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With the school year and football season being at the doorstep, my family's schedule is about to fill up in a big way. But right now, we're kind of in the no man's land where summer trips and activities have wrapped up, but the new year of school & sports hasn't quite started. This lull makes it easy for me to not be on my game. Lazy evenings & weekends....I've been spending a lot of unnecessary time side by side with wife. Running errands together and shit like that. I like being around her, so it's just fine with me. And I know that in two weeks, between my coaching schedule and her work schedule, we won't cross paths very often. But lately it's been a near nightly thing....and it kills attraction.

The incident that led me to this conclusion was another night of lackluster sex. It had been a nagging frustration over a couple of weeks, and last Friday I was finally fed up. Over these few weeks of frustration, wife is always DTF, but it's kind of vanilla. Seems like she's just happy to let me fuck her. It's not starfish, but it's not exactly hot either. I got irritated with it on Friday, and decided I had been getting soft with my Merping. Too much beta comfort. Too much attention given. So Saturday, I decided to sprinkle in what tends to be misclassified as Rambo over in askMRP

In the morning, I got up early to read. When wife got up and asked her usual "what are you doing" questions, I took my book out to the deck and closed the door. I spent the morning ignoring my wife. Took my boys out to play Pokemon for most of the late morning. Told my wife what to do for lunch when we got back. We had to drive into another town to drop off my daughter's friend. I just STFU the entire drive. No conversation, nothing. Put a podcast on my headphones. Each time wife tried to talk to me, I treated it like an Are you paying attention to me? test. I'd usually answer them with "Can this wait? I actually really want to listen to this" or a look that said "bitch, this better be important".

Wife's Are you paying attention to me? tests intensified, to the point where she's muttering to the kids about how she doesn't know why I'm mad at her. She says "Why can't you just be nice to me!?!" all throughout the day. We finished up our jaunt and start heading home. Again, STFU mode the whole way back. We get home and I tell her what to make for dinner. I head outside and hang out for a bit while I burn some trash.

After I finish up the burn, I walk in to the house for dinner, and wife seemed to have resolved to get that goddamn attention she wasn't getting in the car. She's throwing herself at me hard. Like those hugs you'd get from a clingy high school girlfriend where her arms choke you as you try and escape the PDA. Grinding her pussy on my knee when I sit down. I tell her how she needs to compose herself so I can eat. After dinner, she hurries the kids off to bed, I have a beer. I walk into the bedroom and start tearing her clothes off....she urgently climbed on rode hard until we both finished. Then....the kicker for the night....she says "See what kind of sex you get when you're finally nice to me?" HA! At no point leading up to sex was I ever behaving differently to her. I'm "nice" because she was starved for attention, and finally at the end of the day, she got that attention...in the form of a hard dick.

Anyway....lessons here that I take away:

  1. In comments, we see a lot of "an alpha does what the fuck he wants to do". And this is true. However, the act of simply "doing what the fuck I want" does not make a person alpha, or attractive. "Do what you want" = "Just be Yourself". An alpha doing what he wants is usually doing attractive, alpha things. And a beta doing what he wants to do is usually doing beta things. It doesn't make beta behaviors attractive just because the beta behavior is something you want to do. So while I enjoy spending 'hang out' time with my wife, walks with her, grocery trips with her - all things I'm perfectly happy to do - they are still panty driers. Even if I do them while passing shit tests and being awesome, they are still beta.

  2. Sometimes I forget about that basic idea of my attention being the most valuable currency I have. As I've moved through this mrp 'program', I have done a lot of work on the internal game side of things. Aligning myself and my family toward something resembling a mission. Becoming comfortable with being my own mental point of origin. Recognizing the rationalizations and thought processes that sabotage me. Essentially, being aware of myself. I've done all of this. I own my shit. I pass shit tests. I game my wife and get the chest-slap-&-smile "asshole" comment twice a day. I'm tall, strong, and fit. I'm the fucking Oak, and it's an internalized natural state of being for me now.
    But all of this just sets the table. If I'm all of the things we pat ourselves on the back about over in OYS, that's great. Usually it makes for better life quality. Makes you a more valuable partner to potentially lose. But without some ratcheted up dread, your wife just gets complacent with the more awesome version of you. The Oak still needs to pull back on the attention to cultivate some urgency, even if the wife is generally well behaved.

  3. Don't fear Rambo. It's become a peeve of mine that the Rambo term is invoked over in askMRP every time a wife reacts negatively to a Merper's changes. All the new guys say "I don't want to go Rambo" like it's a cliff they are afraid to fall off of. But despite my objections, a word only means what it is understood to mean. So if Rambo is now being defined as removing beta comfort to a point that the wife is made uncomfortable, then guys can't be afraid of going Rambo. If you live in the Rambo zone for too long, that's going to wear on a wife. But if you fear ever hitting the Rambo point, and take everything sloooowly, the wife never gets the wake-up call. She just gets accustomed to life with an ever improving husband.
    Learn to use Rambo and control him.....he can be used to advance your goals.


[–]SteelToeShitKicker13 points14 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Rambo (to me at least) is skipping ahead dread levels when you have just started. I.e. the "I bought some new clothes, touched iron yesterday, and decided to have the A or B conversation with the wife today."

Have any links to these "you hurt your wife's feelings" being called rambo?

[–]hystericalbonding4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Rambo (to me at least) is skipping ahead dread levels when you have just started.

+1

OP just gamed his wife, who was already DTF, but hadn't been getting gamed enough to enjoy fucking him because he hadn't made time for it.

[–]discobolus_ 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Exactly.

I agree w/ steeltoe's definition of Rambo. But it seems to be floating toward a different definition, or in the very least an overdiagnosis.

What I did here is basic gaming of wife, but if done by a n00b unsuccessfully, he's getting feedback to not do it anymore.

[–]hystericalbonding4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What I did here is basic gaming of wife, but if done by a n00b unsuccessfully, he's getting feedback to not do it anymore

It seems like some guys in askmrp who do stupid shit are hoping that it's that they "went too fast" rather than believe that they are stupid. Other stupid guys agree.

Gaming your wife is fun. Angry, butthurt use of dread game is stupid. Angry n00bs often can't tell the difference. Hopefully they pay attention to flaired guys, and don't just follow the herd of blind retards flowing in from other subs.

On a more subtle note, some guys keep pestering their wives for sex before building any kind of attraction. Some autists in here advocate initiating constantly, which is also stupid, in that situation. They sometimes get called Rambo. Women want guys who just get it. They need to build attraction.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've always thought the same about the "always be initiating" advice. It's not very agile or tactful and definitely all "pull."

[–]discobolus_ 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Here's one. (you'll see the seeds of my Rambo diatribe there in the comments) https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6nu5vq/i_think_this_is_a_comfort_test_but_not_sure_how/ And another. https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6nx38f/the_boat_is_rocking/ In both of these, it's possible that the OPs went a little Rambo, by the traditional definition. However.....the only evidence I see in either is the wife's reaction. Guy isn't really describing Ramboish behavior. Logic seems to be that if Wife is comfort testing > OP must be going too fast. Maybe....or maybe wife just doesn't like her comfort being pulled away. Obviously, commenters are not a monolith, and some will have good advice and some will be bad advice. But I've noticed an increasing drum beat of "Slow down, Rambo" whenever a noob posts about his wife being sad.

[–]SteelToeShitKicker0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well, the first link is probably someone going Rambo. The second, maybe not. But, I don't think it's bad advice in general to "slow down".

You have to understand how much easier shit is when you have been lifting for a year and start to cut down. How much easier it is when you are taking charge and making things happen. Most of these guys are just starting out, and frankly, they don't have either handled. The wife starts to see some small changes, doesn't know if they will stick, then the guy is hitting the door, going "out", obviously being butthurt, and it's just not helping.

I'm not against being a total dick if your life is in order. I just think the noobs have a long way to get there.

[–]discobolus_ 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I think noobs need go get in there and fuck up a bit to calibrate themselves. If "slow down" is the only advice they get when you get the first wave of push-back that we all got starting out, I think it delays how long it takes to figure out. Guys can't pass shit tests if they're afraid to make their wife say "I don't like the new you"

[–]straius 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

This is mostly just a pet peeve of yours. Rambo rarely ever helps a noob out. Maybe they can learn from it, but it doesn't advance them much and often sets then back or unnecessarily complicates their environment.

This is advanced drama game and has been discussed elsewhere before. Not that your post was low quality, it's a great FR, but your thesis about Rambo doesn't really pan out because rambo at it's core is a lack of discipline and emotion control. Neither of which apply in your story.

[–]discobolus_ 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Maybe using an ironic definition of Rambo in my post title is a bit too nuanced for a mediocre writer to accomplish in a large online forum. I can accept that my peeve is a spergy obsession over definitions.

Actual Rambo doesn't help a noob out, agreed. But being afraid to even approach being abrasive out of Rambo paranoia will stunt progress too. Cautioning guys that upping the alpha too much is the cardinal sin leads to guys being afraid to push outside their comfort zone. And their beta comfort zone is why they are in the position they are in already

The rub is always that the drunk captain guys who should be cautious are assholes anyway, and they barge forward with this like everything else in their life.

Whereas the beta guys who are afraid to piss off their wives are the ones paranoid that they're going Rambo. Those betas who are paranoid aren't going ever accomplish Dread Level 1 if "I don't like the new you" sets them back on their heels.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Beta dudes can be pretty explosive when they start letting out all that pent up angst and resentment. But you're right about not being afraid of ruffling feathers.

The alpha doesn't go out of his way to be an asshole, he just doesn't care if he upsets people by asserting his reality.

[–]The_LitzMRP APPROVED6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I can absolutely confirm this phenomena. Last summer holiday I saved my leave and took 4 weeks off with the family.

I really slacked in that time. Got lazy, ate shit and just let my gainz slide. Too much time together with no mission killed the passion.

Good catch.

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is where I am right now

[–]The_LitzMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

And now the $1 000 000 question.... What are you going to do about it?

What I would do differently. Package my leave in 2 distinctive time frames. My time, and my family time. Go do something somewhere alone that is not family orientated. I was under her eyes 24/7. Dread dropped and the hamster relaxed.

Another easy go to is tackling a big diy home project. Make that your mission. You are still present, but have a mission.

The moment you commit 100% to the family... the Sahara expands.

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's been really tough lately. Wife's new job has her working til after supper. Kids on summer holidays. Was just on 3 weeks myself. Trying to get so much shit done around the house. Hamster hamster hamster.

While this has really helped on my health (lifting, dieting, alcohol) and getting my castle in order, I need to make time to get out and do me more again.

As much as I love the kids home all day, school will be most welcomed when it returns.

[–]red_blue_and_hot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it's less how many pieces you cut your leave into, and more of a lack of mission during it. Were you at home the whole time? If so, why? If you're in your own town, you know what activities there are, and you can spend some time out of the house doing them. I seem to remember a dread level about being social and finding stuff other than her to do. Hell, even grabbing a coffee and sitting on a park bench reading alone will get you away from your wife for a while. And, don't tell me you can't think of anything to read (cough sidebar cough).

It's more difficult, of course, traveling. The standard advice is to not plan vacations during shark week, but due to other concerns out of my control, my last family vacation was. It actually worked out pretty well. Obviously, if it's just you and your wife in Aruba, schedule during peak ovulation. But, if it's you two plus a couple young children in the same hotel room, scheduling during an already slow part of her cycle kills any covert contract you have about her being extra frisky just because you are on vacation. In this case I got the same couple of BJs/HJs in the shower that I would have gotten anyway (because of the kids being nearby), and then really fucked her in our bed after we got back home.

The thing, though, is that I also owned my shit during the vacation. For men, a vacation isn't when you can relax and just let things go; it's really when you have to be more on point than usual, because there's more shit for the captain to handle.

[–]Alpha_Engineer994 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Of course this phenomenon happens. WTF? It’s why married game is challenging. It never ends. Husband must learn how to keep gaming the same chick repeatedly, day after day, year after year.... This usually happens to me around xmass time, when I’m home from work for 2 weeks. I’m home 100% of the time, being a great dad, relaxing at home, spending time shopping together, going to family parties, hanging out with friends, etc..

But if you think that by spending time together, talking to her, being loyal, communicating efficiently, and appeasing her feelz, she will be eager to suck your cock…. All you are doing is securing your inevitable future.

It goes back to basics:

Alpha = Dopamine = Exciting = Panties wet Beta = Oxytocin = Bonding/comfort = Panties dry

It all comes down to the push/pull. You must mix it up, never letting her get bored (too much comfort) and never being a predictable dude. They want and need an "asshole" who will reassure them that they and their precious offspring will survive. A man's love and comfort won't be returned in the way he expected (more sex) and that's ok. Use push/pull as a tool to keep the hamster running and juices flowing when everything is getting too predictable.

