Dinner with another man

gettingmymojoback · 2018-02-02T10:53:08+00:00

I’d remind my wife that a man and woman going out for dinner alone is commonly referred to as a “date”.

I’d then remind her that my wife doesn’t date other men.

You do you.

nastynickdr · 2018-02-02T16:15:43+00:00

WISNIFG has the answer you are looking for.

You have to think for yourself and for your own reasons: Is it OK for me to be in a relationship with someone who goes on one-on-one dates with other men? Is someone who does xxxxx worthy of my commitment? Cant I do better than someone who does xxxx while in a relationship? Would I rather be single or be in a relationship with someone who does xxxxx?

If you are not OK with it, you are gonna say something along the lines of "im not going to be in a relationship with someone who goes on one-on-one dates with other men". You dont explain why, you dont give reasons, you dont justify, you dont tell her he just wants to fuck her, you dont defend yourself. You are simply stating it, your decision is made and is not going to change. You dont get mad, you dont scream, you dont get butthurt. You state it and go on with your day. Then its up to her to do it or not, its her decision, remember that you cant control what other people do, you can only control your choices. Then if she goes, be ready to serve her the papers.

InChargeMan · 2018-02-02T15:48:41+00:00

OP sounds like he has work to do, but in general things like this are difficult at best.

I tend to look at it more in regards to disrespectful behavior than the mate-guarding standpoint. This is individualized, so there is no global right or wrong answer. If my wife wants to do something that I believe is disrespectful towards me or our relationship then that is a no-go. This applies to ALL maters, not just mate-guarding situations. You have to be introspective to understand what your motivations are if you are displeased with something she is doing, but once you understand that, you are approaching an issue from a point of power.

For example: If you don't want your wife bar hopping for "girlz night", is it because you are afraid she will suck off Chad in the bathroom or that it is inappropriate behavior for a married woman as it is publicly disrespectful to her husband. There is no right answer, it is up to your morals etc. If you truly believe she is crossing a line of disrespect you can easily express this to her and avoid the trap of appearing insecure, because you truly aren't.

If OP says she can't go because it is disrespectful for her to be out on a date alone that is fine. If she says "oh, you think I'm going to cheat?" The answer is "That didn't cross my mind, is that something you're thinking about?". In the past I've reminded my wife that EITHER of us can cheat at will very easily. "Shit, for all you know I could have been sucked off today at lunch. I wasn't though, because I don't cheat. Life is too short to go sneaking around, if I am going fuck other women I'll let you know first." Basically re-frame the discussion to remind her why she needs to keep her game up and show her that you give zero fucks about mate-guarding, because you are awesome. I've said things like "Well, if you ever do cheat hopefully it is while Home Depot is still open..(huh?)..because you would be out the door so fast the hinges would break."

ReddJive · 2018-02-02T12:34:42+00:00

/u/Steelsharpenssteel lays it out nicely.

There is a lot unknown. It wold be odd that it just suddenly appeared and she's made no mention of it previously or after she put it on the calendar. I didn't look at OPs post history but it could be a legit meeting and she's testing his reaction.

I know all you betas are out there thinking...but it's my wife. This isn't right. Isn't this a boundary issue? And if I ignore it doesn't it allow her to cheat? She may be just testing the waters. She isn't single any more.

It is. But her being your wife is'n't really a barrier to anything. None of you have truly grasped that marriage is literally nothing for men. Not a thing. Clearly she has no issue with this, so why do you?

I made mention yesterday, but I literally had this discussion in my office. Another manager, who is a woman, said to me that the difference between a girlfriend and a wife is that you can't leave without consequences. What? There was no mention of making a commitment, having a deeper relationship, starting a family, future.....

None of that. Just that you can't leave without paying. Even though I know it. Even though I have heard it time and again in many ways it's still shocking to me to see women with this purely materialistic view. Maybe I am still an idealist at heart, but it is truly revolting.

So. At some level she decided that having dinner with another man alone (whether this guy is legit just a contact or colleague) was ok. That's the core here. Come to terms with that.

