TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

88

Wanted to share a quick FR on something that happened last week. I was not going to post, but the sub is a little drama ridden lately, askMRP is in a mess so here goes. This is for newbies and should provide a relevant example.

I coach kids ball, if you know me you already know this. This requires communication with parents most of which are female, typically ED or E2D as I have ball 6 days a week. If you know me, you also know the running gag my wife likes to toss my way during this is "Which girlfriend are you talking to know?"

That's all the backstory, so let's get to the meat. My wife also like to text, specifically her mom. Text sessions can span hours to relay the same information a 5-minute phone call would accomplish, but they are women and we know how they communicate right?

The other night we are in bed around 8:30, she is still texting her mom, I am preparing to go lights out, so I tell the wife "to tell her boyfriend goodnight so we can go to bed."

Now my wife does not surprise me often, but she did when she rolled over, looked me in the eyes and says, "good night my boyfriend and husband" with a grin and smile. I was taken back for a second, but once I processed the info I quickly escalated to sex and that was it.

What does this mean for newbs? It means that even though my wife and I have been together since HS, late 30's, married 12 years with 2 kids, you still have to fill both roles to be successful in an LRT/marriage. You have to be her boyfriend and her husband. Alpha and Beta. Risk taking and stable. You have to stroke both sides of her hypergamous nature if you want to keep things exciting and fresh in your relationship and keep her eyes focused on you.

What is the other thing you need to be on the lookout for? How women initiate sex. My wives signs are the "fuck me now eyes" will snuggle up against me and cuddle and squeeze a little too hard, but she very rarely just goes directly for the junk like many guys expect a woman to. All she does is crack the door open a little and then wants me to open it up. Sure, she gives unsolicited BJ's and has stood against the wall and said, "fuck me now" but the 80% rule with my wife is contextual actions she does to show her desire for sex. So, you need to learn your womans tell tail signs and be on the lookout for them.

Stop going to the same place for dinner, and stop doing the same things over and over. You have to always be fresh, you always have to be escalating in everything you do. Make the plans, do what you want to do and do things that she enjoys and if you have kids it is even easier to do activity dates. It is very easy to get into the daily grind of life, but you have to try and push the boundaries. Ask for forgiveness, never permission, and for Pete's sake do not ask her what she wants to do. She doesn't know - that is your job. Just tell her to get in the car and start driving.

I am sure someone is going to say my comment was beta, or passive aggressive and that is fine. It is her running joke to me, and I tossed the shit test back to her and she handled like a pro, just like I do to her. It works in our relationship and with our specific details.


[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED28 points29 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

Not at all Beta.

Imagine that, you and your wife actually like each other, and it's getting easier for you, because you remind her more and more of the guy she couldn't wait to talk to on the phone and fuck for sport when growing up.

As we get older, we take on new roles and identities. We have to remind those we give a shit about that the prior person hasn't been lost or discarded, but that he was there all along, lying dormant, waiting to rekindle his fire and be the man she wants inside her.

Man--Boyfriend--Husband--Father is not a path, it's inclusive of all these things. If as men we lose sight of any of these identities, especially the first, it can be a problem.

Same holds for her.

Woman--Girlfriend--Wife--Mother, can be treated like a progression, and if the identities can't be congruent in your mind as you move through life together, you will lose your desire as well. I've always wanted to fuck my girlfriends and wife, but fixate on mother, and Madonna/Whore comes into play.

Fuck all that noise.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Imagine that, you and your wife actually like each other

so rare in here that it's actually a bit shocking.

[–]oak_water7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep in mind this is a hospital for sick people, not a sports team for healthy.

[–]weakandsensitive7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Trifecta

Kinda refreshing seeing early /u/88Will88 in that post.

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Brought a knife to a gun fight.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post. Had not seen it before thanks for the link!

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn that's a good post.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

I have never understood the mother thing at all.
My woman is the kid's mother ... not mine.
Maybe because I always call her woman or her given name. I never refer to her as "mom".

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

It's about the reverence (right or wrong) that is given to the mother. We value the role and somehow forget the dirty little slut we knocked up to begin with.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

how do we forget the role of "wife" or "girlfriend"?

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

We don't. I was imprecise. We value those things less if not kept a priority.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

and then wonder what went wrong. got you.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

We don't, they do. For good reason.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

good reason.

?

[–]straius 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Identity shift, fulfillment of biological imperative, new role, permanent hormone changes. Essentially they have very good reasons to become self centered after their first child and when men forget they still have to exist as if they were single, they lose their power to pull their wives out of their sole identity as mother.

It's not that we forget their roles as wife and gf, it's that we forget and allow ourselves to be blunted by the false security of marriage or an LTR.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

that describes it well I think.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think that the diminishing of sexual activity can account for that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

chicken/ egg

[–]ReddingtonsShitList0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Newb here. What I'm seeing here is you don't place her on a pedestal simply for popping out a kid or two. Always see her as the starry-eyed girl from when you were first dating?

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not quite.

Remember that "starry-eyed girl" got that way from YOU giving her the power tingles, because YOU were an attractive and assertive man--boyfriend--husband before you became boring fuck fat DAD.

Remember where you both came from. She's the mother of your kids, but she's also the one who gave you a hand-job under a blanket at her parent's house while her parents were still in the room.

A saint she ain't. It serves no sexual purpose for a man to think so either.

[–]ReddingtonsShitList0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck. I had forgotten about those times. Thank you

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

look fuckable, act fuckable, get fucked.

look competent, be competent, get functional tribe.

Funny though, you put it in perspective, madonna whore. Nothing to do with her, it's all internal self-sabotage

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

self-sabotage

well, yeah. thats why you get angry only with yourself. And keep being angry because you dont change

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the problem with narcissism. Where self-reflection reveals this fact, the ego instead lashes out because the other party gives an ego-injury, or they are 'going off script'.

And keep being angry because you dont change

you don't have to change, all your problems are justified because reasons. The problem is they aren't acting in a way to further your story. Even a story about a martyr putting up with a cold harpy is all about you. Covert contracts show you 100% that she is not a setpiece for your play.

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Don't assign special status based on a natural occurrence.

Fuck women, children follow. Not so special

[–]straius0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you mean pedastalizing, absolutely. But being a good mother still seems worthy of special status. They don't seem mutually exclusive to me, if we're going to stick with the congruency of roles structure here (ie... woman-gf-wife-mother).

The birth of children, while common, still strikes me as a process worthy of awe.

It's not special. But the process is still pretty awe inspiring for all the complexities that have to go right every time.

Maybe I'm just on a tangent. That feels more complete to me than what you wrote but still encompasses the view that as an event, it's not mystical or "special" as a result of sex.

Maybe you just meant don't assign status based on the ability to give birth and I'm being autistic.

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The last paragraph.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gotcha

[–]simbarlionMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

fuck for sport

Absolute gold

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I’m constantly making sexual comments and kino’ing my wife. How she responds is a pretty good indicator of weather or not I should initiate. Learning to read her subtle cues has taken hard no’s to practically zero.

Guys need to stop autistically initiating and work the alpha boyfriend game. When I’m not in the mood, I still will fuck her (as a side note).

ABC- always be closing...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yep. Because of this I feel like I don't actually even have to initiate anymore.

Since I'm always gaming / looking for the close, and can easily tell now when she's open, there's no discernible line between initiation and sex/rejection.

If you're always flirting, doing so when she's receptive just leads to more flirting, escalation and finally sex. Flirting when she's unreceptive just leads to me backing off a bit, taking time for myself and giving her some space.

In other words: get to the point where you are no longer perceived as performing an act of initiation. It's just how you always are. The result: sex always feels natural, spontaneous and "in the moment" which is always the best kind. The cherry on top is that she won't feel guilty or resent you for overtly initiating when she's not in the mood.

[–]oak_water0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks to her ASD, she wants to experience sex as if it "just happens." Nothing dries her up more than the guy's attitude of: "ok, now prepare yourself, because I am going to initiate for sex presently. Here we go. Starting initiation sequence." After the deed is done, you should both be laying there thinking, how did we get here? That was unexpected and fun! Except you'll know what happened.

The natural blurs those lines so there's no distinction between him pursuing sex and just having a good time because he's that fucking awesome.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a fantastic perspective.

[–]screechhaterMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep. ABC mother fucker. They Fucking love it

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMRP MODERATOR6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your key takeaway is to treat her like a boyfriend would. Remember all those fun things that you did when you were dating? KEEP DOING THOSE!

You're right, it is very easy to get into the daily grind of life. Work, kids, responsibilities... you always have to keep in mind that you can never be complacent.

Good report.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceMRP APPROVED5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stop going to the same place for dinner, and stop doing the same things over and over. You have to always be fresh, you always have to be escalating in everything you do. Make the plans, do what you want to do and do things that she enjoys

This, Noobs. If you only take one thing from this, it should be that you never, ever ask her where she wants to go eat. She wants you to decide. Period. Do this and the rest will get easier.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are on right track

Be her Lover makes more sense.

Boyfriends are sweet and kinda boring after awhile. Lovers are tumultuous and stormy and provide highs and lows.

All women eventually cheat on their BORE friend. They never cheat on their lover as he has too much of her mindshare

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Like this?

Probably too much.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff. My ex who I was with for 2 decades still used to call me “my lord, my liege, sexy cock” even after decades. As men we have many roles (and many holes) to fill.

[–]crimson_chris2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good FR. My wife and I still have some rocky days but good mostly good days lately. For my b-day this year she planned a hiking trip and lunch at this cafe overlooking the ocean. It was great.

Anyway she took a pic of me for FB and referred to me as her boyfriend in the post. Her and her girlfriends went fucking gidddy with comments. So, 100%. You have to be a regular husband and father - but you have to mix things up like a bf would.

Someone reffered to this earlier, but we sometimes forget that we are the prize. If you behave like you are the prize and belive you are the prize you can lead her almost anywhere.

[–]kimru33441 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said my friend!

[–]redsprinklersystem1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post. This and the trifecta post mentioned in the comments really brought it home to me. The whole crux of my problems was based around being almost completely husband / dad (beta) -and nowhere near enough boyfriend / lover (alpha). Exactly as is seen from a good share of the other guys here.

Just realising that keeping things fresh and exciting is MY job, even if I'm not that good at it yet, being conscious of it and actually trying has turned my life around. I'm still oneitised to fuck and too aspie and fat to develop abundance, but I'm working on it and can only see that taking things to a whole new level.

God I fucking love MRP, and posts like this remind me why. Thanks.

[–]screechhaterMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good FR

"Boyfriend and Husband" Honey- Chad's back !

When I left for work, wife went on a Tyraid Abigail the terms and their shit, then started on me. Kisss in the forehead drove off as she was talking shit

I got home last night, wife was looking hot. I made a comment to her nice skirt and the hot chick in it. Then commented about her long legs.

Bed time - lifted before bed. Eye fucked me in and out of the shower. Watched a show together I initiated and definitely was not turned down.

STFU at 650am. Started gaming at 6pm. Fucking by 10pm. She did not go for the junk Did a few nights ago

Are you reading up on dread

[–]Chump_No_MoreHard Core Nuclear Navy Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All you guys new to the RP need to read Ian Ironwood's posts.

He retired from active posting a couple years ago, but his posts are still gold.

Particularly apropos to this post is The Girlfriend Effect

While he's addressing this article to women, this is an excellent description of how you will know when you are your wife's 'boyfriend'.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

So you go to bed at 8:30pm?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I can. 9:00 is typical. Up early to lift.

[–]Westernhagen0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

communication with parents most of which are female, typically ED or E2D

Remind me what this means.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Every Day, Every other Day.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter