TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

32

Long time, firts time... Swollowed the pill back in March, read the prerequisite's,SGM,and others, currently lifting, passing most tests with STFU, AM, and AA.

A little background...I'm 31, wife is 29. We have a very close SMV. I concider her a 9, myself...maybe an 8. But am working hard to bring that number up. Met her 11 years ago thru a mutual guy friend we had. I got her knocked up with our first of 4 kids after only dating for 3 months. Decided to do the "right thing" and got married. She has always been a SAHM. I have always provided. Been steady increasing my income over the last 11 years. (Will break 6 figures for the first time ever this year!)Life was good. Or so I thought.

Fast forward a couple years and the guy who introduced us father passed away. I was a Paul Barre at his funeral. After the service I invited everyone back to my house for a little party. The friend of ours and I were in a metal band together so we decided to drink and jam. That's what we did back then. Long story short...I walked up from the basement to grab a beer and that's when I saw it...no touching, no kissing, not sex.. but just by how they were looking at each other I knew something wasn't right. Come to find out my wife and him have been caring out an "emotional affair" for almost a year. I blew up that situation right then, kicked everyone out and had a huge blow out with my wife.

This cycle has happneed in one form or another 3 times.

She tells me that she is sorry, I'm the one she wants, not him. I swallow the blue pill, forgive her and make up. Get her pregnant... life is good for a while...repeat. Always with the same guy. And it's not that I catch her in the act of doing something. I find out that she still has "feelings" for him after she tells me that she doesn't, and not to worry.

Sex has always been an issue for me in our marriage. I don't have a dead bedroom by any means. I get sex quite frequently. But not the kind I want. It's not starfish but not the great enthusiastic sex I want. Im the only one who has ever been able to bring her to orgasm. She didn't even know she could have one before we met. I enjoy pleasing the woman I'm with. Point is she has told me that our sex life is better than anything that she has had before. So I don't think that's what she is looking for in another man. She tells me that she misses talking with him. I think now the thing that is preventing me from getting what I want is mainly a lack of emotional connection between us. And I think that her having feelings for another man will always prevent me from getting what I want from her.

I think i went full beta after we had our first child, but maybe I am not beta enough sometimes. I'm working on improving myself as much as possible right now. The end result I would like to see out of all of this work is a strong marriage with a wife that does not have feelings for another Man and an improved sex life. I'd like to think that the reason I want to save this marriage is because it's "special". Not in the I love my little snow flake sense, but in the sense that we built a family together. I'll never have another mother of my children. Got the bag cut. I don't want to be a part time father, and I don't want to give her half my money. And in all other ways I am happy with the relationship. She is a good mother to my children, and does very well as a SAHM. Sex is getting better... The reason I am here is to work on myself. To make myself a better more attractive Man so I can get what I want with or without her. But I am posting in the MRP for a reason.

It's been a hard pill to swallow. I was raised by a single mother with no father to speak of around. I glad I found this forum, and I look forward to passing on what I learn to my children.

Any input, comments, and advice would be much appreciated.


[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The end result I would like to see out of all of this work is a strong marriage with a wife that does not have feelings for another Man and an improved sex life. I'd like to think that the reason I want to save this marriage is because it's "special". Not in the I love my little snow flake sense, but in the sense that we built a family together.

OP, I read the above, and I think you are just trying to control too many things that you can't really control. You can't MAKE her get her beta orbiter out of her mind. Literally, you can't keep this guy away from her. You can't get her to NOT have feelings for another man unless she choses to. It is not totally your choice to keep your family together. This all sounds like a little magical thinking on your part, and, maybe her too, but I really don't care about her, cause YOU are the only one I can talk to.

So the bottom line here is to encourage you (like you and everyone else here has) to work on you. That is where you have the most control. Good luck.

[–]rocknrollchuck 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This^

[–]debashis22 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

^ Ditto

[–]exbp 39 points40 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

No one else has said it yet but you need to tell her it's "no contact" with this guy or you're gone. She's had way too many 2nd chances already, she needs to know you mean it. I'll probably get some shit about how you should just "be alpha and attract her" but fuck that. She's crossed the line and needs to be flat out told what will happen if she does it now. Toughest part is that you have to be ready to dump her if you find a whiff of suspicious behavior.

