TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

51

Day #1

Yesterday Recap: Each day I’ll do a brief recap from the day before. Day #1 received significant support and we have hundreds of men following the program. I hope the momentum continues.

My fear is that bad habits will overcome initial motivation as it’s not motivation but rather discipline which is needed.

Men, Don’t reward yourself with a drink after work if you’ve given it up for the month. Don’t jerk off when your wife isn’t around because that’s the only way you can fall sleep or that you ‘need to relax’.

This is about doing it differently, it’s about doing it right.

It’s so easy to say yes when some offers you a smoke or drink.

You must say no.

Show yourself that you’re worthy of the life you feel you deserve. There are no second chances, you’re either all in or you aren’t. If you fail, confess to it and try to continue on, but share it as hiding it and pretending you’re still marching with the real men will only drive your self hate to greater heights.

This is about reclaiming your masculine nature. You’re worth the physical and mental pain required to complete that task.

Suffer with me for this month and you’ll forever be able to claim the glory of being an original Man of March.

Reminder: The rules of Men of March:

  1. You will not masturbate, edge, or touch your dick for pleasure during the entire month. You can have sex, but not with yourself.

  2. You will not watch porn, sexy gifs, look at provocative photos or anything of the sort as this will lead to you breaking rule one.

  3. You will do 100 pushups every day. Don’t give the ‘time’ excuse, or any excuse as I don’t give a fuck, just do them. Break it up however you have to, but before you sleep at night, 100 must be done; chest day or not.

  4. You must start reading a book. Even if it’s just a few pages a day at first you must be reading a book. I will be reading New World Ronin by Victor Pride this month. You don’t have to finish the book in the month, just actively read a few pages every day to build the habit. With that said, my goal is to finish the book this month.

  5. You have to start giving genuine answers to people. If someone asks if you’re busy, don’t say “No” when you are. You have to stop avoiding conflict at the expense of your true self. If your wife asks a question, give an answer, “I don’t know/care” Is not an answer a leader gives to his crew. Start knowing, start caring, and start telling the world your true opinion.

  6. If you have a vice, remove it. You have to be honest with yourself; if you’re overweight and drinking to numb or are smoking pot and being unproductive, that shit has to go. This isn’t a ‘dry’ challenge, if alcohol or pot isn’t a problem good to go. If it’s more than that, leave it be for the month.

  7. Every day there will be a challenge, you must complete it.

Life isn’t about hiding from storms, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Day #2: Stop Avoiding It

There’s something you’ve avoided dealing with for weeks, months, or possibly even years.

I don’t know what that something is, but you do.

It’s difficult for you right now, as you start thinking of what it could be. But it’s growing inside as you know what it is; but you’re so used to shoving it deep into your soul that sometimes, it isn’t the focus of your mind.

You forget about it.

Now there’s a lump building in your throat, because I’m not going to let you forget about it and you know that. You don’t want to fail this Men of March challenge and be ostracized from your brothers, but you don’t feel you’re ready to face it yet.

You are.

Heart’s beating a little faster, breathing is getting shallower…

You know what it is

Listen to me, you’re going to stop avoiding it and you’re going to face it head on like a man.

There’s skeletons in everyone’s closet, but this isn’t a skeleton as they’re dead and this, this is very much alive.

That harsh truth you shove deep inside, it’s coming out and it’s coming out for good.

I told you this wasn’t going to be an easy month.

Brothers, it is absolutely critical that you do not put forth all of these efforts only to fall to pieces later on again as you have so many times before because the empire you built was on a weak foundation.

Holding the pain down and swallowing the reality you hate leads to there being gaps in your sense of ‘self’. You’ll never develop your masculine foundation if you can’t face all of who you are.

I’ll provide some raw examples from men I’ve helped. Every example comes from a man who after messaging back and forth with me and taking ownership of his demons reached that level of total ownership of himself and his life. But, he had to face the music first and that’s not easy.

Avoidances

  1. You are a terrible father. You know you should be more involved in your kid’s life but between working late, taking are of home matters you’re just too busy to stop and play with them. You keep thinking you’ll take them out on the weekends or you’ll take them on vacation, but you promised someone you’d help them, you aren’t feeling well, or you’d just rather ‘relax’ after such a long week at work; then you go back to work. Your kids have no father, they have a man who lives with them.

  2. Your wife doesn’t love you. She’s disgusted at how heavy you’ve gotten and she views you with judging eyes that say, “Why are you so fucking stupid?” You know she’s right; you are fat, you’ve stopped having a passion for anything in life, and you’re just too fucking tired to try anymore.

  3. You want to kill yourself but you’re too scared. You’ve thought of it, maybe you’ve half attempted it. If you’re reading this you failed or never went through and instead decided to just hate yourself and hate your life, but not enough to end it.

  4. You’re weak. You talk loud and bully people but it’s in an attempt to compensate in your lack of belief in your own strength. You’re the guy who talks a big game, but inside your screaming because of how insecure you are and if you were to be slapped across the face by a real man, you’re more likely to cry than fight back.

