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I was frustrated with all the stupid fights we had, scared of a possible divorce that seemed would come. We both had a lot of resentment and were very angry and unhappy at each other. Sex was suffering from this, which had been our life line before. MRP found me, and it really opened my eyes. I fucked up many times during my transition, not increasing my SMV as fast or effectively as I could have, and even had a victim puke. I worked hard on myself, but still had a couple of weeks of terrible anger phase. I felt disrespected by her, and exhausted by the shit tests. And then we had the main event, and I was exhausted, but I held frame and held frame and held frame. If I hadn't acted, then MRP would have been just a circlejerk on the internet that fed my frustrations. But I acted even when it was scary, I acted because I had to rock the boat to change things. And here I am, with a Thanks MRP post.

--

It hasn't been 4 months yet since I took TRP, but everything is so different. I am happier than ever since we married. I just feel in so much control of my life. Even though there are a lot of uncertainties, I just channel that into just doing more stuff that I control and make me happier. I work harder than ever on myself and on my household, because that is what the captain does, period. I don't look for approval from my work. Instead of fighting to maintain frame, I feel that more often I get strength from my frame. Stuff that used to irritate me or that i thought wasn't fair now just seems so ordinary, manageable and even useful. Stuff that I thought she had to change so we could be happy now are things that I see is just part of she being a woman and love her more for who she really is.

It isn't perfect, I make mistakes, I miss shit tests, she sometimes still gets to me and it takes me a bit to recover, I should initiate more sex, and I need to get to the next stage in my career. I will keep working on that, because men never stop improving. This weekend it really sunk in how happy and comfortable I feel looking at the world now, the real world. Yeah, it is harsh, yeah, there is no rest for us, no chance for weakness, yes, the burden is heavy for men to carry. But there is also a beauty in accepting it as it is, taking responsibility, and just carrying the burden, it makes me feel strong.


Field Report

This weekend she threw some minor shit tests at me. I was calmed, I knew she was ovulating, I wasn't upset by the shit test, I just understood she wanted to fuck me, so she had to do this test to be sure I was worth it, and that is reality. I had a passing grade, nothing too memorable. Looking back, I should have used some amused mastery to pass it with flair, but I didn't. A bit after she came with yet another shit test. Instead of being resentful for it, I was grateful. She was so nice she was giving me another chance! I knew she wanted me to ace this test so she could fuck me harder. If that isn't a sign of RP love, I don't know what it is!

I ignored her stupid shit with amused mastery while I led her to do the bedroom by the hand because I knew that is what this was really about. We had fantastic sex. And the next day she was flirting and happy all day. She hugged me and started to squeeze my back, shoulders and arms, and commented on how I felt different. (I acted as if it didn't matter to me, but I know i've put work into losing the fat and getting some muscle tone, and it shows). And we had more good sex and fun all weekend.

We hadn't had such a great fun weekend in many months. She was so into me, it was just like when we had started dating: hanging out, having sex, laughing together, and having more sex. And I understood why so well. She was ovulating so she wanted to fuck an alpha man of high SMV.

And I am that man my wife wants to fuck.


[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it is harsh, yeah, there is no rest, yes, the burden is heavy for men to carry. But there is also a beauty in accepting it as it is, taking responsibility, and just carrying the burden.

This is the pinnacle of MRP - hitting the point where you see everything for what is truly is, find the beauty in that truth, and then accept that everything lands squarely on your shoulders.

This is a great post that I feel will be lost on the majority of members here as many are going through the initial stages. But for those who have 'made it', you have put into words what we have all felt.

An appreciation for raising our standards, setting the example for our family, and the beauty of a true relationship where each member plays their role.

This is where every marriage should be, an understanding of each person playing their role. She will test, you will understand that test and pass. You will live, learn, and improve, she will be there every step of the way because she knows that you are setting the standard from which she is measuring other men.

The more you improve, the more she will love. Till death do you part.

Edit: Spelling

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I feel will be lost on the majority of members here as many are going through the initial stages.

