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Own Your Shit - Own Her Sex (self.marriedredpill)

submitted by SgtSilverBack

As requested by /u/scurvemuch, an advanced guide to living a sexual life and sexualizing your wife.

CAUTION.

1.If your wife doesn't want to fuck you.  Don't try this.  Feel free to learn the material but save the introduction until you can consistently game and kino your wife.

2.If you actually like your wife, then you really need to know her.  I am a living example of a bull in a China shop and it caused setbacks.  If she was choked by someone and it traumatized her, either skip it or work up to it slowly. Don't be so autistic that you forget or ignore hard limits and trauma.

3.The purpose of this is to Own Your Sex like you Own Your Shit.  If you can't do the latter, you can't do the former.

4.This is advanced also because you will need immense control over your own sexual nature.  When all you want to do is rage fuck your wife due to lust, it can fuck things up if you haven't laid the groundwork to be trustworthy and in control of yourself.

So what do you do when you have completely changed your life.  You are the best, current, version of yourself.  Your workout is on point.  Your house is exactly how you want it.  Your work is following along your plan of progression.  Your wife is following you, fucking you and adding great value.

Or maybe you unleashed your slut and she sexual outpaces you.

This is where a married Dominant (D) / submissive (s) relationship becomes your new norm. For Christians this is referred to as taken in hand.

Realistically, it shouldn't change your mission at all.  You have already become responsible for everything.  Now you are also responsible for her sex and pleasure.

Everything short of truly serious topics are sexualized.

It is an advanced form of kino and game that have a deeper mental effect.

So what does this look like.

The possibilities are only limited to your creativity.  I have been on a trip, with my wife texting constantly about how bad she needs my cock. I told her to set up the Ipad, put on her collar and ride a dildo until she came.

When I'm home I can choke her and finger her stopping just short of her cumming.  She hates it, and yet she is even more ramped up and trying to find a way to have me make her cum.  Since I'm not worried about pissing her off, I know it's just her sexual frustration and it leads to her wanting more of the control that I offer. I've edged her for up to 5 days before I let her cum.  It was non stop sexuality. I also had to give her time after that, due to the complete overstimulation that it can cause.

Make her take off her panties at school/work and send you a picture of the panties to verify.  She is sitting at school/work with no panties.  In her mind, everyone knows it, she's nervous, but aroused. FEELZ.  Use the wand on her when she gets home, make her gush from a day of sexual thoughts.  And you didn't have to fuck her once.

Use a body safe marker to write above her pussy, “Owned” “Sir’s Slut”.  She sees it when she goes to the bathroom at work and texts you, telling you how wet she got and she needs you to take care of it later.

Make her kneel at your feet while you inspect her. Make her anticipate your touch. Make a big deal about her earning your collar so it is a symbol to her of her submission, just like the ring on her finger.

Give her a day collar that looks innocent enough, except for something small like a lock charm.  She know’s it's there. She knows what it means.

Make her send you a tumblr pic every Tuesday that arouses her, use it to help create your Friday night scene.

Most importantly, is caring for your submissive.  Think of it like this, she has given you almost total control over her, that ability to USE, humiliate and degrade her.  You just got done fucking her ass, calling her every filthy name you know and leave her used with collar and cuffs on.  She is in a physical and emotional ball.  And you walk away, thanks babe, going to do something else. This can break her. This can be very traumatic.  She must have that rock to grab onto.  She NEEDS to have your presence and care letting her know she was amazing.  

If she can't trust you to be the man of the house, owning your shit without one word of appreciation from her.  Why the fuck would she crawl behind you wearing your collar?  You think being a bank is enough to earn that level of control?

If you aren't attractive enough for her to fuck regularly, she WILL not let you do this.

If you don't have a strong enough frame to bat away shit tests. Then trying this will set you back even further.  I can guarantee that if you focus on why she hasn't texted in two hours, you won't be able to handle her bratty nature if you give an order  and she fights it.

Refer to https://husdom.com for more information. It is similar to TFA with a BDSM spin.  It is tailored to help men become more dominant in the bedroom and MAINTAIN a healthy marriage.  You must get to that point first.  You really don't want to try someone of these things when you are in the anger phase.  She can tell the difference between a lustful face fuck and a rage fuck. TRUST me


[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED8 points9 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

Great post. We need more of these.

I realized my dominance is still rooted in anger. Not that I'm that angry anymore, but whenever I get dominant I channel that anger again. Essentially reinforcing a bad vibe for both of us. Not good.

