Party of the Century

 

When I was in college I was a decent engineering student, and an even better partier. I spent my fair share of weekends drunk at football games and crashing frat parties for dirty sorority girls; “Why yes I’m in a frat, it’s called Delta Tau Chi.” Me and some bros got the idea to put together an epic house party. This would be a theme party on a grandiose scale of Boon and Otter. Kegs to be had, women galore, human sacrifices, it was going to be the highest level of debauchery. I had just broken up with a long term relationship (She said she loved me, but wasn’t in love; epic foreshadowing), and I was a man with no commitments.

 

We hatched a plan, created a theme and in order to entice people there we offered free beer. I made up a few flyers with the shitty free university copier and handed them out to key people. “First two kegs on us just come dressed! Tonight’s theme: 70’s disco. Party starts 10 pm.” I invited a few people, including a couple of the sorority sisters who lived next door to me and my roommate. What was supposed to be a fun bash of maybe 60 people, turned into 200, at least. The first two kegs were gone by 11 pm. 70’s disco somewhere morphed into pimps and ho’s; any costume event is really about how women can dress slutty without being judged. My ex showed up with some guy, but I hadn’t a care in the world, as she walked by me she was on ignore because I was busy trying to bed not one but two ADP’s (we called them Another Dirty Pussy behind their back for good reason). By 2 am the party spilled out into the yard next to the house and a total of 6 kegs were had in the end. I remember talking to a guy and he was like “This is crazy we heard about it on the other side of campus, I don’t even know whose party this is!” Somewhere around 4 the police showed up and the party fizzled out under the advice of the men in blue. Me? I didn’t care because I closed and was proceeding to treat my new friend from ADP like a farm animal. Unfortunately I couldn’t close the deal on both of them, but I didn’t care, one would have to be enough tonight. I woke up somewhere around noon with her naked next to me and the smell of eggs cooking. I put some shorts on and went to the kitchen to find a girl completely unknown to me wearing one of my t-shirts and not much else, cooking said eggs. Looking around I saw a couple curled up on the floor and two more girls in the same outfit; “when the fuck did people start raiding my t-shirts?” was all I could think. My buddy I planned the party with had hooked up with an old crush, I had banged a nice slutty chick, and my ex left early in a huff, because she wasn’t the center of attention. It took 2 days to clean up the mess, I lost 4 t-shirts (I don’t know why they were needed or how it got that point) and a week later we got a stern warning from the land lord that any damage done to the property would come off our deposit.

 

I went to class the next week and ran into people I hardly recognized, all congratulating me on and epic party. I got a promise to hook up again with the ADP and I literally felt like big man on campus. Things went back to normal, the ADP chick was crazy and slutty and fizzled out, but all in all it was a good couple of months. My buddy and I hatched another plan; repeat the party.

 

This time we’d start off with 3 kegs so we didn’t have to drive to the beer store so early again. Instead of 70’s it would be a toga party, and it was going to be awesome. I made up fliers, hit up the same people and we waited for the epicness to commence.

 

Only this time it didn’t work the same. By 2 am we still had almost 2 full kegs. My ex came and went, this time she left saying “oh, blah blah blah is having a bash over on such and such” and left taking 10 people with her. The other ADP I hadn’t closed with at the previous party showed up and split within 5 minutes, and left with a majority of the talent. By the end of the night we maybe had 50 people; funny because it would have been a good party in its own right but the expectations of the night far outgrew the reality of it. We ended up having a weekend long party where people would come and go, maybe 4 or 5 at a time, just to get rid of the beer. I couldn’t understand what was different. We literally had the same ingredients to success as the last time, save it was a little later in the semester (it was a large southern school so it was still quite seasonable).

 

In my entire college career I’d been to maybe 5 or 6 of those kinds of parties. The kind of party where you run into acquaintances 20 years later and they speak fondly of it, “Hey McGill I still remember the 70’s party, I got the clap but it was worth it (true story)!”

 

In MRP we oft use the axiom from Rollo about rooting around in the garbage in front of neighbors. It’s a good analogy of why you don’t go back to failed relationships.

 

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7: It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbor’s see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

 

In the case of LTR’s this still applies, but I’d also postulate a corollary to that you can never relive a party.

 

You Can Never Relive a Party Corollary

 

There’s a post from a guy on MRP about his struggles with opiate addiction and how he feels he let his unicorn get away. Now he got the right advice and there’s a lot more going on than just rooting around in the garbage or trying to relive a party, but the idea still applies for those of us that are in a LTR or married. No matter where you are in your marriage, the past has no bearing on the future. You can never relive the party, whether it was the epic slut-sex she gave you when you first started dating or how she was a good submissive girl willing to follow your every whim, you can’t recreate that feeling of when she did those things for you. I think Rollo has a good point, and that’s when shit is broke don’t waste effort to fix it that effort can be better spent elsewhere. Often in a LTR there is a want to get back to basics, get back to the early days. There may not be a need to next, but just reset. In this case it is not about being broke, it’s about some fantasy of reliving that epic party that was the beginning of your relationship. So many men come on here and complain and daydream that “If they could just get back to where they were before they fucked everything up” life would be grand again.

 

Our first party was new and innovative. People had never been to something like that before (at least college kids in the early 90’s). The second one was a copycat and hindsight showed people saw it for what it was. When you as a man are approaching your relationship trying to unfuck it, you need to be cognizant of what the future holds. You can never relive a party, so too can you never relive a relationship. It takes a big man to realize that he is rebuilding his relationship anew and frankly my personal advice is if kids aren’t involved the default option should always be next. TRP and MRP are at discord because of this very fact, and even though I’m the first to tell a guy to move on, I’ve battled years of trying to relive a party. I’ve made the value judgment that the effort is worth it to stay because the cost would be too great otherwise. Kids make a compelling excuse to get back that mojo, but it takes a lot of leadership to say, “I can’t make it like it was, but I can make it better whatever that means”. The real work comes in finding out what it is that makes it better.

 

We know it starts with you, you need to become compelling and people will want to be around you. Maybe that’s your wife, maybe it’s your new LTR. Have a new party for what it is, not what it was. Let go of the expectations of getting back to the past and instead embrace what the future may hold, regardless of how it turns out. By time I graduated, I’d been to a bunch of awesome parties. Some were no more than 10 people, but truly the best memories of my life. If I had chased that elusive “giant kegger” my whole college career I’d have been really disappointed. Instead I had a series of great experiences that in sum total add up to more than that one party. I've let go of the past in my marriage too, and found myself better off for it because of that.