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11

Shit test pass or fail (self.askMRP)

submitted by Rino1977

Wife was at yoga the night before. Did the dishes on the sink and counter cleaned up put the kids to bed and then went up stairs. This morning while I am making breakfast I get a snappy” why would you not at-least wash the kids lunch kits if your going to do the dishes”. I calmly replied the kids know they are supposed to unpack their lunches when they get home. I’m not searching for things to clean. And proceeded to make my eggs. While I’m sitting down eating I get another can you make sure your son is getting ready for school. I just look over and then back and continue eating. I get asked again can you make sure kid x has his socks on. I just grab my stuff don’t say a word head up and take a shower. After I say good by to the kids and leave. Phone blows up with a bunch on why didn’t you say good by this morning. Don’t be pissed off at me because I don’t feel good ect.

Main question is should I of made any comments there or just do what I did. Still haven’t responded to the messages and ignored 2 of her calls.

When I get home tonight I will act as if nothing happened other than her being a nag just wondering if that’s the right approach to the 3 shit tests.


[–]rocknrollchuck27 points28 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This morning while I am making breakfast I get a snappy” why would you not at-least wash the kids lunch kits if your going to do the dishes”. I calmly replied the kids know they are supposed to unpack their lunches when they get home.

I think this was a good response actually. Actions have consequences, and you made it clear without saying it directly that you're not going to pick up their slack.

While I’m sitting down eating I get another can you make sure your son is getting ready for school. I just look over and then back and continue eating.

"No, I'm eating. You go make sure he's getting ready."

I get asked again can you make sure kid x has his socks on.

She said this because you didn't answer her the first time. I would have said "No, I'm eating. You need to check."

I just grab my stuff don’t say a word head up and take a shower. After I say good by to the kids and leave.

This is butthurt. You not only showed zero leadership, you avoided a confrontation by leaving without saying goodbye. Which led to her text tirade.

Still haven’t responded to the messages and ignored 2 of her calls.

Text her now and tell her you'll sit down and talk with her when you get home. Ignore any responses or calls after that.

When I get home tonight I will act as if nothing happened other than her being a nag just wondering if that’s the right approach to the 3 shit tests.

No, you're avoiding the problem. Sit her down when you get home, just the two of you, and discuss it calmly. Tell her that when you're eating, you're eating. You'll be glad to do your part, but not while she's barking orders at you while you're eating. Do this calmly and firmly, like a father talking to his daughter. After all, she is the Oldest Teenager in the House TM . Start treating her like one.

[–]ParaXilo8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think the problem with us new guys is we get told to STFU and to just do that. A good majority of us take that to LITERALLY to heart and literally STFU completely to 90%of things that are thrown our way because we don't want to answer wrong or seem butthurt. Then it was just a failed test and end up here wondering why we failed.

It's a conundrum but I'm finally seeing what needs STFU and a smirk and what needs an answer with what tone.

It's that Dancing Monkey post that shifted things for me. Leading. Frame. Mission.

STFU, lift, focus on your mission, build your frame, and lead.

Great outline Chuck.

[–]rocknrollchuck7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A good majority of us take that to LITERALLY to heart and literally STFU completely to 90%of things that are thrown our way because we don't want to answer wrong or seem butthurt.

Yeah, it's hard until it clicks. But one day it does, and you begin to see the code. That's why I share these 3 comments so often, because they were key to me getting it:

Those 3 helped me eliminate the autistic response more than anything else.

[–]runnowxxx6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

thank you very much for the step by step guide.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't see you problem as a pass fail here, but a fail in the big picture. Using the captain and first officer dynamic, who is the captain in the mornings in your house? If you think it is you, then ask yourself, would the first officer be giving orders to her captain?

There is nothing wrong with having your wife take on getting the kids ready for school. But, the dynamic here is clearly with you not in the lead and in charge. You don't necessarily need to be the one running around getting everything done and barking out orders. That's perfect for an FO to take on. But, you need to be the one that can come downstairs, evaluate the crew, and make sure everything is getting done. The crew reports to you and you are in command.

In other words, it is your ship. Act like you own the place. This means being fully aware of how to get your family ready in the mornings, what needs to be done, who needs to do it, and following up to make sure it is done. Buckle up for the power struggle though. You will be trying to take the wheel from your wife with her hands already on it. She has seen that you are incapable of doing this and will fight letting go. Take it, lead, and lead well and you will be fine and she will slowly trust your leadership.

[–]Rino1977[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks for the great response and lightbulb moment you are correct. I’m not the captain in the mornings. Because most of the time I’m gone before the would typically be up. Since MRP I have been going to the gym in the morning which has me at home in the mornings. But your spot on I’m not the captain.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t think captain in the mornings is the problem. It is being captain in general that is the problem. The problem was evident in the mornings based off of what you posted. She is filling the vacuum left by the void of your leadership. Not a sidebar book, but read Extreme Ownership once you get thru the big three.

[–]CalvinRichland6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You forgot to laugh at her

[–]Rino1977[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Working on it. Shit takes time. Took 20 years to get to what I am now. 50 lbs over weight and fat. I don’t expect to lose it all in one month! At one point this year I was 250 lbs to be back down to 225 is ok and I still have a long way to go.

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think when you get there you not need much advice here, but you are not there. And the advice for this particular situation will only go so far because of that.

A couple things stand out to me: you deered right away.

Second thing: your fat.

Concentrate on fixing both of those, with emphasis on the second. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I calmly replied the kids know they are supposed to unpack their lunches when they get home.

True or not, this is a DEER. By responding this way, you're accepting her premise.

AA, AM, or STFU.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is not exactly a 'fail' but it is certainly not a pass and you could have handled it much better! These were simple compliance tests and some MILD punishment is appropriate. Simply a very quick scolding- "Stop it dear. I have got this." Ignoring is also a significant and mild punishment but if you take it as far as you did it turns into Stonewalling and "the silent treatment." In a word, butthurt.

You should always use the mildest punishment possible to achieve your goals- which I assume is reducing the Shit Testing. Consider whether a better goal would be to work on your ability to tolerate basic Shit Tests rather than trying to punish normal female behavior.

[–]Rino1977[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

No I’m actually not worried at all. I’m new to MRP and looking for guidance from people with experience. If it’s asking to much go fuck a goat.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Failed. You Deered.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

TLDR - I made a decision this morning and I'm worried mommy's still gonna be mad when I get home. Help!!

1) It ain't about the lunch kits man.

2) I have a feeling silence was better than anything that would've came out of your mouth at the time. You're still a fag though.

3) Go home and deal with it you fucking bitch.

4) Lighten the fuck up.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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