Once that's accomplished work on your MAP and pay particular attention to getting some dread going. You need to flip the script and have her wondering what you're up to. With 4 kids as baggage she needs to know how unmarketable she is and how valuable you are. You also need to do this to prepare in case she does continue with this dude.

I suspect dude probably banged your wife at some point but you'll never know for sure. I seriously doubt he's going to be step dad to 4 kids, so he's probably just trying to get laid. Due to past feels tho (and maybe some great orgasms), your wife has romanticized it all into her "true love". You didn't say what the current relationship is with this guy but someone who flirts with my wife to this extent gets excluded from our lives immediately.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is fantastic advice.

I think a big part of OP's problem is he does a lot of hoping his wife will suddenly change and everything will be better. He still tries to trust her after she's proven untrustworthy.

OP should set up some kind of nanny cam and then go about his business. His wife has probably been waiting for the opportunity to cheat with this guy, he should give it to her, and then he has evidence. It's not only better for a legal standpoint but from a mental one as well. Then he knows for sure and can take appropriate action. Part of what has OP gummed up is not having proof.

[–]TRPhd 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes you don't want to know. It's a big decision (and potential legal can o' worms) to initiate surveillance on your spouse.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

I thought the same but due to his inability to maintain boundaries, it would just be another verbal law passed that isn't enforced.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

He has zero incentive to maintain boundaries. Right now with you providing for the kids, it's all sex and attention for him and no consequences. Your wife is his candy shop and dodging you has probably become their favorite game. You should check out my response to /u/exbp . You should give her/them the opportunity to cheat and set up a (several actually) nanny cam so that you have evidence.

After that, get your kids paternity tested. Find out whose they are for sure, then you can decide on your next move.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think you meant that for OP

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're absolutely right. Sorry.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's all gravy, I was really confused at first

[–]exbp 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah, the "evidence gathering" mindset is an easy place to get lost and lose alot of time. Tell her your terms and start improving yourself. A high value man does not spend his time installing keyloggers, cameras or GPS trackers. He's not a PI and doesn't need one because if she does anything that makes him suspicious, he's gone.

I'd still look through her phone/FB/whatever whenever you get a clear chance. But don't make a habit out of it, it's verifying not surveillance.

[–]exbp 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yup, the hard part is meaning it when you say no more 2nd chances.

[–]reigorius 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Willing to walk away

[–]4delicioustreats 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well then that's also something OP has to do. Enforce the boundaries.

This other dude is a drug and she's an addict. Cold turkey is the only way we know.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

There's no relationship with him. I squashed that shortly before finding this place. She also knows I'm half out the door. Currently learning a bit about dread. I would like to make it bpassive (natural). Guys a douche. In no position, or wants to be a father figure to my kids. He knows I'd crush his face if he tried. Thanks for the advice.

[–]bogeyd6 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The male hamster maybe is even stronger than it's female counterpart.

[–]RedPill808 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"There's no relationship with him" = wishful thinking. Fact is, you don't know.

"I squashed that..." How'd that work the first two times?

"In no position or want to be a father..." He doesn't want that, he wants to bang/keep banging your wife.

Time for a tactical nuke dread strike, IMO.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So he's a shit man, and gives your wife better tingles than you do.

What do you think that says about you as a man?

[–]exbp 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah exactly. The best dread is when it comes to you. A waitress laughs at your joke and lingers a little too long, a neighbor asks if you've been working out, her girlfriend keeps touching your shoulders, etc. But to get there it takes the body, some game, some interests outside of home life, and practice.

[–]farnsworth_esq 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Learning about dread? Hold on. You can't have lurked for 5 minutes without learning dread. Dread is fundamental here. People are taking you at your word about having lurked, but dread is where you need to go first and foremost.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm learning about passive dread. What creates those feelings, and how to generate them. Like I said earlier, my charm and confidence are low. I've been out of the game for a long time, didn't think I needed to maintain any of that, and this situation has done some very negative things to my self image. These are the things I'm working on.

