TL;DR - Two weeks after celebrating the 25th wedding anniversary and hit with "I don't love you." Facing the end of my marriage I have been forced to look at my self. I want to puke at what I see. Fixing myself is my only path foreword. I expect the blood letting I am sure this post will bring me, but I have to get this out.

Been with my wife for almost 30 years and married for 25. Two kids and a lifetime later I am looking at going into the final third of my life without her. I discovered TRP and the manosphere about a year ago. I had already started reading some of the material on the sidebar under Red Pill 101 just by chance.
When we married I was a different man. Former Marine 0311, and rookie cop I had some obvious alpha traits. Ended up a 320 pound fat drunk; totally withdrawn from her and life. I let the house fall apart, never followed up on my promises and / or met any of her emotional needs. I was not an attractive or effective man for a very long time.
A couple of years ago she got tired of sitting at the kitchen table while I sat in the basement drinking in front of the TV and decided to get a life. She started doing cross fit, bought a bike and began doing group rides and making friends. In her early 50’s and she turns heads. Orbiters and cock-hounds besiege her constantly. Caught her in an affair with one of these riding “chums” and had a big blow up. She has always denied any physical component to the relationship, but I choose to assume that there was. I don’t think that I can forgive unless I forgive from the worst case.
I was terrified of losing her and punked on setting a hard boundary. My life had shrunk to TV watching and booze. What the fuck was I going to do if she left? She agreed to go to marriage counselling and we did that for about a year. We stopped when we both agreed that things were much better and we were substantially back on track. After the affair I got involved again. Started riding with her, meeting her friends and otherwise making myself present and known. I did feel like things had improved. I was showing a lot of low value behaviors. Mate guarding, jealousy, clinging and neediness on a very unflattering scale. So my “feelings” were doomed to be wrong. About 4-5 months ago I started to sense more detachment from her. Most of her female friends are divorced and frequent flyers on the cock carousel. Usually, she would rather spend time with them than me. My romantic overtures and little displays of affection were not being reciprocated as much as before. Four weeks ago, two weeks after our 25th anniversary ( I got a simple card from her a week late), I was getting ready for bed and pulled her to me as she walked by and said, “You know you are deeply loved, don’t you?” She didn’t respond but tears began streaming down her cheeks. Then it hit. It’s over! I said, “You don’t love me anymore at all, do you?” She said, “I tried to get it back, I’ve been trying to get it back but it won’t come back.” She sobbed. Later she said that she hadn’t left yet because she was afraid that I would drink myself to death or worse. (Bullet to the head) I told her that we have children (out of the house now) and that my legacy to them would never be suicide. She agreed to stay awhile longer until our youngest gets farther along in college.
The next day, when home alone, I grieved like I have never grieved before. I grieved more than at the death of my father, my grandfather and best friend. I fucking wailed! I bargained with God, I begged the Universe… I woke the fuck up! Four weeks later and I haven’t drunk a drop. I’ve worked out every day and modified my eating habits. I have dropped 30 pounds so far with low carb and intermittent fasting. I lift heavy four times a week, and even with the weight loss I am getting stronger. I started seeing a therapist to work on some of my emotional bullshit. I don’t want my marriage to be over! I know I’m going to read a lot of advice to move on. But if MRP is just about divorce then it should be TRP2. I’m hoping there are some men out there that are close to, or in midlife, with a similar story that I can learn from. I know that the only hope I have is to fix myself. Doing so, I will either re-attract my wife or put myself in a better position to start over. My therapist says nothing is certain, but my wife has likely moved on long ago and that I should focus on being ok while making my life in a new direction. She tells me that if I fix myself that I may find that I don’t want my wife any longer.