I encourage them to read my post history. I sort of documented my transition there. I was frustrated asking "Is this a shit test?" and stuff like that, like everyone at the beginning. I was exhausted from the tests, and then happy i started seeing them and passing them, then exhausted from internalizing how they always come. And I was afraid during the Main Event. Really really afraid. But if we aren't afraid, then we can't do brave things. I knew this was the only way forward for me to be happy, and held frame. Change is scary, for both her and for me. But I had to hold frame and sail this ship to new waters. Going back to the old bay that we hated wasn't an option for me.

The process never even ends. There is no "end point". It is exhausting forever working on being stronger and stronger. But this what makes us men.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The process never even ends. There is no "end point". It is exhausting forever working on being stronger and stronger. But this what makes us men.

I completely agree and I hope a majority of the Men on this sub find comfort in that uncomfortable truth.

You have documented your transition quite well and have provided a solid resource for the new guys. Maybe someday you could create a sort of timeline that could be linked to for other guys to see the no shit progress of a man who has successfully implemented TRP/MRP into his marriage.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You could take your posts, clean them up, add some order, and self publish on amazon it as a transitions type book. You make great posts.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I also welcome others to share their transitions and the theory of the transition, as I learn a lot from that. I want to achieve some more things on my MAP and see the effects they have in the relationship. I also want to finish reading some more books (Deida takes time to read). Maybe when I'm done with this stage of my MAP, and I plan the next one, I'll budget more time to focus more on post writing to connect the dots in my transition better.

Damn, that is also something that changed in my mind. When I read MMSLP and started my MAP, I thought it was self-improvements as a means to an end, and now I just realize that eternal self-improvement is the way I decided to live my life.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For real, I encourage all the recently-unplugged to look at Strategos' post history. The guy not only gives the play-by-play but also provides the most important part: the thoughts and brainworking being holding frame and Outcome independence.

[–]slurmfactory0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

what is this main event you speak of?

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is one of the top posts in this subreddit, it is also in the wiki.

It refers to those of us that transition while in a relationship. This is very disruptive for the relationship, and ends with a reset or a renegotiation of terms. Many, including myself if you check my history, report one huge shit explosion, sometimes lasting a few days. It seems like it is the woman just trying to get back control from the relationship, but to me, it is really just she trying to internalize the new you. The only way to see if the new you is for real or strong is to have a major explosion to see how you handle it.

It is always better to start a relationship from Alpha, instead of suffering a Main Event. The reason is that The Main Event is just some of the costs your wife and the relationship have to pay for your lack of leadership.

[–]dandar4600Unplugging3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

MRP should be required reading prior to every marriage commitment. The divorce rates would plummet.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So would the marriage rate.

[–]marxistbacon 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Beautiful post, and so much clarity, peace of mind, and truth comes through. A little retrospection and a victory lap is certainly in order after all the work you've done. And it's really kind of cool to see that all the work has been done on yourself, not on your wife. Validates all of the principles. Stay strong, and don't get complacent!

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

it's really kind of cool to see that all the work has been done on yourself, not on your wife.

I think that is something that is very difficult to understand at the beginning. But once we accept all the responsibility we always had, instead of complaining about it, we feel very empowered. The fact that women are attracted to men that do that is a feature.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Nice FR

This is a good example of how women love the way you make her feel rather then love the actual man.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well said. The thing is that if you had told me that 4 months ago, I wouldn't have understood you. I would have thought you were saying something chauvinistic against women because you were just bitter jerk on the internet.

But I understand exactly what you mean, and there is no bitterness in it, there is just an enlightened beauty in accepting that reality without judgement.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Accepting that women love the way you make them feel instead of loving the man is actually how one transforms the bitterness.

It's not easy. I really have to try

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

None of this stuff is easy. It is all fucking hard. But we accept that and do it.

[–]Redneck001MRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am happier than ever since we married. I just feel in so much control of my life.