Ironically, a big factor for me not pushing the BDSM more is that it sounds like a lot of work. I have more than the normal grind on my plate right now (career change, house sale, etc.). Thoughts on that? I'm probably bullshitting myself, but want another perspective.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 10 points11 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

The amount of effort it takes is really minimal. People have provided scene ideas like /U/thefamilyalpha provided thoughts on paint night. Only thing left is Amazon order and set up. Even that can be part of it. Tell her to lay out x toys. Set the collar and leash on the dresser. She will be hyperfocused on that all day long.

Within reason it has become a part of my everyday life. Sitting on the couch relaxing, she shows me a pic of a tumblr scene.

I am extremely HL so sex is literally on my mind all day, it just gets moved depending on priority.

I understand your concerns over anger. The first time we tried it, years ago, I was frameless. Introducing BDDM gave her feelz and a false sense of me controlling our life. All too soon, disagreements, normal issues that I didn't OWN showed cracks. That led to my anger when she started hard no'ing her submission. Nothing like an actual hateful face fuck to loose trust in someone.

It is a false sense of ownership that is validated by someone trusting your dominance. Especially for new pill swallowers just starting, they see positive changes. They introduce BDSM and get complacent because of above reasons. The aftermath is probably worse than the original position.

Now, frame is 95%. The sex I have is because that's my standard. I will fuck how I want or find someone that will. No anger, no ego. I still have learning and maturing to accomplish. I still have to learn to navigate her submission as a loving Dom should, even if it's for a selfish purpose. Learning to manipulate your sub will give you more pleasure and she will actually think it's pleasurable to her.

[–]sh0ckley3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will fuck how I want or find someone that will. No anger, no ego.

And when she can see and know this to be fact, the barrier of entry disappears.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy Link

The aftermath is probably worse than the original position.

I used to be someone who would avoid doing something unless I was 98% sure I would succeed. This seems like a good time to bring back that caution. Also, my wife is going through some personal changes, so I'll start planting seeds here and there.

I still have to learn to navigate her submission as a loving Dom should

I love a good challenge.

Any favorite shops for toys and materials? Any experience with ropes/shibari?

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 4 points5 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

I have done shibari, she enjoys it more than I do. But I researched ways to use it for my goals and hers.

I wouldn't suggest you wait till you are 98% sure it would succeed, I would suggest slowly increasing each item. Plan for safety, plan it like your date, so there aren't pauses that change the dynamic. Start small so you get confident in ramping her up and completing a successful scene.

There will be things that don't succeed, how that is addressed is a mirror of how you have grown as a leader. She should be able to say a ball gag frightens her and mid fuck you should be able to adapt, IF you like her.

Amazon, man. That place has everything. Liberator has awesome blankets and pillows made for sex. Easy to clean. Some made to hold a wand.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

how that is addressed is a mirror

Absolutely agree with this. All comes down to frame. Thinking about it more, my hesitancy comes from bad (read, frameless) experiences in the past. She says she doesn't like something, I get butthurt or embarrassed. Total mountain out of molehill, and all my doing.

Gotta make a fresh start! Just got a new job with higher pay. Gonna make a purchase with the first check. I'm really interested in ropes and knots, I think it's a delicious combination of beauty and restraint. Thanks for the tips.

[–]anythingincMRP APPROVED - Blue Pill Diplomat1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

taken in hand

I remember coming across that and googling it during my pill integration phase. Interesting how similar a few of the accounts are to some of what we see here at MRP considering the original website is from the early 2000s.

I liked the spanking part (and have always spanked as foreplay occasionally, and use leashes and collars occasionally).

So if you wanted to try getting into some of that, that is the safest place to start I would think; spanking as foreplay, then once you are attractive and OYS enough to get away with foreplay during daylight in the kitchen you can "punish" her by bending her over your knee and spanking her, and progressing to Dom/sub/TIH.

Collars and leashes have a pretty low barrier of entry as well.

While having enjoyable sex, put your belt around her neck, when she is close to orgasm, pull it tight enough for her to feel it. Do it a few more times, she'll either like it or not. Then fuck her doggy style one time holding the end of your belt like a leash. Then progress to actually using it like a leash and leading her around on her hands and knees. Then buy her a real collar and leash to use.

