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I remember watching this episode of Frasier when I was a kid. The episode was about frasier realizing his son didn’t see him as ‘perfect’ or as a super dad any longer.

We know that’s bullshit, but realizing that it’s bullshit is difficult. I remember resenting my dad for a while when the illusion of my perfect dad popped. I grew out of it, but I’m divorced and split the time with their mom, whereas I was brought up in an unbroken home.

We don’t have a good relationship, their mom and I. She mothers. I father. We do it separately.

I’m pretty attuned to my kids and try to talk to them about real stuff as much as I can. Guide them and push them when they need it.

I’ve had pretty good success so far. They both play sports, get good grades, are routinely praised for being well brought up. I’m very proud of them.

My oldest, I think, is starting to hit puberty. He’s getting moody and has a bit of an attitude, though the moodiness usually quickly passes. I feel like the bubble around how awesome I am has deflated a bit. He still respects me, but I’m not ... perfect in his eyes.

And that’s fine. I’d rather have an honest relationship with them and as far as I know, this is the first time he’s had to pop an illusion about me.

How did you handle slipping a bit in stature in your kids’ eyes? I want to guide them to learn some lessons and give them space to make mistakes.

Any other advice?


[–]88Will88 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

It is a perfectly natural stage of life to reject your parents ideals and try and find your own. My mum put it best “when I was 16 my parents knew nothing, by the time I turned 30, they had learned a lot!”

[–]TRPTosser[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I get that. I’m asking how should I handle it? Just keep being me?

[–]CouteauBleu6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. Also, don't use your authority to hide your insecurity.

Don't be afraid to be in a situation where you kids prove you wrong or win an argument; when that happens, try to be graceful about it. Parents who create this dynamic of "We both know you're right, but I'm your dad and you're going to RESPECT ME and shut up anyway" are the worst, and they train their kids to distrust and resent authority.

[–]MaliciousMack3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep. Be consistent with how you treat them and your expectations. They'll want to know that you'll be there for them,

Most kid problems will be small fare, but try to act like it matters. It will to them, once they mature out of it. They'll be stronger for, realizing how little those things matter.

[–]TRPTosser[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good advice. Thanks.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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