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Getting Over Your Relationship PTSD Pt. II: Give Love One More Chance (self.marriedredpill)

submitted by TheFamilyAlpha

In my first post on Getting Over Your Relationship PTSD I brought up the point that how things used to be do not dictate how things will be.

Many men have given the power over their inner self entirely to the women of their lives. They let their ex-relationships dictate their future relationships, trying to do the opposite of before or they'll fall into the same routine ultimately leading to a love life filled with redundancy without progress.

You need to break the cycle.

Married men, divorced men, guys coming out of a shitty LTR, and even the men who had a plate cheat on them thus scarring their soul permanently are not acting in accordance with their masculine self if they're basing decisions off how they can avoid heartache again.

If you build a fire and burn your hand, do you forever hide from the flames or are you more careful the next time you handle it?

This same level of respect and learning should be applied to the past lovers of your life.

Your last girl burned you, instead of refusing to let the next girl in and thus sabotaging yourself, how about you get out of your own way and enjoy the moment. Not every woman you fuck, date, or go solo with is going to be there for your entire life.

Men are the true romantics, because of this any notion that men should avoid love or women is telling the man to repress his authentic desires. Society does that enough, we do not need other men spouting this bullshit as well.

You should love freely, you should let the pain from your past act as a reminder, not as an obstacle to appreciating all this world has to give.

Be a genuinely happy person who smiles at the waitress without thinking "she's a slut" or interact with women without getting lost in your head thinking, these bitches will succumb to AF/bb as if a woman following her biological nature is somehow wrong of them.

Love your next plate, love yourself, smile at the nature of women, enjoy the sluts, if married laugh again with your wife and stop making every interaction an attempt to reclaim the years you had a dead-bedroom.

Some men deserve sex more than others, do not get pissed at your wife for not being attracted to an overweight, sensitive, 'nice guy'. Instead, continue to have fun and work towards becoming a man who a woman willingly submits to.

The past is the past, get over it or it will kill you.

You cannot walk through the rest of life with your fists clenched raging with vitriol at what happened to you. It's over, move on and make the best of the rest of your days. Learn to love again, let the hate thaw and start appreciating things as simple as the breeze.

Do not give women control over your ability to experience the romantic nature of your masculinity. Do not for one second allow something a woman did to you to be a part of who you are as a man.

You must learn to share that side of you again. Instead of being afraid to let others ever get that close, let them in & be aware that it may all come crumbling down and if it does you'll just smile in the rubble because that's what men do.

Make yourself irreplaceable in her life; set the bar from which all other 'Chads' will be measured. While doing so, remember that you have a limitless reserve of love and if/when your relationship ends, this time you know that you will be fine and able to love again.

Women lose a little of themselves with every man they love.

Men?

Men are limitless, yet are more prone to losing their ability to love due to their more violent and passionately romantic nature.

Control that powerhouse of love within and make every moment count.

You cannot walk the world bitter and cold because of the cards life handed you. The woman who burned you is not to be resented, she was a checkpoint in your life to better understanding yourself.

Choose to smile and find joy in the world we live in. The Red Pill is about accepting the brutal reality over the comfort of the lie and masculinity is about authentic living. Combine these two to live the most optimal life.

This post isn't about women, it's about you. Don't ever allow another person to control who you are and how you feel, you must keep that fire burning inside, hot and bright. Nobody can snuff those flames out unless you allow them to.

Let go of the hate and give love one more chance.

The Blog: www.TheFamilyAlpha.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheFamilyAlpha


[–]RandomInternetGuy176 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I always had a high opinion of u/TheFamilyAlpha but with this post it peaked. Just the right reminder I needed in the right time. Thanks for always taking care of us!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man.

[–]DeplorableRay2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I do this in the gym. As I took the pill about a year ago, I became angry with myself. Angry at how I had let things become so fucked. When I started lifting, the lifting was hard and I was angry that it was hard. Then I had that moment, standing over a deadlift. I decided I was going to pick that up and put it down. It was going to be a success, and I was going to be happy for myself for the success. When I put it down, I could feel myself drop the anger with it. Since that day, I bottle my anger, smile, and move on with my day. I take that anger to the gym and I drop it, rep after rep.

There I am redeemable to myself, and only for myself.

If I can redeem myself, I can happy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Finding comfort in the discomfort.

[–]DeplorableRay1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My patience with the kids is the greatest benefit. It's been night and day.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men are similar to dogs, we're happiest when exhausted.

[–]Nucka574 points points [recovered] | Copy Link

This really resonates because it IS very easy to fall into a cycle of bad habits, but it takes a man to continually break through the mold and stand against all adversity and do the right thing which is never easy.

I would like to see you write more about:

Women lose a little of themselves with every man they love.