  5. You don’t know who you are. You aren’t living your life but merely existing nothing makes you feel. You’re just an apathetic individual waiting for the clock to strike the final seconds of your life.

  6. You just want to be loved. Your wife doesn’t love you, your family doesn’t love you, and no matter how hard you try you just aren’t good enough…

This list could go on for pages, but that isn’t the point. These are but a few examples of what modern day men are feeling. It’s due to the fact that society pressures men, *from birth**, to repress who they are and their true feelings on anything.

Today we break their hold.

Today you stop avoiding the harsh reality that there is a noose around your neck and that you’ve been balancing on a chair for days, weeks, months, or even years trying not to fall and lose it all. The balancing game is done.

I’m untying your hands and handing you a knife; cut the rope and step down from the chair.

You are free.

Release the stress, stop pretending everything is OK, and let the emotions flood over you.

Challenge #2

  1. Do 100 push-ups.

  2. Face whatever it is that you have been too terrified to meet head on.

Maybe that means admitting to past abuses. Maybe it means telling a loved one or friend that they are toxic for what you want to do in your life and that you’ve got to head different ways. Maybe for you it means sitting in front of a mirror and admitting that everything isn’t all right and that changes need to be made.

It will be tough to talk to your friends and family, but masculine men do what they have to do, not always what they want to do.

Whatever that thing is for you, don’t avoid it a moment longer or it will haunt you and sabotage any effort you make during this month.

Fight it brother, your fellow Men of March are here for you.

Wrapping up Day #2

Too many men are carrying around this weight on their soul. Some days it isn’t so bad, some days they feel like they can’t breathe, like the world is on their chest.

When you release the black cloud living in your heart, mind, and soul it’s like running out of air 10′ feet below the surface of the water, it takes every you have to kick, scrape, and claw to get there but when you face what you’re avoided you break the surface and you can finally breathe again.

Now, breathe deep and come up with a game plan on how you’re going to handle this today.

Post on the Blog: https://thefamilyalpha.com/2017/03/01/701/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheFamilyAlpha


[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Damn, TFA . . . you said this was not going to be easy and you were not joking. Throat punch on day 2. Here goes:

You just want to be loved. Your wife doesn’t love you, your family doesn’t love you, and no matter how hard you try you just aren’t good enough…

My biggest fear was is (don't know honestly) that I am a pathetic validation whore. I used to feel this through an insatiable desire for sex from either wife or myself. Through abundance mentality, OI, and no-fap I have broken that connection; and now enjoy sex for the pleasure and bonding. However, I still long to be appreciated and valued as demonstrated by words and deeds of a woman. I have twice directly stated my needs in the last two months (after 16 months of STFU about me needs); that she is not meeting my needs (non-sexual) and that she makes me feel like she does not value my time and attention. She did not argue with my assertion; and made no indication anything would change. I am now getting this need met by another woman. Sure enough, these are the feelz I was looking for.

One part of me says it is completely valid to have this need. Another part of me says your a pathetic validation whore. I am not sure which is correct. I started listening to "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" again this last weekend. I am starting therapy for the first time on Monday. I want to answer this question.

Fucking ugh . . . I need to go outside an hose myself off.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The difference between validation whore and completely logical thing is the same as between a person who enjoys a glass of scotch, and an alcoholic who needs Any Alcohol, at all, and will do things that are bad for him to fill that need.

Which one applies to you

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't like the answer to that question. Wish me luck in therapy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Therapist any good?

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

First meeting on Monday. He has some excellent recommendations; and he spent some time with M before she kicked him to the curb . . . so he already has some background on my immediate family issues .

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's out there for the world to see. Now own it.

[–]En0der points points [recovered] | Copy Link

"You aren’t living your life but merely existing nothing makes you feel. You’re just an apathetic individual waiting for the clock to strike the final seconds of your life." This. But, how does one really face it? If I knew the answer, would I be living like this? It's not something I'm avoiding, it's something I've been unsuccesfuly trying to change for years, if only I knew how. So, saying "do something about it" sounds like saying "go feel better" to a cancer patient.

[–]electronicmale1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Perhaps this is "Find your Everest and climb it". I read this and it stuck a chord with me. If younger me saw today's me, what would he think? Would young me be excited about his future? What would he see lacking, what would he expect me to have conquered by now?

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUsMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is mine too. I can tell you exactly how to tackle it, but it's not easy. You feel this way because you aren't taking any risks. You're playing it too safe, and as a result you don't feel anything. I don't know you, so I don't know which risks you're avoiding. Could be professional - stuck in a safe job that you hate. Could be personal - afraid to approach the people who truly inspire and attract you. Could be physical - afraid to skydive, or go survival camping, or otherwise risk the possibility of injury or death. Afraid to fail, afraid to be rejected, afraid to die, afraid to live.

The way to tackle this is to pick something that scares the shit out of you and push the envelope.