This. ^ This is what its all about. The best thing in my experience so far as been the realization that I alone am responsible for my happiness.

Great post, dude!

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I alone am responsible for my happiness.

At first this feels like a crushing burden. But then you realize that it is extremely empowering.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I love a story with a happy ending! This one is even better and more heartwarming than the surprise ending of Gone Girl (LOL).

Stuff that I thought she had to change so we could be happy now are things that I see is just part of she being a woman and love her more for who she really is.

But I thought TRP and MRP was all about hating women? Yah, about that...we do not hate women. We understand them. For the new guys this comes with a lot of anger. However, once you accept it you can finally, honestly appreciate women- and they will love that you "just get it."

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We need to have a discussion about "Just get it" and making it seem effortless. Too often I wanted her to notice all my hard work out of covert contracts. No wonder she despised me for it. Similarly, too often I wanted to say the right words to stop the shit tests, but the thing is that it is just so much more powerful to have the right mindset, the body language and act to control the dynamics, because that is what really makes them feel we just get it.

[–]RBuddDwyerMarried- MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And then we had the main event, and I was exhausted, but I held frame and held frame and held frame. If I hadn't acted, then MRP would have been just a circlejerk on the internet that fed my frustrations. But I acted even when it was scary, I acted because I had to rock the boat to change things. And here I am, with a Thanks MRP post.

I believe you are referring to one of these.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, exactly. I think there are quite a few names for "the main event". There are a few FR about them, but i haven't seen much general theory of them. I think it is part of the areas of the transition while in a relationship that could be understood more.

[–]slurmfactory0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Can you give some more insight/ links or anything about the amused mastery and dealing with shit tests? I get so annoyed at shit tests sometimes that I fail them by losing frame. "how dare you come at me with some random bullshit" when really that's part of any relationship with women haha.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, it depends on your goals and needs. Write a post with specifics in your LTR. There are too many TRP and MRP posts that just ask openly "how do I pass shit tests?" and there are too many posts written about it that I don't know how to add something new to it. We have a link to a general resource on Shit Tests in the wiki that is solid in terms of theory. Have you looked at that?

The rest is practice practice practice. Ask something more specific and concrete in a post, and many more here that know more about ST than I can comment.

If the problem is your frame but not the tests, then, that is more important you work on right away. What have you read from the sidebar so far? Depending on that, and your struggles, I can recommend specific resources so you work on frame. Once you have frame, you not only see shit tests, not only you pass shit tests, but you see through shit tests. I think that Amused Mastery and all that is helpful, but in a way is nice flair that she understands.

The key is to maintain frame and vision. I had a lot of difficulty with Amused Mastery, it came out wrong or snappy. I just had to focus on frame and then a few times I really thought the shit test was funny because it was so stupid, and then I was able to deliver Amused Mastery. It is strange, only when I realized the shit tests were stupid and didn't deserve my energy, instead of struggling to maintain frame, I could draw strength from frame, and pass the tests economically. Some of my best Amused Mastery are instances that don't translate very well to writing, like once that i responded to her stupid crap with a real honest belly laugh while I got up and when to pour myself some whiskey, then went back to my chair. Nothing else had to be said nor mattered. It is hard to explain how that passes the shit test in writing, but others that are good at them will totally understand where that was coming from, and that the details don't matter as much as my own internalization of how stupid all this was, and communicating in a way she gets it.

Your phrase "how dare you come at me with some random bullshit" seems to come from a covert contract that you expect her to appreciate your time and resources. I find myself falling for this often. Have you read NMMNG from the sidebar? Or WISNIFG? Both helped me a lot with this.

To end, I'll quote Deida on Shit Tests:

The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are Shiva, the divine masculine: imperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her. She cannot scare you away, because you already penetrate her in fearless love, pervading her heart and body. She cannot distract you, because your one-pointed commitment to truth will not bend to her wiles. Feeling this hugeness of love and freedom in you, she can trust you, utterly, and surrender her testing in celebration of love. Until she wants to feel you as Shiva again.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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