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Took red pill, not attracted to wife anymore (self.askMRP)

submitted by CasinoRoyale4455

I found and took the red pill about 6 months ago due to marriage problems and after reading NMMNG. I'm a career beta. Been reading the MRP posts, side bar, starting lifting 2 months ago. After taking the red pill and waking up I realize I don't find my wife attractive and have no desire to have sex with her. As a career beta there's no way she's ever found me attractive/desirable. Do you guys see this situation with career betas?

Do career betas take the red pill, then wake up with a women they don't find attractive and have no desire to be with? Or do think this is just not owning my shit?


[–]RedPillCoach16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is a well known side effect of waking up to reality- aka taking the pill and has been discussed and confirmed many times.

Your attraction was in whole or part based on your need for a mommy to your Beta. Now that the dynamic has changed there is no basis of your attraction.

Are there other positive factors about this woman that you could recognize in order to build other more healthy bases of attraction?

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, you described my dynamic and feelings well. It's pathetic but true. To answer your question, I would say no but I'm not very good at determining healthy bases of attraction. I don't even know or understand what healthy attraction is. I am working through the sidebar, learning a lot, often too much of a pussy and too scared to implement it in a positive way. I don't have a good plan but I'm going to figure it out. What other option is there? I'm not going to to continue to live this way.

[–]IRunYourRiver4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, you're not. That's about all that is certain right now.

Nevertheless, remember, women take the shape of the container you provide. Work on your container and see what happens.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't even know or understand what healthy attraction is.

The good news for you is that you're not alone.

The bad news for society is... that you're not alone.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think before you make any hard decisions you need to follow the Mindful Attraction Plan, give it a year, working each of the steps. If you still feel the same at the end you can do what you want and will have a better SMV for your move.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok, thanks.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yep. It happens. Give it time though and make sure that it isn’t from all that resentment you have towards her.

It’s not her fault, but yours- that she wasn’t attracted to you. She just liked your provider traits and thought you’d be a good husband.

Once you unfuck yourself, she might come around for you and you may fall back in love tm .

[–]MisfitPL96 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. Its part of the Anger phase. I found all women unattractive until I learned more about the "Game ", hypergamy and solpsism and how to Own Your Shit and take responsibility for your fuck ups being a beta. Now that i am aware of the game I enjoy woman for what they are.

Do the MAP, read the books , so the work and see how you go

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Disney fairytale.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I do have a lot of resentment and I need to own my shit much better. Yes it's my fault she wasn't attracted to me. I don't know that I was ever in love with her because I was such a beta I just had no idea what I was doing and married the first women who would accept me and was attractive enough to me. Fucking pathetic.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hahaha snap, welcome to the party pal

[–]bowhunter61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not happening. If you started out as beta bucks you’re never gonna be Alpha Chad in her eyes. Burn it down and start over.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do career betas take the red pill, then wake up with a women they don't find attractive and have no desire to be with?

Ya lots of guys do. You have to reestablish a new you and do the work to actually figure out what you really want. It's not easy and your not even close.

We all walk our own path. The way your post reads to me, looks like you are looking for permission to leave her.

Be your own judge.

Beta is just a word rolo threw in a book and now regrets.

Forget about your fucking wife and just focus on yourself. You couldn't pull another one right now anyway and your game is probably shit. Work on it in this dumpster fire of a marriage.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The career beta post describes me and my situation very well. It says to start with rejecting altruism, which is incredibly hard for me. As sad as that is I learned somewhere that it’s ‘bad’ to put myself first. I’m working to restructure my patterns of thinking. I just have to put in the work to change myself and see if she comes along or not.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just have to put in the work to change myself and see if she comes along or not.

That's the stuff right there. Keep at it man.

[–]CaliEd2566 points7 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. There’s two kinds of sex, validational and transactional.

Transactional = Be a good little hubby, do the dishes and maybe MAYBE you’ll get lucky.

Validational = “Wife gave me starfish this week, so she must love me.”

Once you swallow the red pill, you reject transactional sex and you don’t need validational sex.

It comes back around, but you’re right, it might not be your wife that you want to fuck anymore.

[–]Kpwn884 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Once you swallow the red pill, you reject transactional sex and you don’t need validational sex.

If this isn't the best thing I've read in the sub, I don't know what is.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks brother

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

So if I reject transactional sex, and do not need validation sex - the only two types of sex you say there are.....

What kind of sex do I have?

[–]j_arbuckle20121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sex.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You have the kind of sex based on OP's missing and unknown "Healthy Bases of Attraction." Hopefully OP will realize the important point you are making.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Interesting point. Don’t know, ask Rollo Tomassi, it’s his theory.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So if I reject transactional sex, and do not need validation sex - the only two types of sex you say there are.....

Tonight I told my wife to go wash her ass so I could fuck her. She responded with, "why are you being a jerk?"

My reply, "because you stink and I won't fuck you unless you go take a shower" no validation, just a woman in the bathroom shaving her pussy as I type this. It's validational for her, knowing she has a high value male that gives her beautiful babies.

For me, it's just sex.

[–]bowhunter60 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Exactly; that made no fucking sense. The only sex I have is my bitch begging for my cum.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It made no fucking sense because you haven’t read the sidebar. Faggot.

