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Wife still wants to see friend who's in love with her (self.askMRP)

submitted by monkey__harris

OK, so I'm new to MRP but have read NMMNG and working through WISNIFG. I'm guessing the answers here are going to be stfu, sidebar and lift, but thought I'd ask anyway...

My wife (37) is an artist. She's been working hard for a few years, getting better and better but without any commercial success yet. This means she has very little feedback on her work.

We moved to a new city last year and she met a load of people on the local art scene. One of them, a divorced depressive guy (50s) she hit it off with as he really liked her work. She also really likes his work.

Surprise surprise, he's now in love with her. She still wants to see him as he's been really helpful with her work and she likes spending time with him talking about art. He's the first person she's really clicked with about art-related stuff.

I don't know what to do about this. Part of me thinks its her emotional drama and I shouldn't be sucked in. That I should just stfu etc and get on with improving my own life. Part of me worries that I need to set some boundaries here.

Any insight welcomed. Even if it's just stfu, sidebar, lift.


[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret37 points38 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

So your SAHM has a hobby and wants to meet someone who wants to fuck her.

[–]redsprinklersystem12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Whole OP in one sentence. Goes to show the rest is just hamster.....

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not even his hamster. He’s repeating the bullshit she told him. No frame at all.

[–]monkey__harris[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know "frame" massive but I don't understand it yet. Working my way through the reading. Will get there.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is your paradigm, where your best interests are prioritized.

Frame

Mental Point of Origin

As you would expect, because they are the most important, they are also the most difficult to internalize.

This is where you want to be. From Rollo's The Myth of the 'Good' Guy

There is no Alpha with a side of Beta, there is only the man who’s genuine concern is first for himself, the man who prepares and provisions for himself, the man who maintains Frame to the point of arrogance because that’s who he is and what he genuinely merits. There is only the Man who improves his circumstance for his own benefit, and then, by association and merit, the benefit of those whom he loves and befriends.

That’s the Man who Just Gets It.

Never confuse being a 'Good Man' with being 'Good at Being a Man'.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What is rationale, but the attempt to obfuscate the simple into the complicated?

Op is a nice guy who wants her to follow her dreams, even though he knows its a waste of time

[–]monkey__harris[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your observations on this painfully accurate.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"My wife doesn't go and privately meet people who want to fuck her"

the day you can say that, and be willing to take a loss, is the day you'll not be worried about losing a starving artists in your house

[–]mrpthrowa35 points36 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nothing you can do about this.

Lift, get better, observe. Be the person she is worried about losing.

Be prepared to drop her if she crosses boundaries. you don't need to stupidly communicate boundaries. Women know what's right or wrong. A proper woman goes out of her way to show you she is loyal.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Boom! Short and effective ....

[–]CalvinRichland13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Being its your wife I am gonna go against the grain of ignore and all that shit. Just say No. No negotiate just hard NO. Yes I realize all the shit this will cause but its already gonna hit the fan anyway

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The issue is OP doesn't have the frame, abundance, or will to be willing to lose his wife over a boundary.

[–]this_weeks_account21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’d stay this as well. I think part of the frame here is being able to tell your wife what is acceptable in a relationship when she clearly doesn’t know.

This guy is in love with her, it’s not proper for a married woman to go somewhere with a guy like that.

Imagine the situation was switched and this was a 40-somethings MILF that wanted you and to spend time with you alone?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not much about you here. . .

Are you worth describing? Are you a character in your own story, or an observer of what happens to you? Kids?

"Artist" is a red flag ab initio. They often shirk social norms, live by gut feeling, and drop responsibility on a whim for the sake of "art." This is why these people usually group up in "enclaves," "clusters," "scenes," and "communities." I always found them great to fuck, and terrible LTR material.

Wives don't fucking date. I'll leave it at that.

[–]monkey__harris[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

> Are you worth describing? Are you a character in your own story, or an observer of what happens to you? Kids?

Alright, that's interesting. Yeah, nothing about me. That's worth thinking about.

(Yes, 3 kids between 3 and 8. I'm... some guy. Career beta trying to get his shit together.)

[–]Majormikeoz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Set hard boundaries....

Any guy who says he loves a woman is going to want to fuck her. Any woman who spends a lot of time with said guy will probably let him.

Set a hard boundary and detail consequences of a transgression. Lift... see a divorce lawyer... and get ready. You can't stop her from hanging out with the guy if you want to but be prepared for when she fucks it up.

IF you have a main event, never ever date another artist ever again.

Being an artist isn't a job or a carreer. It's fucking hobby.

[–]Bedtimeshine6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tell her you won’t control her but you will control you... that you won’t be married to someone who puts your marriage or your feelings in this position. She’s cuts him off or she’s free to do what she wants. This will be the last time you talk about it.

Jesus Christ dude. Why are we even talking about this? Cowboy the fuck up.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My wife (37) is an artist. She's been working hard for a few years, getting better and better but without any commercial success yet. This means she has very little feedback on her work.

Very few artists ever "make it". I have known one who sells pieces for thousands of dollars fairly routinely. If she hasn't been properly trained, and working in art related fields, she never will. Art is an ego field, anyone can be an "artist" but making it takes far more work than most people are willing to commit.

