Your husband doesn't have to earn your respect - The Matt Walsh Blog

[deleted] · 2017-06-13T12:39:25+00:00

This article is a bit of an old one - I shared it on facebook a few years ago and popped up in my memories today. I have gone back to this concept a few times.

If love is unconditional, then the light of love always shines in your marriage, even in its darkest times. But if your love is given in direct proportion to your spouse’s ability to “earn” it, then it will inevitably diminish and fade over time.

I've seen a few community members commenting lately with a tit-for-tat attitude. And that's completely unacceptable!! There is another sub in the RP world where almost everyone views the marriage as "why should I because she didn't?" Well, because! Because we have no control over our partner, we only have control over ourselves. You either married a shitty person or you're being a shitty person and encouraging them to also be shitty in return. Always start by looking in the mirror. Because the only person we can change/fix/mend is the person we see in the mirror.

My husband doesn't have to earn my respect. He has it! Does that mean we don't struggle? Of course, we struggle! But that does mean that when he's frustrated I try not to get frustrated back. I allow him to have individual thoughts and emotions. And he gives me that grace, too.

StingrayVC · 2017-06-13T13:22:10+00:00

I don't have the patience to read this right now. I'll give it a go later. However, our husbands deserve our respect simply by virtue of being our husbands. The man we chose. Even if we don't feel respect, that doesn't mean we can't give it. Respect, like love, is far more than a feeling. To attribute it to a feeling only is to tremendously undervalue it. Respect and love are actions. Do it.

StingrayVC · 2017-06-13T14:19:51+00:00

I'm always trying to keep aware of the level of respect my husband is actually FEELING, not just what I think is "being respectful". I think there's something to that for lots of couples.

I bet if you polled a group of marriages, many wives would say their husbands get their respect and their husbands would probably say otherwise. It's easy to identify the obvious ways a woman might cause feelings of disrespect but what are the subtle, insidious ones?

My hubs and I live and work together, 24/7 most every day of the year. We are both intelligent, intuitive, inventive, and dedicated. A lot of what we do is made up in the moment to solve a problem or to build or create something. We each have strong opinions and are passionate about the task at hand. His idea and my idea are often complimentary or even the same, but often times not. Someone has to "win". Our day to day can become pretty complicated because I have been "schooled" in our work and he is mostly operating by instinct. He has GREAT instincts. I am Type A all the way and am constantly reminding myself that in our line of work, you can do everything "perfectly" and still fail. Failure is where I fall short of respect with my marriage. I have to let it be. Don't launch that 15 minute monologue, Happy, just don't! Let the chips fall. Let him try his way. I don't know everything, hell even the stuff I do feel confident about doesn't always work.

I catch myself with that teacher's hat on all the time. He hates it. I can see why. I hate it when it's done to me, when I didn't even sign up to be instructed. Questioning every move, sharing my worst case scenario, allowing that feeling of not being heard to creep into my mind, pushing, pushing, pushing.

This was a great reminder post, Iris, thank you!

GratefulWifeandMama · 2017-06-13T14:31:39+00:00

I love this. Just all if it. It should be required reading prior to marriage.

[deleted] · 2017-06-13T22:56:38+00:00

This was a great article. I love that the author focuses specifically on husbands. If you married a man, it goes without saying that you should trust him.

It drives me insane when I see how certain people I know treat their men. A few years ago I posted a thread about how a group of husband's were cowed and offended when I broke their 'trance of obedience' and said that the "happy wife happy life" saying was BS.

If I remember correctly a lot of kill joys (at the time) tried to explain to me what actually happened. It was both annoying and humorous.

Early stages of dating and relationships? Different story. You start dating someone because they have earned your trust to an extent, but vetting is a process that continues until marriage.

So glad you shared this! :0)