Congrats you now have a woman who likes to be spanked and led around on a leash. I can't speak to the rest of the "Taken In Hand" curriculum though. Some might say the above is backing your way in versus being upfront and talking and planning and mutually agreeing to this kind of relationship...which may be true, but I wouldn't bother having that conversation until she was getting spanked and had a leash.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

She's already very much into spanking (even drive by's in the kitchen) and light choking. Sometimes throat fucking. Interestingly, she gives pretty hard no's at doggy style. She likes to be facing me. Just something to work within.

I'm going to push things a little further before having a conversation about it. I want to have enough data points of her enjoyment so that it doesn't become a negotiation.

[–]rebbit_reddit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Try doggy style in front of a mirror. She can still see your face. As you fuck her like an animal

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It shouldn't be a negotiation. She obviously should have input, however it is in the form of her hard and soft limits. After that it's time for you to be in control, just like the other areas in your life.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Have her choose a safeword.

Now she can protest all she wants, you can safely overcome those protests, and push her a little further than even she thinks. Which is a big part of the kink. Trusting. Pushing limits. The dynamic. The mindfulness you need to really read your sub. The responsibility you have to her.

You'll both be amazed at the altered signal processing that happens when she's in subspace.

Until she safewords. Then all stops.

I like caning. I do. But the line between just right and too far is a razors edge. I use the pretty much universal stoplight system. I've been "yellowed" and "mercy"ied a few times, but never red stop.

It also gives your subs a "goal", as she hates the thought of failing her master. My wife has never safeworded.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great info. Thanks

[–]straius1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Before I met my wife, I had a BDSM relationship for 6 months. The only reason it was possible was because of complete and utter trust and confidence that I can take care of her afterwards as well. (We also weren't married nor had a kid which makes it so much easier)

I used to think that I was just the first to discover her true sexuality, but that was pre-redpill.

The wife, there is a lot more involved and the seas are still turbulent and she is also not very comfortable with this level of submission. Head control is still a hard no even though deepthroat training is progressing well.

This is a reflection of my current state where I own most things, she is happier, but I still lack a "she's worth my all" mindset due to issues not related to sexuality.

So I calibrate how I push her to test her limits based on how well I am living up to my own ideals and how much negativity is polluting my headspace.

I just want to reinforce that adjusting to a hard no or similar reaction mid-act without losing your entire frame in sex is really important. If you don't have the patience and frame for it, start small.

Really great post.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

how much negativity is polluting my headspace

Like everything here, it depends on me. She fills the container, as long as my container is strong enough.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep, and it can be hard to let go of that anger. Especially when it feels so righteous, which is ever the larger danger and really is the key to killing the anger. That might just be another way of saying "killing your ego" but you really have to drop the sense of "my anger is righteous" to get to that place. Otherwise, the ego won't budge.

Even while I know that to be true, disciplining oneself there is a different task than just recognizing it's existence.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Letting go of my rights is how I gain control of my life.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I like the pollution of head space concept. Little things that start pulling you back towards some ego fueled anger.

[–]SiulaGrande0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

eckhart tolle - power of now

same thing

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

x2 on Amazon. Anything you can think of, shipped to your door in the ubiquitous brown smile box.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This seems like a good time to bring back that caution.

Why yes it does!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree with captaingorliia, she gets off on it more than I do, I think because of the time it takes to do it right. I do like the look and utility of it, and my wife LOVES suspension - takes away all her "control".

The rope I use is... hemp, cut off the stupid metal ends and bind with twine, otherwise you or she will get tagged in the face. not good. I also throw new ropes into a pillowcase and toss that in the dryer with a few towels to soften and loosen the new rope, makes a big difference in comfort.

Safety Always -have some trauma shears nearby, carry a knife so you can immediately release anything that gets dangerous.

Learn how to make a simple chest harness first, then a two-column tie, everything else builds on variations of this.

Best site to learn "the ropes"....

TwoKnottyBoys

Kink. com has a sub site (pun intended) called sex and submission. Massive amount of scenes there to stoke your own creativity.

I get the vast majority of my toys from Amazon.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good post. I had a longer reply but lost it.

Short version - people can go as deep or shallow into this territory as they like, BDSM encompasses a huge variety of options. Just because (the collective) you aren't into the formal aspects (ropework, Master/Sir wordplay, collars, etc) doesn't mean you can't enjoy an awesome dom/sub relationship. And your wife is probably more receptive to the idea than you think, IF you have the frame to pull it off.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very true. It falls in line with most of MRP Tennant's. Be the Dom that you want. Use whatever BDSM items you want.

