TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

22

Life after baby...? (self.RedPillWives)

submitted by threefishies

Hi all! Just discovered this sub and followed without participating for a few days, but I feel I might have found my brethren...

I was just wondering- to those of you who have had kids, what tips do you have to get back to your fully-fledged homemaking skills? Now that baby is 4 months old, I have regained a lot of my time and prioritising skills, but I really would like to show my husband that his patience has paid off. We have a baby that was very colicky up until... Well, I don't want to jinx it, but only recently have I managed to juggle between life and the baby, despite my being pretty great with multitasking and self motivation.

I hope everyone is well and that I haven't missed an obvious and recent thread discussing this! :)


[–]IroniatonEarly 40's, married for 10 years, 4 kids13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Honestly? Give it a year. That's about how long it takes to get it all working again.

But before that important steps are also when the baby starts eating solids (is that what you call it? Meaning not only milk) and thus having regular meal times, and when she starts sleeping through the night. That's when you start really getting into the daily rythm, and that will help you plan the days.

But be merciful to yourself, and be patient. Four months might feel like a long time when you have your first, but actually you only just became a mom. It takes time to grow into the role.

[–]whitcris30s|Married 4 years|Together 105 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A year or a year and a half at least! I feel you. 4 months seems like an eternity, but it's so little in the scheme of things. Give yourself grace! In a few more months your little will start to get on a schedule and you'll be able to plan more.

[–]threefishies26, Married 1 year/Together 2.[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! You are correct that it feels like he's been here forever- I can't imagine life without him now and neither can my husband, but there's still so much to learn and he's brand new. :)

[–]littleshroom7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

To me, it took until kiddo started sttn. Until then i was a wreck, but i tried to still have dinner on the table and somewhat clean house. Right now, at 18 months, i feel like we are almost back to normal, except to - with a little person!

[–]teaandtalk29, married 6 years, together 84 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For anyone reading and not sure on 'STTN' - stands for 'sleeping through the night'.

[–]threefishies26, Married 1 year/Together 2.[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for responding! Looking forward to having everything back to my standards- my husband is very understanding that I have a lot on my plate with the usual and getting used to life with a baby, but I'm not quite as kind towards myself as he is unfortunately. It'll get better and it's nice to get word of that from the other side! :)

[–]Mamalamb17 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Between my large amount of forever kids and four other foster kiddos in the past my suggestion is that 18 months they really start to eat enough substantial food (if nursing or bottle feeding) and taking one long mid day nap to really feel on top of a schedule and routine. Some may get in the swing of it a little earlier, some are easier babies, but much worse toddlers. Or the colicky baby becomes easier in toddler hood.

But let me tell you, if you end up having more than one, 4-5 is the GOLDEN age. They are fun, they love you, they are flexible and helpful, mostly reasonable, and NO diapers!!

[–]threefishies26, Married 1 year/Together 2.[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

We are definitely hoping for a few more! Thank you for your insightful comment. I was colicky and so is this baby, but now at 4 months he is SO MUCH better than before, but still a velcro baby which makes good housekeeping harder for me than I wish. Slowly getting it under control though, but it'll be nice when I can set F down for a minute without him crying. ;)

[–]Mamalamb14 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My best suggestion is to read the OLD book Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. It is the most balanced loving approach to getting a baby on a schedule while making time for work/couple around baby’s cycle of eat, activity, and sleep. I have used it successfully with both biological and non-biological kids breast/bottle/even tube fed infants that were both typical and developmentally delayed.

I gift it to every new mom!

[–]threefishies26, Married 1 year/Together 2.[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for the recommendation, I'll be sure to check it out. :)

[–]teaandtalk29, married 6 years, together 83 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations on your baby & reduced colic!

I'm not yet a mother, so please take my advice with a grain of salt but: homemaking is all well and good, but my personal priorities would be:

  1. Relationship
  2. Baby
  3. Homemaking.

in that order. So that means that, if my husband is in any way feeling neglected, that's more important to me than whether or not the dishes are done or the floors swept. And, most likely, it would be to him too. Make sure your marriage is strong before worrying about housework!

[–]threefishies26, Married 1 year/Together 2.[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

We're definitely making sure that our relationship is great and he feels positively about us and not like it's all about the baby, and we still make sure we have plenty of intimacy. Baby is still young so his actual needs (feedings, diaper changes, etc) come first, but my husband is very understanding of this, and we have a very good balance with baby needs vs his needs, which I'm thankful for. What I'm having the most trouble with is balancing the homemaking with baby tasks during the day whilst he's at work, since our little one wakes up a lot during naps, especially when I'm doing housework since there are inevitable noises.

Thanks for the kind words and advice though, your intervention helped me formulate better what I am having troubles with! :)

[–]teaandtalk29, married 6 years, together 81 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sounds like you're all over it then! I do understand that baby's 'needs' come first, but I also often see an attitude from new mothers that anything he wants comes first (not just needs), to the detriment of the marriage.

Again, I don't have personal advice, but: it's okay if the homemaking slips while you have a newborn! And your husband may prefer a more rested wife to a clean house :) .

[–]threefishies26, Married 1 year/Together 2.[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We definitely have a little bit of a hierarchy going on, where baby's ACTUAL needs come before my husband's needs, but my baby's WANTS come after my husband's. That's what he said he was most comfortable with anyway- he would never be so forgiving if he didn't see how high-needs our baby is, is my presumption. :)

When I look at my situation from an outside eye, I am much more forgiving than when I look at what I was doing before baby and what I am doing right now. I think it is because I know how hard it is to raise a high-need baby, but it's so great to hear everyone's tips. :)

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter