Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

sugarcrush · 2017-02-04T15:26:04+00:00

I think she went from one extreme (nagging about everything) to another (no boundaries apparently?). It's possible to have reasonable boundaries and communicate them in healthy ways. For example, I would leave my husband if he wanted an open marriage, decided he no longer wanted children, became abusive, etc. Are those not boundaries? Additionally, if he were to say something extremely harsh without cause, I do think it's appropriate to say something like "That was a very hurtful thing to say. Please speak to me more respectfully." Personally, I find just saying "ouch" to be a bit childish.

I'm not really sure what she's trying to say about boundaries with the job example... to me, it reads more like she was the one crossing boundaries than an example of her setting one and it backfiring. I think that's a better example of why it's bad to be passive-aggressive than why it's bad to set boundaries.

I think Laura Doyle has some good ideas, but in my overall opinion she tends to take things too far, and this article falls into that category for me.

violetpiecrisis · 2017-02-05T05:57:45+00:00

I feel like all of the anecdotes she sites are reactionary "boundaries". They seem closer to threats or ultimatums because they are in response to things that have already occurred.

I think healthy boundaries definitely exist! In my opinion, it's perfectly fine to say "I am not comfortable with x, y, and z." Discussion can be had in a productive way that isn't meant to chastise anyone, and compromises can be struck. The idea that it's unhealthy for my marriage for me to tell my husband that I don't like being touched a certain way, that I don't want to have certain discussions in front of our children, or that I would like personal time to engage in a relaxing activity in private seems backwards. Boundaries, in the context of my relationship and marriage, are conversations that were necessary for me to have.

Camille11325 · 2017-02-04T09:15:52+00:00

Curious to hear what everyone thinks about this article. What parts do you agree with, where do you disagree? How does this apply to your own experiences? I'll be reflecting on these ideas myself and I look forward to discussing the angles with you all later :)