TheRedArchive

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63

A field report of a different sort.
This is pretty hard to write because I could do a novel. High points - Married 15 years, 2 kids, Walkaway Wife this spring. I actually started browsing the Red Pill stuff before she left, thought about 'changing' things, but in the end chickened out - because ... What if it made things worse ? Didn't want to rock the boat.

Before : For most of our marriage moved around for my job - made good money, she was a SAHM - somewhat lazy but she did cover the bases - took good care of herself, good physical shape - HB6 ? but paid to have her teeth fixed, new boob job (had cancer right after we married - walked her thru that) moved her to a 7+. Me, I wasn't a Beta, more of one of Vox Day's Sigma's - my give a shit level was fairly low - happy to be married but knew from Day One she didn't love me - which was not optimal but OK as long as she filled all the other roles / holes. No deadbedroom, rarely turned down but not a lot of effort on her part. I did become fat pretty quickly but she never seemed to care much and I always did some running (been doing it all my life).

Straw that broke the camels back was building her a new house. Decided a few years ago to buy a country place and try to let the kids experience life outside an apartment. Had lots of 'discussions' about it, thought she was OK with it (altho there were warning signs). So me and my son build a house, send the wife and daughter on overseas vacation. Bust our balls - 80 days straight - 100 degrees - no days off - get a functioning place done. Lots of bugs to work out, but liveable.

Wife comes back, hates it. So appeasement starts - let her choose lots of things hoping she'll get on board - after a couple of months of bitching start have mini-Main Events - I basically tell her if she is THAT unhappy she needs to think about leaving. For me this was my MAP and I thought we had discussed everything at length and she had signed up for the full package. Incorrect. Also in my view it came down to making a better life for my kids or appeasing the wife. Wife lost. My father made the same move when I was a kid - to the countryside - and it changed Everything about me - I knew my kids needed the same.
So True Main Event comes and I drive her to the bus station (she's moving to Las Vegas where life can be exciting again) - she's tired of "hiding in the wilderness" (her words - 15 minutes from a Walmart LOL).

Never forget her look when I dropped her off - little wave goodbye and that was the end. So now of course started looking for answers and swallowed the Red Pill. Thought I knew a lot about women and relationships - dated / screwed dozens, LTR 7 years one, married 15 years one. Wow did I turn out to be completely clueless. This after watching my father get fucked by my mother in his divorce. Spent the summer working on my MAP - worked out, lost 30+ pounds, doing huge projects around the property (poured almost 100 yards of concrete this summer). Spent tons of time reading sidebar stuff, NMMNG Rational Male Athol etc. Still learning.

AAR (afteraction report) - I 'might' have been able to sticksave the marriage if I had gone Red Pill earlier, but confidence is not high from all the FR's I have seen here. My MAP was too big of a change - if I had more a suburban white bread corporate lifestyle MAP in mind, yes, it would have worked (maybe). I did some things very well - have not spoken with her on the phone or email or text other than logistics since she left for the most part. Got a decent divorce agreement spelled out and signed - should be final shortly. Kids spent the last six months with me. Even at my advanced age can see lots of avenues for LTR'ing or marriage again - lots of girls out there willing to take up the slack from the Walkaway Wife - but ... not really as gung ho about that as I thought I would be - go figure LOL - internalized AWALT a lot after digging thru this marriage and all the past LTR's. Much less desperate for sex too. So why bother ? Guess that will sort itself out - still long ways to go on my MAP.

So here's the twist on this FR. Don't have a real great relationship with anyone in my faimily other than my dad. Brother is Major Left Wing Blue Pill, mom is Yuge feminazi, etc. So didn't spend any time explaining what happened straight off. When I did get to it - turns out that they had already gotten the basic info from my dad and my ex-wife (texted my mom) Everyone with the exception of my father decided that it was ALL MY FAULT. You know, that complete bastard dragged his wife and kids into the wilderness and built her a new house. My mother wrote me one of the nastiest shittiest emails I have ever seen - it was all my fault, I was traumatizing my kids by not letting them live in a big city, I had zero integrity - on and on and on. I must have pushed every emotional button in her little hamster head. Keep in mind this was a woman who blew up her marriage from multiple episodes of cheating which ended up in fights for years when we were kids as my father just Blue Pilled the whole thing. Even my cucked brother told my father it was all my fault. Remember now, not one single one of them so much as bothered to pick up the phone or send me an email asking how I was doing, or ever asking 'what happened'. My mother and my sister even decided that they are going to Vegas to stay with my STBX because - she needs emotional support in her time of trouble. I have never been so disrespected in my life. And it all came from my own family. I'm too old for that shit. ANY person who shows a complete lack of respect or basic human decency has no place in my life. I replied to my mother's email and told her to a) go fuck herself and b) do not ever contact me again.

