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Hi, we have two girls. DD1 is 9 & has Autism & demand avoidance issues but is perfectly capable of good social interaction and is physically able. DD2 is 8 & has severe Dyslexia & Dyscalculia. For various reasons, things at home have been allowed to 'coast' for sometime, but now having only recently; last 12 months, discovered RP both my DH & I are full on into this way of life. I very much want to implement the above for all the right reasons; currently reading 'Boundaries with kids' by Cloud & Townsend, where & how do we start? We very much want them to appreciate having to take responsibility, earn IPAD time etc etc, but are also keen to school them in the ways of RP that will hopefully set them up for the rest of their lives. Any books on raising RP daughters in a modern feminist 'couldn't give a shit about anyone else' society would be gratefully appreciated. Thanks.


[–]su-quita2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The Boundaries books are really great. I know you're already reading them.

I'd recommend for starting with chores with older kids who haven't done them before, routines are great. Like after every dinner, each helps clear the table, one sweeps under the table, one wipes off the table. Another routine is they have to pick up their room for a minute before going to bed (or a set time at night). My kids are teenagers, but I used to play the Lone Ranger music and we called it the one minute meltdown. A rule you can institute is that dishes have to go in the dishwasher. So if they eat a snack or drink outside of meals, they can't just leave their dishes on the table or in the sink. They have to rinse and put their dishes in the dishwasher. This takes work on your part because you have to make sure the dishwasher is emptied in the morning. But getting your girls used to putting dishes in the dishwasher is a good precursor to full on washing up everything after dinner.

Good luck! It's great that you're grooming your girls for home making--old fashioned term yes, but working women still have to learn to make a house a home.

Another book that personally helped me get my own chore routine is Sink Reflections. It's by the Fly Lady.

[–]justshootinblanks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha, just have them empty the dishwasher every morning. Problem solved.

[–]Santas_sub[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Brilliant thank you. I'm Flying alreadyπŸ˜‰ x

[–]ContemporaryBelle0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

My DD 12 and DS 10 both have high functioning autism. We have a weekly chore chart hanging in the kitchen. Completing their chores is their job and payday comes on Friday (a $5 allowance) only if they have shown up to work. As an adult you can't expect to work two out of five days at a job and get paid or keep your job. I emphasize the importance of cleaning up after yourself being a positive show of personal responsibility. My son has been taught that even if he wants a housewife one day (which he does because that is what he sees most of the women in our family happily do with their lives) he needs to know how to cook and clean because odds are he isn't going to be moving in with his wife at the age of 20. If he brings a girl he is dating home to a gross, messy apartment he won't be able to keep the kind of high quality woman who could make him happy. We do not buy the children frivolous things on whims. If they want to buy candy or a new video game they can use their own money. We have more than enough money to be able to just give them those things at will but that won't teach work ethic. As a result both kids are compliant with following the chore chart because they like the independence that comes from having their own money.

The chores we have included are things like doing dishes, taking out the trash, sweeping the kitchen, being laundry helper and cooking dinner. Each child has to pick one meal a week that they will make for dinner. I help them cook it if it is a new recipe but by now they both have multiple meals in their repertoire. Both kids have been told that knowing how to cook some really good meals can help win a mate regardless of gender. They can get cash bonuses for doing things beyond their standard chores. For example, DD12 can be given half of my sizable grocery list and trusted to stick to it and complete the shop without supervision. She loves doing this and I will give her a bonus for it. (A lot of adults don't approach grocery shopping with the level of organization and adherence to a list that she does.) We emphasize with the kids the point of us making them do chores isn't because we want to do less work but because it is an important life skill to be able to contribute to a community and household. Both kids know they are required to work now because we are raising them to be high functioning adults not hold onto them as children. Complaints about following through on chores are pretty rare here.

[–]Santas_sub[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

That's Great, thank you so much. Watch this space x

[–]ContemporaryBelle0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

"Watch this space"

What do you mean?

[–]Santas_sub[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Oh it's just a turn of phrase...'update to follow' that kind of thing.

[–]ContemporaryBelle1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Haha okay. I wasn't sure if it was some kind of warning or something. πŸ˜‚

I look forward to seeing the update!

[–]Santas_sub[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

[–]ContemporaryBelle1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A thought about the innocuoating daughters against feminism thing at the end of your post:

I didn't do that at all. My daughter actually spent a substantial amount of time watching feminist rants and videos on YouTube in her free time. She would also watch videos of the critiques.
She said to me a few weeks ago, "I'm not a feminist and before you say anything remember that I am fully capable of researching things and have probably watched more videos on this than you have. Feminism isn't about equality; it's about making women superior."

My son chimed in, "Yeah, mom. First wave feminism might have been on to some stuff being focused on getting the right to vote and stuff but by the second and third waves it was over. Now it's about women being better than men and I am getting pretty sick of having to listen to people being allowed to say girls are smarter than boys."

They are still pretty young but the opinions they formed and were able to articulate were impressive to me and worth investigating. It is how I started to find my way here. Turns out if you give kids access to information they can reach logical conclusions about it.

[–]Santas_sub[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wise words...thanks

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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