[–]esired 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

As the old saying goes fool me once shame on you, full me twice shame on me. A third time shouldn't happen. She has showed her true self. You can try to pretend that this women who lied to you repeatedly is now honest about not fucking this guy behind your back. Or you can make yourself a bit more scarce and use that time to find your "true love." I know no one wants to blow up their marriage but you shouldn't have to make excuses for an unfaithful wife.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. Thanks for that.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe someday.... but I think that FDonkeyPunch might not make best use of any negative information right now. If his life were smoother, he might not care about paternity per se, since he has already been snipped. After OP starts getting himself together, for his own sake only, then this might be good to know, and, could be helpful in charting the course of his future relationship with his SO, OR, he might just decide that he would rather not know.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So she has done this 4 times, and you still want and persue her.

No friend, you are not a 8 SMV. Not to her, not with you continuing taking her back and taking her shit. She probably sees you at half of her's. That is why she knows she can pull this shit.

[–]DearJo 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hey, you are sorta me from about 2 months ago. Wife had an orbiter ex-bf from her youth and they had connected via text into a quasi-emotional relationship. At the time I couldn't understand why she wanted a separation. The only reason is to pursue someone else without the guilt. So I snooped and found the texts. Mostly just him testing the boundaries and her being open to it. Wife seemed like she was setting up another branch to swing to. My wife is like a JC Penney's catalog model hot, so whatever number that is... anyway, I had her on a pedestal. Fed the 'Nice Guy' narrative in me. Finding those texts messages lowered her SMV and opened my eyes. I was stuck in the anger phase which I believe you might be too. That inciting incident sky rocketed me out of it. I upped the dread, held a stoic frame and my OI is so much better. As far as dread, I started becoming less available so in addition to the gym, I started doing martial arts at night just b/c that was more fun than hanging out with her. Of course that was all met with shit tests but it didn't derail me. I was no longer angry. That was the key for me, anger phase.

Anyway, I fucked my marriage up royally and we should've gotten divorce. But this event lit a fire under me b/c I knew I was better than this guy and really this was my fault b/c I was drunk at the wheel. I haven't turned my marriage completely around yet but we are more affectionate and her mood and my mood are much, much better.

Someone else said it right, your wife will always have orbiters of some sort. You just have to become the prize so she won't feel the need to stray. So work on your MAP.

Finally, don't mistake MRP for being an asshole like I did. It's a slow process made for the patient man. Good luck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Asshole doesn't matter... Being quality matters.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. It's nice to her of a similar story with a positive outcome.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I'm going to go ahead and write this. This dude is challenging you. All this bullshit about redpill this and redpill that, isn't the core of redpill about masculinity? This guy's in your home pissing on your stuff. Punch him right in the fucking mouth. Make sure she knows it happened. You're not being respected by either of them, and you're right, this dude's not going to become "daddy" to four fucking kids. They're playing you. Personally I don't respect men who don't stand their ground. I'm not criticizing you or saying I don't respect you, my point is people get on here and try and figure out how to be alpha to impress their woman or build an "abundance mentality" and act like you don't give a fuck when sometimes you need to reach into that primal core you have and fuck a dude up because he's trying to take what you've built for yourself. Just a thought.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think this is absolutely terrible advice. I used to love fighting but now am smarter so hear me out.

I know 2 guys who have gone to prison after being in fights. There is no positive outcome to punching someone in the face.

1) You win - Well, you started the violence, so you go to jail. You get charged. You spend a few days in the slammer, and have to post bail. You get convicted of assault. You spend a few weekends in jail. Now you have a criminal record for violence. Next step? You lose your children, soon to be ex-wife has ALL the power because you are a violent offender. Yeah it feels good to kick ass - but what are you? A pussy driven by your emotions?

2) You lose - So you go to kick the guys ass, and he wins. Even if you are tougher/bigger/stronger than him, it happens all the time. You just can't always predict the outcome. You start the fight, and somehow he wins. Well now, you still go to jail, and your wife thinks you are a pussy.

The ONLY time you should resort to violence is if someone is trying to hurt you or a family member. You have a right to defense and that person will go to jail as long as you didn't beat him up too badly. Often, the winner goes to jail if they hurt the other person too much - no matter who started it.

The courts judge two things 1) The action and 2) The response. Both of these need to be reasonable or you go to jail.

Violence almost never turns out well, and will certainly NOT help you in the future legal battles. Not to mention what a conviction will do to your career.

Keep your frame. Be superior. Do not let these assholes make you lose your shit.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely bad advice to assault him.

I've been in the middle of this. I won the fight, but lost big time.