One of them, a divorced depressive guy (50s) she hit it off with as he really liked her work. She also really likes his work.

He takes her seriously, when no one else will (and probably shouldn't). He gives her the feels. This can be hard to compete with because wannabe artists are all about the feels.

STFU, sidebar, lift. The stay plan is the same as the go plan, Expect to divorce her when the boundaries are crossed.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sound like your wife has a mission, her art, and by her focusing on that she has attracted more partners into her life.

I wonder what you should do.......

[–]monkey__harris[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I mean.... yeah... most of this is painfully obvious, isn't it ?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's not what the comment is implying.

The point is that YOU should focus on your mission, strive towards that, and by doing so, it makes you more attractive to others, which gives you relationship options.

You are watching your wife live abundantly, and probably paying for the majority of it, because at some point, she came to you and said she's not haaaappy.

Time for you to focus on your happiness. Hopefully you two don't fuck up three young children chasing dreams and the validation from others.

[–]monkey__harris[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get it. I need to sort my shit out. Appreciate your comment.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seems to me your wife can't control her hypergamous insinct here. That, combined with a lack of respect for you and your relationship, well, you've got a problem.

Yes you need to establish boundaries, yes you need to STFU, yes you need to lift, and yes you need to sidebar.

Honestly, I find it facinating the lack of frame on some of these posts. I mean seriously, WTF. Have some damn self respect for yourself and your needs and wants.

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No kids?

Go full MRP and TRP, stop fucking her, file for divorce, and once the divorce is final...

Start fucking chicks as hot and as young as your wife was when you met her.

I'm older than you and I'm still working on getting to my fitness goals.

I've done half of the full set of homework that MRP and TRP gave me and I can fuck 20-somethings way too damned hot for me.

Zero commitment, zero money spent on them and zero panties.

There is no reason to be a married man without kids, and probably even with kids.

On top of that, the women you choose post-RP are WAAAAAAY better choices than the hot messes that you chose pre_RP. RP wisdom lets you have a greater range of options AND make better decisions within that greater range of options.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sometimes I forget why mrp became a forum then I read something like this. Oh, right.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes I forget

age, probably

[–]DeepReindeer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the only proper red pill response to this post. Dude's wife is a shitty artist, wants feels from other men, and is willing to risk it all. Although from her POV, she isn't really risking anything cause he's a bitch-boy. Walk the fuck away. Unfuck yourself. Become a man.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

How's the relationship and smv comparison btw you and wife?

If you are good, a daytime meeting should not be a big deal.

If things are tough she might be after outside attention.

I regularly see a girl with a crush on me at work fwiw.

It's about the smv scale. You don't paint a pretty picture of him (get it 😉)

[–]monkey__harris[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'd say she's a point or so above me right now. Working on that. We'd be talking daytime meetings, and she doesn't drink, which makes a difference, I think.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

'Cause no sober woman ever fucked in the daytime.

Good luck, dude. Hope you find your spine when you clean out the house after the divorce.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

and she doesn't drink, which makes a difference, I think.

A. It makes a difference until it doesn't make a difference.

B. People who 'don't drink' have been known to 'have a drink just to be social'. 

 1.) Which is an excuse to fuck and avoid taking responsibility.

[–]dandar46001 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

She still wants to see him

When, where, how? How do you know he loves her? She told you? I assume since you just got here she's not fucking you?

If you suspect affair you need to block until you self improve enough for her to notice. Be prepared to punt though and start over single.

[–]monkey__harris[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

We're actually fucking a lot these days. Things much better since I actually started asking for things I wanted rather than covert contracts etc.

Don't know that he "loves her", I guess. Know that he is very interested in her and texted her drunk saying that he was always thinking about her and wanted to hold her.

I don't suspect an affair but am afraid that something might develop. Just typing this I know I can't control that and have to focus on myself.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don’t suspect an affair from a guy who texts your wife that he’s always thinking about her and wants to hold her....a guy that also dates your wife.

Very interesting.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hopuim is a very strong drug when mixed with denial, makes you give people the benefit of the doubt without them even asking.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Things much better

Yup, she's testing the waters so she won't disappoint her lover.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't know that he "loves her", I guess. Know that he is very interested in her and texted her drunk saying that he was always thinking about her and wanted to hold her.

Stop, please...

[–]bob13bob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

if you want to stay married to her,

Just say no, it's not acceptable. Many women want you to demonstrate strength. It' better for her to be pissed and respect you vs getting to follow her whimseys.

There are a load of people in the art scene, find another buddy.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a 38 yo who's fucking a 50 yo sometimes.

Perhaps, just maybe, somewhere in the world, the balance was restored.

[–]SteveStJohn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Art is immensely subjective which is why it is loaded with bullshit stories about the artist's background, or some fantasy about being a rejection of post-modern authoritarian poverty inducing capitalistic idealism...blah, blah, blah.

She's going to get exposure and commercial success in great part because of her attractiveness. She's using her sexuality because "he's been really helpful with her work."

This isn't a surprise. The question is, "why did she tell you about him?"

It's most likely a shit test. Act accordingly.

Until it's more than just a shit test.

[–]BIG_HUB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She’s already been fucking him, why are you crying about it now.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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