[–]maximizingvibrationMr. Waah waaah waaaah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow..this post makes me understand how much work I still need to do..I am not even having sex ...but this post illustrates then there's another 10 levels even above getting to regular sex..building frame..levels of dread..wow. I'm impressed ...I have soooo much to do..wow.

[–]lidlredridinghoodFeemale3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A submissive woman being properly used, for her Master's pleasure is one of the best things in life. It is way better to be used as a fucktoy, and make him happy, and then cuddled.... than to be coddled and feeling like the session revolves around her.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What I was trying to get at for guys here is the getting of her to that point.

But this works.

On your point with caring for her after using her /u/red-curious - this is the balance I was talking about. The being a dick part has to come first.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I can work on that one too. It will give me chance to work on my writing skills. Upgrade it from try hard college pussy writing to try hard bradensdad pussy writing. Way bigger pussy quota.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

heh.

please address the "but not all women are into that" line that will invariably happen.

writing is like edging. Just the right amount of pressure and slow down

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn, good perspective.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Makes sense. I've only gotten "jerky" enough so far that she's started calling me a jerk at times.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

progress!

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

omg so much win. This is great.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

I need some... narrative here. Like I want to know about the bull in the china shop and how you worked that out. Did you use the husdom/submrs sites yourself? I tried to find discussions about it on bdsmcommunity for example but couldn't. Is that how you started? Did you read any books you recommend?

[–]husDOM1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Pikadildo,

We feel that a Dominant and submissive dynamic is based on the relationship itself. D/s is not about the kink. The BDSM factor is the added benefit, if you will, but not the basis. BDSM to me is nothing more than kinky sex and the easy part of the dynamic.

With this in mind you probably wont read much about us on BDSM (Kinky) websites or communities.

Our focus is about being a leader!

I liken it to a Captain and a co-pilot. My lk is a strong woman that I can count on for almost anything. However, I have earned her trust and respect. There can only be one captain in the cockpit making the final decisions. A good captain will utilize good CRM skills to make proper decisions with the input from the entire crew.

We rely on members such as SgtSilverBack to spread at the word to the appropriate audience.

Best wishes,

Mr Fox

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

A lot of this is very MRP compatible. We use a captain / first-mate terminology but I sort of like the aerial flavor of your terminology better. MRP uses a book called "The Sex God Method" which has some similar themes to what are described here.

With this in mind you probably wont read much about us on BDSM (Kinky) websites or communities.

I'm not too clear on the distinction you're making and I don't understand why that would be? I've read a few articles that I like and I do prefer the writing style on your website to a lot of the... atmospheric stuff I see elsewhere. I'm not into degradation for example but I do currently enjoy more skill-training type things and mini-challenges. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of "The Control Book" in terms of mindset which is often suggested on bdsmcommunity.

Anyway some of the things described here and on your website are similar with what I'm doing but OP's much further along. But since I've found similar things within bdsmcommunity and fetlife can you explain this difference further?

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

What he is referring to is a different perspective on D/s vs BDSM. BDSM being a purely sexual kink, full of everything you know about kink.

The D/s relationship, while technically a part of BDSM in the form of naming is for a formal Captain/FO dynamic. One of Mr Fox's rituals is to have a day where his FO/sub/wife while kneel down put her head on his lap and talk about whatever issues need to be resolved. Granted it's in a leather chair in front of his bedroom fireplace so it works. But is just the formal version of what we talk about here.

A woman that knows she wants to submit, has vetted her Dom and vice versa. Marriage the way it was intended.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ok maybe I'm starting to unravel this. Sometimes I'm extremely dense so the following may be such a case.

I keep coming back to phrasing you and u/husdom use. Distinctions that don't seem to have any meaning to me, but seem to have clear core meaning to you both. Things like "kink" vs "purely sexual kink" and "not about the kink" and how you view it as the natural state of marriage.

One of the things I've been using lately to try and deconstruct topics is called "Moral Foundations Theory". The idea is that cross-culturally there are certain fundamental moral themes that emerge and are repeated in different configurations. The specifics of the moral ideals differ between communities and the same behavior is sometimes seen entirely opposite. But the structure of the arguments that support moral authority follow certain general patterns. The theory currently has five foundations, (a sixth has been proposed but there's disagreement about whether it's redundant)

  1. Care: cherishing and protecting others; opposite of harm.
  2. Fairness or proportionality: rendering justice according to shared rules; opposite of cheating.
  3. Loyalty or ingroup: standing with your group, family, nation; opposite of betrayal.
  4. Authority or respect: submitting to tradition and legitimate authority; opposite of subversion.
  5. Sanctity or purity: abhorrence for disgusting things, foods, actions; opposite of degradation.
  6. (Liberty or oppression)

So I'm wondering you see as "BDSM" and the way you describe it as based purely on pleasure-seeking means you view it as degenerate and not something you wish to associate to yourself? And that's how you also adopt the term "kink" but seem to derive sanction within a relationship or marriage?

