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Hey everyone. I could use some advice. I'm going to be a father and she's sick everyday. She got triggered over nothing and 2 months ago broke up with me. It's not uncommon for pregnant women to push their men away. One of the first results when I type in google "pregnant girlfriend " it suggests "dumped me" "hates me" etc. So I tried to go with the flow but got a bit emotional. Asked her to work it out, asked her why she's acting like that etc. When one of her responses was "stop talking about us" "there is no us" "only message me about the baby" That's when I gave up and just stopped talking to her altogether. It's been hard. I always pictured being a happy couple, buying things for the baby, going to doctors appointments etc. After 2 months she messaged me the other day accusing me of ignoring her. Asking if I even care , do I want to be a father? So I said if we're not together then I'm not going to be involved in any way. I said message me if you change your mind. Some people say its the hormones and I can understand she is thinking about the baby. So I am pulling my shit together. I have an appointment with a lawyer next week to form a "just in case" battle plan. I'm wondering, should I give her the attention? Check up on her, ask her how she's doing? Or should I stick to my word and stay cold on her? It's a tough dilemma.


[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Arch is right. Shit's gotten real. She was out of your life for 2 months, during which she either holed up alone; or more likely, banged some badboys who bailed when they found out another guy knocked her up. And now she is succumbing to the nesting instinct. She needs a man to help her, and money to support her and the kid.

Here's what you do.

You see your lawyer. You determine what rights, if any, you have to determine paternity. Do not trust her word that you are the biodad. If you can get a paternity test, do it, and pay for it. Do not sign a birth certificate for this child under any circumstances, even if you are the biodad. Do not allow anyone to put your name on this child's birth cert, even if you are the bio dad.

You determine what you will owe in child support, medical expenses, etc. after consulting with your lawyer.

Then you have a heart-to-heart with yourself. You decide the extent to which you want to be in your child's life. You determine how easy, difficult, etc actually being in that child's life will be, taking into account all the known facts and circumstances, and all potential unknowns you can reasonably foresee. And then you execute that plan as best as you can, given real, practical, monetary, and other potential limitations.

Do not make any representations to this woman whatsoever until you have (1) talked to a lawyer; and (2) received the results of the paternity test. Do not tell her you will support the child until you have done those two things. Do not tell her anything until you've decided the extent to which you want to be a father to this child and until you've done those two things.

And FFS, DO NOT MARRY HER.

[–]Hyper_Sonik[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good point. I feel like she's bluffing because what pregnant woman is going to do it alone? She needs support, transportation, money, clothes, organization and preparedness, etc. So I feel like I need to call her bluff and say "See ya". Even though I feel like a complete asshole, and shes using it against me by telling people "he's not involved, he doesn't want to be the father". I went to the legal professional on Monday and I asked about getting a paternity test before the baby is born, she called her colleagues and answered, nothing you can do until the baby is born. In Canada, the court system is biased against men because a woman has all the power. I spoke with her on facebook over the weekand and got mixed signals again. But she tried mind gaming me by claiming "I don't know if you're the father", but I know 100% that I am. And I know you guys on the red pill will buy into this doubt as a possibility but it's not even a question as to weather Im the father or not. Look at it more like she's shit testing me or playing mind games. I didn't even flinch when she said that. She also said "if you were supportive and blah blah blah then I would forgive you" But the thing is if I make effort she either rejects it or down plays it like its wrong. Women, demand you do something but when you do it they crucify and criticize. I feel like I'm being trolled. So I'm still trying to figure out how to walk the tightrope. I don't know if it's best to suck it up and be nice, walk away or a combination of both. I think if I walk away, she's going to use it against me when the baby is born. I'm starting to document everything and I have a stack of papers the lawyer gave me to fill out. Sigh. Pro tip: Don't get a woman pregnant.

[–]Archwinger10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So your pregnant girlfriend dumped you. And not even as a shit-test. She rebuked all of your attempts to reconcile and was very clear. She wanted the relationship over.

Then she was gone from your life for two whole months.

Now she's two months more pregnant and reestablishing contact with you, as the reality of needing money for the baby set in.

What do you think went on for the past two months after she was so quick to get you out of the picture?

[–]CrashXXL13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My ex went on dates when she was pregnant. She's disgusting.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you sure this is your kid??

