Throwaway due to poor OpSec in the past. I've been around for a while and she's aware of MRP but I'd prefer not to feed the hamster if I can avoid it.

My life has done a complete 180 in the last 1-2 years, due in no small part to the MRP philosophy. To put it all in context, me and wifey have been together roughly 15 years, married for half of it, with 3 kids (5, 4 and 2.5). Fortunately I was never a career beta - it was having children that made everything go sideways for me. I may not have bought into the "happy wife happy life" mentality of servitude but having no experience with children, I did let her take the lead when they arrived and that's when the trouble really started. Lots of fighting for a while - and I fought back hard, but it was just an angry version of DEERing. There was no universe where I would have remained married to her if something didn't give, but for the time being leaving was off the table because I didn't want to abandon the kids while they were so little. Somehow I ended up here, and it was the catalyst for everything that happened next.

For many the red pill is bitter one but for me it was refreshing. The truth behind it was immediately apparent. It took a huge weight off my shoulders because everything finally made sense. And then I got to work. Struggled with it at first and went a bit Rambo because I had internally shifted my mentality practically overnight. She eventually found out about this place, read all my posts and that precipitated a main event and many aftershocks - but because I wasn't a career beta any accusations that I was "faking it" or "following a script" were just met with a "shrug, if that's what helps you sleep at night." In either case, while fighting it on the surface she responded incredibly well over time, and it's gone far beyond the bedroom or my marriage - everything from my physique to my career has improved dramatically.

There was a recent situation that was the perfect demonstration of how night and day things are now compared to just a short while ago. Something that probably needs more emphasis to the new guys is how much your wife's behavior changes towards you when you man up - at first it's fight after fight and it feels like you'll be fighting an uphill battle for the rest of your life. The shit tests will never stop but they do ease up - it's not just you getting better at them. The part that I never fully recognized until recently is how much happier she clearly is now. Overtly she'd probably still say she wants no part of this MRP stuff, but her behavior speaks for itself. She's far less anxious and angry than before, we joke around like we're still dating, and it's like the discovery channel in the bedroom again. She was great in bed from the start so I've always known she's had it in her, but even just a year ago it felt like something that was lost and never coming back. I can only imagine how shocking it is to someone who's never seen what their woman is really capable of before.

But anyway, a few years ago we put new flooring in a room, and this year we did another - and the way they played out could not have been more different.

Back then: expecting that she'd fight me if she didn't like the choice, I just told her to pick it out. She begrudgingly picked a few from a website, I told her which one I liked, and of course she preferred another. Fight ensued - "why'd you even ask me then?" I say, and I tell her to just order whatever she wanted. The most expensive one of course (another fight), and I didn't care for it to begin with (but didn't say anything) - but I played along in the name of peace, even though the situation was anything but peaceful. When we received them she hated the color because it didn't match the pictures….and somehow that was my fault? Fight fight fight over literally everything, even though I was trying my hardest to avoid it.

Now: I ordered samples, decided there were only two I liked, and asked for her input. She didn't have a preference and didn't seem to want to think about it, so we left it there. I mulled it over for a day, then made a decision and ordered it online at work. She got a fraud alert on our CC - asked me if I knew anything about it, told her "yeah I ordered the flooring." Which prompted a solid shit test about how she didn’t think the discussion was settled - I simply responded with "is there a problem?" She shot back "It doesn't matter to you anymore anyway, does it?" Shrug and STFU, and instead of fuming and fighting about it. When we got back from work, it was like that little tiff never happened. That's one thing that still really takes me aback sometimes - how she can be shitty one moment, and standing my ground makes her visibly upset and ready to fight it out….and then moments later after not engaging, she's all smiles. Look at the difference already though - back then it was one fight after another and neither of us were happy, this year it was a single shitty moment that rolled off of me anyway, and we were both still in a good mood.

Back then: I asked her what she thought of the idea of us DIYing it together. She flipped out, saying I have no idea what I'm doing so why would I even suggest that, we don't have the time for it anyway, and told me to find an installer. I find a few installers on yelp, ask her what she thinks, she had a problem with all of them. She said to just go through Home Depot, I never questioned it, and we paid almost as much as the floor cost itself just to have it installed. I was furious inside about how much it all cost but I just wanted her to stop bitching and so I did exactly what she said she wanted. Even just picking the day to have it done was another fight - my constant deference to her was an attempt to please her because she always had a problem with everything….and yet she always found another problem. I was convinced she was just an impossible woman that refused to do anything but see the bad in the situation - I was utterly convinced it was all her fault.

Now: I told her I was going to DIY it. She asked if I knew what I was doing, and I just said "I'll figure it out." No argument back. I told her what day I was going to do it and I needed to focus with no kids around, and suggested she should take the kids to her parents house for the day. No argument, she made it happen.

Back then: The installers were late. Somehow that was my fault, she even blamed me for choosing them - even though she chose them! They took all day, disrupting our weekend plans, and when all was said and done it was a great job with a few minor flaws. She gave me so much shit over those minor little nitpicks even though I never touched a plank. She said she wished we never got it done and I flipped out. From start to finish I deferred to her on everything, yet somehow I was at fault for everything that went wrong!? Even though in the end it was an expensive floor, professionally installed and looked objectively great, it was a total shitshow from start to finish. Needless to say I didn't get any that night. Not like I've been getting any for months….and it would be dry starfish anyway.

Now: She took the kids to the in-laws, and I got to work early. I started pulling up the old floor and found out the hard way that it was a lot more work than I thought it would be, but I got it done. Knowing that I couldn't finish it all that day, I asked her if she could stay the night with the kids so I could work through. She said "I guess so" a little reluctantly, but said she needed sleepover stuff for the kids. I told her I needed to go to the store anyway, and that I'd bring clothes and pizza. Back then I probably would have even asked her which clothes to pick and what to get for dinner, and it would probably have been just another failed shit test - this year I just decided and she happily went along. I worked late into the night and through the next morning - and while I got it all done I made a lot of visible rookie mistakes. When she finally saw it, what was her reaction? "Looks great! I love it! Hmm...what's happened with that area in the corner though?" Told her how I didn't realize my mistake until far too late and I'd have to pull up the whole floor to fix it then "right" way, but that I'd find a solution. She said "Ok, I'll leave you to it…I really like it though!" I told her there was one last thing I needed to nail down on the floor, and Ill leave the rest to your imagination.

Overall - back then I deferred to her at every step, we fought at every step, and even though the finished product was objectively very good, it was a miserable experience for both of us and we both hated the end product because of it. This time I decisively acted from start to finish, we didn't fight at all despite it being twice as disruptive to our lives, and in the end, even though it was a less expensive floor and an objectively mediocre install and end product- both of us were stoked with how well everything turned out. Not to mention I'm a million times more satisfied with the floor because I built it with my own hands. The thing that made the difference was my mentality and how I approached the situation proactively, decisively and dominant instead of passively and deferential.

This is how much your life changes when you take charge of it. All of the bickering wasn't because she was an incorrigible harpy bitch, the dead bedroom wasn't because that's what's supposed to happen after marriage. The reason you're not getting what you want out of life - it was you, all along. Even when stuff goes wrong how you approach it makes all the difference in the end. This is just one example but I could give 100 more. Life is generally awesome now. It's far from perfect but I'm no longer a victim to my circumstances, and I never will be ever again.