Epiphany: need to decide where to go next with my marriage

TaistoKarhu · 2017-03-21T06:30:56+00:00

Let it go man. First of all, pressing her over the issue probably will not yield any results except you undoing good work and falling balls deep in her frame again. I remember reading somewhere, it's only reasonable to press someone like that only when you know the answer already. So you need hard evidence, which you won't get anymore.

Second of all you need to understand that there might be dozens of cases like this that you are not even aware of. Or there may be not, but the point is that you need to get to a place in your head where you don't care.

I'm not sure whats the magical key to reach this place since I'm working on it myself and have almost identical past with my wife to yours or worse. I realize now its simply very hard to pick up a relationship from the state where my old blue pill beta self left it at. But for me, overcoming these obstacles in my head is important work to do on my rp journey.

Mostly I'm just pushing these issues aside and focusing on improving. I figure once I'm 'there', I can really make a choice then if I have want to continue this relationship built on bp foundation or pursuit a new one, but right now its only important to be able to overcome these issues in my head.

As /u/firetempered said in my similar post "How to swalllow the 'people cheat' pill?", its just bullshit smokescreen to keep you from growing. Check my post out, great advice there. Came a long way since that, still have a million miles to go too.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5sl5sv/how_to_swallow_the_people_cheat_pill/?st=J0J601DG&sh=5e6699a3

creating_my_life · 2017-03-21T05:43:27+00:00

Any kids?

Don't get caught up in the sunk-cost fallacy.

I worry if you man-up too much, and confront her, she'll magically get pregnant.

screechhater · 2017-03-21T09:55:42+00:00

Step one. Lift

Step two. Read more. Look up "Saving Her Best". "Book of Pook"

Step Three. Determine what kind of life you want - without her. What happens if she died tomorrow ? You are on your own and in the market again. With out her. Remember that

Step Four- realize and accept you cannot change the past. It is gone. Visiting it with her reltelling lies, fiction of her versions, allows her to pull you into her frame.

Step 5. Conquer this relationship. Do not get her pregnant. When she operates in your frame you are ready.

Step Six. In the future, post about you with little mention of her. Head over to Own Your Shit. It's where the men, not the boys, learm to accept what they want and set a course for it

[deleted] · 2017-03-21T16:21:18+00:00

Ignore the past for a minute. Would you marry her again, today? Does she add value to your life today?

Don't stick around because you're unsure or indecisive. If she's wife material today then stay and forget the past. If she's not wife material today then get out before you get more entangled.

LymanRP · 2017-03-21T13:39:42+00:00

I want closure.

Let that go, Live like a Cohen brothers movie. It either bothers you enough to leave, or you let it go and move on. If you can't let it go, then all you have is fear of pulling the trigger, deal with that

Her suddenly acting sketchy when her CC-girlfriend was in town, then telling me she needed space... and then she broke up with me. Well, sort of. She needed time alone to "figure things out"

Also, no doubt, she got random dick, possibly even known dick from that guy you know. 100%. Now that you aren't bullshitting yourself, what do you do with this? Add insult to injury, how closely do these align with your kids?

Archwinger · 2017-03-21T22:23:08+00:00

Women take breaks from relationships to make themselves available for other men. They don't take breaks to be alone and watch television.

You know this. But you also knew it when you married her, and you married her anyway.

But that doesn't matter now, right? Because you're large and in charge of your marriage? Your wife fucks you nightly, however you want? Every time the two of you are alone together, your hands, mouth, and dick go wherever you want, and "no" isn't a word in her vocabulary? She defers to your leadership, not just in private but in front of others? You own her, you give her tasks to do, and she does them, and she is happy with the situation, because under your care, she can let go, be free, be herself, and be fully confident that all of the shit in her life is handled, and all she needs to do is let you handle shit and lead her and pitch in with whatever you instruct her to do?

Right? All of this is true?

[deleted] · 2017-03-22T02:46:00+00:00

I've been in your shoes and its maddening. You find TRP and realize that all these relationship problems were very predictable given your weak frame and also entirely fixable if you only knew what to do at the time.

Then you think back to what YOU hamstered and you discover a cold case of likely infidelity. You can't ask about it now, that's going to look weak and set you way back and let's face it, you won't ever get the truth out of a woman anyway.

Let it go because if you can't let the past go, it will destroy you. TRP shows you that women cheating has nothing to do with a mans value and a new relationship was born when you unplugged and became more of a man with alpha behaviour.

If you can't move on silently, then dump her ass and give no reasons. You can't get closure nor can you punish a woman with anything but your absence.

Its OK bro, all women cheat on weak men. Don't beat yourself up when you can just move forward. With or without her. She doesn't matter (to your happiness) much anymore anyway.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-03-21T07:16:40+00:00

You've decided, but you're still too weak to move on the direction you need to. You absolutely do NOT need more information about the hotel room. I'm guessing you're too weak to do anything with it anyway. You're at the brink and you're looking for any reason to convince yourself to stay married.
More lifting for you and STFU.

[deleted] · 2017-03-21T14:05:23+00:00

Yes, you have to let it go. Why?

You cannot prove she did or that she didn't.

You CAN prove that you are not the uber-beta you once were. But not by ever addressing this.....ever.

The only thing you CAN prove, is that you WERE a blue pill mangina at the time. Don't prove that.

Let it go. Concentrate on something that you know you can succeed at, improving you.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-03-21T21:31:49+00:00

harboring a lot of resentment toward my wife for things that happened over the 6 years of our relationship.

No good can ever come of this. You need to put your behind in your past and Hakuna Matata.

anotherswingingdick · 2017-03-22T06:28:38+00:00

If i was in your shoes, i'd immediately divorce her. just because of doubts. "If there's any doubt, then there is no doubt".

Then let her spend the next 20 years fucking my brains out, to earn me back.

You haven't changed at all. She's not scared of losing you. She learned real good, that she can do anything, and never get punished.

"press her about the incident" Ok, what if she says, "yeah, I fucked the guy. So sorry!" And if she says no..... will your doubts go away?

[deleted] · 2017-03-21T13:55:49+00:00

I had an epiphany today. Over the past few weeks I've become aware of the fact that I've been harboring a lot of resentment toward my wife for things that happened over the 6 years of our relationship. Today I realized that I don't resent her--I resent my old BP-self for allowing myself to put up with all of it. I can't even be mad at her... AWALT. I was just a total beta push over and let myself put up with all her BS over the years.

Yes. Exactly. Now run with that.

She left for a week-long training for her new job post graduation. When she came back I found a hotel room key with a guy's name printed on it. .... she insisted that it was just the key that she was issued--It must've been the person who had the room before her or some nonsense, and assured me that nothing happened. She seemed surprised that my head even went there. I believed her and didn't press further for fear of being needy or insecure. At that point I began to check her phone and FB messages from time to time to see if there was anything going on... I never found any evidence.

Oh. OK.

Do you have kids? if so, consider divorce. Because if you can't, or won't, let it go, that's where you're headed anyway. If you let this fester inside you, it'll eat you away. Bottom line is you'll probably never know whether she cheated on that week away, unless she confesses it. And she will never confess it to you if she did cheat.

If you get past this, and stay with her, fine, but make clear that cheating will be absolutely unacceptable, and if you have even a suspicion of it, it's done.

Let it go, for your own sake. Not even for your marriage or for her. For yours.

TotesMessenger · 2017-03-21T22:07:09+00:00

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

[/r/thebluepill] After spending some time in MRP, guy decides to find reasons that he resents and distrusts his wife. (Link in comments to his FR 2 months ago where he still liked her)

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