So basically this is to get a context for the following loaded question: Do you personally feel moral disgust at the idea of personally participating in BDSM communities?

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not at all.

Firstly I use the term kink and its associated terms to mean something other than PIV, BJ regular sex. I do not use it as a judgmental phrasing.

For the distinction between D/s and BDSM, just remove the BDSM for a moment. Imagine your wife coming to you and saying "You have earned my trust and I want you to be responsible for my welfare in every aspect. Correct me if I'm wrong, reward me when I'm good, punish me if I deserve it. I am giving you control and authority over me as my husband should have"

Nothing about that sounds weird right, maybe fairytale like to have a women that introspective but it is straight forward.

Now add in a little BDSM. Her kneeling before and being collared is her saying those things. You binding her to a bed, unable to move when you could do some fucked up shit is a sign of trust. Spanking her when she does minor stuff wrong is a way to punish or correct, exactly how you would by removing time and attention.

Bogey (I think) had a comment recently where his wife was getting bratty because he didn't spank her hard enough. So he did, he "punished" her behavior of being shitty by spanking her harder. Yes she likes it, and that is where sexualizing things comes in.

The normal MRP process for a bitchy wife, when AA and AM haven't worked, is to remove yourself. You aren't there to receive her bitchy attitude and train her that being bitchy means she loses fun pikadildo.

The Kink, purely sexual kink, XYZ are only parts of the Fun that you bring as part of pikadildo being a Dominant male in his marriage.

As for the moral aspect, I don't think there is anything immoral about it. It's sex between two consenting adults.

I really don't care if people want to get fucked by dogs. You do you, I'll disagree with liking it and that's it. For BDSM I think it is a way for people to overtly express things they want in their life. A chick getting gang banged probably wants to feel value. Since she has not created a way to judge herself as valuable she will express it that way. A woman that wants guidance of a strong man may let him control her sexually, she has direction and a purpose. She can shut down her brain and let him be responsible. Doubly so for "strong independent" women in powerful positions. They want a break from thinking and deciding.

[–]husDOM0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

pikadildo,

If you are somehow, after reading my replies or visiting husDOM, have come to the conclusion that I 'personally feel moral disgust at the idea of personally participating in BSDM communities' we are not communicating very well at all.

"So I'm wondering you see as "BDSM" and the way you describe it as based purely on pleasure-seeking means you view it as degenerate and not something you wish to associate to yourself?"

I am all about the kink and the BDSM and the pleasure. I am of the belief that if you would like to participate in a sustainable long term loving relationship you should focus on the actual relationship first and the kinky sex will come naturally. For myself this concept is pretty clear. If you are searching for nothing more than your pleasure you may not have to focus so much on the relationship aspect.

"And that's how you also adopt the term "kink" but seem to derive sanction within a relationship or marriage?"

Kink is fine anywhere, anytime. However, it is my belief, and you may believe whatever you would like, that in order to have something more than just sex with someone, you must develop some sort of relationship with that person. When I say 'something more than just sex' I am referring to a long term, sustainable relationship. You can sanctify it within a marriage if you would like to.

If you aren't interested in an actual relationship, to me, you are just having sex, kinky, BDSM or vanilla for that matter. There is nothing wrong with just having sex... But it is different than having sex within a long term relationship.

Mr Fox

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah. Rituals aren't something I'm into yet and they make me a bit uncomfortable for ex-religious hamster reasons. I'm pretty ironic about it all and we switch it up a lot. At this point I mostly adopt standard things you find in blue-pill space (things like jars of activities) and insert some supervision/control aspects.

[–]husDOM0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

www.husdom.com/downtime

The body position is key!

