NMMNG: Healthy Masturbation

anythinginc · 2017-04-17T14:17:44+00:00

that is, without pornography or fantasy.

The moral of the story is you should be able to get your dick hard because touching it FEELS good, and should be able to cum from the feeling of stroking your cock...versus cumming from how hot the porn on the screen is or how dirty your fantasy is. Maybe not every time or even most times, but losing that ability shows a disconnect I think.

I think there is a lot of merit to that; I can't speak to toxicity and shame, but from my readings I have come across a lot of men that do deal with that, and I could see how taking it "back to nature" so to speak, just a boy and his penis, could maybe help with that.

I actually cant imagine this.

Disconnect. You are not cumming from how good your cock feels, you are cumming from how sexy you find whatever is on the screen. That is kinda weird when you think about it right? You can see how this could spiral for some men right?

Extend this to your wife, initiating, fucking, cumming, or ED and the lack there of...if you, the master of your cock, can't cum from masturbating just because it feels good...how are you cumming from sex with your partner? Objectifying? Defiling? How "hot" the sex is? Mental fantasy while your cock is buried in a real woman? Kinda sad. Think the sex might be better for both of you if you could do what feels good and cum from sensation instead of what is "hot" or "dirty?" The point of NMMNG is to take control of your life.

If this isn't in SGM it should be: sometimes both partners concentrating on what FEELS good. Where your cock is rubbing inside of her. How your cock is rubbing inside of her.

You feel that baby? You feel where I'm hitting inside of you? etc...

That is a slow (or fast if you both need it) tantric mind-blowing orgasm for both of you. 100% I cum and then she cums from the sensation of me cumming. Choking and spanking and cumming on her face and orgasms from pounding each other into geological bedrock are all good...but you can't say it is just because of the sensations and feelings...and sometimes a little of that is a good thing. And what is sad...If you're that deep in porn, or if you can't masturbate just because it feels good...then when you try the slow sensual sex, your dick goes limp, talk about shame and guilt lol, so again NMMNG has a point.

TA908172 · 2017-04-17T14:37:51+00:00

There is a difference between (i) just having had a really hot fuck which you then deposit in the spank bank to withdraw at some point (likely pretty soon) thereafter, because damn it was hot and sometimes after something that hot you just need another go, and (ii) waiting for your wife to leave for the afternoon so you can fire up Chrome incognito mode with your favorite vid of Jenna Jameson (who you are never going to fuck) or fantasize about that sightly too short skirt you saw on that cute coworker (who you are also never going to fuck), with your pants around your ankles nervous about whether or not you locked the door in case she comes back too early.

(i) might be needed at times for some guys, while (ii), if you are doing it right, should downright disgust you.

McLuhanSaidItFirst · 2017-04-17T14:26:10+00:00

This also puzzled me. I am sexually attracted to women and so anytime I am aroused, I'm thinking about some woman. I don't see how it's possible. Like 'breathing' ( moving diaphragm and chest) with your mouth and nose plugged: nothing happens.

Edit: unless this is like a Zen koan: contemplating a paradox is supposed to provoke you to have a realization that pops into your mind, bypassing logic. If I'm attracted to women, and can't get sexual stimulation without porn or fantasy, does that mean... Only a real live woman in real time is appropriate?

Because if it's just me stimulating myself... that makes no sense... I'm not sexually attracted to myself... 'cause I'm, like, a dude.

anythinginc · 2017-04-17T15:02:19+00:00

I didn't get much from NMMNG's advice on this honestly.

What was much more helpful was learning that "masturbation guilt" was entirely optional and comes from social conditioning. Although I left religion early, I was nevertheless taught on some level that masturbation was a sin and something to be ashamed of. You'll see all sorts of references to the post-masturbation guilt/shame everywhere so it's very easy to believe it's just a given. After I found MRP, I ended up in a discussion where someone asserted and insisted that post-masturbation guilt/shame wasn't normal so I went out to find proof (as one does). The really weird part for me was it led me into this huge discussion on some web forum (can't find it anymore unfortunately) where one group of men were trying to explain the guilt/shame to another group of men who thought it was hilarious and couldn't relate at all. Of note it was a discussion spawned by talking about a particular porn actress so all the men there were watchers of porn--the implication being that the guilt/shame is also not intrinsic to porn viewing.

Anyway there's a lot of advice for dealing with this sort of guilt aimed helping women in the "becoming orgasmic" type advice (the deadbedrooms sidebar has a bunch of this but it seemed primarily targeted at women so I'd completely ignored it). In the end I started practicing radical self acceptance after masturbating, telling myself that no, it's completely healthy and normal and guilt or shame about it is bullshit. Porn and fantasy are a more complex question. I tend to over think things and have trouble shutting off my brain so for porn now I mostly just stick to what's called "ethical porn". Because the #1 problem I had with "it's completely healthy and normal" was arguing with myself about all the various ways the porn industry exploits women.

Frankly, I think masturbation guilt puts us in a nasty spot where rather than "wanting" sex with our wives we end up "needing" sex. So you can masturbate and feel like shit or get rejected and feel like shit. So you end up feeling like shit all the time. Making masturbation a positive sexual outlet helps a lot. Just my two cents.

[deleted] · 2017-04-17T17:22:26+00:00

Jerk off in the shower.

If you bring your phone in there on pornhub, then you never have to worry about fucking up text game