Purpose:
It is my intention to share my personal experiences with the community in hopes others that come from a similar path can find solace in MRP and specifically /u/BluepillProfessor's book "Saving a Low Sex Marriage". No one asked me to write this and my intention is not to blindly "plug" his book. Instead I feel like I owe the MRP community but more specifically those stuck in all the subs relating to dead bedrooms, an opportunity to see my story and either accept or deny the parallels within their own experiences.
Background:
Today I am a 33 year old man with two children. My wife and I met in college, we were each other's first and only PIV sexual partners. When my wife met me in college, I had my shit together, at 21 I was running two companies while working on a degree. I was the classic "internet kid" story of a simple idea that turned into a fortune overnight. I played sports and worked out. For much of my life I had ignored women, I saw them as too much trouble, too much effort. My entire childhood was spent learning how to program, design, and create, I missed out on the enticement of the opposite sex. Don't get me wrong, the feels were there, I just didn't put any effort into it. I was a "nice guy" I was raised in a household where women were seen as equals and they were expected to do anything a man could short of physical lifting. I wanted a women to treat as my princess/queen to be raised up on that pedestal and to be worshiped. My wife changed this all for me, she became my sexual vixen, sex was amazing and she kept the variety going. We had sex in public places, we experimented with positions and fantasies, it was an amazing experience. This is where my story and most HLM (High-Libido Men) start to merge.
Story:
After about 4 years of dating and great sex, we got engaged. The sex immediately dropped off. My simple brain attempted to justify this with things that were wrong with her, ways I could "help" her through whatever issue was preventing her from wanting to have sex. I loved her, and why should a little lack of sex now effect our union? After the ceremony, sex was almost non existent, maybe once a month. At this point in the relationship, most of us go through a period of waxing/waning on our self-loathing, then we have "the talk" with our wives, maybe something comes of it, but ultimately those talks either lead to some really shitty obligation sex, or her just despising you more. So what is a classic redditor to do when he has no one left to turn to, because most likely you don't have a lot of in-person friends to turn to? You go to /r/sex and you start reading and posting.
Sometimes I think /r/sex is made up of a bunch of teens that just watch porn and think every woman wants to go from dinner to being fucked hard in the ass. Posts in here regarding this type of issue typically result in either "leave her" or "hit the gym and better yourself" advice. There really isn't a whole lot of substantive communication that goes on over there to assist this type of issue. Typically you will be referred to /r/relationship_advice and/or /r/deadbedrooms. My journey just made me more jealous of those who seemed to be having an inhumane amount of sex.
This went on for a few years, the sex ebbed and flowed as it relates to frequency, until one moment. We decided to have children, I know, face-palm. However this was my first real view of what women were capable of, given the right emotional state. I will tell you, I have never had sex in my life up until that point that rivaled the pure passion that comes with baby-making sex. My wife was not as prudish as many, the sex did not cut off immediately after she became pregnant, but as expected it did recede dramatically. Mentally, I left this experience knowing that enticing these feelings caused my wife to turn in to a complete sexual animal. I had no idea yet that this was possible to induce and maintain.
As the years roll forward and I consume numerous posts from /r/sex; /r/relationship_advice; and /r/deadbedrooms I attempt to implement what I have read and learned. I had "the talk" with my wife on a yearly/semi-yearly basis. The results of these talks ranged from her not knowing why she just "wasn't into it anymore" to her saying things I could do to change. It was always things for me to change, which made me angry as I perceived this as our, or even more likely, her, problem. I worked through this list, and pay very close attention to this list:
- Be more kind
- Be more romantic
- Pamper her
- Workout
- Help out with the kids
- Do projects around the house (like fixing a door frame)
The problem is, I worked through the things that were easy for me to do first, the things that unfortunately based on MRP don't create "the tingles". So now my son is 2 years old and I was getting fed up with my dead-bedroom. I had tried a number of things on her list and tried making small changes but nothing was working. So like any man stuck in the 21st century I did what women told me they wanted, my new year's resolution was to pamper my wife for the next year. If nothing changed, I was done. I had purchased her an expensive piece of jewelry about once every other month, got her massages, pampering sessions at spas, etc. I brought her home flowers once a week, I worked on picking up the house and removing some of the home burden on her even though she is a stay-at-home-mom and I am the provider. I made it through those months and at the end, the result was the same. Infrequent and unadventurous sex. That is when I made my first post to /r/relationship_advice ( https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/2pksx3/30m_my_wife_26f_shows_little_interest_in_physical/ ). After making that post I took two major things out of it, first /r/deadbedrooms was where I belonged, and second I needed to just make myself the best version of myself I could. If my wife didn't want me, I was going to find someone out there that did, and I needed to be in great shape mentally and physically if I wanted to do that.
