MRP here. 36M married to my girl for about 10 years. We have a number of children.

I spent the first 9 years or so of our marriage being a pussy in bed. Beta. Not being assertive as to what I wanted, or what I expected of her. And our sexual relationship suffered due to lack of leadership.

The sex was never bad or too seldom. She (34F) is hot when I married her and is still hot. Very much into maintaining her body (as am I now) despite kids. She won homecoming queen twice back when that stuff mattered.

So our bedroom routine had always been pretty normal - mostly 3 or 4 times a week, when I "needed" it. She always just seemed to have a lower labito. Part of that is due to a religious upbringing - a certain sense of "guilt" about non-vanilla sex.

So some background

In year 2 or 3 I bought a book about how to spice up our sex life at the bookstore. That didn't help at all.

Around years 7-8. Finally decided I was going to get fit again. Lose the weight I had put on early in marriage. Lost 80 pounds.

Around year 8 I started taking nude pics (very occasionally) of her and later videos for my own enjoyment outside the bedroom. At first she was WAY not into this, and would object every time. Instead of being playful and escalating, I would be a beta-apologist pussy.

I read something on RP awhile ago that really reformed my thinking. It said something about how all women will make exceptions for the right man. Even the most conservative woman will figuratively "fuck in the broom closet," if it's the right situation, guy, etc. This really woke me up.

Only in the last year, and especially the last few months, have I really started applying RP principles to our relationship.

A few:

1. Not rewarding any star fishing behavior on her part. I used to sit there and massage her fo-re-ev-er thinking that would warm her up. I would try and be "nice" all day thinking that would help - nope. I'm not saying I'm a dick now, I just learned that housework/helping with the kids is all "bedroom neutral" to a woman - despite what they say.
2. I even go as far as to not touch skin-on-skin when we are near each other. Old beta-me would have had my hands on her when we were watching a movie. This rewarded her starfish behavior. Now I'll just sit near her when we're watching a movie, but NOT TOUCH. Women love touch though. Last night, she initiated touch for the first time in a long time and things escalated.
3. I do what the fuck I want in the bedroom and she's ok with that. For the first time ever the other week I was laying in bed horney. She had gone to bed. I rolled over, turned on a light, and rubbed one out on top of her. Old her would have been like, "what the fuck are you doing." New her - not a word because she knows I don't give a shit about her hamstering.

She's finally learning to touch herself. This was something she never did before marriage (many women haven't), and when I would suggest it as a beta in marriage, she'd just say "no." Well that's changing, because instead of asking her to do it, I just tell her to. Earlier today I handed her her vibrator and said I was going to watch her fuck herself. She has NEVER used it by herself, always wants me to be involved if she's using it, etc., back to the whole religious guilt thing.

She laid right there in front of me and came about 7 times in 15 minutes and it was actually fun for both of us. 0 guilt on her part, no embarrassment, she'd talk between cums; laugh.

Anyway - my point is, there is hope men. Even if you've been a pussy like me for 10 years.

My advice. Be the man. She can't be the man for you. Lead. She wants to be lead. Don't consider rejection as an option, and it won't happen. Don't fall into her hamstering. Be stoic. Do what the fuck you want, and watch your girl become the one that will "fuck you in the broom closet," even if she never thought she was the type.