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The most detrimental attribute of a chronic Nice Guy is lack of boundaries.  If you are here, the odds are very high that you, at some point in your life, were conditioned to be a Nice Guy.  You were taught that the needs of others supersede your own needs.  This is a core tenant of Blue Pill dogma which you can easily identify because it always feels good to say, but not to do.  To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.  Fucking fantastic.     

Imagine for a moment that you are surrounded by a sphere.  This includes all of your experience and your stance on things.  Your goal in life is for your sphere to be dominated by positivity as it relates to you and no one else.  Everyone has this, and everyone should make it their top priority to create a positive sphere for themselves, guided by their internal compass.  Some call it vibes, energy, or personality.  What you will find is that when these spheres collide, there are limitless outcomes.     

For example, I asked a guy completely genuinely the other day about his tattoo and he told me I was snarky.  Absolutely no malice in my question whatsoever.  For whatever reason, my energy just rubbed him the wrong way and caused him to push back.  This is what happens when conflicting spheres collide.  It's kind of like Sir Isaac Newton's Third Law of Physics: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  This does not necessarily apply within the same person, but over the multitude of spheres you will encounter.
 

Essentially, I could have asked the same thing of someone else and received a positive reaction.  Maybe if I worded it differently I would have received a positive reaction from him, too.  You cannot control this.  It didn't phase me.  I simply said "Oh, was that snarky?" and looked at him.  Then he told me, and I responded with the same genuine interest I had initially.  He didn't fuck with my sphere.  I fucked with his.
 

Accepting that your sphere will collide both positively and negatively with other spheres is the key to setting boundaries and curing chronic Nice Guyism.  It is the secret to frame.  This is simply a metaphorical way to describe frame and living a life true to yourself.      

Types of Spheres

Bubble Spheres

Nice Guys operate within bubble spheres.  They are weak, thin, and malleable.  These are the guys whose frame is broken easily by other spheres; even other bubble spheres.  They are cautious of other spheres because they know how delicate they are.  They do their best to maneuver around the others and float carefully through existence so as to preserve their exterior.  In other words, they live in fear due to the inherent risk in the external environment and are reactive.

Rubber Spheres

A majority of people you meet will operate within rubber spheres.  These are people who are pretty confident in who they are, but they are still pretty easy to bend.  Think, when you kick a soccer ball, and the rubber bends to your foot before it shoots off.  When it lands, it's back in it's proper shape but it's in a different place and degrading over time.  They react to their environment; their environment can influence their direction and cause discomfort.  The rubber spheres are all out there bouncing off of each other, popping bubbles, and reacting to their external environment.

Iron Spheres

Iron spheres are what they are.  They are difficult to move and do not change shape or direction when pelted with bubble and rubber spheres, and are mostly unreactive.  They move based on internal confidence, not external fear.  There are few who can impact the iron sphere; it is rare that two iron spheres are able to even provoke one another.  Typically, they allow each other to exist within their own spheres and exist together when both are benefited, because they do not see the other iron sphere as a threat.

Harmony

It is still possible for harmony to exist between bubble, rubber, and iron spheres.  This is the positive reaction.  You see this all the time.  A boss with an iron frame who has a bunch of subservients who are quite happy to please him, for example.  No matter, the iron sphere will always be a better position.  This is dynamic in social groups.  You might be the iron sphere of your family, but a rubber sphere at work trying to make sure you're serving your bosses' mission properly since it's only your second week on the job.  The key is, if you must bend, you should be doing it because it is hardening your sphere into iron; think callouses. It is benefiting you somehow.

Becoming Iron

Conditions

The conditions for an iron sphere are to be unreactive and sure. This is called frame.  When you cultivate an iron sphere (frame), you let the bubbles pop all over you and you take the pelts (shit tests) from the rubber spheres unchanged.  If a bubble lands on you, and wants to stick around, that's great, your sphere is unmodified because it is simply the external of your internalized frame.  If a rubber sphere rolls up next to you, great again.  You do not have to bend your will to the will of others; having iron frame is the opposite of that.

Challenge

When you are cultivating an iron sphere, others around you who know you well will not understand.  They're used to popping you, or bouncing you around.  Equally, you are not yet iron, so you still can be popped and be bounced around.  There's no pretty way to go about this.  When you're trying to be an iron sphere, you just don't have the shell to handle the beating you're going to get by the other spheres, but you know you want it. You start acting the part with outwardly displays of toughness.  We call this going Rambo in many cases.  It's only going Rambo if you get popped, or bounced, and don't get back up and own it.  Otherwise, this is simply you faking it until you make it and building up callouses to create that iron shell.  Accept this as part of your development. Especially if you are like me and have to learn through trial and error.
 

/u/Aaren_Augustine's comment fits well here.

It's basically the J2 Effect in Orbital Mechanics. The more dense Sphere holds gravitational pull of other smaller bodies. Iron up and you attract all sorts of interesting things...or be subject to others.

Inaction

One of the most effective strategies to this process is inaction.  We call it STFU.  Because let me tell you, you do not have to be popped and bounced on your way to becoming iron.  One of the core traits of an iron sphere is it's unreactive state.  So, when people start yelling at you, saying terrible things about you, attempting to shame and manipulate you, etc., you do nothing because the Iron Sphere does not give a fuck about these attempts.  This will be most difficult when it comes from people you loved and respected as a bubble or rubber sphere; the people you care about.

Conclusion

People fear change.  It makes sense on a societal level, to have consistency in expectations of others in your circle.  You will find, however, that the people who constantly reinvent themselves, these are the people who are living true to themselves, striving for more, and enjoy life within their own sphere the most.  You cannot control other spheres, but you are in control of your own.  Do that for yourself.
 

You must remember that it is the responsibility of other people to remove themselves from your presence if they are negatively impacted by you. Just as it is your responsibility to do the same with them. It should never be a goal of yours to change that person into something more suitable for you. You simply choose the people you find most suitable to exist with, as they are.


[–]zeteomegaleio2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fantastic post and great analogies with the spheres.

[–]Aaren_Augustine2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Like this mindset. It's basically the J2 Effect in Orbital Mechanics. The more dense Sphere holds gravitational pull of other smaller bodies. Iron up and you attract all sorts of interesting things...or be subject to others.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I might have to incorporate that in there.

[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well it's the positive reaction in you post, right? The core reason to be attractive and not be unattractive.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

True

[–]fuckmrpMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

New guys, most of the weak spots in your frame come from insecurities. Women are naturally adept at finding these.

[–]ShivMeister69ZFG1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  • Sees the dread pirate made a post. Immediately saves post.

[–]RPlemonslice1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thanks a lot for the post. I always had trouble labelling the difference between bubble and rubber people. Being able to have a label just gave me a major breakthrough.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm very happy for you!

[–]BarracudaRPMRP APPROVED / Dreadful '190 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Whoa - what happened? This post just disappeared as I was re-reading it. /u/donedreadpirate

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I deleted all my shit mang moving on. Left MMG since Wiki.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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