TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

60

Change or Die (self.marriedredpill)

submitted by XianMRP

I have been applying MRP principles since the end of October when I reached a crisis moment in my life and In my marriage.

One night, after begging my wife for sex (it would have been only the third time that month), she said, "Why are you acting like such a baby, pouting and whining."

I immediately stopped, stepped out of the room, and went to the bathroom. For the first time in almost a year I stepped on the scale. 350 stared back at me. Now I am a tall man, over 6'4', but that weight shocked me. I hadn't even weighed that when playing college football.

I stepped off the scale, turned, saw myself in the mirror without a short on and looked hard at myself for the first time in years. I was disgusted. I realized why my wife wouldn't willingly give herself to me. I was fat, sloppy and disheveled. Unkempt beard and hair, plain clothes that fit too tight in the wrong places.

Over the past 8 years, 4 kids and 3 moves, I had put on 80lbs. And has become careless in my appearance and in my attitude. Our sex life had slid toward 2-3× per month and I was exhibiting all the negative beta characteristics I had once despised in other men.

I found RP first then MRP and devoured the content and threads. I read NMMNG and MMSLP and 75 percent of The Rational Male. I began doing all the things I had avoided before on my slide to comfortable mediocrity. (the irony is that comfortable mediocrity becomes painfully uncomfortable).

Since I always had an active social life with other men (something church provides that I don't see in non-religious friends), rarely complained to my wife about work problems, was the sole earner for the family, never went to places or watxhed movies/shows just because my wife wanted to, and was a good father/spiritual leader for our household, I realized my issues lay elsewhere.

Getting things done, seeing problems and fixing them, keeping up the house, cleaning the things I own and care about, and setting the mood of the household.

I also began lifting and doing cross fit while changing my diet and putting down the fork. Since I had the necessary mass already, the cross fit allowed me to redefine the muscle while losing weight.

I also began flirting with my wife, using amused mastery and STFU to hold frame. Worked on being the oak tree when she raged and learned to discern between different kinds of tests. I began planning activities with her and for her. She loved it.

Finally, I created a shared calendar for our schedule that was color coded and planned out our lives months and weeks in advance. This ended the constant checking in and allowed our communication to be more fun.

Finally and most importantly, I am beginning to learn the power of OI. If things happen the way I want that's great, if not thats great too. I can either choose to join or do something else. It's one part humility and one part not being emotionally needy.

MRP has helped me MAP, our sex life is back and growing, I am becoming more of the man I was at my best, I am accomplishing things because those things are worth accomplishing and I have lost 50lbs while gaining strength and muscle.

All it took was the crisis. That would be my hope and prayer for you and your friends. The crisis forces a choice. Change or die. I'm glad I'm changing.


[–]screechhaterMRP APPROVED12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

"I found RP first then MRP and devoured the content and threads. I read NMMNG and MMSLP and 75 percent of The Rational Male. I began doing all the things I had avoided before on my slide to comfortable mediocrity. (the irony is that comfortable mediocrity becomes painfully uncomfortable)."

Owning Your Shit is powerful ain't it ?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best thing I've done in years. After the 3rd kid is when I really started falling apart, losing frame, gaining serious weight, etc.

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good FR. You have to really "look in the mirror" over and over on this deal.

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And after all those years of being scared to look in the mirror, you will suddenly really like how you look in it.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sometimes you have to objectively ask yourself, Do I deserve her best

[–]gettingmymojobackMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. Hadn't seen it before, a lot of difficult truths in there. It's pretty jarring to realize that all of it is true.

Arriving as a complete noob I don't know if I would have believed half of it, after putting in the hard work the last 6 plus months or so and seeing the results, I can easily say you nailed it.

[–]wakethfkupneoMarried3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

All it took was the crisis. That would be my hope and prayer for you and your friends. The crisis forces a choice. Change or die. I'm glad I'm changing.

The ultimate motivator. Some also call it the phoenix effect or, as in this TNations classic: Phoenix Theory ...

I've been helping people with their training, nutrition, and supplement plans over 15 years now. The pattern of success is clear. Regardless of their primary physique goal – rapid fat loss or massive muscle gain – those who ultimately succeed always begin the same way: they get pissed off.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a great post. Mirrored my experience exactly.

[–]QuickieStart2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've had a very similar experience. Only difference is weight: I've been a bean pole my whole life. Lifting and crossfit has helped me add 10 pounds and definition that my wife notices.

The discomfort of mediocrity is what led me here, and knowing that mediocrity really is decline. A crisis was on the way, but i found some other sources then mrp. I hate the old beta me, and when i slide back to that. However OI has been the most impactful aspect of mrp to date. It gives me freedom to take risks and crush fear. It's almost more important now then the sex i was so desperately seeking when i came here.

[–]trpbritguy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good to see there people can still see what they have done to them selves over the years.. Shame it took input from a third party to "trigger" the change..

Like others have said keep looking in that mirror, every moment of every day.

[–]SeamusAwl1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have lost 50lbs while gaining strength and muscle.

Congrats. In almost the same amount of time I have only lost 15-20 lbs. It just isn't coming off as fast as I would like it to.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When you are 6'5, the weight drops faster at first.

[–]dafwfdavngsh points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I'd be interested in seeing how the color coded calendar works . . .

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not really complicated. Set up a joint calendar through our gmail with color coded events. Mine in Red, hers in blue, joint in purple, family in green, etc. We can both add events, but can only remove events we added. Being spontaneous was never my issue. Being planned and organized was. This has helped me a ton in my own life.

[–]gettingmymojobackMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We have something similar set up. Fuck does it ever help remove stress on a day to day basis. Everyone can quickly glance and see what everyone else in the family has going on any given day.

Small, simple improvement that makes everything run so much smoother.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Our official family calendar is a online google calendar, one calendar for each family member. everything goes on there, my rule is if it's not on the calendar it ain't happening. Everyone can edit their own calendar. I book stuff pre-emptively to grab the slot and discuss if it might be a problem. I'm already planning out the summer. It has been huge in terms of reducing stress and smoothing planning.

The benefits are huge; mainly daily situational awareness for me. My wife (as many do) talks a lot and somewhere in the endless stream of consciousness monologue she'd tell me was happening. Most of that got lost, and then she'd bitch me out for not remembering that we had something on a given day, "we talked about this".

In most families the wife runs the calendar and that "process" puts the man in the foolish position of implicitly asking his wife permission to do things when he wants them on the calendar. This turns it into a collaborative process and removes that power from her.

This is great low hanging fruit for MRP newbies, I'm surprised it isn't recommended more.

[–]capn_barnacles1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for sharing, it's encouraging to hear that things can turn around in such a short period of time. Just found this site. Right now I'm at ground zero, full-on beta, no frame, failing every shit test. All of the readings and terms have me a bit overwhelmed, but reading these stories makes me optimistic that I can do it.

[–]MelodyMyst2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stay tough My Brother. It gets better, but it's up to you.

Cheers

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's been easier because it's really only been 4 years of real beta, especially in terms of weight gain and lack of fitness. It's been about returning to the kind of man I was in the first 5 years of our relationship.

[–]AmericanViking641 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you find it easy to consider yourself Alpha vs other men (AMOG)? How about looking a The Blue Pill, did you ever buy into that garbage or when you look back did you always reject it?

I'm kind of a gorilla naturally, same height as you but at 250lb. I've gotten away without much accountability because I never bought into any of The Blue Pill mentality, am very good looking, funny and very smart.

A lot of the finer points MRP teaches cover the bases I used to put effort into (game, OI). Your story sounds similar to mine especially the athlete part. I really like your color coded calendar idea, I'm going to start my family's tomorrow.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I have always been tall, big, successful in school, intellectually curious. One of the shocking things about this site is how few people read. Reading is something I have always done. Not that all beta traits are negative, but I was embracing a certain passivism in my physical and home life, finding myself becoming emotionally unstable, those are the negative traits that manifested themselves the most over the past 4 to 5 years.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank God. A FR where the man doesn't bitch about his wife. Way to own it, brother.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's about me. How could I expect her best when I refuse to be my best.

[–]MelodyMyst0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Since I always had an active social life with other men (something church provides that I don't see in non-religious friends)"

Try team sports. There are oodles of options.

Cheers

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter