TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

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This post is essentially a 'thank you' to the long time contributors of this forum and an encouragement to those who are new.

I stumbled across MRP by hitting the random reddit button and it changed my life. The three first sidebar books were eye-opening and enlightening.

I have been married for 23 years and if you asked me if I was happy, I would have said, 'yes.' We married at 23, both with n counts of zero. She has a professional degree, outearned me for the first 20 years. I'd say we were about HB6's (she topped at 7 while running track in college. I could be 7 if I lifted) I was (and am in many ways) the perfect beta-max.

Our marriage is strong, little chance of straying...we molded things to the current fashion of equal everything. We pool the money, divide the household tasks, and enjoy each other's company. She gives me plenty of alone time. We spend much of our time raising 4 kids (2 in college now, 2 middle school) and are typically worn-out from a day's activities. We are able to get out for weekends away and vacations with the family. We had some years with major struggles and came out the other end stronger. All in all, a good life and good marriage that I would have chosen again. And yet...

In two areas I was uneasy and had that nagging doubt that all was good. The first, is obviously the sexual arena and the second was the understanding that with both of us leading, neither of us was. The household was adrift with no real direction or focus other than making it through each day. As for sex, it was and is always available. I'm unsure I've ever been given the hard no. However, there was lots of starfishy duty sex...lots of that. I was the clueless good guy, always concerned that I didn't appear to want it too bad...too worried about what she wanted, unsure, timid...what I now know to be nuclear passion killers. She gained enough weight to drop her SMV a point (edging up to two), while mine has probably moved upward. She threw me SO MANY signals about how she wanted me to lead...Asking my opinion on every single damned thing no matter how trivial, giving me carte blanche in the bedroom (and me having no idea how to use it), telling me she likes to feel 'desired.' My good guy conditioning could not be overcome.

Stumbling across MRP was like being instantly smacked in the face with a 2x4. It INSTANTLY hit home. I read the sidebar through and was astounded how much of me was in there. The course prereqs were revolutionary. I began my MAP.

Every single little bit of alpha I add to myself has resulted in clearly tangible benefits in both the household 'progress' and in the bedroom. I have not yet begun to realize many gains from lifting, but they are coming. Of more importance in my life has been the more dominant stance in terms of sex and her very positive responses to me taking control of the wheel (finances and household direction- goals). Dread, simply in terms of improving myself, has worked magic. I changed jobs to a more risky, but higher paying job with more social status after reading NMMNG. I had been scared to death to pull the trigger on this change. (thank you RG!)

The Family Alpha website has been the most relevant application of RP to my life. I'm very out of touch with the PUA and the plate mentality that much of RP revolves around (except how it applies to married seduction). It's all good for others and I am probably missing out on all the RP has to offer, but for me, that stuff will never be on the table unless I am divorced. Monogamy and the idea of living out my vows are central to who I am.

I guess my point is: MRP can help even those who are struggling with good to mediocre marriages. It can help those of us who are not looking outside the bounds or our marriages. Every bit o' alpha I inject into my being has taken our marriage to a new level. Especially in the sexual area, I have reaped immediate rewards in both the variety and intensity. I expect that when the lifting gains take hold, it can only get better. (the beginner gains drew comment and ACTION enough!) MRP works, but it is not easy. The biggest obstacle I have to overcome is myself. I like to shirk responsibility and struggle with laziness...both things Captains can ill afford. MRP gave me the incentive and the tools to start chipping away at that old me and the benefits arising from that have been impressive.


[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think there is a need to use quotation marks in your title. I'm a believer. You've got the key and that is:

the biggest obstacle I have to overcome is me

Keep doing it!

[–]spexerMRP APPROVED 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good FR

I have not yet begun to realize many gains from lifting, but they are coming.

You have to lift man. Until then it is all intellectual hyperbole. Lifting puts your words of change until visible action that she cannot unsee. the effect on yourself and your own outlook is remarkable.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I appreciate your comment and you are right. I have been lifting, but I have only gotten my easy beginner gains and now the hard work is ahead.
I think the mental side is analogous. There are some changes easy to make with impressive early results, but there are other things that take hard work and time and there is no shortcut. Be well!

[–]hopeyougood 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In ways the "easy beginner gains" are some of the hardest gains. Physically, yes, you're getting a lot of bang for your buck showing your muscles any much deserved love. But mentally, for many, its one of the harder phases. The gains don't just show up over night, so you have to stick it out for a month to see things starting. If you have little to no experience in the weight room it can be intimidating/overwhelming for some. So on. Basically that was a long winded "don't devalue, or dismiss those gains as easy....BRUUUH" I had lifted for years and fell off do to many factors right before I was dating my GF of a half decade. Within two years was in the worst shape of my entire life. Went, got a gym membership, and never went a day. Canceled after 6 months. Relationship slowly deteriorating, internet leads me to TRP and TMRP. Mind blown, gym membership again, but this time on it. Those first two weeks sucked balls still. Than muscle memory started rocking. Not sure where you are at physically, but make sure you feed those hungry lil muscles so they can grow.

[–]SOAADDICT 7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Great FR. I would consider myself someone who found RP with a "good marriage" as well, except my experience was a little different. I was raised in a traditional home, and my parents demonstrated a model where men were men and wives submitted. I had a strong male role model, and my mother was a solid example of the good nurturing traits to seek out in a woman. When I got older I ran my household and marriage accordingly, but because of Blue Pill society I always had doubts. My woman and I seemed to be a lot happier than most of our friends, sex was never an issue, disrespect could be measured in glances and sighs rather than the screaming fights and physical smackdowns other were having, she never gained significant weight even while pregnant, the home was never a mess even when she briefly worked outside of it, etc. You would think you could shut up and take the win but when the outside world has no signs of positive masculinity it's a real mind fuck.

Still society at large was hammering me with the message I was "doing it wrong" daily. Didn't I want her to be "fulfilled?" If so I should stick my kids in some daycare and get her a job serving some other man at a soulless corporation instead. Didn't I consider myself a fair man? If so I should be doing 75% of the housework while she kicks her feet up to make up for her oopreshunz.

I would dismiss these things when I noticed them, but cumulatively they added up in my mind to create nagging doubt. Once I found TRP, then MRP all of that disappeared. It was like conducting that scientific experiment to prove your hypothesis correct.

Since then I have snuffed out doubt ruthlessly where I find it. This has led to improvements in areas I didn't even know were lacking. I've cut manginas out of my life and built myself a group of likeminded friends and finally enjoy social time. I've quite being a pussy around women at work, I've stopped feeling guilty when women hit on me in public. My wife likes it, I like it, we go home and fuck. I'm not feeling bad about it just because Ryan Gosling doesn't act that way. Most importantly, I've begun to fully embrace the opportunity I have to instill these values in my children.

MRP can help the good marriage when it's done right. Which means actually reading the books, studying the veterans, and applying what you need. It does not mean going full retard and jumping right to level 7 dread without doing anything else. It's a toolbox. If you have a nail that needs to be pounded into a board and instead of reaching for a hammer you go for a buzzsaw yelling at the toolbox later does nothing but prove you're too much of a pussy to be trusted with tools.

[–]xertlust 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Right? LTRs aren't difficult at all. Just have your shit on point. All of it. Good FR.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I appreciate hearing your story. It means more to me than I can put into words in this little box. And xertlust, I've often told people that my marriage is the source of my greatest blessings on earth (and it is because, well, sex and then some stuff like intimacy and companionship), but also a living hell. A living hell because I'm forced to constantly face my weaknesses.

[–]xertlust 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

And that's bad how?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not, but man, for years I wanted to avoid it instead of facing it head on and overcoming. And it hurts. MRP was the beginning of showing me the 'pain was weakness leaving the body' or some such cliche...

[–]SOAADDICT 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What makes LTRs hard is the society we live in. Past that- shit is easy. Men have been doing it for hundreds of years. But it's dying art.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. Ever try to do something with a mosquito around your ear?

[–]PurpleVeteranMRP APPROVED 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think for all of the shitty marriages out there ready to explode, there are as many just plodding along due to lack of sex, lack of intimacy, lack of leadership, etc. The divorce rate is so high, and yet, there are many couples who stay together assuming that "this is just how things are." It's easy to get comfortable with your differences, your shortcomings, and fall into a rut -- because changing things is hard.

But changing your mind is easy. Reading the sidebar, talking to other men in the same situation, and examining your life critically... these are all small things that can have a huge impact. There doesn't have to be a "main event" or FMoFY if you have a decent marriage, just a shot in the arm that brings back the spark of romance and the reclaiming of masculinity.

Welcome aboard!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great to hear that!! This resonates with me. My marriage is good and RP helps strive to maintain and improve.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Monogamy and the idea of living out my vows are central to who I am.

Like we always say- you do you. MRP is a toolbox and it can be used to smash strange, or smash your wife. Your choice.

MRP can help even those who are struggling with good to mediocre marriages.

We get very few of these posts! Usually our posts are absolute horror stories of guys hitting bottom and rising up again. However, I am fairly certain that MRP praexology is even more effective for mediocre marriages than it is for circus sideshows. In that case, there is less distance to travel and more likelihood of moving slow enough so you don't overshoot the mark.

The Captain sitting down on his seat works even better when the bridge is fully operational and doesn't look like it just survived a joint Romulon-Klingon-Cardassian assault with exploding panels and sparks.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is probably a good spot for me to tell you thank you for the time you spend spreading truth. Your posts always grab my attention and have greatly contributed to my swallowing the pill.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome! Thanks very much.

[–]reborn_redUnplugging - pregnant LTR 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The toolbox analogy really hits home with me. I've been lurking on MRP for about 2 months now, reading the top posts, NMMNG , MMSL, MAP and about 2/3 of the way through The Rationale Male.

I too have a solid LTR, but stumbled across MRP by chance in a front page comment.

It was indeed a 'lightbulb' moment and one I intend to keep switched on as the rewards of focusing on ME have translated into gains at work, socially and in our sex life.

Thanks for all of your efforts BPP and the rest of the regulars, the advice, harsh truths and banter on this forum have started to change my life for the better.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The name of the game is self improvement to the grave.

You're kind of like the kid that was really smart even though he never studied.

Sure, you were successful - but imagine how much better you could have been.

Same here, you have a solid wife and you seem like a squared away dude - just complacent.

Throw in some weight lifting, break the 'predictableness' of your 'self', and just communicate with your woman.

Don't talk to her in the sense of is that ok, is this ok talk to her about what you're doing.

Tell her you want to do more, tell her you fucking love her and want to take the relationship to the next level. Maybe she is feeling in a rut too - she is a part of this journey and it will be much more enjoyable if you guys are owning your shit together.

I'm glad you read the blog - but those are just words - you need to take the actions I've laid out along with the other guys.

Enjoy this with your wife or you'll take your good/mediocre marriage and smash it into the ground.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are in my head. As one who just discovered RP, et. al. about 6 hours ago, just finished reading about 2/5 of the sidebar, don't know what 96% of the acronyms mean, you sir, are an ambassador for MRP.

[–]xertlust 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome man, great FR. Keep lifting, you'll need those gains to continue improving your marriage. Don't underestimate how crucial being physically attractive is to your marriage (edit) and your state of mind.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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