TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

19

ADVICEBroken up with, not coping well (self.RedPillWives)

submitted by midori_cat

Not married, just prefer it in this subreddit..

I was recently broken up with and I am devastated. I don't want to be the girl that sits at home crying, but I feel so lost. He was a truly wonderful man, and an absolute catch, and losing him feels like the worst thing.

I'm scared to tell my friends, I just feel like I don't have anyone right now. What can I do? I've never had my heart broken like this. I've been up all night crying so much that my body aches. I'm planning NC, but it's hard. How can I distract myself?


[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry to hear this. My last break up was so hard that I sobbed myself to the point of vomiting. Repeatedly. For weeks.

Here's what I did to get through the really awful parts:

For the first couple of weeks, I had Cheers (the show) playing in the background when I was home. I went on long walks and listened to audiobooks to keep my mind moving and focused on something other than the pain.

I kept a gel eye pack and moist cloth in the fridge to put on my face after crying jags to keep the swelling down.

I didn't listen to my favorite music or eat my favorite things or do my favorite activities cause I didn't want to taint them with my sadness.

I also got one of those therapy apps (like Betterhelp, Talkspace) and talked to a counselor. I didn't want to talk about my breakup with my friends yet, so it was good to have a counselor.

It helped me to journal and write my feelings down, too.

I really started to improve when I went NC though, and I wish I'd done that first.

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.

[–]midori_cat 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

The crying sucks :( my eyes are so puffy. I actually went and bought a gel eye pack today so hopefully that helps. Thank you so much for your advice, it means so much to me.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sleeping propped up a little helps too.

I cried so hard that I had a bulging blood vessel above one of my eyes for about 8 months.

The cool thing about life is that literally everything is temporary. So even though things are terrible now, it's not permanent. Just make sure you take care of yourself and don't pick up any destructive habits.

❤️

[–]midori_cat 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Aw no :( thats scary, I didn't even know crying could do that. I'm honestly dehydrated from crying so much. I drink about a litre of water and then its all out my eyes and nose half an hour later (charming, right?)

everything is temporary. So even though things are terrible now, it's not permanent

I'm going to write this in my diary. Definitely need to remind myself of this. Thank you again <3

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haahah, I was so worried the bulge would be permanent. Just take good care of your skin right now. Don't rub your eyes too hard, and just keep the ice pack/gel pad on there as needed.

Sending good vibes ❤️

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh I'm so sorry... I know there's a time and a place for learning lessons regarding the breakup, but for now I'll just impart the phrase, "you can be the best peach in the world, but some men just don't like peaches."

The hard part about breakups is there's nothing to do. You put yourself in the best healing circumstance and then just let time do its magic. A broken heart has a lot in common with a broken leg.

When I went through breakups I'd watch Sex and the City. It was not only a great distraction but also showed the single life/dating in a positive light. Find whatever series numbs the initial pain, and once time has passed you'll be in a better mental state to process the "hows" and "whys."

Feel better soon and we're all here to help in what ways internet people can.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is there maybe one friend or family member you could speak with confidentially, without anyone else finding out until you're ready? Or if you're religious you might consider talking privately with someone at your church, synagogue, etc.

[–]midori_cat 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think I'm going to speak to a counsellor at church. I completely forgot about that in my frenzied crying state. Thank you <3

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a good idea, someone to talk to and help you process some of the grief, I'm so sorry, I wish there was more we could do to help x

[–]kaylin_xx37 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have a lot of advice, just know that it's okay to be sad and grieve your relationship for a little bit.

[–]redwatch954 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey! I know that this is tough on you! You need to give yourself 3 months to truly get over it. Rushing the process has never worked. But once you’re done grieving you NEED to start dating. It’s the worst thing to know you wasted time on someone that didn’t stay but don’t waste too much more time on him. Sending love your way 👍🏾

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. <3

This is going to hurt a lot, and no one knows for how long. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve, and go NC for AT LEAST a month. If after that you feel you need NC for longer than that, or maybe even forever, then go for it! Try to be more self-compassionate and make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

I’m going through heartbreak myself right now, and in the immediate aftermath of the heartbreak I started a nightly facial routine while also venting by playing sad songs on my flute. Five months later, my face is glowing and my flute skills have improved, so that’s at least a silver lining to all the pain.

Again, I’m very sorry for what you’re going through.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter