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Posted this elsewhere...was suggested I post here.

This morning, I popped my head in on my wife in the shower before headed out to work. She had been flirting a little earlier spanking my ass while I changed, playfully hugging each other... talking playful shit with each other. When I popped my head in the shower... I smiled and gestured with my fingers for her to turn around so I could see her body. Her attitude changed immediately and she told me to stop doing that. Stop telling her what to do. It makes her feel like a piece of meat. She said she understands I want to see her body... but to stop instructing her to turn around or come here -- she doesnt like it and doesnt know why Im doing it. She then teared up and turned back away. I simply replied, "What can I say... your bod is on fire"... then leaned in...kissed the back of her head, said "Love ya, Im off to work" and just left. My question involves understanding why the sudden change in attitude on her part. Am I doing something wrong technique wise or is she simply putting up resistance because she isnt fully there in terms of being attracted to me? There are plenty of times in the past where Ill tell her "bend over for me and pick that up" ... and she will playfully ask, how...like this? And bend over exposing her pussy and waving her ass side to side. How should I handle this situation?


[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So?

OK, I'll expand a bit on this, you can't take every individual instance, especially these minor ones and make it into a paradigm shift. Their emotions and moods shift like the wind, judge this in context. If you get an out of character action, realize it as such. If it starts being a trend, then you have something to work with.

you think Chad starts to question everything, every time a girl doesn't blow him in the closet? He could give two shits

and nether should you. address it if she makes a point to lock the door from now on while showering.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So you said something, then she said something, then you said something, and then she cried? And then you think she cried because of something you said?

If anything, that's what you need to be addressing. You are still framing your reality around her, and what she is or is not doing. Find your own truth, and live it. Stop looking externally for approval.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Conversation dynamics. Take a minute and recall your feelings during each part of this mini conversation. You popped your head in, playfully, happily. Youre expecting her to respond in kind. When you instruct her to turn around think about how she interprets that. She knows turning around complies with you and is a display of if her looks are good enough for you. So for whatever reason (or no reason at all) she fires a test shot at you to see how you'll respond. A....shit test shot....if you will. You can either feel guilt for this, or you can feel disappointed...or you can get angry at her. Beta, alpha, omega.

If you feel she has a point and feel guilty, that's beta behavior (nice, loving, but doesn't turn her on). Following it up with a compliment to her appearance gives her the impression she was right in sniping at you, that it's something you cannot help because "your bod is on fire" but ultimately wrong.

Instead ask yourself how a Chad would respond. Disappointed. Down turned smile and maybe a reflective "hmm" and walk away. She'll get minimal feedback from her test shot this way...and I guarantee she'll think about it for the next hour and convince herself "maybe I was wrong...he seemed unaffected by that...almost...disappointed in me". She sees OI, a strong frame and this will (likely slightly) turn her on.

Getting angry? Well...I know you know better. Omega quality. You have no frame you have no restraint, this neither makes her feel loved or attracted to you.

 

They'll always be random shit tests, she needs to check to make sure you're still high quality. Just remember your response should reflect what a male with a strong will and some confidence would say. Justifying your action isn't ideal. I slip up on this still. But as you rewire your brain that you are the prize and you have expectations of how conversations should go to reflect that, the best response will come easier.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're on the right track about not being attractive enough, but with a catch. What probably happened is that for whatever reason, she didn't view you as attractive enough, in that moment, or a few moments earlier. I can look good one day and pass shit tests and be a boss and my gf will do whatever I want. Then the next day I can look just as good but maybe I fail a shit test or display some other low value trait and all of a sudden I get resistance about everything. Don't take it as a sign that you're not attractive at all, just that maybe you did something to display low value and she didn't want to submit herself to you while your low value behavior was still on her mind. In the end though it seems like you handled it very well.

I wouldn't lose sleep over this if it is a rare event. Maybe you didn't throw her down and dominate her after she smacked your ass like she was hoping, maybe she saw you pick something up in a weak and gay way, maybe you failed a shit test that you didn't even know about, maybe you did nothing wrong and her emotions and mood just changed. It doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is that you let it roll off your back with outcome independence and a non butthurt attitude, which it seems like you did. If it becomes a recurring event then you might have to work on some things.

[–]exbp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

These are great situations to start the hamster going in whatever direction you like. Your actions were a great example of IDGAF attitude and you left it cheerful. She might still resist the instructions, but I bet the hamster told her she was being a bitch and should accept your attention next time.

[–]enfier0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't respond to a shit test with comfort. She was in the shower, it's easy enough to just leave the room, throw on your clothes and be gone by the time she gets out. Trust me, if you let the hamster hamst for a while she's going to reflect on that interaction and regret it.

You'll get a text message apology, some backpedaling and probably a giant emotion puke that night. Just let her get it out, take not of where her mind is going with all of that and then give her comfort.

[–]gutcheckchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pure instinctive behavior bro. You cornered her in a situation where she felt vulerable. Like any cornered animal she went full on defence mode. The shower has no exit and she was naked and exposed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe she wanted to be left alone to shower. Crazy idea, I know.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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