Years ago, it was a long drawn out bunch of legal shit that lasted for months. and, you have to live with the shitty results of your actions. Me and 2 guys in a bar. Big fight. Everyone wakes up in hospital. One dies later. NEVER AGAIN.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, and worse case scenario, one punch homicide.

Dude 1 punches Dude 2, Dude 2 hits his head with enough force, brain swells, Dude 2 dies as a results of Dude 1's actions.

Violence puts you in her frame.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It happens all the time. So easy for someone to end up dead, paralyzed, or brain damaged from a punch or falling down. It happens every single day.

There are thousands of men in prison because of a "simple" fight.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've investigated several.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Solid fucking response.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. Thanks for the comment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you might wanna adopt the mindset, that whatever happened pre unplugging doesn't matter. You can't do anything about it because you've only first begun getting the tools now, and besides your pre red pill personality have often been your own worst enemy.

Good advice.

[–]trptaway 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My plan for if my wife ever cheats... Tell her if she's truly sorry and wants me back, she needs to forfeit her potential money she would get in a divorce. Go to a lawyer and sign docs proving it. Then after she signs the docs, I'd probably still divorce her ass.

If she didn't agree to do that, I'd know she wasn't truly sorry/committed to working it out, and would divorce her.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Let's cover some basics, are you an attractive man? Meaning do you have muscles, confidence, charm, and a idgaf my vision will work view on life?

Did your wife fuck this guy? Did he widow her and she's looking for that sense of 'feeling'.

If everything is on point except this dude, then move on and leave him in the dust. Start picking your wife up, read through my posts on keeping shit interesting or scour my blog www.thefamilyalpha.com to get some ideas on how exactly you can get the sex you want.

Most importantly, you decided to forgive her, so the past is done, she doesn't owe you shit from her transgressions. But you need to let the bitter aspect of the pill dissolve as you may not be the dude she is thinking of and therefore you aren't the dude who is getting her best.

Become that man. As sad as it is for men (the more romantic of the sexes) the less you show you love your wife, the more she'll desire you.

EDIT Just so it's said, remember that women don't 'love' the way men do. He may be an outlet she is choosing because you're boring and he's different. At the same time, I Alpha widowed a chick and I know for a fact right now, I could take her from her husband and kid as she has made it known that she still, after 5 years of no contact (except very recently) wants my dick.

You need to find out what attracts these two. Are they fucking or are they just flirting.

[–]Chinny4daWinny 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just in case you didn't get the notification since he didn't reply directly to your comment, OP replied

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn't but see it now, thanks for the heads up.

[–]Njncguy -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

So impressed you were fucking a married woman and could have her leave for you any time you wanted.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's not impressive, it actually makes me sick. AWALT is true, yet I still wish it wasn't.

[–]Njncguy -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm glad to see that a TRP "name" does NOT see it as impressive. My comment above was meant as total utter sarcasm.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one does, don't be a douche

[–]GC0W30 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep reading TRP, if there is one field report that goes over RP men being easily capable of pulling a woman out of a 'happy' marriage then there are a hundred.

The only trick would be pulling one out of a marriage with an alpha who maintains perfect frame and is fitter and more successful than you. FRs of that don't come in...

Also, it's way harder to get a chick to cheat during the initial 'hot burn' part of a new relationship, the part where the sex is great. That burn usually lasts like 3 months, though.

[–]WhiteTrashKiller 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

First thing you are taught here is that you can't negotiate desire. She has a connection to this man for a reason she isn't sharing with you. Sounds like she was alpha widowed to me. If I get the math right she was 18 when you got together(29-11yrs). If so this is a classic example of missing her chance to ride the carousel. She started to young and settled down and now is bored, but could have wanted him or had him before you and is trying to relive her wonder years. Did she settle with you?

The only thing you can do is build yourself up, turn the dread up to 11 and game other women. If she wants you the fear of you going elsewhere could trigger her response. Then again if she is a 9 and she knows it you are gonna have to pull a younger 9 or 10 to elicit the reaction you desire.

She cheated, whether it was emotional or physical she has broken the relationship and only she can decide if it is worth fixing it not you. You did nothing wrong, she continually engaged in an affair with this man, lied to you repeatedly and you still took her back. At what point does the insanity stop? You need more OI, leave her with the kids and go find a better you. If she advances the affair further(IE he comes to house while your out, hell he may have been there already) get proof of it so you can position yourself in a positive light for custody.

