TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

35

[–]teaandtalk29, married 6 years, together 812 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is such a gentle/good overview of the different kinds of things men want out of a relationship. My husband would prefer being told that he's respected & admired than be told that he's loved. And I think most male-caused dead bedrooms could be solved if the women involved stopped telling him what to do and disrespecting him...

[–]Camille11325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely! So glad you enjoyed it!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I really appreciated reading this one. It touches on a few of my greatest struggles in my marriage and was a good little spot-check review of the last few weeks. And now, of course, I have to take a step back and regroup and stop being a bossy slave driver (again). haha

Always a work in progress and always hoping for greater humility!

[–]mistersombrerosenior6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it made me re-think a couple things I said this weekend (criticizing the way he loaded the dishwasher, anyone?) You are not alone!

[–]Camille11325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes it's always good to review the basics, they are the most fundamental things really. So great that you are making the right changes!

[–]mistersombrerosenior6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Love it! I really like #2 to receive graciously. One of the big things my husband does is buy me treats. He knows I have a big sweet tooth, so it's not uncommon for him to bring home a couple macaroons for me, or surprise ice cream, and even at church Sunday he brought me my favorite, a blueberry donut. Now the problem is I'm trying to eat less sugar! And he knows this, but I asked him once why he brings me these things and he simply said' "because I know you like them and I like to make you happy." So, I used to get mad at him or say no I'm absolutely not eating this and I bet he felt bad afterwards. But recently I've just taken the treat, say thank you and make calorie adjustments throughout the day. It's not hard to make allowances for an occasional treat or save some for later if it makes him happy to gift it.

[–]Camille11325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awww how sweet of him! Receiving graciously is so key!

[–]mabeolMid 20s, LTR 1 year5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The thing I love about Laura Doyle is how actionable her advice is. She doesn't get so crazy specific that you feel like a robot, so you can really tailor it to your man and your relationship, but she gives clear guidance on what steps to take.

[–]Camille11325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I thought this was an excellent post for the sub for this very reason :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

He doesn’t really care if you ever do anything for him

Lol, wut?

[–]Camille11325[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Actually yes have you ever read/heard about couples where the wife scrambles to keep things clean and stretches herself thin trying to make everything perfect, but all the man really wants to do is have her sitting next to him? Now I'm reminding myself of Mary & Martha but thats not necessarily a bad thing lol

A lot of times we add on all these extra standards that while our men do appreciate, they also would be fine with the more basic version. One example is cooking dinner. Plenty of women go all out with ingredients, techniques, variety, etc. and plenty of men would be fine eating the same 4 meals on rotation! Doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy or appreciate the extra effort, just that it isn't central to why he has you in his life.

Sometimes women lose sight of their purpose as a companion to men.

[–]UnicornWine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For sure. I was saying the other day that I would have to change around the bathroom items when we move to a new apartment (shower curtain, towels, etc, etc are keyed to the brown/tan tile we've got going on), if the new coloring doesn't match, and he was like, "huh? What?" He has no idea what color the shower curtain even is.

A lot of the extra detail and variety that comes around the house is just for women, I think.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwig2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes women lose sight of their purpose as a companion to men.

I can't upvote this enough. I, too, scrambled to make fancy dinners and house chores for my boyfriend, only to realize all he wanted to do was snuggle with me and talk to me after a day of difficult work. A few times, he came over and I kept asking him if he wanted dinner or a back rub and he was just like "no, just come here," held me for an hour, then he left to get dinner on his own.

Even when we discussed our future and he mentioned providing for me if we moved to another country, I said "I don't know what to do if I move with you" and he simply said "you don't have to do anything, just be with me, I'll take care of you."

Companionship is spot on - as a lover, nurturer, cheerleader, friend.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

YES! I know I drive myself crazy going overboard to please and what's worse is getting mad when he didn't even notice! ARGH! The things we do to ourselves!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes women lose sight of their purpose as a companion to men.

Yes! F thinks it's nice when the house is clean, but if it's going to make me feel stressed and grumpy, he'd rather I just not do it. What he really wants is a fun, happy partner in crime. The clean house or dinner is a "nice to have" but not a necessity. Companionship is the necessity.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I don't have to do all the things that I tell myself I have to do. If I'm starting to get overwhelmed, it's ok to just stop-- no one really cares except me!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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