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Okay, I’ll keep this short: 50+, married 17 years, 3 kids/Lifting for 10+ years. Last year, my wife is increasingly disinterested in sex/me. Happens over the course of the 18-24 months. I try $$dates, wine, massages, begging…nothing works. Get a couple of pity fucks, and I mean a couple, literally, over 12 months. End of the year, it hits me: it’s done. She’s going got stay in the cushy marriage (doesn’t work hard, lost of $) and not care. I’m going to spend the last quarter of my life jerking off to Pornhub while she watches Housewives and gets fatter. I confront her several times and tell her this marriage is going to shit. It’ll be over unless she puts some effort in. “Hell, can’t you see where this is heading,” I scream. “I’ll end up having an affair!” She get furious and accuses me of being dramatic and essentially goes, Pffft and walks off. So I sulk, then up the lifting more, drop excess BF and, co-incidentally, head off on a fitness camp with a buddy. Lo and behold, I meet a single recently separated wife, who’s got a tight bod and wants to fuck. We fuck a couple of times and it’s hot and heavy.There's sexting and dirty calls but it quickly becomes apparent she’s after another meal ticket. It ends messy. Meanwhile, wifey is oblivious, too wrapped up in her psycho suburban friends’ lives to notice I’d disconnected for a couple of months. I start talking about slitting up, figuring where there’s one bit of willing pussy, there will be more. Wife does start to acknowledge she’s been selfish and unappreciative. I don’t believe it, so keep her at arm’s distance. But after a couple of months, she’s seems genuine. So I confess about the affair, partly because she had some evidence and her suspicions were growing and partly I just didn’t give a fuck anymore about holding this shit in. Let the chips fall where they may, sort of thing. She goes ape. There’s screaming and yelling, bags are packed and lawyer threats made. I tell her she has to own it. We both fucked up, not just me. We talk, we fight then after a day or so, she drags me to bed and fucks me like a mad woman. We have sex 3 times that day. (I’m 50+, btw). Same the next day. And it’s good, dirty sex. This is nearly 3 months ago. Been that way since, with a couple of fights...Apparently it’s a real psychological thing, called “hysterical bonding”. Has anyone ever experienced like this?


[–]RPAlternate42MRP APPROVED62 points63 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

STORY TIME

note: I recall a great deal of the back and forth from this time a few years ago... but some is paraphrased. The effect is there, however.

Pre-RP, I told my wife we're done unless she can show me she's in the marriage for more than just her sense of social stability and financial stability because the sex sucks when it rarely happens and I'd rather not waste my time with a sexless roommate with kids to boot. If I'm going to have kids and be sexless, I'd rather be sexless and living alone... at least then I'm in full control over it.

She gets mad. I leave. I come back home at some point and she starts in... re-questioning everything I already said. I keep calm and repeat my position, "Unless you show me you want me and not just the marriage to me."

"So you're answer to not getting sex is be divorced and never have sex?"

"I never said I would never have sex, I just wouldn't be having sex with you... which I'm already not having."

"I'm sure you'll do just fine."

"you're probably right, and probably far better than I'm doing now with a woman who's supposed to be having sex with me,"

She cries, she leaves. I watch TV.

A few days of this nonsense go by her going through all stages of grief back and forth. I maintain. Meanwhile, I'm looking for a place to live, setting my ducks in a row, arranging my financials.

Then she sets the kids on me... "Daddy, I don't want you to leave us." I handle that with ease. I plan a vacation in S.D. for just myself in the next few months.

Friday rolls around. I'm sitting at the table eating dinner. She sits down and starts crying. I said, "where are the kids."

"At my parents. We need to talk."

"No we don't. I tried talking. Asking. negotiating. trading. Then I tried not talking. Not asking. Not bothering. There is nothing I have to say on the subject; you aren't interested in fucking me, I'm married and I expect it, and here we are. I don't know why you're upset, you clearly don't desire me enough to fuck, so why be upset about me leaving?"

"Because I love you..."

"yet you can't bring yourself to do more than lie there like warm body. I'm tired of masturbating into a warm sex doll."

"It's always about sex with you."

"and it's never about sex with you. Sex is the problem here, or the lackthereof. If you think sex isn't that important, I can just start fucking other women and stay married to you. then I'll be here, be happier, you don't have to worry about me bothering you about sex."

"I'm sure you already are."

"nope... hence the part where I'm not happy. It's Friday. I can leave now, and be back Tomorrow morning a lot happier if you want."

"That's not funny. You're an asshole."

"I'm sure I am. And I should probably leave before this conversation gets worse." I cleared my place setting and then she left, crying again, mumbling something. I watched TV and checked my email for Craigslist rental replies.

She came back, with the kids, about 30 minutes later. I turned the TV off and was about to leave, "You don't have to leave every time I'm here."

"you're not giving me any reason to stay and you called me an asshole."

