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I posted a couple months ago about overhearing my wife trashing me to my own mother. I want to update you guys on my life gains. You have made such a positive impact that I want to share my story.

This is what I have done.

I have read:

  • Gorilla Mindset
  • NMMNG
  • WISNIFG
  • Book of Pook
  • The Rational Male
  • MMSL
  • SGM
  • Conversation Tactics 1
  • The Way of the Superior Male
  • The Mindful Attraction Plan
  • Bang
  • Models

 

Reading:

  • The Natural (70%)
  • 48 Laws of Power (40%)
  • Conversation Tactics 2 (40%)
  • The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves (20%)

 

On Deck:

  • Day Bang
  • Art of Seduction
  • Conversation Tactics 3

 

Style gains:

 I upgraded my wardrobe. Much needed because I have been lifting for a couple of years and none of my clothes fit anymore. Pants were huge, shirts were ragged. I didn't own any button downs that fit. I wore the same old shoes every day. I studied up on men's fashion through some advice on this board and bought nice new pants, shirts, briefs, shoes and socks. Spent about $1k on this and still have more to go.

 

Gain gains:

 As for lifting, I have been doing The Body Transformation Blueprint which I really like. I continue to upgrade my home gym as needed. Squat Rack is next on the list. I'm getting bigger and I can see it/feel it. This has been a long journey I started two years ago as a total novice who would have been completely lost in a gym. I started with Body Beast and did that religiously. It isn't the best program in my opinion but for a beginner I think it's fantastic. It gave me the confidence I needed to move forward.

 

Professional gains:

 I started taking more initiative at work. I am traveling more now. I used to avoid it but November will be the third month in a row I go to Europe for work. I am volunteering for projects and people are coming to me for advice. I am seeing a huge shift in the way people look at me at work now that they feel I am committed. Might have something to do with my newfound confidence as well.

 

Social gains:

 I started talking to strangers, holding my head up, walking with confidence and allowing myself to be vulnerable (Models/The Natural). For example, I'm being more open with friends and colleagues about my personal life. I have always been very closed off/don't let people in.

 

I started flirting with women. Still a work in progress. I proactively avoided this my whole life. Reading all of these books I realized there is no shame or guilt in being honest about your sexuality. I am seeing major changes in my interactions with women. Catching a lot of them checking me out. I'm trying to get used to not looking away! Trying to figure out what my reaction will be and what feels natural to me (The Natural, pointing at them or doing a peak-a-boo etc.).

 

A girl at work said the girls in customer service want to know how I got my abs and that I was hot. Okay, I don't ever walk around without a shirt on... She's a 2 but who cares, there are some hot women in CS - it's progress! When I was in Europe I practiced approaching, not too aggressively though. More as Mr. Sociable (The Natural) when walking around town or entering a new bar. Got rejected a bit but had a couple girls going crazy for me.

 

One HB 7.5 was asking me to sit next to her, grabbing my hair and other major flirting. I am confident I could have ONS'd her but I am getting plenty of sex from my wife and I am not interested in something on the side at this time. I'm still learning and growing and want to wait until I become the man I want to be and see how it plays out with the wife. I'll admit it took some major self control not to escalate. It was still a lot of fun to flirt and feel sexual. And you know what? I got her number. I have never asked a girl for her number.

 

Another girl asked me to join her and her friend to play a game. Another started kissing my neck and grabbing my beard. A gay guy asked me if I own a microbrewery in the states because I have that kind of attitude. Haha. One night I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk and a drunk guy offered me some of his pizza. I obliged and was BS'ing with him while a group of girls in a bar were watching me, laughing and waving me to come in and drink with them. It was 2AM and I was sober and just trying to get some fresh air so I laughed, smiled and waved and went on my way.

 

Athol Kay made me realize that I can't change my personality and I don't need to make an excuse for it. I will rub some people the wrong way but if I don't show my true personality I also won't meet people who I like. The Natural, Models and Bang made me realize that some girls will think I am creepy (an old fear of mine) and that's okay, it's natures way of filtering out people you wouldn't have clicked with anyway.

 

What else?

 

Hobby gains:

 I started playing music with friends again. I go record songs with my buddy and was just asked to play in a show for a friend's band.

 

Assertion gains:

 I stopped asking permission, I simply inform of my plans.

 

My 2.5 year old has been coming into our room in the middle of the night and sleeping in our bed. This week I set up a gate and we have been training him to sleep through the night in his own bed. Last night was very successful. No crying, no resistance at bed time. If he woke up, he would come to the gate and say, "Mom and Dad I need your help" as I instructed him to do.

 

I have been planning our weekends (going out on the boat, going for hikes/picnics, making homemade pizzas). Whatever I feel like doing, I make it a family event.

 

I planned a vacation to Vegas with my wife, something we never would have done. I learned and taught her how to play black jack and we gambled and had a great time drinking free drinks and held our own at the table. We went kayaking on the Colorado River, it was great. Also happened to be her 30th birthday so we went to a couple raunchy Vegas shows.

 

Finance/responsibility gains:

 I took to heart Athol Kay's Red, Yellow, Green theory. I am identifying these things in my life and making plans to improve. For example, I just paid off all my credit card debt (~$10k) and one of my cars. Then I put new brakes and rotors on it (learned a new skill), changed the oil, cabin and air filters, rear door openers and have spark plugs on the way. I did all of this silently without seeking my wife's approval. This weekend we are organizing and pricing items for a yard sale I will host.

 

Shit/comfort test gains:

 My wife has thrown some major shit tests at me. The first couple of times, I was drunk and fell into her frame. I have been improving greatly in this. Yesterday was another. I told her I was going bowling with some colleagues (we had a guy in from the UK). She got really upset and I was able to practice a lot of the skills I learned in WISNIFG.

 

Without giving the whole convo: She feels left out like I am making decisions without her. She said she knows I am in charge and is not challenging that but she feels like she's not part of the team, that paying off debt is exciting and she wants to be a part of that (she's a SAHM). I said I thought she was cute when she was upset and there are decisions I will make that I would make regardless of her opinion and will not seek her approval for, although I can understand that she would want to know.

 

As you can see, I am still learning the balance. I'm STFU'ing possibly too much on some things.

 

She pressed more about how I don't talk enough about what I do at work and how my day was etc. and how it's part of our life. I said I do not see my work as part of our life, that it could all go away tomorrow and it's unimportant to our relationship. I am where I am and when I'm home I don't want to relive work. She comfort tested me with, "then what is important?!"

 

I said, "you". Then I Way of the Superior Male'd it, picked her up, twirled her around, danced with her, MMSL 10 second kissed her, made out with her, looked to our bedroom and Bang/The Natural said, "let's go somewhere more comfortable."

 

She resisted, "I'm on my period."

 

I persisted. "Do you think I care?" I brought her to bed and fucked her. Anal. When we woke up this morning we fucked again.

 

Speaking of that, sex has been pretty much whenever I want it. One day we had sex 4 times. And she does whatever I want and enjoys it. Getting into a little bondage/kinky sex too. I can wake her up in the middle of the night and bang, I'm getting blowjobs by the coffee maker while the kids watch TV in the morning (they are 2.5 and 1), the list goes on. Naked twister, all sorts of fun shit.

 

What the fuck was I doing all these years?

 

Setbacks:

 Now for the dark part. There have been a couple of incidents when she got so upset that I wouldn't break frame and was STFU'ing that she physically started punching me and getting aggressive. We had been drinking and she has never done this in the 12 years we have been together but it was weird. She definitely bruised me up! I kept my cool but I have to admit this was shocking to me and I didn't know what to do at the time. I am still disturbed by it.

 

I sat her down and told her I do not accept her behavior, I would have left her for this if we hadn't been together so long and had two kids. That she hasn't done it in the 12 years we were together so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. Plus I know I am making changes and she is frustrated (I didn't say this to her, just adding for context). Maybe I am going too fast. In one of the fights, she scuffed up my brand new Wolverines so I told her she was to give me $250 to buy a new pair. She did, along with a card explaining how sorry she was which I promptly hid in case things go South and I need proof of the reasons I left.

 

Divorce is always an option. I never would have said that 3 months ago.

 

So...

  A lot more has happened that I didn't include in this post, mostly positive, so thank you all. I read the posts daily and try to learn as many lessons as I can from the community. I can't tell you how much this has done for me in such a short time. From scarcity to abundance and outcome fear to outcome independence. All the suppression of my natural instincts I was shamed into... It's going away and I see that I can be free - a man. There is always work to do, I'm sure you will hear from me again. By no means have I finished my journey.

 

But if this is just the beginning... holy shit.

 

-ddp


[–]2ndal5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Excellent FR. Keep at it.

As for the surprise physical abuse, it doesn't surprise me. I had something similar happen to me (though not as rough, it seems) from a very similar situation—me holding frame and not dropping into her emotions, which sent her over the edge this particular time. It's shocking at how being stoic and resisting the argument or emotional outbursts can be so challenging for women. It's especially challenging if this is the way they are used to controlling you, to bringing you into their emotional frame in order to manipulate you. Take that away and they can be reduced to pretty wild, surprising behavior.

I'd say maybe you're going a bit too fast, but based on everything else you said it seems like not.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep. I experienced this phenomenon recently. Only time she's ever done this in 15 years. Saw your post after I responded to this one ... https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/59u5k9/comment/d9c5skh?st=IUUJP561&sh=4bfa891f

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I guess when the emotional outburst isn't going anywhere they don't know where to channel the energy? Thanks for sharing.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Interesting - glad to hear it happened to other guys too.

It's especially challenging if this is the way they are used to controlling you

I think you hit it dead on there.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Gains indeed. Well done.

Just remember, the only easy day is yesterday.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man, I need to write that quote down and keep it on a sticky note at my desk...

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Now for the dark part. There have been a couple of incidents when she got so upset that I wouldn't break frame and was STFU'ing that she physically started punching me and getting aggressive. We had been drinking and she has never don

I experienced this, but on a much lower level. One time she grabbed my face very hard on an airplane- it actually hurt for a few minutes. I just looked at her and calmly said, "don't ever physically abuse me again. She never did it again.

You included way too much positive and not enough challenges in your post. The growth comes from the challenges. Also, it would be interesting to know what specific techniques are working in those bar situations - you mostly just gave us the end Rosie picture.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn, third dude to respond with similar experience. This is making me feel less disturbed by it. Thanks!   Wanted to add: you're right, I focused on the positives for this post. I am trying to work through the challenges on my own instead of coming here to complain because my challenges are mostly internal. The wife is on board for the most part although she obviously shit tests me but every woman would do that. What is difficult for me are the following things:

 

  • Anger
  • FOMO
  • Loneliness
  • Apathy

 

Okay so the techniques I'm using. I'll give specifics:

 

The girl grabbing my hair and going crazy for me (HB 7.5). I walked into a bar with a colleague, clapped my hands together and said "all right!" then went up to he bartender and BS'd with him, ordered a drink. When it was time to find a seat, I turned around, saw these two girls sitting there, walked right up and said "Hey do you guys know where (name of the bar we are already in) is?" with a completely straight face. I was in another country and obviously American so it worked. They were confused and asked me where I was trying to go and I repeated the name. After a few seconds she looks at me and smiles and says "are you fucking with us?" I smiled back. Then it was on. She immediately wanted to talk about the election because that's all anyone there wants to talk to Americans about. She asked who I was voting for "please not Donald Trump!" I said, "I am voting for.... long pause... Donald Trump!" She says, "Oh my God I have never met -" before she could say "a Donald Trump supporter" I said "a real man?" Immediate tingles. Then she wants to know where I'm from so we play a guessing game. I guess she's from Zimbabwe. She thought it was hilarious.

 

The girl who asked me to play a game (HB 6). I was sitting at the bar and some other Americans came in. We were BS'ing and this girl walks up and orders a shot and some beers for her and her friend. The bartender puts down the shot, I grab it and take it. I made friends with him earlier so he laughed and poured another. She was surprised and kind of walked off... whatever. 20 minutes later she was asking me to play a game.

 

The girl grabbing my beard and kissing my neck (HB 3 but w/e). She and her gay friend are walking up to the bar and I'm standing on the steps having a smoke. She asks me a question and I smile and say "I'm not the bouncer." She says "I know you're not the fucking bouncer are there any seats in there?" I say "there aren't any seats at my table but there are seats at other tables." Her and my colleague end up hitting it off. I walk up to them before I leave and as I'm saying bye I say, "you're Irish." She loses her shit because she is and she can't believe I knew it (duh, you have an Irish accent). Then she starts telling my colleague he needs to grow a beard like mine. Grabbing it and kissing my neck.

 

Just last night I walked up to 4 college chicks at a grilled cheese sandwich station on campus (HB 5.5-7). They were dressed up for halloween. I pulled one of their hair pieces out and said "I just won a free grilled cheese." I really did because my cousin (female) said she'd buy me one when I bet her I'd pull the girl's hairpiece out. Those girls ended up buying me a sandwich, flirting a bit, saying I looked like some athlete I never heard of. Then I had to go because my crew was leaving so I left, stomach satisfied.

 

So I guess you could sum it up as Cocky Funny? I don't think I was being that funny but definitely putting myself out there and being vulnerable.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

My wife did this recently too. Grabbed my head and dug nails into back if my neck out of anger. I had earlier asked if she would mind putting her phone down for a bit while we were hanging out in the couch after a night out with friends. She got super defensive and the calmer and more centered I remained, the more pissed she got. My response to her was similar to yours. In retrospect I should have left the house when she got even close to this angry. Lesson learned

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

In retrospect I should have left the house when she got even close to this angry. Lesson learned

Nah - why miss the glory of her folding into your frame. Having her in your frame after previous betaization is uncomfortable at first, but it fits like a glove after some practice.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's another way to look at it. I think this is why she got so mad to the point of laying hands on me. I wouldn't get pulled into her crappy frame.

[–]jazerac1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What is this I read about men suddenly having the opportunity for anal? My wife has never offered it to me and even if I bring it up, she just says she doesn't like it. Never had it with me though. Other gains are going well.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Okay I'll tell you how I've done it. My wife is really conservative so it has taken time and I've tried a lot of different approaches. We did it a couple times in the beginning of our relationship when she was trying to impress me but then she stopped. She has just recently opened it back up. Keep in mind this is my experience with one woman, I have not tried this on many women so it's not a guarantee. Also definitely don't act upset when she says she doesn't like it because 'she never did it with you'. And rationalizing these things outside of the bedroom makes sense as a dude but she might not respond to it because it could make her feel dirty/slutty and it's kind of random. It's like if during sex she said, "Do you mind stopping at the store occasionally on your way home from work to pick up some things I need?" It's a convo you could totally have but the environment is so opposite of the subject that it's odd.

 

What didn't work:

  • Talking about it outside of sex
  • Buying her a beginner's plug
  • Just going for it during sex, un-announced
  • Whining and asking her why she won't do it with me

 

What has worked:

 

First of all, do everything you can to follow all the rules here (TRP/MRP). If your sex is mediocre right now, work on that, don't worry about anal.

 

Only talk about it during sex but bring it up frequently while you're fucking her. This helps her associate fun and pleasure with anal. Sample dialogue: "I'm gonna cum in your slutty little cunt. Then when I'm done, I'm gonna take my rock hard cock and shove it down your throat so you can taste your pussy, slut. Tell me you want my cock in your mouth (persist until she does, getting more demanding like Tell me! Fucking tell me you want my cock in your mouth! You could grab her hair or hold her face down while you're doing this, something really dominating if you feel she's not taking direction). That's right. Then I'll cum again in your mouth. Once I finish, I'm gonna roll you over and stick my slippery, cum-drenched cock in your tight little asshole. It'll feel so good. I know you like it, I know. I know! Then you'll feel me shoot a hot load in your slutty little ass. Tell me you want my cock in your ass slut! Tell me! Once I finish with you I'll pull my cock out and cum all over your back, roll you over again and cum on your tits and face. You're gonna have my cum all over you, in your mouth and dripping out of your pussy and ass all fucking day. You like it. I know you do because you're my whore."

 

Say shit like this when you fuck but don't actually try anal unless she is giving you major signs she wants it. You're just breaking the ice with it and making it part of the experience. Then one day while you're fucking her doggy style, lube up your thumb and stick it in her ass while you fuck her, just teasing her with it. Maybe don't even stick it in but introduce anal play this way. Still don't go for it unless you are positive she wants it. You're still priming her and getting her comfortable with the idea. You'll know when you can go for it.

 

When you do, since it's new and it will hurt a little, go into a super comfort-mode and coach her. Use a soft but sexual tone. Use a lot of lube, way more than you would think "You're doing great, we'll go nice and slow, relax onto my cock. It's okay. Good job baby, take my cock. I know it's big, you can do it. Oh my God you're so fucking sexy. I'm gonna cum. Holy shit... etc." Once you get it in, go really fucking slow at first even though you want to ravage her. Just let her relax and get used to it being in there. Lay on top of her. I told her I loved her at this point "I love you too." Once she's relaxed say Okay baby stick your ass up in the air and slowly get back in doggy position. Work up from there adding lube as needed.

 

Again, this is what has worked for me. It's a process. I don't blame her for not wanting a big dick shoved in her ass right away. Do some serious foreplay. You gotta get her really horny and really, really comfortable. I made her cum a couple weeks ago doing anal but I didn't. This time, she didn't but I did. It's fun because it's kinky and adds to the variety which is important but I prefer PIV.