[–]En0der0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gotta try this approach, resonates well within my skull. Deeply ingrained (and hidden well) fear of failure seems to be my primary motivation for everything I do (or don't attempt to do). I'm in my middle forties and still, like a teenager, running all the worst scenarios in my head before doing anything, then following the one that seemed to lead to success, and getting insanely anxious when a deviation appears (to a point of massive sweating, being stuck for words, getting dizzy, even dissociation). As this reaction often leads to failure (or at least achieving a lesser degree of success), as well as overwhelming feeling of embarassement, all the life I built for myself is full of safeguards to prevent me from not only taking risks, but also to exclude events that would distort the optimal way of dealing with everyday tasks I imagined. On top of that, about 80% of my brainpower is wasted on running all possible scenarios for everything that is going to happen in the near future, almost every situation I am to face is being hyperoveranalyzed in my head, together with all imaginable dialog options branching away from a single "Hello, how are you"; it feels like playing multiple chess games at the same time and analyzing every position 8 moves ahead. Crazy tiring, I tell you. Just crazy, now that I dissected it. Thanks mate for the spark. :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you trying at your job?

Do you care about anything, if so do you care past saurface level?

Have you removed all the people from your life and moved to a completely new area to start fresh without the monotony or repetitive days?

I don't know you so I can't tell you what needs to be as it's all contextual.

So look at yourself, what do you want that you don't have?

What are you afraid of people, or even yourself discovering about you?

[–]jazerac1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What another poster said, find something that is a challenge and scary and just do it. I booked a 10 day mountaineering adventure for June. I am going to climb Mt. Rainier up a 500 foot ice wall. Do I have experience? No, but fuck it, I am going to do this.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You just want to be loved. Your wife doesn’t love you, your family doesn’t love you, and no matter how hard you try you just aren’t good enough…

This is mine.

Like a lot of people, I came onto MRP to get my wife to fuck me, and ended up realizing the problem lay elsewhere.

For me, 100%, it's my need to be liked - Always SO pleasant, SO accommodating, SO....nice.

Jesus Fuck, it was hard to write that. I don't know why, I've vomited on here about this shit before.

I externally have a lot of confidence now, but underneath all that I'm still the kid who got fucked up in school every day and is pretty damn certain I'm not enough. Seeking the validation of others as way of proving myself wrong.

I just need to own it. Move past it. Last night I called my wife out on some emotionally manipulative shit she did with the kids. She lost it, got emotional, blamed me, stormed out...and I felt fine. I felt sure.

It can be like that, all the time. I can make that happen.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Beautiful stuff brother.

You've got to let it out knowing the problem isn't enough.

You've got to face it, spit that shit out and destroy it, remove all power from it and watch at how much straighter you stand and more confidently you talk and walk.

Removing the black clouds allows your masculine light and energy to shine onto others.

[–]freemefreebie points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Got a good start yesterday.

Today pushups 20 out of 100 done in office so as not to break a sweat just yet.

Started The Mediations.

My goals: post to ASKMRP my whiny bitch question, overcome my neediness for affection (see below), and drop to 190 by end of March (6'4" with love handles to go).

No fap,no booze today.

Here's the thing I've been avoiding: deep down I sense that the heart of betadom beats within me. Despite the progress I have made, I am needy towards my wife's affection. She has little time for me and expresses relatively little affection towards me. She is consumed with worry about her job but let's face it, she's not very attracted to me is my guess. I've been inwardly and tacitly covert contacty about this. No more, I would prefer to see my neediness with my own eyes go unmet than ignore it while placating it in her less than willing arms. I will speak all my neediness into a voice recorder every day until it is gone and make myself listen to it at least once each day to hear the sniveling little beta moan about his needs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That's not the solution.

Don't go to her with your needy complaints, but directly confront her with the notion of, Babe, I'm not having fun with you anymore and it's killing me. I'm going to start owning this life instead of walking around on eggshells and hoping you'll recognize that life is not about work and making money but rather living...

I want you to face it, not recognize it.

[–]freemefreebie points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Hey, man, I appreciate the advice. I don't go to her with any complaints since MRP. I lead every minute there's breath in my body. I am and will be an oak. No eggshells at all.

It's physical affection. While I need to work on my game, she still always has less time for just physically connecting. 10 second kiss, psahh, 5 if I'm lucky. She's always got other shit to do. Can't make time because the laundry or this or that. Note, I pull my weight and then a whole lot more around the house as I own my shit because I want to.

I think your advice still applies. Just felt the need to puke a little.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Puke received, now to clean it up a little.

Make the relationship fun again and maybe recognize that not only is she not attracted to you, but she's also not having fun w/ you.

Stuck in the 'wife' rut?

Maybe.

Bring some joy into the relationship. Treat her like a lover and don't take it all so serious or focus so much on sex.

Laugh together

[–]forwhatitsworth1002 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It's been 2 months. I miss her, I miss my kids, yeah I said it. Most of my adult life was spent with her. Now it's just me. I'm scared, I'm alone, I'm crying. So the fuck what if im being a little bitch. I'm doing me. Starting it all over again. I'm ever grateful TFA. You're keeping me going brother. I'm in this for me and to be the best version I can.

I am a shit dad too, been hiding from that for a long time, making excuses for too long.

Fuck. That was a kick in the nuts.

[–]Zeusjames0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's great that you are able to admit this. Now what are you going to do to overcome these things?

You can do it if you want to.

[–]forwhatitsworth1000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm working hard on accepting where I am. I'm giving my kids everything they need. In the reduced time I have with them, they have my full undivided attention. I'm present completely, this has been a flaw, always waiting for playtime to be over so I could do something else. I'm currently on monk mode. Read, lift, meditate, do. I'm working hard on acting on my emotions rather than acting them out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're not being a bitch.

In fact, choosing to share your emotions & experience with regards to this challenge shows you're getting it out of you for the world to see.

Now that you've cut it out of your soul, what are you going to do about it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (30 children) | Copy Link

Face whatever it is that you have been too terrified to meet head on.

I am just not sure whats left... except this:

Since as early as I can remember, there has been a next big goal : get into a good college, get into med school, get into residency, get into fellowship, get a good attending gig, get married ( I know)...

Struggling to find whats "next". all the goals are reached. New goals ( big things, not "loose 10 lbs in 3 months) are escaping me.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Though you may not know it, you find yourself in an entirely enviable position. I don't recall your age exactly but I'm thinking you're under forty. Why do you feel all your goals must be as sizeable as past goals?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh, don't get me wrong. I am not crying over this. I just " don't know what to do" because this is an entirely new feeling, not having a next "needed" step

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It might turn out to be a temporary thing. You might also be surprised with what emerges in time.

For myself I can't say that I ever lapsed into middle aged ennui, not that I'm suggesting you have, what with having all them mouths to feed and plenty of occupation with volunteer work as well.

I've found out recently that my taste for leisure did not take much effort to acquire but along with it came an inability to stay in one place.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

what with having all them mouths to feed and plenty of occupation with volunteer work as well.

Wife and cats lol. I don't volunteer. I get paid for showing up :-P

an inability to stay in one place.

I would be similar but need self funding first

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If you have achieved everything that's meaningful for yourself in terms of accomplishments, possessions, and comfort, the only place to seek further challenges, achievements, and meaning is to positively impact others by changing the world in some way. If I recall correctly, you're an MD; would you find challenge and meaning in becoming the life-shaping mentor to your interns and residents who guides them to becoming the great doctors they could be, but probably won't be without your leadership? Is there a new procedure that needs to be pioneered? Could changes in the processes in your department, hospital, or specialty reduce complications and save hundreds, thousands, or even millions of lives over time? Is there a change you feel passionately about in your community or city that needs to be made?

Your comfortable personal state gives you the rare opportunity to go play in the big pond, for really big stakes. Change the world, man!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Hey. Yes I was being selfish. Thanks for the perspective

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Few of us are saints; continue being selfish by choosing something that will bring you a lot of personal satisfaction if you succeed. Now that your material needs are met and your frame no longer needs external validation, the only interesting game is to make the larger world align to your frame.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe I am trump?

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Manchurian Candidate, indeed!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Same. It's a tough little nut to crack.

I could literally change nothing in life, and end better off than anyone, be perfectly happy, want for nothing. Can't even find a heel to beat, some kind of competition etc.

I agree with /u/SampsonBrass and it's the best problem one could ever have... At the same time, have to come up with something. You'll buy a year or so, taking that time to enjoy what you finally built...

I'm starting to see why the 'great american novel' was such a meme among upper middle class men. Theres got to be plenty of them around here, enough ideas thrown on the wall, can see us men properly sorting this out, the same way as we've sorted out everything else in our lives.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

thats why I come here... for ideas

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUsMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I think this is a bigger problem for you than you realize. A man with obstacles can always aspire to overcome them. But a man who can no longer even conceive of any new challenge to inspire him can never grow. I can't imagine ever feeling this way, even in theory. How can you read the life of Theodore Roosevelt, for example, and not be inspired to tackle new challenges?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

bigger problem for you than you realize.

No , its not. Its a huge core problem. But I realize it.

not be inspired to tackle new challenges?

I love new challenges. I do not like to emulate people. But for the first time in my life I am having trouble finding a challenge I care about

[–]DownVoteForDickPic points points [recovered] | Copy Link

But for the first time in my life I am having trouble finding a challenge I care about

Maybe your challenge is to give a shit about something that you once thought was stupid?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I understand what you are saying... but the only goals I can think to strive for are linked to financial things - which are fine. Ie have ability yo travel when ever I want and so on.

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Strive to not be beholden, that every choice is real and comes from within. Having money helps, telling people "no" helps more.

[–]DownVoteForDickPic points points [recovered] | Copy Link

What I'm getting at is that you sound bored. So maybe there's something that you classified as boring or lame that you should revisit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I got you. working on re examining things

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Same here, swallowing the pill forced me through this.

For guys like that, shift thought toward death.

What haven't you done that you want to do?

Why haven't you done it yet?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

What haven't you done that you want to do?

Had kids?

because its not a one person choice. yet.

This one is fairly complicated to me at the moment.

Other than that... Nothing... I traveled... not everywhere I wanted but I am not talking about these small things. They get done.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

There's been a couple people taking stabs at the "end game" topic. It's a tough one because 1) not many guys reach a point of accomplishment where they have the freedom to think big like that, and 2) it's an incredibly personalized adventure, no one can give you feedback beyond "well, if you want to do it..."

I'm nowhere near needing to answer this question yet, but I mostly believe I'll never get there, I suppose. Let us know if/when you find a way to answer these questions you're asking.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think its a question of internal vs external goals.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. Have you accomplished everything there is to accomplish in life? Everything the world says is important? Money? Travel? Power? Leadership?

Either you push yourself for more, which tends to corrupt. Or you realize those things aren't what truly matter and you go be a hermit or move to the backwoods and enjoy your family. That's when you're truly free to make your life whatever the fuck you want. And precious few reach that place.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

"Money, Power, Respect"

Need a bit more of two of those.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Obviously all in your sphere of influence.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup

[–]rocknrollchuckMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s something you’ve avoided dealing with for weeks, months, or possibly even years.

Nope, I can honestly say that there's nothing like this weighing me down, that I've been avoiding. I have goals to reach, tasks to complete that bug me because they're not done yet (like filing my taxes this year - THAT'S one of my 3 goals for March), but no "lump in my throat" thing that I'm putting off.

So I've got some thinking to do about things I haven't done yet that I want to do before I die, as well as why I haven't done them yet.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's funny - this reminds me of something Tim Ferriss said on a recent podcast...about how he's working very hard on NOT having a new "big goal," that THAT'S the primary difficulty for A-Type, achievement-driven personalities.

A lot of times, goals hide us from ourselves - a fear we have of just "being," that existence itself won't be good enough. This is not the problem most people have, but when you have it, it can really get in between you and contentment/happiness.

Just a thought - maybe that's the next big thing, for you?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

well said

[–]Zeusjames1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is my first post in this sub, although I've been lurking for about a year.

Just posting to say I'm in on this, just found it today.

I'm not sure what I've been avoiding, I've been owning my shit well after years of drunk captaining.

I have a long story I will tell at some point, but that's not what is important right now.

I think what I've been avoiding is really recommitting to my workout plan. I've been half assing it for too long. I'm busy, but that's not an excuse, I've been busier at other times. I will make time and get it done.

Glad to officially be here.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Welcome.

[–]mrptime1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One more guy on board. Just finished pushups and enjoyed doing the goals on day 1. The short version of what I'm avoiding is genuinely going all out in my career. By being smart and lucky I've easily been able to be good, or even very good. I have avoided the work, sacrifice, and self examination it takes to be excellent. I am facing it; it's mindset more than a set of actions so it really never ends.

[–]johnnycakeAK1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's chest day, but I'm at 20/100 on my pushups with time allotted in my work schedule to do 4 more sets of 20 every 1.5 hrs.

I'm already 50% into NMMNG and 90% into SGM. I'll have a new book picked by end of business and this will be an enjoyment book.

I've pulled myself and family out of the oppressive religion we were all raised in. My extended family knows, but not hers. This is my Everest and I will climb it as I do not tolerate falsehood.

Fap free on point and holding strong. Wife's gonna walk funny tomorrow though, as I've been gaming her hard today with positive feedback.

Edit: update pushup completion and selected my book

[–]alfalfadaddy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your paragraph about leaving an oppressive religion: I think you might be future me. Since discovering redpill, that has been one big puzzle for me, trying to reconcile the two. Could you elaborate sometime? Pray tell

[–]valvadi1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pushups done first thing.

I am terrified of freedom. The realization that I can do whatever, whenever I want. Throughout life my obstacles, my goals, my challenges were always provided by others (family, coaches, professors, etc) to guide me down what they believed was the correct path. The notion that, as an adult (I'm 32 with a doctorate), I can do anything and become anyone freezes me in my tracks. Its a fear of change and a fear of failure that comes with having no one to guide me but myself and my own desires, morals, ethics, etc.

[–]MetalRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really struggled to find that one thing eating at me which I think is indicative of what my problem might be. I have had a total "fuck it" attitude in many things in my life and it has paid off in spades. But ironically there have been hundreds of things I've been unsure/insecure on that I have buried artfully into the abyss. So today I am going to fetter out this shit and face it.

  • I'm not the fun guy I used to be. My son has tons of fun with me but my wife probably hasn't in a while. I will treat her like I do most of my friends, someone to have fun with and shit talk like crazy. Our interactions don't have to be boring and serious.
  • My wife and I go back forth on owning the finances. She blames it on her being a control freak. We know it's because I haven't lead well enough to make her feel secure about my leadership with finances. I will pick up the reigns this weekend and go through our YNAB account and start budgeting where I have gotten lax.
  • I get fucking timid sometimes when whipping out a dick at a urinal next to another guy and it takes me a while to piss. Wtf that's some preteen bullshit. I will whip it out and not give a fuck, it's just a piss.
  • Dealing with a pregnant wife who has no interest in fucking me is affecting me more than it should. I will take this time to work on myself and realize that sex is just sex and my wife has hormones working against her so not take it personally (though that's not an excuse to stop working on being attractive).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Going to relate this to my most recent OYS. I own that though my wife has improved some, I feel that goal is not enough anymore. I feel that even though I love my kids, that they are a burden on the ability to do what I want to do. I feel a real yearning to study pickup, get out more, do more by myself, and travel...but that I may not be willing to give up what I have now. If I pursue everything I want, it may be like trying to balance an elephant on a thumb tack, and even the knowledge of this, if exposed, could cause a lot to come crashing down. This skeleton is most definitely alive and well.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not so much "If only I were single" as it is "If only I could live both a single life, and married life, at the same time." I value both...and do not accept life saying "you can only have one." Funny how a search for simply how to get my wife to have sex with me has morphed into this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What a time to be alive.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. There is no greater accomplishment a man can achieve then raising and guiding children into adulthood. A man cannot be a man if he does not stand on his word.

[–]gettingmymojobackMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Day 2: pushups done hours ago. Largest avoidance issue dealt with head on over the last 6 months. Time to work on the next one on the list. Thanks for the reminder that problems never end, new ones just rise up to take their place. There is no finish line.

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

1

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hit the 100 first shot

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

100 Pushups done. Cleaning and organizing my office for the first time in years.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great work.

Immediate application dedicated to taking care of your future self excellent.

[–]Aaren_Augustine0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

You know what it is

Fear of success. Especially with writing...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Brother, just put it out there.

Every time I hit publish, to this day I wonder if people will see the picture I painted with my words.

It's a rush and mix of fear, joy, and desire.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Its looking like the aspies on the trp sub are aspieing extra hard.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

How so?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

all the "100 push ups isn't fitness" comments.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I completely disregarded because, you know

[–]CanisFinn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Done

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I know what it is. I have faced it. There is a process to rebuild it. Following through on every step as the time comes. Lists, whiteboard in the war room, (as described in New World Ronin - already read it last month) and E3D are the path. I'm on it. 100 before EOD.

EDIT: every single example 1-6 was there in my past (recent past for some of them) and has been crushed and burned with my ship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Motivating shit brother

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks man. If I were still a pussy, I would look at guys like you and think "why bother, I'll never catch up" but it's not about you or anyone else anymore, and I'm not a pussy anymore.

It's about me and my metrics as part of the pack. The Way Of Men is the way of the gang, and right now this is it.

Just knowing that dudes like you have children gives me hope for the future. My opportunity for a traditional life is gone because I fucked it up, and I've never felt more ok about that than I do right now. God speed.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're competing against the man in the mirror.

I have a bunch of videos on Twitter via Periscope, it talks about this stuff if you're on there.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUsMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Commented above, but I'll chime in officially here. Despite being married with kids and social friends, I live a lonely life. I have talents and abilities and a latent capacity for leadership that somehow never get expressed in the world. I don't want to die without ever finding out what those could have been.

It's a kind of fear that holds me back. Fear of failure, sure, but also fear of success. The thought of putting myself out there and really stirring up people to follow my lead scares the crap out of me for some reason. Even something as simple as conversing with a girl. I can easily deal with her shutting it down, but it's the possibility that I might really light her up that holds me back.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Self sabotage, it's a bitch, and once you start looking for it, it's everywhere. It's the underlying issue when I wrote my plea for irrational confidence.

As for the potential, I've come to terms, there is no great war, our great war is our lives.

I did have the talents and abilities, did use them for what should have been the 100% potential. End of the day, in a fleet, pirate hunting, sabre rattling with Iran etc.

End of the day, came home with nothing to show for it. Couple of the army guys in afghanistan too. Most used 'the money' to be proud of it, some would pick some surface victory 'i helped clean up a school'.

End of the day, the age of noble men in fully utilized masculinity are over. It's freeing in a way. What does a man do when there isn't going to be the collapse, or when the germans will come over that hill? What do when Queen and country doesn't exist anymore?

I posted the solomonII new years resolution post earlier. It's really about finding purpose, when no one on earth requires you for their survival. It's such a foreign concept, that guys would rather lie to themselves, and be cucks, than fully accept it.

If you figure the answer out, let me know.

[–]casual_shanter0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Struggling a bit to get day 2 task down as every time I start to really dig deep I pull out what feels like a never ending list that leads to total confusion as to how to begin to prioritise and tackle. Hoping getting it down here will help get some clarity.

Deep down I feel like I'm so afraid of failing in life that I'm failing to actually live. I have a good job, income, home, savings etc. but I am using a small percentage of my potential. Every day I go through the motions at work - wasting time on the internet, chatting, getting distracted, procrastinating - because I know I can get away with it. It makes me choke to think of what I might achieve if I threw myself 100% into something. I know I've got it in me as I am disciplined as fuck about my diet, my exercise, I shredded to 10% body fat at the end of last year which was brutal and I loved every second of getting there.

Anything out of my comfort zone I am fucking afraid of - public speaking, chatting to girls, fairground rides. I haven't ever slept with a girl that I didn't have ED with first time due to nerves. Happened every fucking time because of fear.