Hypergamy is a selfish emotion. Tough love is the only response.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-02-03T01:32:47+00:00

My wife had lunch with a work colleague.

My wife had drinks with a work colleague.

My wife had dinner with a work colleague.

My wife started seeing the work colleague twice a week for exercise, dinner, drinks, dancing, etc.

I found out and put her on notice that MY wife doesn’t date other men while married to me.

All this time I was chewing blue bubble gum.

Then I spit that shit out and swallowed the red pill.

Late 2017 I found out she was still dating him and had dated other men as well.

I left her the day after Christmas.

It does not matter what my BF% is, my bench, DL, or squat numbers.

It does not matter what dread level I’m operating at.

Nothing fucking excuses her breaking her vows and operating outside of the marriage.

She could have become a bitch, denied me sex, divorced me, or a hundred other things.

I would have dealt with it.

But going outside the marriage is poisoning the well. Being cheated on is one of the top 3 most devastatingly emotional things a man can go through. Care to guess the other two? By the way, #4 is always #4. And I hit 3 out of 4 in 6 years.

DO NOT DRAW A LINE IN THE FUCKING SAND YOU PUSSY.

It’s a border, a wall, and there are consequences if it is compromised.

My wife went under the wall and I enforced the boundary exactly as I said I would.

She’s beautiful, a good cook, a good maid, travels well, very reasonable, and a good fuck.

She’s also a lying, cheating, deceitful slut.

NEXT!

Any questions?

Sir-Pumpalot · 2018-02-02T10:29:48+00:00

Dinner with another man is equal to a date, especially if it is 1 on 1.

1) how do you now its an old work colleague and not the new met chad from work/gym whereever?

2) do you have an open relationship or do you also have dates with "old" friends you might have hooked up with?

3) do you know the "old" colleague?

well I'm mostly agree more with the TRP section than MRP, but I don't think MRP guys will just sit down and act like they dgaf while their spouse is having dates with "old" friends, most probably while that "old" friend is in reality a "new" friend.

RuleZeroDAD · 2018-02-02T18:45:35+00:00

My wife dates only me.

Unless this deals specifically with career $$$$$ in an obviously quantifiable way, it's unacceptable.

And no, I don't mean prostitution you bunch of sick fucks.

[deleted] · 2018-02-02T22:46:21+00:00

Do you enjoy other men cumming in and on your wife? Nuke this horseshit from orbit. There’s NGAF and then there’s letting randos beat the brakes off your woman. Jesus wept.

Your bitch is out of pocket. Show some balls and passion. If she wants to date, she can explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are divorcing next week.

Yeah, I’m so alpha I don’t give a fuck if other men get my wife and mother of my children hammered drunk while I babysit the kids. This is cucky mccuckistan territory no matter how much you lift and are “high value”. Why on God’s green earth does she think this is at all okay? Where did you go wrong and for how long?

screechhater · 2018-02-03T00:22:56+00:00

Make sure and write in “howlingaf attorney appt”. On the calendar.

Then tell her to not forget to post dick pics on Facebook

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-02-02T11:31:41+00:00

Let's recap your options:

Bring it up with your wife, and tell her that she's not allowed to go. Let's think about this one for a second. You're showing your own insecurities, which is unattractive. This is a work colleague, so someone she's worked with in her professional life.
Bring it up with your wife in kind of a funny way, as in "Saw you had a hot date coming up." Body language and the non-verbal communication here is important. Find out more information. In your post, you've given us barely any information.
Don't bring it up with your wife. Be consistently awesome, and DNGAF.

You have given zero details on the other person, other than that they are a man, and your wife used to work with them.

Yes, your wife could be meeting some hot new Chad and putting it in her calendar as "work colleague". But if she has made the decision to cheat on you, nothing you can do can stop that. So the best move is to not to be unattractive and mate guard, because you're the prize.

It is counter-intuitive, for sure. This is why setting up your frame and reality, and lifting ahead of time is so important.

