With the school year and football season being at the doorstep, my family's schedule is about to fill up in a big way. But right now, we're kind of in the no man's land where summer trips and activities have wrapped up, but the new year of school & sports hasn't quite started. This lull makes it easy for me to not be on my game. Lazy evenings & weekends....I've been spending a lot of unnecessary time side by side with wife. Running errands together and shit like that. I like being around her, so it's just fine with me. And I know that in two weeks, between my coaching schedule and her work schedule, we won't cross paths very often. But lately it's been a near nightly thing....and it kills attraction.
The incident that led me to this conclusion was another night of lackluster sex. It had been a nagging frustration over a couple of weeks, and last Friday I was finally fed up. Over these few weeks of frustration, wife is always DTF, but it's kind of vanilla. Seems like she's just happy to let me fuck her. It's not starfish, but it's not exactly hot either. I got irritated with it on Friday, and decided I had been getting soft with my Merping. Too much beta comfort. Too much attention given. So Saturday, I decided to sprinkle in what tends to be misclassified as Rambo over in askMRP
In the morning, I got up early to read. When wife got up and asked her usual "what are you doing" questions, I took my book out to the deck and closed the door. I spent the morning ignoring my wife. Took my boys out to play Pokemon for most of the late morning. Told my wife what to do for lunch when we got back. We had to drive into another town to drop off my daughter's friend. I just STFU the entire drive. No conversation, nothing. Put a podcast on my headphones. Each time wife tried to talk to me, I treated it like an Are you paying attention to me? test. I'd usually answer them with "Can this wait? I actually really want to listen to this" or a look that said "bitch, this better be important".
Wife's Are you paying attention to me? tests intensified, to the point where she's muttering to the kids about how she doesn't know why I'm mad at her. She says "Why can't you just be nice to me!?!" all throughout the day. We finished up our jaunt and start heading home. Again, STFU mode the whole way back. We get home and I tell her what to make for dinner. I head outside and hang out for a bit while I burn some trash.
After I finish up the burn, I walk in to the house for dinner, and wife seemed to have resolved to get that goddamn attention she wasn't getting in the car. She's throwing herself at me hard. Like those hugs you'd get from a clingy high school girlfriend where her arms choke you as you try and escape the PDA. Grinding her pussy on my knee when I sit down. I tell her how she needs to compose herself so I can eat. After dinner, she hurries the kids off to bed, I have a beer. I walk into the bedroom and start tearing her clothes off....she urgently climbed on rode hard until we both finished. Then....the kicker for the night....she says "See what kind of sex you get when you're finally nice to me?" HA! At no point leading up to sex was I ever behaving differently to her. I'm "nice" because she was starved for attention, and finally at the end of the day, she got that attention...in the form of a hard dick.
Anyway....lessons here that I take away:
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In comments, we see a lot of "an alpha does what the fuck he wants to do". And this is true. However, the act of simply "doing what the fuck I want" does not make a person alpha, or attractive. "Do what you want" = "Just be Yourself". An alpha doing what he wants is usually doing attractive, alpha things. And a beta doing what he wants to do is usually doing beta things. It doesn't make beta behaviors attractive just because the beta behavior is something you want to do. So while I enjoy spending 'hang out' time with my wife, walks with her, grocery trips with her - all things I'm perfectly happy to do - they are still panty driers. Even if I do them while passing shit tests and being awesome, they are still beta.
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Sometimes I forget about that basic idea of my attention being the most valuable currency I have. As I've moved through this mrp 'program', I have done a lot of work on the internal game side of things. Aligning myself and my family toward something resembling a mission. Becoming comfortable with being my own mental point of origin. Recognizing the rationalizations and thought processes that sabotage me. Essentially, being aware of myself. I've done all of this. I own my shit. I pass shit tests. I game my wife and get the chest-slap-&-smile "asshole" comment twice a day. I'm tall, strong, and fit. I'm the fucking Oak, and it's an internalized natural state of being for me now.
But all of this just sets the table. If I'm all of the things we pat ourselves on the back about over in OYS, that's great. Usually it makes for better life quality. Makes you a more valuable partner to potentially lose. But without some ratcheted up dread, your wife just gets complacent with the more awesome version of you. The Oak still needs to pull back on the attention to cultivate some urgency, even if the wife is generally well behaved.
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Don't fear Rambo. It's become a peeve of mine that the Rambo term is invoked over in askMRP every time a wife reacts negatively to a Merper's changes. All the new guys say "I don't want to go Rambo" like it's a cliff they are afraid to fall off of. But despite my objections, a word only means what it is understood to mean. So if Rambo is now being defined as removing beta comfort to a point that the wife is made uncomfortable, then guys can't be afraid of going Rambo. If you live in the Rambo zone for too long, that's going to wear on a wife. But if you fear ever hitting the Rambo point, and take everything sloooowly, the wife never gets the wake-up call. She just gets accustomed to life with an ever improving husband.
Learn to use Rambo and control him.....he can be used to advance your goals.
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