[–]Luigee33103 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Dude how old is she? I ask cause damn that sound childish as hell

[–]Hyper_Sonik[S] 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

She going to be 30 in May.
She even accused me of being "controlling" because I had organized her cupboards. I'm wondering if she's just hormonal and easily triggered. And I'm hoping that once the baby is born she will return to normal but I can't count on that. I'm preparing myself. She even wants to name the kid without asking me.

[–]Luigee33104 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Holy shittt, mind you I'm a young dad with a happy wife, dude can you talk to her parents?

[–]Hyper_Sonik[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I was thinking of calling her mom. I'm waiting about 2 weeks until I get a couple more things in order. How should I be handling her? Good cop or bad cop? Should I support her or tell her if we aren't together then I have nothing to say?

[–]jtzabor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Treat her the way you would if she wasnt pregnant. Thats what I did at least. Although my lady wasnt super irrational. Good luck.

[–]Rufferto_n_Groo0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Get a lawyer, then a paternity test. Please do not screw this up.

[–]Hyper_Sonik[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Im seeing a lawyer on Monday. She said she's not signing any documents with me and I heard from someone that she's naming our son "Brody" ffs. Anyways, I want to get a paternity test before the baby is born so that I have access to the birth registration. I'm not sure if that's how it works but I'm making a battle plan just in case she doesn't snap out of it. Some pregnant women do a 180 on their mates because of the hormones and then become normal and happy once the baby is born, but I'm preparing myself to win in case she doesn't snap out of it.

[–]Rufferto_n_Groo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep us updated. We appreciate reading about someone using their brain in these situations.

Keep your chin up, stay smart, and come back here and to TRP for a morale boost.

[–]Occams_Stubble0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

And I'm hoping that once the baby is born she will return to normal....

Poop into one hand, hope into the other. Check to see which fills up first. There is no going back to 'normal' after a baby.

[–]wanderer7792 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First of all, don't sign anything. Get a paternity test when the kid is born to make sure it is yours. They sell them at walgreens for pretty cheap. All it takes is a 2 second cheek swab.

If it turns out to be yours you'll have to decide what to do then. From what you've typed here it sounds like the best option is to just get a child support ruling and move on, but that will have to be your call.

[–]Luigee33101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't worry about how you come off as long as you're detailed with what she's been doing wrong. They HAVE to understand and talk to her

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Go ahead leave, see if I chase you,

[–]Hyper_Sonik[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What do you mean by that

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

tell her that and mean it.

[–]sd4c1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is only occurring because of the Nanny-State providing welfare and security to Mom. If it were 1850, or even 1930 she'd be slurping you up like the last sno-cone on earth.

My advice to you is going to be simple: do a couple cycles of PEDs. Prohormones at least, maybe SARMs or even hormones. Combine this with TWICE DAILY meditation, lifting 4x/week, and 10 pages/day of reading the Stoics.

The usual prescription is lift/read/meditate- but frankly you're out of time. Yes, lawyer-up. Yes, get a paternity test. In utero, if possible. But you need to prepare for tough times and a small taste of chemistry should give you the IDGAF you desperately need.

[–]adamR7100 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Same thing happened to me, I don't know how long you have been with her but we were only together for like 5 months when she got pregnant. I just kept reaching out to her and helping with getting ready for the baby and trying to be there for her, we ended up working it out, but we still have problems,there's good days and bad days and she still brings up little things I did to piss her off and the wrong things I did when she was pregnant but overall were ok. baby is 9 months old now and she's the cutest little baby ever. Hang in there man. Pregnant chicks are freakin nuts, it should get better

[–]Hyper_Sonik[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That helps, thank you. I've been reading about this phenomenon on google and how it's not uncommon for pregnant women to leave their mates. It's just devastating to not be able to share the experience. She told me wants to be single and if she finds someone that will make her happy she will go with them. I think it's the hormones and the stress of being sick all the time, so kind of pass it off. I'm waiting until the baby is born to see if she turns back to normal again, but in the meantime I'm lining up lawyers and a battle plan.

[–]laithy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

COMFORT your girl, ensure she feels SAFE. She's scared. This is YOUR BABY inside her ..

A Girl Cannot Dump you, it's you who make that decision, you idiot. Man up, forget about banging so many women, take care of her the way a leader would, not a truck driver who banged a hoe.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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