Woman are fucking emotional beings and are at their best (horniest) when basting in emotion - be it positive or negative and specifically thrive on conflict. We’re are not wired to be friends or anything else EXCEPT LOVERS.

I got a hard no last night. Wife is a school teacher and went back to work this week. She’s in 100% work and mommy mode right now. But it’s okay. I’m using this pent up energy to work on my Strong Lifts tonight. I’m playing for the long game. The key is realizing that, as men, you never rest. You rest when they put you in that big box in the ground, and then you'll have plenty of time to rest. Until then, though, you are relentless. You work. Its what we do. We work. We self-actualize. We advance. We never stop. Not until you're really done, and resting in that box.

[–]discobolus_ 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

But if you think that by spending time together, talking to her, being loyal, communicating efficiently, and appeasing her feelz, she will be eager to suck your cock…. All you are doing is securing your inevitable future.

I know enough to not have been thinking that stuff would help me get laid. But I did kind of think I was at a point where I could have it both ways - ie, flirt on the walk. Do some light asshole game while at the grocery store....stuff like that. I can do all the game & kino at Target that I want, and be the most jacked guy in the store....it doesn't ever seem to override the fact that I was at Target with the golf shirt beta dads.

[–]Alpha_Engineer991 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I know dude.. I agree with you.. I really didn't mean you per say, just in general. I just made my 3 yr anniversary here... Life totally turned around...previous 10 deadbedroom. I am at same.point to think I can have it both ways too, but realizing sometimes I can't. I have to revisit the basics too. Awalt.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's the blue pill dream via red pill ways that Rollo constantly warns about. You can't have it both ways and it takes a long time to internalize that.

[–]SiulaGrande1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

SO FUCKING TRUE

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's easy. Don't be boring. Don't be complacent.

[–]bumbleborn6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

what the fuck is wrong with you

[–]Tebulus5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That didnt seem like Rambo even though it was still an excellent field report. When I see faggots going Rambo its shit like "I discovered MRP two days ago, got three pages into MMSLP and looked at the covers of the rest of the books. Wife asked me to take out the trash and I told her to go fuck herself cause my smv is so much higher than hers I shouldn't be taking out the trash now she wont talk to me what do?". This seems like stirring shit up because you realized things were plateauing.

So while I enjoy spending 'hang out' time with my wife, walks with her, grocery trips with her - all things I'm perfectly happy to do - they are still panty driers.

This is the more important takeaway. I still have to remind myself when ltr and I are in near proximity for too long not doing something engaging. It sucks that you cannot just exist near each other without being concerned about attraction, but hey, thems the breaks.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really good post. Don't fear her negative emotions especially when you cause them.
Recently I've been taking chances with this idea. See my recent post about WISNIFG for MRP and boundary enforcement. My execution of attention removal was sort of controversially received but I don't regret any part of it because I learned something either way.

I think this just connected another dot for me.

This FR of yours could be a good way to test for whether she even wants an alpha or not, which is a recurring question I see brought up. Some women are past that, or at least never wanted it with their chosen husband. If you remove attention and presence for weeks on end and she still could care less... maybe she's one of these women.

[–]justpickanyusernameMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have been at this about 6 months thus far. I agree that a little Rambo is acceptable or even necessary at different stages of MRP. I have reached DL 5 at this point in my journey and have reached a much higher level of SMV than when I first started. It is noticeable now. I have also shown that I am not afraid to rock the boat anymore or walk on eggshells and have started asserting leadership.

At this point in my journey and where things are at, it feels appropriate to apply a little more pressure to the relationship as things are not where they need to be. I have been much more elusive lately and light on the comfort. I realize that I need to have comfort as part of the relationship, but it feels like in order to get the weight of the relationship shifted to where it needs to be the comfort should be light for a while and only as a reward for good behavior. Even though I have started to do this to some degree in the past it feels much more appropriate and more effective now with 6 months behind me and a higher SMV than before.

So, yes, going Rambo is not necessarily bad. When you have just started, have zero frame, and started lifting three days ago and think you are the shit, then yes, Rambo is potentially bad. Because Rambo ends up looking to your wife like this Rambo

Your comment here was spot on as well.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6soruo/fr_rambo_at_dl3_oops_can_i_recover/dleftki/

[–]thatboyjeff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a great read. Im glad I came to MRP tongiht to check things out.

I will also not skip the gym tomorrow morning like I was going to.

[–]KolaDesi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This... This is horrible, poor wife...

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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