We are all familiar with the term AWALT, but we rarely dive into what specific traits are involved with it. It is just a big looming darkness that we must avoid so that 'we are not like the other girls’. I would like to point out that AWALT behaviors or not inherently bad, but just feelings and patterns we have to learn to manage and make work in our favor. It doesn't help us to deny female nature, instead we must embrace it if we want to live happy healthy lives as full women. Two aspects of AWALT, hypergamy and preselection, have a specifically interesting effect on our attraction and relationships. They work synergistically to either bring you and your spouse together or, to pull you apart.
Hypergamy, can be summed as a woman’s need to constantly upgrade her partner until she gets the best catch that she can. This may make your hair curl and make you want to cry out “But not me! I would never abandon my spouse! Not for superman himself!” Yes. Yes you would. Because you are a woman and you are hypergamous and you are AWALT. And if you don’t believe me, I’ll walk you through it. Imagine your man, as he is today, right now, with all of his personality and quirks and goals. Now imagine an alternate reality spouse, 6 months from now, a year, 5 years… whatever. And in that time gap, he has accomplished all of the goals he set out to do and moved onto the next thing. Instead of playing on the intramural basketball team, he is the captain of it. Instead of working in IT., he is manager of the department. Instead of being an amateur photographer, he is having his first showing at a gallery. Which guy sounds more appealing, you're SO now, or your more successful alternate reality SO? Yeah, that's your hypergamy kicking in.
So what force keeps you from flying off the handle every time another man looks at you? This is where preselection comes in handy. Usually this term is used to describe the phenomenon when men are seen as more attractive when other women, particularly attractive women, seem really interested in that guy. Women just kind of assume, that the women close to him know what he as to offer, and are still interested, so you assume he is high value. Usually guys use this in the pickup community to their advantage to pick up chicks. However, for our purposes, we can alter this for our advantage by looking at it as self-preselection. It's the time, and energy, and sacrifices you’ve already invested into the relationship that balances out your hypergamy urges. You know that you have invested in this man, you know his quirks and his goals, you know exactly what this man has to offer.
A guy that is only marginally better than your SO isn’t going to be able to pull you away from a good relationship. To get a bit Spergy about it and quantify what I am talking about, if a woman is with her husband for 5 years, a man must be 10 years worth of her time higher value than her husband to trigger the hypergamy, 5 years to make up for time spent with her current husband, and another 5 years to get to the same level of commitment with the new guy (if it is even possible). The flip side of this effect is the Sunken Cost Effect, where you overestimate the value of your time, energy, and sacrifices in a bad relationship, and refuse to leave for a chance with someone better.
Don't be ashamed that you are hypergamous, embrace it. Well, only once you know your husband or LTR is a good man. After that, time and investment in your relationship will make him the best possible match for your, thus quenching your hypergamy and bring you closer together.
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