Stay on point and improve yourself

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

The insanity stops now. We settled together because I knocked her up so early in the relationship.she was not alpha widowed. I think she mat have been beta widowed. This guy is a chump. I don't get it. Like I said in the op, I feel I went full beta after our first child...but maybe I wasn't beta enough. Thanks for the input. It is much appreciated.

[–]Jessie_James 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This guy is a chump. I don't get it.

He's not a chump, YOU are. He has her hooked.

Personally, I'd divorce her. Doing it to you three times says a lot about you being beta. My wife knows if she were to do something like that once, she'd be divorced the next day.

You're all talk, no action. That means you don't really have a spine. That isn't attractive to women.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Point taken. I'm starting to see that. Always thought doing the "right thing" was the right thing to do. I see now how pourly I've handled all of this. I would have never tolerated that kind of shit before I had kids. Finding this forum and others has really opened my eyes to alot. Thanks for the comment.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

They were friends before we met. She has always had him around but has never had a sexual relationship with him. Not sure why but probably because he is a douche, a poor father to his two children, and has a reputation for sleeping with some very nasty pussy. ( real whores, no condom type shit). Maybe she does keep him in her back pocket just incase. I'm and diffinetly not threatened by this gay on any level. Problem is I need to show that.

[–]GC0W30 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everything you just said about him points to being the kind of dark triad douche that fucks everyone else's wife.

Chicks cheat with men that society would generally describe as terrible men. Chicks don't want alphas to wear condoms, they want that alpha jizz in them. When I follow the RP framework, and my SMV is appropriate to the woman I'm fucking, she doesn't ask for the rubber.

Reading everything you've written, I'd be willing to bet $50 that she has taken at least one load of his jizz, and treasured its presence inside of her.

If I'm wrong, it's only because of logistics, not because of a lack of willingness.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pre selection and confidence...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, he didn't even use "alpha widow" correctly.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

^ This guy is right on.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

I'm not "built", but I'm working on that. I am very lean though. 6ft 170lbs. Low in confidence and charm. Those are things I need to work on, but I've always hade a IDKAF attitude. This guy did not fuck my wife...as far as I know.

Thanks for the advice. I will read through some of your blog tonight.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This guy did not fuck my wife...as far as I know.

Look dude, I know it probably made you queasy just to write that out, but understand that it is a possibility. I think you should start playing scenarios in your head now, so that if/when truths come out you are mentally prepared and have a game plan to implement.

Though she may be hurting you to your very core as a man, you must not let her see this. Arguing, fighting, yelling, etc all of that puts you in her frame and you are coming across as weak.

Instead, start building an identity for yourself. Become the masculine man you were always meant to be and continue pushing forward. Make her fucking terrified that she fucked up and is going to lose the most king dick alpha mother fucker she'll ever of met.

You have to do this or you'll either be killed by the pain of her repeated failure to show you love, or the past will kill you via dropping terrorist bombs in your mind. You'll keep thinking of this dude and your wife and it will fuck you up.

[–]4delicioustreats 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

How can he find out for certain? Is there some strategy to extract the truth from her? (Not waterboarding)

[–]MRPguy 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course she fucked him. Women lie to protect their sexual interests. It's their game. She admitted to emotional affair which allows her hamster to say she was honest and she can sleep well at night. An affair is an affair, her hamster will say.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tond of methods. But it's a huge investment in time. Your gut says something is up is enough to take action.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Either don't care or psychological manipulation.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's why I'm here. Thanks again.

[–]MRPguy 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Lean isn't skinny. Lean is jacked with minimal body fat. I love how everybody views their SMV as 8 or 9 around here. I love how guys whose wives are having emotional affairs, and physically affairs, are still viewing their own SMV as an 8 or 9.

Time to bring out the sack of bricks and start knocking skulls. You aren't an 8 or 9. SMV isn't simply looks, it's your entire package. It's King Dick, Family Alpha. If you were 2 points away from a 10, your wife wouldn't be eye-fucking another guy in your kitchen while you are in the house.

But really, what you (or I) think our SMV is doesn't matter. All the matters is what our wives think our SMV is. Based on evidence you've laid out, she probably thinks you are a 5 or 6.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Maybe I need to take a step back and re evaluate my smv. Thanks for the comment.