[–]jazerac0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome bro. Thanks. You should totally post this has a seperate thread on its own, more guys need to read this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good FR. I recommend a power rack, I splurged and bought a Rogue brand and I love it.

Keep us updated as you go. You may be entering territory I have been in for awhile which is very different then most men here at MRP. We are sexually satisfied even to the point of getting whatever we want, but our wives are post wall (mine just turned 32) and my SMV (I am 34) is ramping up in a big way. I am starting to feel she just cannot compete with these hotties in their early 20's batting their eyes at me. I do not have children which is a whole other set of issues for you, but I will be interested on watching your progress further. May Brodin grant you his favor.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. I will look into the power rack. Yeah, I am starting to feel this... when the girl who wants you is younger and hotter it's an eye opener!

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Proud of you man! The only recommendation i would have is skip the squat rack and just get a power rack then focus on buying more weight.

Its basically and all in one free weight gym and then maybe throw in a few sets of dumbbells and an adjutable bench. After that you can basically do every exercise.

http://www.roguecanada.ca/rogue-rm-3-fortis-rack?prod_id=30345&gclid=CjwKEAjw7svABRCi_KPzoPr53QoSJAABSvxfI503smqv-gnpDiuQURNSZGVw7KOgW5gio-Lx_dQHeRoC1kzw_wcB

[–]2ndal0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

This. But don't think you need to buy Rogue gear. I got a really nice power rack off of Amazon for $300. Obviously not as nice as the Rogue, but at 1/4th the cost it's very good. High quality and durable.

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah i have no preference in brand i just googled power rack and put up the first one. You cant go wrong with really any rack and if your squatting heavy weight its great to have the safety of it.

You also can do lifts like rack pulls and pin press etc where again you get to lift some heavy ass weight. Im at a gym now that doesnt have one and I miss it every day.

[–]PurpleVeteranMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I ordered this one from the manufacturer and have been really happy. 10% off + free shipping = $270. Along with the free weights, it's the best investment I've made in my MAP.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you - cool sounds like power rack is the answer! Glad I mentioned the squat rack otherwise I may not have learned this.

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No problem. We all look out for eachother in one way or another over here. With the rack you adjust the pin height so you can basically perform any exercise in it.

[–]2gunsgetsomeMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fuck yeah, man! That's a lot of gainz in two months.

Great job spotting and trouncing that comfort test.

asked me if I own a microbrewery in the states because I have that kind of attitude. Haha

That's quite the line... What exactly is the defining attitude of a craft brewery owner?

Looks like you've made great social improvements with the ladies, have you also enhanced your socialization with other males (in addition to your music hobby)?

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks and yes definitely, I am socializing with everyone I meet.

Oh and the microbrewery thing, haha, I have no idea!

[–]bala-key0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Excellent FR.

She pressed more about how I don't talk enough about what I do at work and how my day was etc. and how it's part of our life.

I hear the same thing from the wife.

[–]SorcererKingMRP SAGE - MRP MODERATOR6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Used wisely your job and office politics can be a drama fix for your woman, especially if you tell her tales of victory and success. Don't turn it into a bitch fest where you whine about the things that go wrong, tell her a story that ends with you as the hero after overcoming adversity.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

+1 This right here guys. STFU does not mean become a mute. Regale her with your tales of conquest.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good advice. I have made an effort to stop complaining about things and only to tell her about successes I have. I just don't tell her the minutia like she would tell me about her day (which I find boring).

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I only mention when something goes well and I'm excited.

She doesn't give a shit about what I do. Ever girl likes hearing a man talk with some excitement over something, anything.

It's like talking to your dogs. They don't know words, but they like seeing your head and hands move about

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's funny you say this. I was talking with a girl quite passionately about something and she looked totally engaged, watching me, batting her eyes, smiling, etc... then she could not remember anything I said. I was like wtf? "You aren't a good listener. Listen to what I am saying." Love the dog analogy, that pretty much sums it up!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We've all been there. It's probably the greatest lesson in covert communication and body language out there

[–]bangorlolMarried0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

In some of your examples you DEER'd a little, but aside from that you're moving in the right direction.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I did. This is something I'm trying to find the balance of.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good progress! So disappointed that she scuffed your Wolverine's though. I love my 1000 mile boots.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know! I got the 1883 kilometers. One day I'm hiking a mountain the next day I shine them up and wear them to the office. They are the most comfortable shoe I've ever owned.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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