[–]husDOM0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

pikadildo,

I am a pilot by trade so the Captain/Co-Pilot was organic to me. I like the aerial flavor better myself. lol

I will say that The Control Book helped me as well when I began my personal journey. But the vast majority of that book didn't apply to me and my relationship. This is only my opinion so it is nothing short of valueless. husDOM™ is about creating a sustainable long term loving relationships. A relationship full of BDSM sex. I believe strongly that in order to obtain this desire of mine, I need to cultivate the relationship and the sex will follow naturally. If I focus on the BDSM sex and expect the long term and sustainability part of the equation to develop I am just kidding myself. It has been my experience that most of the kinky communities are focused on the sexual aspect of the equation.

From my experience the BDSM communities and FetLife tend to be more focused on the kink and not the sustainability. With that being said there is much more information on how to swing a flogger in those arenas than on husDOM™.

husDOM™ also focuses on Married Dominants...

Best wishes,

Mr Fox

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That makes sense. Sort of a relationship-driven-sexuality vs sexuality-driven-relationship emphasis. I can see how that distinction has value. Thanks!

Although... that may actually be at odds with MRP. One of the major themes here is that relationships are the woman's job and tending to the relationship destroys female sexual desire.

[–]sherchb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

tending to the relationship in a beta manner destroys female sexual desire

:)

[–]husDOM0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

pikadildo,

Interesting philosophy for certain. If that is in fact the major theme of MRP, Yes! I would say that my fundamental beliefs would be at odds with it.

I am obviously not familiar at all with the MRP fundamentals.

Being a gentleman and a guest in someone else's place I will not begin to question the main theme, its values or roots.

I appreciate the respect that has been given to me here. Often when peoples beliefs and values don't align there is conflict.

Best wishes,

Mr Fox

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was and still am an extremely blunt person with little finesse. I'm working on finnese but at my core. That is who I am.

So I acted without seeing the covert messages we speak of here. Autistic. How ever you phase it, I didn't pay attention to signs warning me to slow down and take care of her specific to BDSM. If one toy is good a hundred are better and what not.

My ego raging that she would say she loved crawling for me one moment and hate it the next. She owed me. My bluntness would come across poorly in the wrong situations.

Much like we espouse here, learn to game your wife. Kill the ego and control yourself fixed them. I'm still blunt, I just time it better.

She was recently in a work trip of her own, a few days before she came back, she asked how everything was. Heard the kids laughing. I said it's all good honey bunny. She mentioned cleaning the house when she got home, I said "nope, done". Finally she said, well I guess you just don't need me there. "Nope". "But I want you here"

[–]husDOM0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

SgtSilverBack,

Sir, I am always humbled when I come across a link directing others to our community.

My sincere gratitude!

Mr Fox

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been a member for a while. I really think it blends the MRP self improvement with a marriage centered BDSM relationship well. It has many corresponding values.

I wish I had the self improvement MRP has provided when I found husDom. More things would have immediately made sense.

[–]2ndal0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Everything short of truly serious topics are sexualized.

Can you talk more about how you have been successful with this? You say "So what does this look like. The possibilities are only limited to your creativity" but then only give details on situations that are already overtly sexual. Talk to me about how you're sexualizing every day normal interactions in a way that builds this type of dynamic.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Much like with learning to game your wife, use AA, AM, you have to learn how to time your interaction so you aren't completely autistic. For those that have read Jacktenofhearts stuff, this should at least make sense. I feel that to have a functional D/s relationship it should be internalized.

If your wife is stressing over something that is important, even just to her, then telling her to put her plug in is autistic. Use your leadership skills to settle her and ease her stress. Understand, I am not recommending you solve it, but settle her down. That is one of the reasons a D/s relationship is advanced. If you're still angry, you don't give a fuck that she's upset. If she isn't fucking you, you don't want to help. If you haven't built a strong frame and developed control then you will end up only caring about your sexual needs regardless of the situation and her formal submission will really inflate your feeling of entitlement.

The flipside, when everything is coasting along, is to introduce sexuality in common, boring scenarios. Take things that are an opportunity to introduce feelings.

Have her we're a plug while the whole family is grocery shopping. If you have done your job to own your shit, this should be a boring event. It's all planned, listed, organized. No stress on her, she is free to think about sex not diapers and wipes and a billion other mom things.

PTA meetings, dinner with friends, a movie in the theatre, even church. All these everyday things that eat away at her ability to just be a sexual being are perfect.

These are not inherently sexual events. You introduce sexual things into them to give her a positive emotion. .

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Can you speak briefly on how to discern whether resistance to any idea is coming from a place of insecurity on her part (she wants to, but thinks "I'm not sure what he'll/i'll think of me"), from a place of resistance on her part (she doesn't want to, and there's no changing that), or from a place of distrust (she feels you don't have your shit together enough for this).