[–]Ryanami 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hers, too. Still a 9 after 4 kids? Sure okay.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't evaluate your smv, thats the realm of the girl, period.

Don't jerk off your ego

[–]Paladins_code 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The one who needs to develop some dread is the asshole who's stringing your wife along.

[–]GC0W30 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have you read Married Man Sex Life?

He's got a discussion in there about how far to dial up alpha vs beta behaviors depending on what's going on in the relationship. You may find this helpful.

[–]TRPhd 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women with children are never, ever 9's. Never. Even if you think the woman is a 9, she doesn't, because any high-value male will be less interested in her due to her having already reproduced.

Each child subtracts 1 point from her hotness score, with the additional rule-of-thumb that four-kids-is-a-4-score on total attractiveness.

[–]ruse_of_metacarpi 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

My friend, I hate to break this to you but women are expert liars. They are 100 times more skilled at deception than us men will ever be. That being said, you need to take a more realistic and less optimistic approach to this situation. Whatever your wife has chosen to reveal to you, you need to consider that she has probably gone much further.

At this point it looks like you are content to just bury your head in the sand and wish away reality. Cut that shit out.

Install nanny cams. Get a GPS tracker. Keylog her computer and phone. Find out what is the real deal. The situation has gone way too far for you to trust anything she says.

Oh and checking phone records alone is not going to cut it. That's what burn phones or social media is for.

Trust me. The stakes are way too high for you to just take her word for it or for you to be in the dark about what's really going on.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

looks like you are content to just bury your head in the sand and wish away reality.

OP describes other guy as an orbiter, then goes on to say that other guy is a douche, that bare-backs other women (classic bad-boy Alpha).

Self-delusion for sure.

[–]Coolbeans024ptf0 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

I'm very much in a similar situation and the people here pretty much say that I'm a pussy to keep a woman like that in my life but as you know, it's not like you can just remove the bad part and keep the rest. You can toss a ton of great things in your life to get rid of one bad thing or you can tolerate the shit and keep the good parts. You are in a lose lose situation. You have also screwed yourself by letting her stay at home. She owns you and you are legally enslaved to her. She can get knocked up by this guy and you will have to pay child support as if it was yours (if you live in the USA). Do you think she is more or less involved in your marriage than you are?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Your 'wife' is a lesbian right? His wife spoke to a guy (as far as we know, probably more but that's TBD) so where is the similarity?

You need to figure yourself out dude, there is this underlying passive-aggressive tone that is probably the result of you hating yourself for not being able to make the hard decisions in life.

[–]Coolbeans024ptf3 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

The similarity is that both of our wives love other people and we both have kids and make way more money than our wives. There is no solution that is desirable. Stay with someone who doesn't love you or lose everything good about your life so you can be a part time dad that is broke. It's shit either way.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why not go ultimatecad? If she wants muff, what stops you from yours?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Initially I was going to say that you're being a pussy. Yet, as I thought it over and considered my own situation I better understood your plight.

Have you ever read Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield?

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. I think I needed that.

[–]TheFuckinDonkeyPunch[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

To all suggesting spying on my wife... Were a couple states away from all that now. I don't suspect anything physical at a all. I have been monitoring cell phone communications for about 6 months. I have not seen anything as of yet. The shit is eating me up though. I don't like feeling like I need to do that. Hopefully I loose that feeling soon. I just need to keep working on me. If shit don't fall in line, I'll have to move on to get rid of it. I'm very glad I found the "manosphere". Shit is changing my life for the better.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Being a couple of states away doesn't mean shit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"If a woman wants to fuck you, she'll fuck you."

Yep, distance doesn't matter. She'll find a way.

[–]ruse_of_metacarpi 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If all you are doing is monitoring cell phone communications I got news for you. That's not enough.

There's a million other ways she can communicate with orbiters so you'd better take off them blue colored glasses and think like a Machiavellian if you want the whole truth.

You know deep down inside your gut is telling you there's more to this story. And your hamster is trying to get you to ignore your gut by rationalizing it away.

Well I'm here to tell you what the other guys here won't. Trust your gut feeling. Stop defending her and assume the worst. Go McGyver on her ass and ruthlessly search for the truth. And remember a woman is only likely to give you half the story. Ignore this shit at your own peril.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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