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Wife gets funny because I didn’t take her rejection (self.askMRP)

submitted by Zehoff

Apologies for the vague title just wondered if any of you had a similar experience and could dispense advice on how you reacted to it

So after a few months of OYS and working hard on myself aswell as swallowing the pill I tried to get intimate last night. No not in mood, the old me woulda been butt hurt and said “we never...” but with my new found Mindset I shrugged it off and decided to Reid and plan my week ahead in my note book. Here it comes: “oh your off With me aren’t you?” Umm no I’m fine just planning week ahead. “No your off” etc etc

So first I want to thank for the community as I found it liberating on simply just being (not give a F***) it felt like I didn’t get rejected at all. But her constant probing after was annoying I’m stuck between 1. I may have come across Butt hurt still.. 2. She didn’t like me not feeling rejected or betafied. Or maybe a mix of both, she kept saying it to the point I had to raise my voice a bit as had constant. “Your annoyed at me now ?” How would u guys respond to this.?


[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My girl uses to do this too, I think it's like what McLearner said, a triple check of your frame to see if you're really butthurt. She knows that if you really are upset at her, that you'll deny her accusation, so hopefully you're not doing that.

What worked best for me was agree and amplify, or pressure flipping.

Her: "Are you mad at me?"

A&A: "yea I'm fucking furious raahhhhh!!!"

Then grab her and wrestle her around a little in a playful way, then leave or go do your own thing.

Pressure flip: "No, why would I be?"

This one works best if you go into it with the mindset that you get tons of sex already and her 1 rejection won't bother you at all.

[–]DrPillPopperMD0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love that response; I'm stealing that one for sure

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She didn’t like me not feeling rejected or betafied

This is my guess.

You are on the verge of winning this. Don't fall back or give in and don't "talk" to her about your feeeeeewwwwings.

Here is the hard truth.l Your wife was getting off on rejecting you. She was enjoying the rush of power that your desperation and pain gave her. Now you have taken away her power by not showing your pain and yes, she doesn't like it. She WANTS your pain. She FEEDS off of it. By denying her that pleasure you leave her just one pathway to be satisfied. She has to fuck you to get validation from now on and she is starting to realize it.

Gratz!

[–]rollston10004 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

You are looking for an answer to the wrong question. The right things to do:

  1. Initiate more during the day, especially when there is no chances for sex.
  2. If there is a chance for sex, and you get hard ‘no’ move to doing other things. Remove your presence. Simply doing sth else (like planning a week, is not enough).
  3. During bed time, initiate only after you got enough of positive responses from (1). Otherwise, you have no option to do 2. You will appear butthurt.

[–]Zehoff[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yes I would remove my presence for sure but when it’s late at night I’m up in ) hours for work I think leaving the bedroom or the house would come across butthurt.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She already thinks you're butthurt, don't worry about that

[–]Zehoff[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sorry just Reid the end you pretty much saying what I just said. Yeah I thunk I will try and initiate in day more and gauge it out thanks for advice

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Read man. It's read.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What, not the retired senator from Nevada?

[–]FlyingSexistPig3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Do you want to fuck now? No? Then go away. I'm planning my week."

[–]McLearner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am experiencing this as well. I see this as them double-triple-checking our frame.
It is a loss of power for them in a way. They used to have this power over us, to make us butthurt litterally at will.

And here you are now, "taking that away from her". Ofc she is resisting.

This is also a nice example of how messed up they are in the head.

If you look at it :
* You want something and express so
* She doesn't and say so
* You DNGAF and go do something else
SO SHE BASICALLY GOT WHAT SHE WANTED errr SAID but then she comes at you.

That is because you refused to enter her frame.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're still butthurt. I bet that if we watched this, your non-verbals and planning your week would show your butthurt.

The point where you raised your voice is where you lost.

[–]Senor_Martillo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a conditioned response from the woman: if the rejection has resulted in butt hurt so many times over the years, then she's expecting to see it. Literally ANY response, including silence, will be interpreted as such.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think someone is headed for a date with the main event !!

“Hurry Fred, get the camera ! “.

Shit test arama with the rejections !!

So I had one instance, I left, came back, she was awake and asked to cuddle. I laughed and said “fuck no, you don’t get to touch the merchandise.” I laughed and deep breathed myself to sleep.

Fuck, I love me.

How about a reach around, Screech ?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its a bit of both. I sometimes have the same happen to me.

  1. Butthurt. It is one of the skills that must be the most difficult to master. It is much more than what you say. Your body language betrays you 9/10 times. Butthurt is butthurt.

  2. The times that I am truly not butthurt and truly OI, she will often initiate sex from her side after awhile. It confused me at first, but it works. And not a subtle initiation like her usual, I'm talking about taking of her panties and rubbing up against me initiation. My theory is that she gets a kick out of the control she has because each time she does this I fall for it. She enjoys the look on my face when I put my hand on her ass and realise she has no panties on.

Moral of story is this, not being butthurt is the most difficult part.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The first time I acted DGAF on my woman she literally did not sleep the night.

In the morning she was miserable as fuck.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It was a soft NO and you failed to realize that.

Next time she does all that fucking talking you STFU and go back in for the close. While she is talking. Just close and start kissing.

Stop using your mouth to communicate. It is unattractive.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

glad i'm not the only person that thought this was a soft no.

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I recently ate the pill. I used to be controlling over my wife when it came to expenses but it's her money.

She got her first big girl job and went out and bought a $2000 raw edge table. She brought up the expense on our date night. She led on to the cost of it. I asked her how much and she told me.

Old me would have freaked out and whine. I looked over at her and was like "Nice, that is expensive" and I stfu. It truly caught her off guard that I didn't throw a fit or anything. She did the look like "WTF" after that she was on me like a horny catholic girl.

Break the norm and make them uncomfortable...

[–]DrPillPopperMD0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I find my wife does this too of sorts. If I do things that she doesn't want to do (initiate too often, getting nude pics, etc) she'll ask several times, what's wrong, are you ok, etc.

Now keep in mind, my mood doesn't change from before or after the interaction so my theory on it is that it is her dealing with her guilt and trying to rationalize her hamster.

Now granted, I've been at this for going on two years so we're in different places, but it seems to me she knows what is expected of her and when she's not compliant to it, she's looking for reassurance.

She seems to want me to comfort her and tell her it's ok honey, no problem darling blah blah blah, which I don't give her. I just simply state the facts, nothing is wrong, or pressure flip, should I be mad?

Remember if U are working on planning ur week or whatever, it can still come over as sulking, unless u were doing that before u initiated. Otherwise, just go to bed if that what u were planning.

As others have said, don't wait until late to initiate, then ur out of options.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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