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My wife has always had a temper, or should I say I always allowed my wife to have a temper. Any small grievance was meet with an over the top melt down and accusations of me not caring about her and our relationship. Her inability to tell me when something bothered her without giving in to hysterics was annoying and something I vowed to change. Using the tools I learned her I was able to show her that her negatively lashing out instead of coming calmly to try and find a solution would only lead to her being frustrated.

Two days ago my wife was bothered by an off hand comment I made. Instead of freaking out like she used to she waited until she calmed down and sent me a text where she respectfully explained what she was feeling and why. Issue was resolved in two messages. When we got home from work I told her that I can see how much she has grown in regards to dealing with her emotions and I appreciate the effort she has but in to handle situations more maturely. Her eyes lit up. She looked at me like I just told her we were going on a vacation to Europe. By validating her from a masculine frame I made her happier with that thank you than any gift I gave her during my beta days.

Just like we want to lead, our wife wants to follow a strong man. A captain needs to let his crew know not only when they make mistakes, but also praise them when they succeed. A small thank you from a strong captain can validate her and make her feel loved and more secure in the marriage. Praise in the bedroom is great but praise outside the bedroom is equally as important. I don't think this is something I should make a habit of, but in this case it seemed like an appropriate action to take. Fellow members of MRP what ways and when do you show overt appreciation to your first officers?


[–]trp-grasshopper5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When she steps in line.

There's nothing wrong with congratulating her on doing something right. That's the oak.

[–]Carpy19825 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I like this post. It's a very good reminder to me personally. I've made a hell of a lot of changes in myself and household and I see a lot changes in my wife's actions being much more respectful to me. I do sometimes forget to reward that good behavior with a nice compliment here and there. Thanks esired

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I give her time, intentionally. She inevitably will ask me why I am focused on her at that point and a simple "cause you have been very pleasant lately to be around" gets one of those girly spring in her step kisses headed my way. It sounds kind of beta to go out of my way to have those moments but they are intentional and I know the conversation is coming soon so I get the most out of it. Its a very well planned direct way to communicate how I want her to act.

Moving the goal posts in a positive direction for once

[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think any major achievement (personal or professional) deserves praise. Mindlessly doling it out all the time is obviously a bad idea, but when praise is due, give praise.

From time to time it is also a good idea to praise one of her qualities to others. Everybody loves that.

Give her emotions. It's powerful stuff, just be sparing with it.

[–]MRPguyMarried1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As Athol says: "...try saying 'Thank you.' It's not that hard and much cheaper than a divorce. It shouldn't be every single time she is good either, just mix it up and be a little random with the praises as it's more effective that way."

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many of us are struggling with sex denying, shit testing, harpies and the thought of needing to provide positive feedback is a distant one.

However, that is the ultimate goal- carrot and not stick.

Note a couple things OP brought out that I want to emphasize:

  1. Women don't want praise or even reinforcement from Beta slobs. Betas are for comfort and should not step out of their assigned role to provide warm compliments- who does he think he is anyway to tell me I am doing it right and besides, he compliments me and is "nice" ALL THE TIME so it has no value.

  2. Women glow and practically float off the floor when praise or reinforcement comes from an Alpha. A strong masculine man approves of me and that is all good. He almost never says nice things like that so it is very special.

WHEN you have the Alpha persona AND your wife accepts you as "her" Alpha feel free to compliment and reinforce. However, do it rarely and compliment behavior, not looks and reinforce charm, not Jewelry.

[–]RPcoyoteUnplugging0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's a weak spot for me. I have to consciously, deliberately lead the troops through a good pep talk every now and then and a recognition of their performance. First officer morale is key and can be beefed up/ maintained from time to time with feedback and praise as OP suggests. Good reminder.

[–]esired[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had the same problem. I was too concerned about finding things to fix I would often forget to show appreciation for the things that were going well.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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