So I NEXTED them. ALL of them.

Fuck that shit. Got my MAP, got my kids. Everyone else can go fuck themselves. And that, my friends is a Happy Ending.


[–]BBQ_RIBS20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hell fucking yeah man. I don't know why but I really identified with its "all my fault" crap.

You can do so much for people and they will just turn and spit in your face.

There is only one response to that. Next.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That kind of trearment from your own family, it's not Redpill/Bluepill, it goes beyond that: It's simple betrayal. You're right to kick them out of your life.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED15 points16 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

So didn't spend any time explaining what happened straight off. When I did get to it - turns out that they had already gotten the basic info from my dad and my ex-wife (texted my mom) Everyone with the exception of my father decided that it was ALL MY FAULT.

basic life lesson to all the idiots; including you unless it was your INTENTION to NEXT your family

ALWAYS CONTROL THE NARRATIVE

[–]youmolide 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

If I have to manipulate the feelings and opinions of my family to get them just to show the basic human decency one would show to a stranger, then for me, that's not worth doing. I don't tolerate disrespect. From anyone.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Here I agree with OP. When the chips are down, your family should line up and have your back like linebackers. If a narrative is required to have their support, I would tell my flesh and blood to piss-off, too.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

to you and scurve; first off i'll stand by

ALWAYS CONTROL THE NARRATIVE

because besides being common sense; it is also frame projection 101.

now to the question at hand: blood over feelz. to me this once again falls to burden of performance. someone has to be the man and just take it on the chin.

story time. when mom dropped the D on dad because dad because was playing out the d around town because mom was not taking the d . . . . . mom told grandma who told me. me and grandma wouldn't talk to dad for six months because of feelz. grandma went to mom's side. dad did not NEXT either one of us; and we were all better off for him keeping his feelz in check.

now if OP's family is a continual value leech on his life, then sure fuck em' but if not this is an example of "cutting off your nose to spite your face"

[edit] a word "not"

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

OP said:

not one single one of them so much as bothered to pick up the phone or send me an email asking how I was doing, or ever asking 'what happened

I understand your story as the child of a divorce, but I think OP is right there for his kids.

now if OP's family is a continual value leech on his life, then sure fuck em'

This is the way I read it. It is the adults in OP's life that are the problem, IMO. Maybe I'm just a cold bastard. If flesh and blood don't have my back, I won't have theirs. It is the people closest to you that can do you the most harm. Once they show their hand, I will act without mercy and I have in the past. This is not just theory for me.

Thus my other post that the disapproval he got from his "value leeching" family, is not a problem, it is a badge of honor for him to wear proudly.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you read it correctly

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

One more thing......

Always control the narrative is always a given that I agree with you. Just in this case, my issue was not with the narrative that he failed to control, it was with his family.

Taking that one step further, Op has a lot to work on getting past his BB habits, or he'll just end up with another shitty woman that he helped create.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Yes. Control the narrative. I wasn't arguing that. You went against your dad. Were you below the age of like 13? If not - your actions are on you

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

11,

for me, forgive really is forget . . . it's the upside of my solipsism

that being said, i really did not understand these ancient interactions between mom and dad until swallowing TRP. fuck; i'm dense

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

I think I have a difficult time forgiving. Didn't used to think so.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

difficult time forgiving. Didn't used to think so

Yes. This is something that is a current realization for me. Working through it now. Seems to be part of the anger that ebbs and flows through me at times.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I don't know if its anger ( for me). Disappointment maybe? More like - broken trust from people who should know better, and since they did not, why am I keeping them in my life?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

My expectations that no one has any obligation to fulfill, are art of my probem. Could call it a covert contract of relationship expectations. It is on me.

Then the "keeping them" part is harder for most of us. I think I wait for a last straw before I act, then I act swiftly and with complete IDGAF. The problem is all the time that is wasted on living with crap til the last straw drops. But that is on me.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep. The feminine imperative can, and will, exceed blood. Sometimes the best law of power is Give No Fucks.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

why did you

didn't spend any time explaining what happened straight off.

is this timeline over hours, days, weeks, or months?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

if your family takes the side of a stranger against you in a "public" way, they need to be nexted.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

people say lots of shit. >90% of it means nothing

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I said nothing about talking.

I said takes sides.

[–]JudgeDoom69MRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'll tell you, life is damn good here on the sunny side of divorce. Friends and family are going to take sides, that's what they do. Your real friends will always be your friends, the rest can go fuck themselves. Even if you share some ancestors, disloyalty isn't to be tolerated.

You do you. Work on your MAP, continue to improve yourself, live an awesome life with your kids. Keep contact with your stbx as minimal as possible. The shine will wear off Vegas, and when she comes slithering back after a dozen strays have filled her cavity you'll have fully detached and moved on with your life, and she will merely be "somebody that you used to know".

Got my MAP, got my kids. Everyone else can go fuck themselves. And that, my friends is a Happy Ending.

Awesome. You've got this.

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Never forget her look when I dropped her off - little wave goodbye and that was the end

Apathy. Very bad symptom.

So I NEXTED them. ALL of them.

Great. I was expecting some victim puke, and you surprised me. Fuck them with all that bullshit.

Keep reading, and rebuild a bigger better life.

[–]McLuhanSaidItFirst1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never forget her look when I dropped her off - little wave goodbye and that was the end Apathy. Very bad symptom.

Symptom of what?

I don't understand who has the symptom, either. She's apathetic because she gave a little wave, nothing more? OP is apathetic because he seems unmoved instead of rejoicing?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should revel in the knowledge that:

all the people in your life that are on the "other" path, agree that you are on "your" path.

Gaining their disapproval proves your value.

Getting the full credit (it's all your fault) for all of the positive changes you have made for yourself and your children, is great acknowledgement of your strength and your accomplishments.

May your life continue to improve. Best

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Peace to you. Some bitter shit to swallow.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

How are the kids?

Any legal issues to sort out?

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sigma is the label that guys like to use when they don't want to admit that they are socially isolated misfits. Good luck, MGHOW.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Deltas are to sigmas what paper alphas are to real alphas.

This doesn't really fall into either IMO.

[–]CaptainWanWingLo1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I want to see a movie with this storyline.

Sweet revenge and righteousness, yum!

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Imagine the intensity of the music playing, sweat dripping down his forehead, loud clicks, you can barely make out his face on screen in the black room illuminated only by a single light. He stops. He breathes heavily then takes a long drag from a cigarette and inhales the smoke back through his nose as it exits his mouth. The music stops. A computer screen is shown. This man types out the last words he will ever communicate to his elderly mother: "Go fuck yourself, Mom". Clicks send.
 
End scene.

[–]CaptainWanWingLo0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fade to black. Fin.

[–]chachaChad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know... just think how great a role model this man is for his kids. They will learn not to take any shit from anybody. Well done, sir, well done.

[–]FatherSonRule1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I must admit as I got further through I was hoping for that ending. It must have been difficult, but well done.

[–]Endorms1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be aware,

if you don't control the narrative AND don't control your time with your kids, it is highly likely that they will be manipulated by your wife and family to turn against you.

Have a plan and be ready.

[–]welshmin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really glad your kids are sticking with you at least. That's fucked up.