Suddenly she's very submissive. "I'm sorry I called you an asshole. I think I can work on things. Maybe I haven't been sexually available enough. Maybe it's the BC pills. Maybe I'm just low libido.

I wasn't going to try to validate any of her excuse-making. "maybe... but the point is that sex isn't happening and I refuse to be in a marriage with a woman who isn't fucking me." I didn't take the bait she offered out.

Now, in retrospect, I understand the reasoning behind bringing the kids home with her... it was more ammunition and more barriers. The kids were a convenient excuse to not have sex for her.

This is where the switch flipped: "I could right now."

That got my attention. I stood up and walked to the stairs. "Where are you going."

"you're going to, right now."

"but the kids..."

"that's an excuse that you make too often." I continued upstairs. She followed.

We locked the doors, and she fucked me like a porn star. twice. The next night was more of the same. In fact, it was like this for 2 straight weeks.

Then it stopped. I hadn't left. The hysterical bonding worked, as far as she was concerned. Now, 2 weeks straight actually tired me out because it cut into sleep time.

But when I initiated a couple nights later, "wasn't the last couple of weeks enough."

"Nope."

"Well, I'm tired."

"Clearly." I then left the room, then the house and didn't return for a few hours. When I returned, she was still awake, and then fucked me hard, again. So much for being tired.

A few days later I found MMSLP. A few weeks later I found MRP. Within a week I knew the rules of the game... I just needed to get used to the new ruleset.

the point

Hysterical bonding is real but it's an emotional high and can't be maintained by her for very long. If you were to try to force her to she would either develop a tolerance to the hormones and need more stimulus... or she breaks. If she breaks you get to make her how you want, basically. It's full submission. If she doesn't break, and you maintain it, she may eventually see you as that asshole Chad she likes to fuck but not want to be around. That's not bad, but it could lead to her cheating on you... she wants her AF/BB and if you cement yourself as AF... she's going to try to fill that BB void; a guy she can be friends with and have an emotional affair with.

Relationships are fucking weird.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's not bad, but it could lead to her cheating on you... she wants her AF/BB and if you cement yourself as AF... she's going to try to fill that BB void; a guy she can be friends with and have an emotional affair with.

This is a very important point for all married/LTR men. A lot of women can be camels relative to sex (she can see Chad in media); but no woman can go without getting her emotional needs met. If you're not bringing the AF, she won't fuck you but she won't necissarily fuck Chad either for reasons. However, if she has no emotional rock to stand on she will find him; and if he has any game+desire she WILL fall on his dick.

The BB she is looking for is not the bux, nor the supplicating beta, but the emotional rock for her waves of emotions to crash on. Lack of this is the root cause for the majority of affairs.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR[M] 16 points17 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I was going to remove this shit post, but your comment deserves to be seen.

[–]raxical2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why is it a shit post?

[–]weakandsensitive6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

because the OP's post sucks.

[–]raxical0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But... he was responding to a commenter... not OP? Lol.

[–]0kool740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

glad you left it here as well BG. Some men who unplug are still too weak to take a stand for what's rightly theirs. It's readily apparent that /u/rpalternate42 is not one of those guys. His experience totally exemplifies the phrase "F me or F you!!!"

[–]-The-Pussy-Whisperer-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Shit post? I (and my gf) believe he's nailed it here.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one here is talking about the comment by the guy with the red flair.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You really think that the OP wrote a good post? Or are you thinking about the comment from RPAlternate42.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What happened next???

[–]RPAlternate42MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I found the post cities of Cibola and had a history book written about me.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This makes sense. My first day of my MAP, hate fucked her like it was my last. Was a lot less words than yours, but the same thing.

Is a great reset switch

[–]SexistFlyingPig13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She needs the emotional roller coaster. It gives her the tingles.

When you have an affair, she gets angry, then incredibly jealous, then incredibly possessive, then angry, then sad, then mad, then really really really horny. And that's all in the first 5 minutes.

[–]anythingincMRP APPROVED - Blue Pill Diplomat11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Gonna try to make something out of this:

Most men new to MRP have to cultivate abundance and outcome independence and DNGAF. Some men end up there legitimately.

Something to consider with this FR in regards to BPP 12 Levels of Dread:

The 12 Levels of Dread approximate a man needing to get laid and getting fed up with his wife and disinterested in the relationship. Unless you are a nice guy without options who thinks divorce is off the table and embedded in your wife's frame this is exactly what happens in a natural state.

  • Last year, my wife is increasingly disinterested in sex/me. Happens over the course of the 18-24 months.
  • I’d disconnected for a couple of months.
  • I don’t believe it, so keep her at arm’s distance. But after a couple of months, she’s seems genuine.

So it took this guy nearly two years to get fed up with his deadbedroom. Checks out, cheats, then lets the chips fall. The majority of men here start out wanting their marriages to work out though, so we have BPP's more controlled system that saves the cheating and "Fuck Me or Fuck You" speeches until after value, abundance and DNGAF has been cultivated.

You can do it the legit way, but you're taking a gamble, and since many of us don't have the value, and are already not the type of man to disconnect and drift off to other options by default, it likely wouldn't come off as legit anyway.

Be the guy that is legit done and walking, you'll either find better, or she'll work to keep you. Barring that: MRP, lift, value, OI, frame, sidebar, 12 Levels of Dread, hopefully she'll start working to keep you, if not, well, now you are the man that is legit done and walking.

[–]Nyquil-Junkie10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I see here women who still don't want to fuck you, but its easier than being single again and getting a job.

Don't think this phenomenon is any more than that. Fucking you is easier than getting a job. She's not bonding, she's compromising and paying for her lifestyle.

Because getting a job for some women is really not an option when they have a warm hole to negotiate with.

You think she's suddenly into you again, but shes thinking "lets see.... Either I have to work 6-10 hours a day, or fuck this asshole for 30 min a day or every other day." Yeah no contest there, right?

Why, its just like in college, when fucking the professor was easier than studying to get that A+. "Lets see, I could study for the next week and miss all the fun, or fuck this asshole for 30 min and get an A"

Again, no contest. But the Professor is under no illusion she loves him.

[–]TurdDoctorHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. What if she works and doesn't need the meal ticket? There's still the embarrassment. She'd rather fuck than explain what happened to all of her friends (at least for now).

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Check into the latest posts here. Women start fights to get sex. It's a shit testing thing covered in great detail on /r/TheRedPill

The fact that you could go nuclear and have some OI while doing it drove her crazy. It wont last. It never does. You have to keep continuing to show this type of behavior.

Lastly, hit the gym. You need the gym more than you need sex. Believe me.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I have experienced hysterical bonding after a big fight with the wife a few years ago (before I found MRP). But it was short-lived. It only lasted about a week and I didn't understand why it was happening.

When I swallowed the pill not too long ago, it was only then that I could see the hysterical bonding for what is was- the effects of a huge dose of dread. It's why the idea behind dread resonates so much with me.

If you notice your wife slipping back into her old ways, just remind her (through your actions) that you have other options waiting for you.

[–]imspunkticusMarried8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

So long as you understand the transaction here; she's trading her sexual favours for your continued financial support. And what do you think of your new-found discovery? That your wife couldn't be bothered to do these things for you until threatened with loss of lifestyle and status?

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bitter jagged pill going down, yay! All sex is this way. You've only got as much value as whatever she's after in the moment. Yay solipsism and Briffault's law!

Married? You're a meal/lifestyle/status ticket. Maybe a hot and handsome ticket with a six pack, but you're a ticket nonetheless.

Men here are working their asses off to elicit the raw, animalistic, cat scratch, sweating, panting, lustful attraction that is all we care about. Since women know it's all we care about, they guard that side of them like their livelihood depends on it. Which, it does.

threatened with loss of lifestyle and status?

Hello dread steps, my old friend. I debate on whether dread-induced sex is authentic or not, but in the end, everything is transactional. Real, unconditional love between spouses doesn't exist.

[–]asguiltyashell points points [recovered] | Copy Link

And what do you think of your new-found discovery? > To be honest, I'm perplexed. I get she's primarily toeing the line for $, safety and status. I got what I wanted, I guess. At the same time, to get what I wanted, I had to not really want it anymore. Now I'm not sure. Having said that, the sex is great, so I'm happy for the time being...

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is she having sex with you because she wants to fuck you? Or is she having sex with you because she now sees you or the marriage or the status as something she can't lose?

What do you think? [I'm not asking in a cynical way, rather asking if you've considered this.]

[–]asguiltyashell points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I spelt it out clearly: what she'd lose, what life would be like, what (little) money she'd have, the tone of communication she'd receive, the news she'd heard from the kids ("Mommy, daddy's new fit, young girlfriend is really fun"); and her prospects after the wall. So honestly, she's fucking me to keep her lifestyle.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure the court system would see to it that she has money... yours.

[–]brotherpotatos points points [recovered] | Copy Link

best I can offer is an upvote

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know you are new to the scene and I removed your comment. Low effort is not welcome here.

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I fucked my wife the last 5 nights.

Oh wait, that's cuz we were on vacation

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Six in the last 5 nights. I am home.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Look at marathon man over here.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck that ain't nothing . Went 6 times in an afternoon a month ago , but that was with 2 tabs of Ciallis. Only problem was after 3rd time had no ejaculation. I ain't 16 yo , not even close .

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

👍. You have better blood flow than I . How old are you again?

[–]stdrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a rule, at least once every other day (I'm not 16 yo either).

[–]J_IncognitoMarried0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Hysterical Bonding" - great term. Add this to the lexicon.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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