And as a result I am also choking on the fact that I know that right now it is more likely than not that my LTR of 17 yrs and 2 kids is more likely to fold than flourish. MRP journey started over 2 yrs ago and I still feel like I'm at the start and I know that I'm still deep down doing this to try and get my LTR to fuck me like I want to be fucked rather than to become who I should be. As a result she doesn't want to fuck me much or kiss me or do anything with any desire.

Feel better and worse simultaneoulsy for that.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha...this (the work part)! I work at a hi-profile tech company and I basically was on auto-pilot last year. So much more I could have done (that being said 2016 was personally a shit year for me - mom died, friend comitted suicide, other external shit). My goal this year is to get my "hustle" back.

On the LTR, wow. Women want to fuck men that are on a mission. Find your mission.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is necessary, it's crucial to go through this digging to find exactly what lurks beneath the surface, keeping you from reaching the 'self' you want to become.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good shit, good shit. I know you competitive mother fuckers are doing more than 100 right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Bro, I did mine right after bench.

I was on the pain-train

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Taking the pain train all the way to gain town. Woo wooo.

letsgetcheesywithit

[–]Corleone84Married0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fucking great, I'm in! Started on day #2, but better late than never. I finished my day 1 challenges and struggling a little bit to complete day 2 challenge. Thanks and let the day 3 challenge comes!

[–]rocknrollchuckMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome! Completed my 100 pushups (pretty humbling, I can't do all of them in one shot). Already gave up porn and sexy pics recently so no prob there. No need to rub one out, my wife takes great care of me sexually. 1 chapter in on reading a book already today. I'm pretty good at giving genuine answers to people already (it's great to say something traditionally masculine and watch the expressions on people's faces). Got my 3 March goals and my 3 June goals down, and I know how I'm going to achieve those.

My vice is sugar/sweets. Challenge accepted.

And as I stated in another comment:

There’s something you’ve avoided dealing with for weeks, months, or possibly even years.

Nope, I can honestly say that there's nothing like this weighing me down, that I've been avoiding. I have goals to reach, tasks to complete that bug me because they're not done yet (like filing my taxes this year - THAT'S one of my 3 goals for March), but no "lump in my throat" thing that I'm putting off.

So I've got some thinking to do about things I haven't done yet that I want to do before I die, as well as why I haven't done them yet. Working on it.

[–]AraphorenUnplugging0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's not much for me to be worried to face from within myself, I'm still young and had a good life so far (24 yoa). I think my biggest problem I've avoided tackling is lack of control over the amount of time I spend on my smartphone. I could definitely spend a couple more hours a day working on my craft than I have for the last few years because of consistently reading Reddit or playing games. I keep meaning to cut off the vice but never do for hamsterish reasons ("this online game is a good way to keep in touch with my brothers across the country!").

Fact is that I waste a shit ton of time on the iPhone when every day is added up, instead of improving myself and fulfilling all of my responsibilities. I won't be a top performer in my field if this continues, I'll just "get by" instead of becoming the best I can. I don't want to leave my life's potential untapped any longer, and so I won't. Starting now.

[–]ecrasez points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I've spent the last few months, if not years looking at how to improve myself. I'm a regular reader here, and I read self improvement books all the time. Despite this, in the area of being a family man I have failed countless times.

I've been yelled at by my wife for being engrossed in my smartphone when the kids are asking me a question. I never plan anything at the weekends, waiting for her to tell me what we're doing every time. I 'hold frame', but I'm not contributing enough of the fun stuff.

I'd love to hear how you guys do it, because this is a big thing that I've been avoiding, and I'm not even sure why. Laziness or fear maybe.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent, now keep t up.

Commit to yourself and prove that you're worthy of the life you feel you deserve.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had to think hard on this one - but it's validation for me as well. It has been hard for me to come to the realization that I am alone in this world. At some point my kids will grow up and have their own lives and my wife is only mostly with me for what I provide (physically and feelz).

It's like I see myself at 19yrs old (when we met, I'm 41 now) and I was living MY life, MY mission and she happily became a part of it. We dated for 3yrs - shit happened - and we broke up (long story). Ended up asking for her back. Only now am I realizing that once we got married, I was her bitch. I was doing everything to "not rock the boat" once we got back together/married (and for a lot of reasons she should have been begging for me back).

For the longest time I did not think that I deserved to be treated better - so I went from being her Alpha Fuck (which I was in college) to her Beta Bux once we got marrried. Shit...17yrs (married) of letting her have the upper hand. That is what is on my fucking mind. 17yrs of me always changing myself, repressing my needs to make her happy. My goal for this challenge is to get back my "hustle". To remember how awesome I was when I was living for me.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Recognition of the problem is key.

Now, time for your solution to it.

[–]Yesterday_2_Tomorrow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great time for this TFA. I started did the push-ups for day 1 and 2, as well as the challenges.

Here's a good video on how to properly do a push-up so people don't ruin their shoulders.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good program TFA, thanks. I will follow diligently this month.

