TheRedArchive

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[–]g_e_m_anscombe14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the most helpful rule for us is the opposite of many people’s rule: we’re allowed to sleep on it.

Between my husband’s sleep apnea and my Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, we both can be way more exhausted than normal people. Sometimes we can’t find an avenue for compromise and we’re feeling grumpy because we’re tired. We don’t “go to bed angry” but we also have learned to leave things unresolved and to sort things out the next day. This prevents us from saying things we regret and helps us to see new avenues for resolution.

We also don’t have fights over text. If it becomes clear we disagree about something and we noticed things are becoming emotionally charged at all, we resolve to discuss later in person.

[–]jack_hammarred25 LTR 4yrs[S] 8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I love Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. I like seeing a couple who at least appear to have a loving, supportive marriage and present a unified front.

The video is short but it got me thinking about the rules my boyfriend set for us (..me) early on:

  • no going to bed angry
  • when your mind runs away with you, don’t run so far I cannot catch you
  • do not make work for other people
  • I decide what you are (not good enough, too much, etc.) and you can’t do that for me

These have mitigated so many issues, or at least laid a clear framework of really important boundaries.

What rules did your man set? What rules have you set for yourself as far as your relationship (past, current, future alike) is concerned? How do those rules add value?

[–]Never_EvilEarly 20s | single/dating2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I decide what you are and you can't do that for me

Can you explain this rule? Loved the vid, great timing for me haha

[–]jack_hammarred25 LTR 4yrs[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Glad the video came at an opportune moment!

So this rule comes down to his honor, I think. I don’t get to make his decisions. I don’t decide for him that he is to good for me, or that I am a nuisance, or any other thing that would possibly motivate me to make a decision that affects us both by myself based on my own emotions/complexes. Basically, don’t self sabotage. Does that make sense? It has taken me years to begin to grasp what this truly means to be honest.

[–]tempintheeastbay10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I see, so in a way it means, "I decide how I feel about you"? As in, stop projecting onto me, don't just unilaterally declare how I "must" feel and take action based on it?

[–]jack_hammarred25 LTR 4yrs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ooooh good overarching synopsis! Yes.

[–]Never_EvilEarly 20s | single/dating2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Makes sense!

Do you apply this to yourself too, or is this just from his perspective? Do you think about your own 'honor' in the same way, or differently?

[–]StingrayVC10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

He said, "I have more respect for myself than that." It was a deal breaker for him. And what did she do? She decided she didn't want to lose him. She knows he is the prize, because he's not afraid and respects himself too much to put up with crazy.

And FFS, what does Harry Connick Jr. do? Tries to turn it around. "Wait, you're supposed to be training him!" And calls himself stupid.

I love, love, love how she talks about him, how she politely contradicts HCJ and not only sticks up for her husband, but does it in a classy way and makes him look very good and attractive.

EDIT: HAHA! I just watched it again and caught where HCJ asked if it was attractive when Dax told her he wouldn't stay with someone who behaved that way and she dramatically mouthed, "Very" This interview is so perfect!

[–]jack_hammarred25 LTR 4yrs[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It IS so perfect! It makes me so happy. My boyfriend has always taken a shine to them as a couple.

[–]whitcris30s|Married 4 years|Together 104 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We try to recognize when we are hungry. And by we, I mostly mean me...any time I start to get crabby he asks if I've eaten. :D

Be conscientious of each other's annoying habits. He knows I find it annoying when he throws his clothes outside the hamper and i know he finds it annoying to leave clothes rumpled in the dryer. So we each try not to do those things to begin with.

And finally, just don't nag. It doesn't help!! Sometimes you just have to let it go!

[–]tempintheeastbay6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A quote from her in another interview:

“It’s all about contempt. Never roll your eyes at someone,” she told Us. “You might as well break up right then because its contempt. I’m telling you — I disagree with him on almost everything, but I have intense respect for his critical thinking skills and the fact that we were raised differently. I always see his point. I do not and will not ever have contempt for him.”

[–]LaurelWoods931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love Kristen and Dax, I think they fit together so well.:)

I'm a very carefree, happy person with a laid back personality, my husband is type A and definitely the head of the household, lol. We don't fight much because we get on so well, but every so often when we disagree, we usually can talk it out rationally without yelling. I hate yelling and loud households because I grew up in one.

If we can't agree to disagree or are grumpy (usually him when he's hungry/tired, lol) there's confrontation and a little backtalk, but never a personal attack or namecalling. We're never hateful to each other, it'd be a deal breaker for us both if we constantly did that.

If we fight before bed, he and I both can't sleep and usually end up cuddling and apologizing 10 minutes later. Its easy because we try to see each other's sides about 90% of the time. I was blessed with him:)

[–]tempintheeastbay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was SUCH a charming video. They've always struck me as an incredibly RP couple.

EDIT: watched some more interviews and Dax seems incredibly charming and confident, can definitely see him as a leader in their relationship, which is unusual, because in most celebrity couples where 1 partner has significantly more work than the other, it seems unbalanced.

[–]Hartley70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

-No nagging. -No harping on the past. This has been an issue for me for years. I finally stopped doing that because I realized that holding a grudge was childish and unhelpful. -Always apologize when you're wrong.

[–]reddishrobin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We don't yell at each other any more. When things start to get heated, one of us walks away and goes to another room until we both calm down and can discuss it rationally. When he starts getting angry at me, I walk away. He always calms down after a while and apologises

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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