[–]sd4c0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry that all this happened to you, man. And wish you the best of luck.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Victim puking as a result of your MAP is backwards. No one gives a shit that your 80 year old mom had an opinion and your wife is AWALT. Cut people out of your life who don't add value. Forgive them or don't. Sounds like you are still working through it, which is fine. Don't fool yourself that you don't give a fuck, because you just posted this for a reason. So, figure out how to let it go and move on. People close to you get upset when you change. It makes them nervous and question their reality. That's people. Mom, Dad, brother, friend, whatever. Are you satisfied with your decision? Then live it.

[–]Tiway220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly it sounds like you could have avoided all of this. And your family treats you like that because you're a pussy.

Good job for finally standing up for yourself, but if you handled your shit it wouldn't have gone down like this.

[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED-4 points-3 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Alright bro, listen up.

Main Events are not conflicts and ultimatums. The Main Event is the final alpha test, it's what a girl puts a man through before she finally accepts that he is no longer a beta. You throwing your wife out had nothing to do with being alpha - you were just another beta who couldn't stand how he was treated.

A MAP is not any plan a man has. It's a singularly masculine thing -in contrast to how beta pussies build everything from houses to business empires all the time and still remain beta pussies. If your MAP doesn't have a) lifting, b) frame, c) game, and d) dread in it, it's not a fucking MAP.

You're getting all this shit from the people around you because you're a beta and betas are expected to follow the rules set for them. Find and develop your masculine identity and people will follow you when you make the rules. That's what the red pill is about, it is not about being so butthurt over getting treated like a beta that you nuke all your relationship.

I get the anger from everyone lying to you, but fuck that shit. Your I'll-show-them-and-never-speak-to-them-again satisfaction is bullshit, not a Happy Ending. Get on with your MAP, rebuild your masculine identity and learn to enjoy life and the company of women.

Lift and lead, bro.

[–]askmeanything218 points19 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Telling someone who just build a house in 80 days straight with his son to "lift and lead, bro" is tone deaf

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Great, just what we need. Retards building houses, expecting wives to jump on their dicks. Even op admits this plan was a horrible covert contract

[–]youmolide 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I may not have written that correctly. The house was not for the wife - it was for my family, my kids more than anyone else. My son got to do a man's work as a boy - it CHANGED him drastically just like it changed me when my father did it to me. He's still a video game playing slacker but when I need his help he instantly mans up and does what needs to be done. My SON is pouring concrete this summer in 100 degree heat right alongside me - I have another hired hand, and my son keeps up with both of us. He's 12. He knows he's manned up and inside I think is very proud of it. Since he helped build the house - and I'm talking again, doing a man's work - hauling one end of 100 20 foot long 2x8's for example - I consider this house to be half his and when I'm dead it goes to him. My daughter has become quite the chicken farmer along the way too. They've both changed for the better, exactly like I had hoped.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wife comes back, hates it. So appeasement starts

Frenchie gave me a good tip when he came down here. Theres always two reasons for shit. Yours is the palatable one. And yes, it's true, no argument.

Here, you had an expectation for her to be on your team. If you truly didn't build it even 1% for her, there would be no appeasement from you. It would be a house, and shut down any of her complaints, either with a foot in the ass, or a seat at the dinner table.

In the end, I like this story, you had a goal, achieved that goal. She could come, or not come with you on your path, she chose no. Thats MRP in a nutshell. At this point, you aren't here for back pats and attaboys, so I only see value engaging to talk strategy, which a few already have.

  1. controlling narrative. you basically shut up and let her create the narrative of you = bad, her = good. She did it so well that you lost most your family. There is plenty to dissect here, and you were blindsided. It wasn't your primary goal, but it was something she played and beat you in.

  2. covert contracts. AKA, what I wrote. Those are toxic, even though you win here, is best to kill those, it's an important skill

  3. Legally, I'm not sure you're prepared for weaponized children, of which I am sure that STBX will attempt. She does the eat-love-pray, gets a few random vegas dicks in her, realizes life is meaningless, tries to get kids to make her feel better. Paints you as a woman beater, or the bad-touch father of your daughter. Worst case scenario planning is better than another blindsiding. You said the one kid is 12, about old enough to articulate ideas, young enough to be gaslit into all kinds of nonsense.

And #3 doesn't happen unless you have your head on straight. So my question is right now. What do you wanna do moving forward, with a woman who clearly has no issue destroying multiple families on a whim?

[–]youmolide 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

You are probably right about the MAP - but I never took as a strict definition - I look at it exactly as a Male Action Plan - what actions am I taking moving forward to change my life, which actions will I keep, which I throw away.

Actually I'm very bad at following rules, always have been, which is why my family automatically put me in the bad guy category. Been labeled as such since I was a kid. I do my own thing, always have and pay the price - I just never realized how deep their anger was until now.

I don't consider what I did nuking the marriage - my wife became deeply unhaaaappppyyy and I talked to her for months about what kind of options there were - I even told her she could move out and rent a place in town and live there. Told her this was short term - a few more years when the kids were grown, we could ditch this place and move back to a big city - lots of different things were put on the table - like I said this could have been a novel.

In the end it was clear to me she could not consider anything else than a complete split. So I let her go. Gave her a shitload of money and drove her to the bus. I can't force someone to love me or even to like me. Whatever line there was in her head had already been crossed - if I had gotten to the Red Pill a littler earlier and had more balls - yeah maybe could have 'convinced' her to stay. People make their own choices in life. She made hers - I made mine. I would have much preferred to still be married, but the only way that would have happened is if I had caved completely and sold the house my son and I built (which he is very proud of BTW) and moved.

And guess what she would have felt for me in the future if I had caved ? Contempt derision etc. I was fucked either way IMO.

[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are clueless. People rarely make decisions, they're dumb animals guided by instinct and emotions. Their hamster will come up with plausible sounding reasons that made it seem like a decision, but it is mostly bullshit.

We'll hammer that point home here: don't listen to your wife. Don't think her words are relevant for what she wants, what she likes, how she'll behave in the future, what you should do.

In all likelihood if you had stayed in the city she'd have found some other shit to plague you with. Women aren't happy living with betas. This is about you, not her, not the house.

So hit the weights, hit the sidebar, man up.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You throwing your wife out had nothing to do with being alpha - you were just another beta who couldn't stand how he was treated.

I read it that he gave her a ride. She was leaving him for the good life and never looked back. Not his choice, beta or not. Maybe I've got it wrong. I think his writing style is stiff enough to be subject to some interpretation though.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What the fuck is this even.

How long did your family know and have to hold their tongues waiting for you to tell them while you lied and hid it from them instead?

And you have the audacity to claim they betrayed you.

P.S.: house = resource

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR-4 points-3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

You done?

[–]youmolide 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Just getting started - as I said I have HUGE thanks to everyone here - I read every day - but still processing, still learning.
Not sure what I will do in the future socially / romantically but probably get back on the horse at some point - couldn't really do MGTOW - I like girls. I just gotta figure out how to do it better.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR-5 points-4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Ok, because this victim puke is a shit post for our sub. Don't victim puke here again.

[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The sad thing is how his story resonates with the unplugging guys and they upvote it, while the flaired guys get voted negative or controversial for pointing it out,

His story is a victim puke. There's nothing red in it. A beta builds a house poorlyn the middle of nowhere, wife doesn't appreciate it, splits with half his money, likely takes the kids too, and the rest of his family sides with her. Yeah that's showing the world you don't take shit from anyone /s

How these guys get their revenge fantasies triggered by this is beyond me, but there you go. I was angry at my wife before I got here, and I got angrier from swallowing the pill, I get the impulse to nuke everything, but ffs take it out on the weights, use the rage to firetemper your frame. Now life without daily blowjobs has that unreal distance like life without kids, it seems like it was another time.

[–]The_LitzMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I got a very MGTOW vibe from the post, cutting off everyone and living out in the sticks, building his own house, revenge porn.

If it is what the wants to do, nothing wrong with it but it reads like someone retracting from the challenge, not embracing the suck.

The good thing I do see, OP is becoming a better man and not pandering to society.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm still getting used to getting blowjobs again. What a little pussy I was for so long.

[–]RPJMRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a shit post. Read through his history a bit. The newbs are still swimming in angry as you stated. The parts that need fleshing out to understand the dynamic and actually analyze it properly is vague and lacking detail, the revenge porn is in greater depth.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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