Edit: There are too many unknowns here. How long the wife worked with this person. What their relationship was. How they worked together. If this person can help the wife professionally. What level was their friendship. Is the other person married/fat/unsuccessful/successful/etc. Zero details. So find out more and let us know. Generally, its a bit of a boundary, right. You wouldn't want your wife going to have dinner with some guy. But say this was a coworker who they did years of projects together with, and know each others family and stuff. See, that would be much different than the young hot Chad who she flirted with at the office all the time.

broneilbro · 2018-02-02T17:48:33+00:00

I'll put this out here because I dealt with it. My wife has a lot of guy friends because she is a tom boy. She rides motorcycles and is into car so it comes natural.

With that she is attractive and surround by orbiters. She sometimes doesn't see it from the normal persons perspectives.

I'm away from home as I am deployed. Wife tells me that she is going to meet a guy friend for dinner. They usually do this when they go out and ride at night. But they weren't riding.

I brought this up to her in funny "so replacing me already?" and she did the "oh your jealous" and I stated no "My wife dates me, and me alone" she said it wasn't but I STFU and let it stew a couple days.

She came back and did the "why are you mad?" I explained it to her that it was a date regardless if friend or not. I stated if I met with a female friend for dinner while you were out of town you would do the same "wtf". She realized it (not seeing forest for the trees or some shit like that).

I set the following boundaries 1. No 1 on 1 dates. Lunch at work is fine 2. No going over the dudes house to chill. If you go and rebuild a car or motorcycle fine. 3. They don't share the same views as you and remember that.

She agreed with it and later came and talked to me after she went out once.

She stated that I had opened her eyes to her friends who were orbiters. I told her I had the same happen with my female friends and threw a wink. It spun her.

She now reports when the her friends try to break them for I guess reward or something.

DrPillPopperMD · 2018-02-02T18:41:13+00:00

I think gettingmymojoback gave u the best response, you do you.

For some, this is a huge boundary, if that's you and it seems like it is, set it and don't leave any room for discussion. Have ur shit in order and make sure u know ur WISNIFG because she will call you a little bitch for it.

For some people it's not a boundary. I'm a little surprised at some of the comments here calling people out for being cucks and whatnot for NGAF. A few things:

1 - you can't stop orbiters, that's what they do, they orbit lol. Obviously, mate guarding is crap so if you know ur SMV has surpassed hers, you've put in ur work and are fuckin stacked, as hypergamy states, ur the best she can do and fuck those orbiters. In that case, I would tease her about the date and AA the shit out the situation.

2 - if a woman is going to cheat, she's going to cheat - ur not there 24/7 and will have no way to stop her, that's for damn sure.

Personally, my wife knows better than to pull some shit like this, but that bc I set that boundary when we were dating. If you've never set that boundary, better sooner than later, and don't be a little bitch and avoid the subject, bring it up.

Persaeus · 2018-02-03T01:37:14+00:00

Did she put “buy condoms” on the date before that on the calendar?

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-02-02T14:59:12+00:00

my wife’s has put in our calendar that she having dinner with an old work colleague

It's very interesting that she put that in your joint calendar, weeks in advance. You need to ask yourself why she would put that on the calendar where she knows you would see it and have plenty of time to respond.

Wouldn't you expect her to mention it to you "oh by the way, Chad is going to be in town and we are going to catch up", and then put it on the calendar after that discussion.

If her intention were to cheat, it would not be on your joint calendar, she would have a GNO instead and just happen to run into Chad by chance.

This whole thing smells like a massive shit test. She's starting to feel some dread and is countering with this little ploy to see how you will react.

You should definitely bring it up and let her know that it isn't appropriate for a married woman to go on a dinner date with another dude. The more appropriate thing would be for the two of you to meet him somewhere for a drink to catch up.

It will be paramount that you hold your frame during this conversation. Because it is a nice test that she has set up.

DanceMonkeeDance · 2018-02-03T04:04:24+00:00

Couple of weeks from now? That's Valentine's Day, isn't it?

Alphaphux · 2018-02-02T09:49:19+00:00

DGAF - Cause you’re the prize remember

Organize something for yourself - night out with your friends or take the kids to the movies. And don’t be a faggot and make it a tit for tat move, just make your own plans