I've introduced a lot of new things, have been autistic with some things, and know generally that slow is the way to go. I would imagine the feedback would be the same as with other aspects of the relationship where shit tests/general negative attitude means she doesn't trust you, where deer in the headlights look means she's insecure herself. Any obvious signs to note though?

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honestly, I don't think it matters. Up front I know it seams like it should, however, it ends up just being bullshit she says as part of her being her.

There are things that should be obvious, injury, gang bangs, fucking a horse. These being things that a loving couple shouldn't necessarily do to each other. If that is your thing, do it with someone you don't give a shit about and in that case do you really care what she says.

The more likely things of anal, choking, collars etc could be things were she might have an issue with for the reasons you mentioned. The path forward is about the same as every other MRP aspect.

First be attractive. She won't do shit for you that she would for Chris Hemsworth.

Second, know what you want and how important it is to you. If you want to choke her just to say you've done it......does it really matter. If you decide it does matter to you then work on it. Like /u/scurvemuch alluded to in a comment, "No not every women is into that". Some women WILL not let you choke them, if you are married to them back the fuck off. You can still push her limits, but you better have the frame to calm her down if you push to far. If you decide it still matters than get a plate that is into BDSM or divorce.

Third, take it slow. If it's anal you want, start by just touching it as she rides you or doggy style, maybe for months. Then slide a finger in. Then a plug. Then beads. The point is to desensitize her to defenses. Maybe it takes two years to get to a point anal could be regular, or maybe toys are her limit. You have to be okay with taking your time or you will confirm that you don't have the self control to submit to you.

So put that in an answer to your question. You talk about a collar and she says nope. You're unsure if it's a hard limit or attraction.

The solution is the same. Cut your ego and don't be butthurt that mommy said you couldn't have candy. The new you gets what he wants by working the plan. Continue working you MAP and becoming the most badass you there is FOR YOU.

At the same time work your game and kino, get her to enjoy fucking you.

Work through the process of desenitizing her. Light touching on her neck, harder on the back of her neck, harder on the front, take off her silk blind fold and let it fall to her neck and tighten a bit. If she let's you, keep pushing slowly. Telling her how sexy she looks with the blindfold around her neck, AS you are fucking her. Do it in the moment and she will start thinking about it. I'd be willing to bet if it is anything short of a hard limit, it will magically be her idea and she'll take your collar.

This is all assuming you can have something of open sexual discussion because you have built yourself to be worth it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

To build on this : this will be very hard for guys who know or think that their wives have done some or all , or similar, things with other men. They will feel angry because they think that as their wife, she should be giving her "best" to you.

But that guy or guys she did this with - they also gave her something that I bet you did not - excitement, complete relaxation into his being and so on.

0-60 doesn't work unless you don't give a shit. And what most guys who will be reading this will fail to internalize is that such a relationship is MORE about her than about the Dom. The DOM has to set the stage and all the players. She just has to follow orders once all the other hard work is done.

And then you have to rebuild her after you have "used" her. Fucking her soul and owning it is a ton more difficult than it looks in porn. lol

[–]2ndal0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

To expand on this, I think what a lot of men are struggling with here is how we get to the d/s situation you describe. Many men here are in relationships with women who give up duty sex once or twice a month--what does a path look like for that man?

Fortunately my wife and I have sex pretty regularly, and while she's shown submissive tendencies, I am lacking the information on how to best start introducing this into our lifestyle.

[–]MRPN00b0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right. Same question here. I read these accounts and think "Hell yeah, I would love that" but the reality hits. Trying to turn the ship from slightly above average sex life, with 3 times a year BJ's, and a wife that knows all your moves. (or lack thereof) how to you intro this stuff w/o coming across like a pervert? (which I am of course)

Having said that, I'm committed to bringing out the slut in her. I have slowly pushed the edge each time and no complaints at all. (trust me, my wife is about as conservative as you can get)

When I started worrying less about what she wanted, started getting more aggressive. (just pounding harder, not asking her to move, but just moving her) etc, etc. She has responded well, and seems to enjoy it. I know I have...

Baby steps, for me at least. Looking back during one of our "talks" it was hard for her, but she actually said "you know sometimes, I wish you would just come up, rip my shirt off and do it already" I didn't think much of it at the time. But I'm totally sold on the concept that 99% of women want this. Getting them to ask you to be aggresive isn't going to happen in most cases. But I've decided I'll keep pushing the envelope until I get a hard "NO" on something.

[–]husDOM0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

2ndal,

"Many men here are in relationships with women who give up duty sex once or twice a month"

A D/s dynamic creates an atmosphere where your submissive genuinely desires to be used and to please you sexually. It is something earned though and not taken.

Mr Fox

[–]ThatOneDrunkUncle0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been steadily trying to implement this with my current gf. We've started light choking, some other basic submissive stuff, and have talked about handcuffs and tying down. I make her give me her panties whenever we go out. She's definitely full submissive but I don't want to scare her by moving too quickly and I know she's never done anything close to this before. Do you have any tips for slowly implementing this level of submission?

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It seems like you are already doing it. Know your end goal and work towards in a way to remove any defenses that might come up.

Hand cuffs, starting by holding her arms above her head. STRONG grip, make her feel the strength and loss of control.

If you are HL like me, thinking about sex isn't an issue, so now use that time while you are driving to plan what the progression to your goal looks like.

Start bringing those things in more often, push her against the wall and grab her throat when you 10 second kiss.

KEEP being worthy of her submission, and while it may seem contradictory to some MRP, remind her by being gentle sometimes (like a fifth of the time or less) that you actually give a shit about her. You can still make her wear a collar, but pamper the fuck out of her DURING SEX to make her feel so special it's not even funny.

[–]rocketskates42095760 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I want to take baby steps to get back into this (sexualizing everything), and I know this may be a big no-no here..but for her sake, not mine.

I've been doing good at reading her reactions, and OI is fully internalized at this point for me when trying to sexualize things throughout the day. No resentment if she doesnt respond, and when she does I go a little further and make sure to end the conversation on my terms and leave her wanting more.

Last year I was the bull in the china shop and would get very cold and resentful when i didnt get a response. Still, when she's calls me out for being in a shitty mood or seeming grumpy that's her go-to..."what, cuz we didnt have sex last night" and although I'm fielding these comments well ("if i wanted to fuck you last night, i would have fucked you" with a grin and a wink) I still get the feeling she needs to SEE, long term, that this is who I am before she will open up to me fully. I want what I want, but she is my wife, I do love her, and I do respect her, and I want her to enjoy these pleasures with me.

How did you know when she was ready for these things after your bull in the china shop run? Or does that not really matter, as long as I know I won't turn into a cold resentful man-bitch if she isnt into it? This is one thing I dont want to fuck up again.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

First off, it seems like you are maturing well. It takes time PERIOD. Don't necessarily take her reaction as validation of the proper path. If you do, then you are still using her frame for guidance. If you truly felt like "if I wanted to fuck you last night, I would have" then that is the best place to be. The rest is her noise trying to see if you have change.

Alot of words to say, keep it up.

For the rest, the answer really is just like trying to get laid period. Whther it's just fucking after a week or introducing BDSM. Kino, escalate, isolate.

If she'll fuck you regularly then start upping the dominace. Tell her what to do. And the biggest tip is not to be a faggot about it. That means, don't say it like your hiding your wants from the kids, or being all seductive. That her job, say it in a man's voice, strong and confident. 'GET ON YOU KNEES". Or just push her to her knees. The difference depends or your relationship and you as a man.

After that, take your time and start introducing more and more dominance. Try just telling her/making her do what you want for a few months. Then add one new thing for a few months.

Keep up the fight brother. It's your life, love every second of it.

[–]rocketskates42095760 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your advice has proven to be invaluable. Made a huge stride in the right direction today! Thanks, again, for the guidance.

[–]SgtSilverBack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome. Remember to ease into to it, don't jump straight to whips and chains.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My collar of choice...

eternity

Thick and strong and positively locking (with a setscrew - collaring and uncollaring has a set ritual...she kneels, pulls back her hair, etc.) but still elegant enough to wear out and about without attracting attention.

Nice post. I think we the unplugged/unplugging probably have a higher percentage of D/s, M/s and DD/lg than the general population, due to us understanding true sexual dynamics.

Absolutely need to understand sub drop and aftercare.

I just had my wife show up unannounced at my work, crawl under my desk, and blow me. Why? Because I teased her via text a few times today and gave her the task of having to find a quiet place at her work, get on her knees, finger herself and think about getting throatfucked for 1 minute. Not allowed to get off. Not doing it/ coming when not allowed is grounds for an ass-caning.

I love my damn life.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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