And also:

men who had a plate cheat on them thus scarring their soul permanently

If that happens then she was not a plate but a oneitis and there are different issues there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Agreed with the point on the plate, but I think it happens more often than most re willing to admit.

They say they're spinning plates, yet are deeply hurt when exclusivity on the pussy is lost.

[–]Nucka574 points points [recovered] | Copy Link

True. I think I am picking up what you are putting down.

You approaching love as more of a being immersed in the moment and enjoying what you have for what it is here and now. Correct?

That is the vibe I get from most of your work and the underlying message you portray to me at least.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly

[–]pixtiny points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm a woman and I sent this post to a woman who is stuck in a Relationship PTSD Rut.

I wish this information were valuable to those who don't actively seek it themselves. Because being able to identify ones own flaws and emotions is the key to directing the necessary energy to the places that need healing and growing into the person that you want to be.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I have long believed that /u/thefamilyalpha might be the key to unlocking the untapped female market. The world is filled with women who want to get their man to man up. The problem is that for almost all women they imagine staying in control and building a better beta, not building a Family Alpha.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

read chick lit, see what women buy and read to see what they want

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

That shows the kind of man women lust after. It doesn't explain how you can build a better Alpha.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You lost your way or something?

Alpha describes behaviors women find attractive. Its not always community leaders. Many times, it is sociopathic losers.

Build better men sounds like /r/ selfimprovement.

I'm not against that but lets not confuse it with sexual strategy

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Women are attracted strength not "sociopathic losers." It is just that sociopaths appear to have great internal strength so they can't resist. They certainly are not attracted to "losers" except in the criminal sense- but even then the biggest hits are the criminal winners. Not check kiting drug addicts! They go for the drug dealers, killers and rapists- the criminal leaders.

Like romance novels you mentioned previously, /r/selfimprovement doesn't teach women how to motivate men to /r/selfimprove. That is an entirely untapped market. All previous attempts except possibly purple pill Athol Kay who was by far the best attempt I have seen (except for The Surrendered Wife) have been DARK blue and haven't worked and I wonder if a more Red Pill approach with insights about the TRUE nature of women might work.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

women write men in prison and even marry them

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Mentality unstable women write men in prison and even marry them (FTFY)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

AWALT

[–]Westernhagen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The world is filled with women who want to get their man to man up.

True, but as we know, women are the absolute last people to listen to about how to be a better man. Ask a woman "how should I man up" and 99 times out of 100 she'll say "be a more supplicating beta, buy her more flowers and gifts, yield to whatever her feminine imperative demands at this moment in her life." And she says this knowing at some level that it's not even what she really wants!

A woman who gave genuine, useful red pill advice would be an amazing unicorn indeed...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Let me know how she took it, I don't know of many (any?) women who are reading my writing.

[–]pixtiny points points [recovered] | Copy Link

What I wanted to share was a perspective of heartache from a man's point of view. That they hurt just like women do when relationships end, they show it differently and sometimes they need to read literature to help build themselves back up again to get out there and start dating again, to enjoy sex, dates or singledom for what it is, and to not expect them to be there forever. To only utilize pain from her past as a tool for self-improvement and not as a brick wall in the line of defense. To identify when the problem is in YOU and not the world around you since the world loves the message “you are perfect as you are”. It’s that exact quote that confuses people into thinking that they do not need to be anything more than the status quo.

I loved the end, I felt it would drive the point home “This post isn’t about women, it’s about you. Don’t ever allow another person to control who are and how you feel, you must keep that fire burning inside, hot and bright. Nobody can snuff those flames out unless you allow them to.

Unfortunately, she completely ignored this post and went to the blog, after I had expressed that I enjoy them and find them to be constructive. She came right out and said that she has issues with “these articles” regardless of the universal message. “The other repeated stresses that we, as masculine men in a feminized society are dealing with daily” Is fair because she does not think that society is feminized and stated that it is an inherently chauvinistic mindset that perpetuates the continuation of the other/is/them construct and mitigate women. She also has an issue with the concept of respect being earned and not commanded. I wish that society would get over the battle between femininity and masculinity and just accept that there is a hormonal and junk difference, that we’re all equals who have different perceptions, emotions, experiences and sometimes, people coincidently experience the same thing. But, I don’ think that there is a hidden meaning.
From my perspective, the manosphere has been an extremely helpful resource for me. It taught me that it doesn’t matter how I got here, only that I did. I’ve always been a “beta” someone who had trouble getting others to take me seriously. Until I began commanding respect. So, no, respect is NOT earned. It’s projected through your character, integrity, confidence, and purpose. Then others respect you thus. My first exposure to it was through The Game by Neil Strauss, which a girlfriend suggested I read. I followed it up a year later with The Truth an Uncomfortable Book About Relationships. The way that I see it is, that the charged statements in these articles and books are that negative generalization is what resonates and gains the interest of people who are deeply hurt and use that negative energy to build momentum and motivate to seek empowerment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for responding, too bad your friend couldn't lower the blinders and consider that maybe there was more than the one path which has been promoted for the past 30 or so years.

