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Started 5 months ago fucked up big time last night and lost ground to the point i am further in the hole. (self.askMRP)

submitted by dirtyelmopuppet

Found Red Pill eight months ago and soon after married Red Pill. Five months ago I began reading the sidebar and the subs daily. I am morbidly obese and have lost over one hundred pounds in the past year. I currently weigh 335 lbs. Started Strong lifts a month ago after over a year with a personal trainer to just get to the point that I could exercise without my heart exploding. I have never been with any woman other than my wife. I have exactly no game and am a complete idiot when meeting new people.

Marriage-Married for 31 years with three kids. I love my wife and have a serious case of oneitis. She had an affair 23 years ago and it still guts me to this day when I think about it. As far as I know she has been faithful since we reconciled but who knows. The fact that I cannot put it behind me 23 years later is one reason I need the principles of MRP so bad.

Kids- I am their dad period. This is the one area where I have excelled and have no doubts. They have all transitioned to good solid adults with no major issues at all. Just the normal growing pains.

Sex- I am tolerated. Frequency during my marriage has been about every other week. During the past five months it increased to twice a week but still very vanilla. I have never had a blowjob. Never. Few apparent starfish sessions but nothing overwhelming. This past weekend no hard no's but three times in a row I got "I don't want to but if you have to get the lube and I'll let you." First time I took the opportunity but the other times I passed.

Finances- Good. Not much I can add.

My problem is my big fat stupid mouth. I know I am unattractive. I know my wife detests having sex with me. I know I should lead and I do in more areas than not and was getting better everyday. But I have a long road ahead to get to the point that I could even be considered tolerable to look at much less nice looking. No rose colored glasses here. But I need a fucking muzzle. I have worked hard over the past year and a half to get healthier. Not once have I looked at myself and said, "You need to lose weight so your wife will like you." Never. It has one hundred percent been about me being a healthier person and tired of the chronic pain that comes with being over four hundred pounds. But, the limited success I have had went to my head I decided that maybe its about time my wife validated me. STUPID STUPID STUPID. This lead to my complete and utter failure in maintaining any type of frame.

The above exchange regarding "get the lube" caused me to start pouring out my anger and feelings about how she made me feel when she says stuff like that (normally I have been good at not being butt hurt)...it snowballed into the affair and culminating in me telling her how much I resented the fact that she had such passion for her fuck buddy years ago that she was willing to throw me and our son away to go off and fuck him. And that I never got that passion from her. We have not spoken except for taking care of things around the house. Until this point I had laid a small foundation of Alpha behavior and was slowly building on it. I knew it would be a long time but I could not STFU.

Now my question- Do I try to fix this somehow by owning it. Or do I shut up and ride the storm out and start over. Hell, how do I own it? I am at fault for losing frame and slinging feelings around like a monkey slinging shit. I just need some guidance on how to navigate this guy's.

Update ** Damn... You mother fuckers are awesome. Thanks for your encouragement and much needed truth. Because if this I have changed my goal that I have had for the past year and a half from trying to be a healthier man to flat out being the best man I can be period. I have changed my view of what happened from a failure to an opportunity to improve. And that subtle shift in thought is powerful to me right now. I see it now as an opening to really internalize the sidebar.

Vision. Goal. Action. The pieces are there.

Again thanks.


[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Don't look at it this way. You are making huge fucking progress. Don't beat yourself up over some dumb fight where you relapsed. The important thing is that you are level headed about it, learning from it, and accepting your misstep. Keep pressing on. You may have surprised yourself. You are bothered​ by the affair. You just didn't realize it. Will be interesting to see where your story goes. Keep losing weight and lifting for now. Focus on that as much as possible. Other than that, read like your life depends on it.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Relax You are on the right path and ya, there is an anger phase

Read the sidebar and lift work with the trainer as you started and just FYI, keep going no matter what she says, did in the past or is doing now, keep going. Do not give up

As per the comments if you must, get the lube and fuck, the comment is a shit test and how you handle it, is up to you

Look, you are a lot further along than you started, and next week and month will be better. This is a journey, so as I stated, relax. lift and read like your life depends on it

Watch the movie "forks over knives"

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your thread title describes exactly the way I felt multiple times in my journey. Maybe I did take actual steps back at the time, who really know. But that feeling really did help me get my head out of my wife's ass. "Oh well, I fucked that up. She's not going to like me for a while. But I don't feel like moping anymore, so I guess I'll find some other things in my life that are fulfilling". Helped me learn NGAF.

The feeling will go away, and the tension will dissapate. Will you be a better man because of this?

You failed? GOOD. Opportunity to learn and get better.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You come off like you don't realize how early you are in this process.
After a year of lifting you are at 335lbs? I need some perspective here. Are you a 6'5" linebacker that can bench 350?
You say you know she doesn't want you, then great. You understand that to be an indicator to your SMV. If it isn't where you want to be, then lifting and monk mode is for you. And reading the sidebar.

[–]mtdog4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

How and when did you find out about the affair?

It seems to me you aren't over it.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

That was my first thought. At least he could be honest with himself. If you can't get over it, the. At least be man enough to close out the marriage.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just wanted to offer some encouragement brother on your excellent start at self improvement. I too started at 400+ many years ago. It's a hard, long road but 100% worth it for you and you alone. Work hard!

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really enjoyed the rawness of this post.

[–]crimson_chris2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just stay consistent. Always make progress. I have been digesting MRP for about a year. I have had ups and downs. At this point I have 100% lost oneitis for my wife. Which is actually a weird feeling to tell you the truth.

Set your goals. While I have made progress, goal setting is where I have failed. Someone said the "winners post in OYS". Post in OYS - be a winner.

Also..think about killing the beta/bullshit in you little by litttle. I buried my old self about 4 months ago. But it took my a year of scrapping the BS away and setting boundaries. Just keep pushing. For example earlier this week I told my wife "stop acting like an asshole" cause she was acting like an asshole. LOL. I would have been scared shitless to say that a year ago. Told her and guess what, she chilled and we moved on. Build your frame.

And something to look foward to. About a week ago one thing happened that has never happened. And one thing happened that has not happened since we got married (17yrs ago).

Not in 17yrs - she initiated a blow job. Have I gotten bj's in the last year? Yes(more last year than all of my marriage), but I had to tell her to give me a bj. This time, she just went down on her own.

Never has happened - that bj happened after she rode me. Got off and then sucked me. PIV to PIM has never happened with her. Weird, but for me it's progress to making her my slut. So...that is not the goal, but use it as a gauge. Keep improving brother.

[–]redsprinklersystem0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can totally relate. Just over a year of mostly lurking here but making what I think is less than optimal improvement......

Last week during sex (which was decent, but average/ordinary) she pushed me off to change position (nothing unusual) and said "turn me over and fuck me up the ass"

Whoa! Holy shit! I almost fell off the bed in shock!

Anal has been completely off the table since a botched drunken attempt about 16-18 years ago (despite my undoubted desire for it). She has always frozen up if I ever even accidentally brushed the rusty sheriffs badge, and now seemingly out of the blue.....

I feel truly blessed to have stumbled upon this sub.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice post dude.

Seems like you are owning your shit for the most part.

Careful about the covert contracts and be aware of the need for validation.

i.e. I'm working hard!! you should fall on my dick every day! and " Look at me mommy!, Aren't I a good boy?"

You're doing this for YOU, right?

DDP is right. Don't let a setback derail you.

Onward,upward.To infinity and beyond!

Just don't be this guy....

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--SRi5FL7M--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/17g9h43b5bwu0jpg.jpg

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Keep working on you bro. You need to go monk mode right now and fix your weight and find something you actually like about yourself. I have been hitting yoga lately and not only do you get a physical aspect of it, it has also improved my mental game immensely.

Id suggest going hard in the gym and ramping up that diet. Read the 4 hour body by Tim Ferris and follow that slow carb diet. It really works and isnt a diet but a lifestyle. Secondly google loose skin and gotu kola and read about that. Any questions about fitness, diet or whatever shoot me a line. I have been up in the 270 range before and now am under 10% body fat

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is some great advice in this thread. Just wanted to join in and congratulate you on your progress. Yes, progress... This was a bump but only because you were doing something different and that is good. Your frame was tested and will continue to be tested. You recognized your frame was weak so now work on it.

As far as duty sex goes, you need to stop accepting it and you need to stop being butt hurt about her offering it. You're simply not attractive enough for her... yet.

Continue to work on yourself. Become that rock or oak. Stand tall for yourself and working. :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I resented the fact that she had such passion for her fuck buddy years ago that she was willing to throw me and our son away to go off and fuck him. And that I never got that passion from her.

Do you think this anger gets easier when you are at your ideal weight and bf%?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is not a reset. It is just a speed bump. No worries. Carry on and try not to get butthurt.

Also, you have moved from hard NO to grudging compliance most of the time. That is a HUGE improvement! The wife is deferring to you and no longer feels right denying you outright. In case you didn't notice that is what we mean by "submission." It only gets better as you go forward. Don't forget, a bitchy moment can only ruin the foundation you are building IF YOU LET IT.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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