So after that post, my new, new years resolution was to say "fuck it" and just focus on myself. Now, let me say I wasn't unattractive by any means. I had certainly lost muscle mass from when we had first started dating but I wasn't too far off size wise from that body. I was always a bit of a reserved person which made me gravitate towards non-team sports as a kid, my obsession and what likely saved me from being a fat kid was my passion for climbing. So I found a local gym and I started re-igniting my passion for climbing which in turn was me working out. Anyone big into working out will realize my issue immediately in terms of the MRP advice and the direction I went. Climbing is for the most part a "bodyweight exercise", so what ends up happening is not that you build massive muscles, instead you become a shadow of yourself that is rock hard but visually unchanged unless the muscles are in use. This was a huge boost for my ego as my body went from flabby muscles to rock hard. While I was molding my body and shaping my mind, others took notice, I started getting hit on, people started to treat me differently than others. This was my second self-discovery into MRP. You can read my post into /r/deadbedrooms here ( https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/440nv9/positive_update_and_what_worked_for_me/ ). My physical and mental "Frame" began to form into more of an Alpha and less of a Beta. Mind you, at this time RP and MRP are still wholly unknown to me. I still do not know who gilded my post, or who mentioned it to me, but somehow there was a very brief mention of "the pill that shall not be named".
Now, when I first stumbled into /r/TheRedPill I was taken back by the attitude that these people held towards women. A degrading, "I know you better than yourself" attitude where women just "need a good fucking to be put straight". As I reviewed the sidebar and the posts I made note of reading literature and even migrated into MRP, all the time making a notepad of links to go back to and books to read on the subject. I then proceeded to download every single book and load it onto my reader. There was one book I just couldn't locate online "Saving a Low Sex Marriage" so I skipped it, figuring if I really wanted to I could buy it in the future since I could not locate it anywhere else.
My first read was "No More Mr. Nice Guy" about a year ago, which helped me stop being the "Nice Guy" by avoiding (failing) her shit tests and creating "secret contracts". I didn't know it yet, but what I was doing is becoming more dominant, I saw it as being more decisive, more commanding of my opinion. For example, a situation that likely plays out in most households. Choosing where to eat for dinner, my wife is very indecisive about these kinds of things, but since I wanted her to be happy I wanted her to select where to go. I just started making decisions and sticking to them. If she struggled hard enough I would go where she wanted, but I made her start working against my decisions rather than making her make the decisions. Which looking back I realize how stupid I was to even consider this a valid strategy of letting her make the decision. After this book and what I saw it do and the tidbits I took away, I was hooked. I started working through my list of books, all the while taking studious notes of each book I read. "She Comes First", not really MRP but interesting none the less; "When I say No, I Feel Guilt"; "The Art of Seduction"; then, this is where I swallowed the proverbial pill, Daniel Rose's "Sex God Method".
So basically up until this point RP is a concept I see but to me it looks more like seduction techniques I would watch on some MTV reality TV show. "Sex God Method" changed my mentality, why might you ask? First, saw the parallels between the best sex my wife and I had ever had together and the DEVI technique. For example, the best sex I could recall was after a night of clubbing and hitting a strip club, where I needed to have her and commanded her in the bed. Recall, I was a "Nice Guy", I wanted to please her in the bedroom. "Sex God Method" made me realize a lot, particularly that it was my job to lead and drive the mind-blowing sex she required. I did this, I upped my D (ominance) like never before which essentially raised all the other levels at the same exact time resulting in the most mind blowing sex. I thought it was great, but what I didn't expect was the result. My wife was no longer that reserved woman, she was begging for more opportunities to get fucked. She would apologize to me if we didn't have sex that day for whatever reason. The excuses changed from "I am tired" or "My stomach hurts" to "I am so tired but I really want you to fuck me, can we do it in the morning?". So here I am 7 months ago with a wife who is essentially begging me to fuck her so badly that she is texting me nudes (something she never did before, and yes I asked), sending me suggestive messages, and grabbing me all the time. The tide has turned at this point, but I don't know exactly why.
I look for my next book to read, I decided I needed to take another look at MRP because something is happening here I just do not understand. Welcome /u/BluePillProfessor, I revisited his book on Amazon looking over the preview, listed in the stages of dread and the recommended books under each section. Noticing some of the books I read I was sold this guy had basically already done everything I was working on in terms of the book reports and aggregating information. Why re-invent the wheel, so I made the purchase and read his book. It was a very strange feeling, I was basically reading about myself, almost exactly what I had done. Notably /u/BluePillProfessor has some warnings and safe-guards that would have been very helpful, but I made it this far, and found I only needed to reach dread level 8 before my wife flipped the switch. If I had just picked up his book in the beginning I would have saved myself a ton of time and a ton of trial and error. I am not mad, I realize that in order to follow this plan it takes a ton of motivation and dedication, if you can do this you are an Alpha at heart. This isn't the key to your sexless marriage, this is the raw metal and a hammer, you must fabricate that key.
My Outcome:
After turning myself around, I am a better father, husband, businessman, and lover. My wife is more sexual than when I met her which is hard to imagine. For example, and I think this should be added to MRP in order to boost I(mmersion), I took my wife on a vacation without the kids so there were no external stressors. She was able to let loose without the I(mmersion) being broken, so my focus could be on DE as V(ariance) was being met simply by being on vacation. My wife found out that she is bisexual/curious and enjoys the touch, taste, and feel of a women. Honestly I never thought this was ever on the table, but our relationship is so incredibly strong at this point that she feels comfortable bringing other women into our bedroom. In fact she has enjoyed the chase so much she now entices other couples play. Obviously I am still very cautious as I feel like a kid running around with a stick of lit dynamite. I just wanted to share my personal experience and the main point, that /u/BluePillProfessor should be required reading for any man about to get married.
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