I thought about avoidances and came up with a few but they felt wrong and too specific. They were.

They are all aspects of the same avoidance. I avoid accountability; I avoid making myself accountable to others (don't like reporting, time tracking, declaring plans) and I avoid holding others to account (calling them on not fulfilling obligations).

That's really damn interesting.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Now that you've identified it you can isolate and get control over it or destroy it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right. First step is posting an OYS on Tuesday for initial accoutability; further actions will be in that.

Great program. My lats are sore.

[–]jacowezoMarried0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

1) I am not good father. Maybe not the worst, but I do really suck in this. Time to think about this. I need to learn how to be a real father & man for children.

2) I am afraid of change. I have good work, good money, comfortable. Too much comfortable. No pressure, no progress. I need to change my attitude, my work or both. And attitude to future - I do not plan for it (in terms of retirement money, change living place for better/bigger...) - because I am scared of changes.

3) And there is also loneliness. No real male friend(s). I do not have them. Lot of colleagues, and other people for chit-chat and drink. Not quite sure what I want here - I need to think about this.

Push-ups done also, before 'push' training (push-pull routine), so training & bench press was harder.

BR

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now that you recognize problems, work towards solutions.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just realized that I started on Day 2. I am going to do 200 today to make up for day one.

I struggle with fear of failure. I make over 6 figures, but my finances are shit. I have a in home gym, but I fail to use it regularly. I have a long list of shit I am not owning, but I keep telling myself that if I don't attempt to solve any of these issues, then I won't fail at them.

I need to let failure become an option as long as I learn from it then get right back up and start over.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent insight

[–]fatalbinoninja0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You don’t know who you are. You aren’t living your life but merely existing nothing makes you feel. You’re just an apathetic individual waiting for the clock to strike the final seconds of your life.

I hate you so much right now for hitting me with this. I've been struggling with a malaise for the last few months and keep circling back to this point. I've spent 18 months internalizing the pill and it has been very effective in reshaping my outlook on life and helping me restore my own self-respect. I've also made some other improvements and become much more active and social than I used to be as well.

However I look in the mirror and don't see any change in me from what I was before finding the pill. I know that if a version of myself from two years ago suddenly appeared besides me, then he would easily be able to take over with little trouble. I'm probably selling myself short on this but the feeling is still there in the back of my mind.

I don't see any major improvements when I look at where I am physically, professionally and personally and it just saddens me. I blame only myself for this but I'm struggling to move forward and get past this numbness that I feel every day. A large part of it comes from me just accepting the dead weight that is my wife and how I still have not ejected her from my life. The fact that I know I'm better and that I deserve better yet I keep putting up with her mediocrity is just killing me slowly.

I have only myself to blame for where I am now and the fact that I don't know where I'm going. Especially since I keep refusing to take the path that will start me on a better life on my own.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are your problem

You are also your solution.

[–]fatalbinoninja0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea, that reminder sucks. Doesn't make it any less true.

[–][deleted] points points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great work brother

[–]BetaInBag_BagInRiver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Day 2, Did my 100. Facing those things I try not to face.

I'm not an out going person socially. I was good at faking it while drinking.

I'm not a good leader, I have little patience. It's worse when trying to lead adults.

I still seek validation.

I've improved since I found this place, but still have a long way to go.

[–]herpy_McDerpster0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your wife doesn’t love you. She’s disgusted at how heavy you’ve gotten and she views you with judging eyes that say, “Why are you so fucking stupid?” You know she’s right; you are fat, you’ve stopped having a passion for anything in life, and you’re just too fucking tired to try anymore.

That's me. I used to be very physically active (running, lifting, biking, etc.), but have gotten fat and complacent.

I was a fat kid growing up that worked hard to lose it in high school. I dieted, worked hard, joined sports teams, and kicked my own fat ass into shape.

After getting through my engineering programs and landing a starting job earning more than anyone I knew even 10+ years ahead of me, I got comfortable.

I'm fat again, and I hate it. I feel like I've got an inner butter golem that's always waiting to get out again, and have despaired for a while.

I say all of this not to whine, but to get it out where the only masculine men I know of will see it. I crunched the numbers and got my diet back in order, and am leaving to hit the gym in a bit here. Just wish I wasn't a week behind everyone.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You aren't competing against anyone but yourself.

It isn't you vs the Men of March it's you with the Men of March all competing against our former selves.

[–]trp_ocd-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Is this post moralizing?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

How could you possibly come up with a comment like that?

[–]trp_ocd0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well, I read the content, and I asked the question. I didn't say anything. An awful lot of "thall shalt not" thru and thru, in the content above. How did I come up with that inquiry? I'm an intelligent man and ask intelligent questions.

I also think that sometimes great articles written for general man improvement blogs don't necessarily fit the rules the mods have put in place in this venue.

So I ask again, does this post moralize?

interpret or explain as giving lessons on good and bad character and conduct with an air of superiority.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you man, I'll work with the other hundreds of dudes who are just improving themselves.

[–]trp_ocd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Since you avoided even addressing the question, we can both assume the content is moralizing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

how would it be?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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