[–]bowhunter60 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hahahahhahahhaha. Clearly touched a nerve. You’re still wrong though, babygirl.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Rollo Tomassi. One of the three major founders of Red Pill.

But you do you.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

No I don't want to fuck her and when I do I feel shame for doing so. She initiated last night and I said no, I didn't want to. Felt better about myself this morning for not doing what I didn't want to do but frustrated that I put myself in this situation.

[–]CaliEd2568 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Red Pill is bitter. Best advice? No Porn and No Fap. That will turn any hamburger into a filet mignon.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fair enough, thanks.

[–]tspitsatgp5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Listen to the advice. Fapping is escapism and can neuter your desire for your wife or plates.

[–]FeralRed5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Give the rope time to pay out, get tight, and start to pull.

We tend to go fucking nuclear in the beginning and cut all the attachments.... time.... Going Rambo is the biggest and most common mistake we all make.

You can cut the fucking towline at any time....so give yourself some time to start piloting your ship in the direction and speed you choose.

You being the operative word here.

You're not doing anything for her, it's all about you. See where your mindset is still tweaked and therefore "her" is still the largest chunk of real estate in your mind?

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is true. I’m working on shifting my mind to think about me, me being my mental point of origin. It’s an extremely difficult concept for me to understand and act out.

[–]BarracudaRP5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, this is common. I am still going through this, and I also came here for advice. I bet you have valid reasons for not being attracted to your wife (physical and otherwise).

She initiated last night and I said no

In my experience, this is a terrible idea unless you've got a damn good reason. You need to be fucking a human female, not reacting like one. Do you know who turns down sex because they don't FEEL like it? Women and faggots. If you start and she's giving a poor effort, you walk the fuck away! The first time I walked away from a chore blow job was a permanent shift in my marriage, but it wouldn't have happened if I did what I wanted and just went to sleep.

Also, quit beating off and looking at porn. After 5 days you'll feel different and after 3 weeks you'll wonder why you ever settled for such a clearly fake distraction.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you know who turns down sex because they don't FEEL like it? Women and faggots.

The wisdom is there guys. You just have to read past the cries of faggots and pussy and not get butthurt before you can recognize it.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with no fap. I don’t agree with fucking your wife if you don’t want to.

Barracuda is deviating from a basic RP principle - Be Your Own Mental Point of Origin.

If you don’t want to bang your wife, don’t. Why would you? Because you’re worried she (or some faceless stranger on reddit) will think you’re a woman or faggot?

Easy conversation....

Her “Babe, you didn’t want me last night?”

You “No, not really. Wasn’t in the mood.”

Her “You’ve ALWAYS wanted me before. Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m sorry I’ve told you No to sex before. What can I do to make it better???” <hampster hampster hampster>

[–]Tbonesupreme2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

After you put the work in, she might WANT to fuck you. Genuine attraction is much easier to reciprocate.

In reality, you're probably more disgusted with yourself than you're disgusted with her. You will eventually re-associate sex with pleasure, and not a symbol of your failures.

Maybe get yourself all pissed off about it, and grudge fuck her. That might light a spark.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right. I am disgusted with myself. I hadn't thought of sex being a symbol of my failures but that makes sense. I feel a lot of shame after we basically have 'duty sex' on my part.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, the bubbles means it's working.

Give it time, keep working on yourself, likely once you are out of the anger phase it will pass. Or not. Either way, doesn't change anything for now.

[–]0io-Tsundere1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You've only been lifting for two months. If you stick it out for a long time (years), you may discover that your wife all of a sudden has not only a lot more sexual interest in you (which in itself will make her more attractive and better in bed), but also that she starts taking much better care of herself and working out a lot in order to keep up with you.

At some point she's likely to notice, "hey, my husband is in really great shape and he's really hot, I'd better find some way keep him around if I want to stay in this marriage... I see the way those girls look at him. Maybe I need to get in shape..."

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is your problem exactly?

Is it that you're butthurt over your past? That feeling will likely to pass.

Or is it that your wife is just not hot enough? And if so, is it something that's fixable with some dieting and a makeover?

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I'm butthurt and pissed off about my past and that's probably more of the problem right now. I don't think my wife is hot enough. As one person already pointed out my SMV isn't very high either, I have no game, etc. I got what I got in the sexual market place prior to marriage because of looks, never creating real desire with anyone past them liking the way I looked.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had a similar experience, it wasnt a quick phase either. I choose that time to re-read the books and continue to improve. Don't make any hasty decisions or say anything you will regret.

​

Despite learning everything you have, it takes a while to become this new man... as slowly as you pack on muscle is how slowly you advance through this....

​

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm actually finding RP gains to be slower and harder than gym gains. It's much more intellectual, requires more creativity, and offers a lot more opportunities for self-delusion.

[–]CasinoRoyale4455[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So many good answers here.

Yea resentment is a real bitch. You learn to choke it down (took me months).

It changes as you change. I resented mine for different reasons as I slowly unfucked areas of my mind. Eventually you see her in all her base human glory and you begin to understand who she really is. You see her coping mechanisms at play and you understand that she’s just another woman in a sea of women.

Also not mentioned. Go get your T levels checked. If your currently dropping fat they’re probably pretty low.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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