Much of /r/marriedredpill focuses on improving one's attractiveness in order increase the desire of one's wife to have sex. But I rarely see any discussion of what constitutes a good sexual initiation. Even if you have a great body, dress well, and have a rock-solid frame, if you botch the initiation, you're likely going to be going it alone that night.

IMO - and developed from a few years of trial and error, interacting with the good people on the MMSL forums, and red pill theory - I believe that there are four parts, or cornerstones, to a good sexual initiation:

1. Dominance
2. Playfulness
3. Desire
4. Outcome independence

If your initiations are lacking any of these four aspects, then there's a good chance that your initiations are falling flat more often than not. Let me define each of these four aspects and give examples of what not to do. Note that there is overlap in ideas among the four aspects.

Dominance

Obviously, it's a common theme in RP that dominance (or put another way, confidence) is attractive. Note that in this case, I'm not talking about the BDSM style dominance, but simply being sure of what you want. Having a strong frame. The man who asks his wife, "are you interested in having sex tonight?" is not exhibiting dominance. The man who paws at his wife hoping that she'll give him a green light for sex is not exhibiting dominance. Plausible deniability is not your friend when it comes to sexual initiations. However you initiate sex, it should be clear to your wife that you are initiating sex. That doesn't necessarily mean ripping off her panties (although that would certainly be a dominant move). A dominant move could also be a slow caress, as long as it's clear that you are doing it because you want to, NOT because you're hoping to butter her up for sex.

Women tend to have responsive desire. That means that you typically have to lead the sex.

As a side note, I often see men complain that their wives don't initiate more. Believe me, I get that. But in the words of the great Athol Kay, "The bull doesn't complain that the cows don't initiate". It's simply not in her nature. Instead of hoping that she will initiate, learn to see signs of desire in the fact that she follows your lead. You want desire? Give her a compliance test; tell her to do something for you (sexually). If she complies, then that's a blatant sign of her desire for you.

Playfulness

I've seen so many stories of initiations that weren't playful. Sex is supposed to be fun. Make her laugh. Make her scream in delight. Chase her around the house. Tickle her. If your initiation isn't making her feel like she's about to have fun, then why should she see sex as anything other than a chore? If you just sit in a chair and tell her to get naked, you are being dominant, but you've left out the playfulness. If you just roll over in bed and start kissing her, your intentions are clear, but there's little playfulness. You can certainly get away with being super serious in your initiations, but in my experience, playfulness is much more effective.

Desire

Women typically have responsive desire. That means that, unlike men who have much higher testosterone levels, women rarely feel horny for no reason. Rather their horniness tends to build in response to stimulation. Furthermore, many women have trouble with feeling pretty and desirable. This is especially true for wives, who are often a little older, many are past (or quickly approaching) the wall, and of course many are quite self-conscious of what child-birth and time have done to their bodies.

If a woman doesn't feel sexy, then she is typically going to be resistant to sex.

If you want your wife to want to have sex with you, then your initiation must make her feel pretty and desirable.

Actually, you need to be building responsive desire in your wife from the moment you wake up. Building responsive desire prior to the initiation can be quite difficult to get right. On the one hand, you've got to build your wife's responsive desire and make her feel wanted. On the other hand, you can't be chasing her non-stop throughout the day. There has to be a fair amount of push-pull. The pull is when you walk up to her, grab her ass, and kiss her neck because she's so hot you can't help yourself. The push is when you walk away while she's still craving more because you're a busy man and have things to do.

When it comes time for the initiation, she needs to feel uncontrollable lust from you. You need to show her that you want her so bad, you may not be able to stop if she turns you down. If your initiation has confidence and playfulness, but feels to her like you can take it or leave it, then she's most likely going to turn you down. I've had my wife reject me, only to tell me later that she really wanted sex but turned me down because she wasn't sure I really wanted it. Show her your desire!

Outcome independence

This one should be well understood by the men who frequent MRP as we talk about outcome independence quite a bit. If by chance she does turn you down, the only acceptable response at the time is to act like it's completely o.k. Go find something else to do with your time to take you mind off the rejection. Better yet, have an idea of what you are going to do if she turns you down before you initiate. If you can be outcome independent, then you will build your chances that she will say yes the next time you initiate. If you aren't outcome independent, then she's more likely to say 'no' the next time you initiate.

I will say that I have had considerable success with my wife by hanging out with her after she rejects me for sex. If she turns me down, and I can maintain my OI while watching a show with her, or talking with her, then there's a good chance she will actually re-iniitate sex in a short time. YMMV. Also, I will point out that it took me a good year of practice before I could even stay in the same room with her and be OI after a rejection. For most guys, you're better off leaving her presence when she turns you down until you have really mastered OI following rejection.

Also note that many men believe the purpose of leaving her presence following rejection is to punish her for rejecting you. If that's your goal when you go do something else following rejection, then you aren't really being OI. Furthermore, punishing her for turning you down is passive-aggressive, manipulative, and living squarely in her frame. If you leave her presence, do it to take your mind off the fact that she rejected you for sex, or because you simply have better things to do. The fact that she will no longer get to enjoy your presence is a by-product, not the goal.

Cornerstones in action

To see how important these four aspects are to a sexual initiation, consider the following scenario. First, let's assume that you've been making drive-bys on your wife all day, building her responsive desire, and engaging in some good push-pull. The kids are in bed, the chores are all done, and you walk into the kitchen and see her leaning up against the counter playing with her phone. Now's your chance.

A bad approach would be to walk up to her, sigh, mention how rough your day was, and then ask her if she might be interested in sex. It falls flat for so many reasons. There's no confidence, there's no fun or playfulness, and you haven't done anything in that moment to make her feel pretty or desired. If you pout or get angry when she turns you down, then you've almost ensured that she's going to look at sex with you a little less positively in the future. Way to go, Romeo.

Alternatively, imagine if you clear your throat to get her attention. When she looks at you, you look at her like a piece of meat with a smirk on your face. When she shit tests you by saying something like "I know what that stare means, and I'm not interested", you ignore her comment, but slowly walk up to her and say some cheesy pick up line like, "Man I'm starving and you are the tastiest looking thing I've seen all day.". Your hands start to explore her body. When she bats them away, you persist. "You are so hot, I just can't keep my hands off you," you say while continuing to grope her. Maybe you tickle her a little bit. A big smile is on your face, and one is starting to crack on her face as well. The battle between your attempts to touch her and her attempts to push you away are escalating to wrestling. She's starting to laugh (although she's still trying to act annoyed). Finally, you pick her up and throw her over your shoulder. She gives out a screaming laugh, "put me down, you are going to hurt yourself!" You carry her into the bedroom and throw her onto the bed.

Now, that's a great initiation. She knows you are trying to initiate sex, and you are doing what you want to do with her body, even persisting against her objections. So there is dominance and confidence. The interaction is clearly playful and the way you can't keep your hands off her is making her feel desired. Even if she turns you down and gives you a hard 'no', she's had a positive interaction, especially if you can be OI to the rejection. As you walk away with a smile on your face, she's thinking, "God he's such a great guy. I'm an ass for turning him down." She may even be thinking, "I hope he doesn't go find some other woman!" With any luck, she'll come hunt you down in the near future.

Edited for grammar and spelling