boys."

This led to "Now you can fuck whoever you want" and so on. When that didn't get a reaction out of me she flips it and says she'll do the same. "Do what you want. I won't stay in a marriage with a woman that fucks other men." There was some more noise, but as I refused to engage her tone switched from angry to fearful. "I'm a mess, I don't know what's going on in my head half the time. I know I'm hard to deal with and it seems like you can just walk away at any moment."

It was the perfect opportunity for me to share my life vision with her, and I told her I wanted her to be there for it all. But I wasn't going to tolerate being the punching bag. I did more talking than what I "should have", but it felt like the right thing to do/say...so I laid it out. "I'm not here for you to take your anger out on me. I understand I've fucked up royally in the past, but I'm learning how to improve that. Every decision I make is based on whether or not it will get me closer to that improvement. I'm not going to get it perfect everytime, but I'm not going to stop moving forward on it either. I want to be your rock, but I will not be your punching bag." That was the gist of it, obviously less robotic and more personal to the situation.

She melted and opened up even more than she has been here lately. She shared some dark shit. Still talking with an aggitated tone as she spoke. But the more she shared, and the more unphased I was by it, she spewed out more and more. Anger to sadness. Aside from a few "I know exactly what you mean, I've been there myself" kinds of statements, I really didn't say much at all. She ended it all by telling me she's never talked about it because she thought nobody would understand. She thought having those thoughts and being "that way" wasn't normal.

After it was all said and done, I had realized what just happend. The calmness I felt during the whole thing was so alien to me. In all honesty, there was some fear (self doubt) that I would eventually slip back into my old ways. I acknowledged that fear, smirked, and took the last drag of my cigarette.

A levy has broke in my mind with all sorts of realizations on my progress, things I need to work on to make sure they are fully internalized, and things I still need to get started on. But when I stay out of my head about it, it goes so much smoother than trying to hamster it all out. This will probably be my last OYS post for awhile, I'm going to take the u/rian_stone approach and just take shit apart then put it back together. I'm sure I'll cross threads, break bolts, and have extra pieces laying around from time to time. But I won't let any of that stop me from getting where I want to go.