[–]ex_addict_broDivorced - MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Feel-good beta bullshit. But, have fun being a "leader" of this small virtual platoon of yours, I'm still waiting to see how good you handle when your SO will FU in the A. Bitter as usual, your's truly.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good to see you aren't dead and still care enough to respond to me.

[–]brotherpotatos0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Just for discussion, I think the same sort of forgiveness/love should be available for the same ltr that caused scarring before an rp transition, but whom the man decided to retain after fixing himself. I've fixed myself a lot, but I run into issues being unforgiving/getting out of anger phase, which causes setbacks.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep, if you decided to keep her around, then you've got to move forward without looking back.

By keeping her in your life, you're saying, I may not forgive you, but I do not hold this against you

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Words to live by! Never forget...but don't let your anger or hatred control you. Let you control you.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Anger after the paradigm shift is a covert contract of sorts, but certainly not a phase. I bet if you take a look inside you can see you aren't angry with her. You are actually angry with yourself.

[–]TaistoKarhu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff. Often when you read, observe and learn more and more about the dynamics, it's easy to get very bitter. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about never having another serious relationship if/when this facade is over. How easy life seems right now to just spin plates and drop them should feelings ever get involved. But it's true, I'm a true romantic and forever bottling it wouldn't be the right answer for me, just a cop-out. I will keep working to reach this place you described.

[–]fuknarite0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for this.

I am new here, but this post is what caused me to finally sign up. I became aware of the red pill about a year ago, and finally began to make real changes in myself about two months ago. I will finish The Rational Male in the next day or so.

I find that my anger phase has morphed into hatred in the last few days. I find that I am beginning to literally hate my wife for pulling this shit on me. I don't want to laugh with her, I want to put her head through a plate glass window.

I will continue on my this path for me because it is what I need. My only question is whether or not I choose to keep her around.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hate is a strong word but I know exactly how you feel. The problem is she was just being a woman. Should she hate you now for being a man?

Put another way, if you have a dog that shits on the floor and you never spent the time teaching it not to shit on the floor, it seems pretty ridiculous to blame the dog. You can't blame a dog for shitting on the floor- if you let them it is your fault. It is just like you can't blame a woman for being a whiny sex denying bitch- if you let them it is your fault.

You can and should stop them well before it becomes hate- and if you don't then it was your fault all along.

Further, if you don't fix yourself, your next woman will be just as much of a bitch after a couple of years. Count on it.

[–]fuknarite1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I understand that hatred is a strong word, this is why I used it. I mean it in it's proper context.

What I hate is that I have been used for my provision and security while my end has seen only diminishing returns. The years of absolute shit mean nothing. I accept that this is largely unconscious behavior on her part, but this does not excuse it in my mind. It would seem that acceptance of the true nature of women brings eventual cooling of the fires in the heart of the red pill awakened men, I hope that one day it will do the same for me.

You are absolutely correct that this is my fault. I accept that, and I own it. I was a fool who did exactly what society trained me to do. No one is to blame but me.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Life is too short to live a single minute of it for someone else.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I find that I am beginning to literally hate my wife for pulling this shit on me."

Remember that your wife has received the same paradigm conditioning you have, just the other side of the same coin.

The test now is whether as you change, she changes with you.

So, using the vernacular, will she choose to unplug with you, or not?

Only time, with your progress, will tell. Both are required.

[–]ReddJiveMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well fuck.

[–]Wel1080 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your writing resonates more with me than Rollo and IM. This came in perfect timing for me, after coming-out of a bad LTR. I let go of a plate because I wanted monk mode. I'm going to come back to this post when I'm ready to begin my LTR journey again. Thanks man.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No problem.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good post about letting go of the past. Hatred and anger is like drinking poison and expecting it to harm the other person. I am curious to hear your thoughts on "loving" women. I think many men, even after taking the Red Pill still love with reckless abandonment, especially in new relationships when New Relationship Energy is high and they ignore red flags and see only a special snowflake. I think the way a Red Pill man should love a woman is different. I could unpack that but it would be a big ol post. Suffice it to say, it isn't the same love you felt when you were ignorant of male-female sexual strategy. That shit was romantic fiction.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love w/ reality in mind vs romantic desire.

I see your point on it taking a blog post to cover the topic because there is quite a bit to be said.

to prevent word vomit covering the whole thing, I see what you're saying and think that RP love is definitely different and more rewarding than bp love.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. Excellent read and timely as well. Appreciate your commitment to helping all men become better versions of ourselves.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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