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Hello everyone! :)

I've been thinking about this topic quite a bit lately about whether or not our birth orders/only-childness and sex of siblings affect people's personalities and the types of men we gravitate towards for a romantic relationship (and also if there is a pattern in any men we avoid!).

For example, only children have the stereotype of being fiercely independent/mature/selfish, whereas a first born child of many siblings is stereotyped as being bossy. Last born children are thought to be easy going and creative. Here is an interesting article about this, though take it with a pinch of salt!

I'm personally a first born and my SO is an only child. Funnily enough the handful of other guys I've ever been attracted to in any serious capacity have also been only childs. I've always been a bit bossy and demanding although I've learnt to tone it down over the years! In my adolescent mind, younger siblings = my very own in-built personal assistants :')

Would be interesting to hear your experiences and if you've found any correlations :)


[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think this is an interesting idea, but far too simplistic to really apply in any kind of constructive way. The dynamic of children also changes depending on social status, if the parents stay married or get divorced, if the siblings are actually step-sisters/brothers. I thought it was good to point out that gaps between siblings can affect things a lot. I was more like an eldest, although I get a mixed bag of youngest sibling treatment.

These things can also go entirely out the window if there's a lot of chaos/dysfunction, or other serious issues in the family (an eldest sibling with a debilitating disease for example may be treated more like a youngest, and the middle acts like the eldest).

I think there was also a missed opportunity to talk about order of siblings along with their gender. A youngest sister with two older brothers will grow up differently than a youngest brother with older sisters.

I like the idea of exploring general traits among birth order - but I would have liked to see them take into account other factors as well.

Thanks for sharing! :0)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I completely agree, I think it's too difficult to predict a persons personality based on just their birth order and like you said there are far too many other factors to be taken into consideration when thinking about this.

I think this is probably on a similar level to those quizzes that tell you which celebrity personality you are or which fruit you'd most likely be based on a few questions! I just thought it might be interesting to see if people had noticed any correlations and stimulate some discussion on this :)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, I agree! It's definitely a fun share! :0)

[–]Icouldrun4smiles points points [recovered] | Copy Link

They really did miss an opportunity to talk about only gendered children in families with multiple kids. In my relationship, this is especially true. We are both eldest children and I am the ildest of 3 girls while he is the only male. Because his oldest sister is also a strong personality, it changes the sibling dynamic significantly. It would be interesting to read a discussion on that. Would my husband be more take charge with brothers rather than resembling an only child?

Also I think the presence of middle children furthee impacts the patterns that oldest and youngest children fall into. In both my husband and my family this is especially true for our youngest siblings. However in the family of our friends who have only one sibling, this seems to be less so. Interesting stuff to think about.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I think the dichotomy between "eldest" and "youngest" is more pronounced when there are three or more kids total.

I also think that if any of the kids are twins that can really affect things too. Some twins are wildly competitive with each other, and some are total opposites.

[–]Littleknownfacts0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had one such funny dynamic growing up. I'm the youngest of a whole bunch of kids (11-ish I lose count...), and not to brag, definitely the least dysfunctional. This led to less coddling and youngest-treatment. Probably closer to an middle child experience where I pretty much had to raise myself and my parents did a whole lot of hands off parenting.

[–]--cunt2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

For my whole life (I'm talking like back to my very first "boyfriend" in middle school) I have dated only children. I remember when I first met my now-fiancé, I was gushing over him to my best friend, and realized he has a younger sibling. I was convinced that because I had broken my pattern he was totally different and he was "The One." Turns out I was right. :p I'm an oldest as well, and I have a bit of bossiness and my fiancé is the only man I've ever met to stand up to me and get me to back down sometimes lol.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How lovely! What was your experience of dating only children? :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My SO and I are both the eldest in our families, I've got just one sibling while he's got 4.

May just be a coincidence, but I feel like being the eldest has given us both a sense of maturity and responsibility. We both get satisfaction out of caring for and teaching people.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I completely agree with it instilling a sense of responsibility. I've always felt responsible for my younger siblings in that I would want them to learn what to do and what not to do from my own upbringing. Eldest children are test guinea pigs of sort!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm an oldest child (of two), and my SO is a middle child - with only one exception, all of my exes have also been middle children.

I would say that "middle child syndrome" has actually been a common trait among all of them though, even to a certain extent my SO. With my SO, there's actually this ongoing thing about a quilt that his mother was supposed to make - his older and younger siblings both had quilts made for them as children, but she never got around to making one for my SO. This comes up almost every Christmas, although it's more just ribbing. There's also a funny story about a lamp - my SO wanted a lamp for years, and asked for one every Christmas so he could stay up and read in bed. He never, ever got one, and eventually bought his own when he bought our house. Neither of his siblings have similar stories.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aw I feel slightly sorry for middle children sometimes :') my younger sister also has so many of these stories and she likes to rub it in and guilt trip us, all in jest ofc haha

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I am the middle child, with three older siblings and three younger siblings. My husband is the youngest of two.

I haven't really observed anything that would suggest a birth order dynamic for either of us. I think the dynamics that play out are more related to family history, with the whole black sheep / good one roles.

I am much more likely to chameleon through people, places, and things and he is a ghost lol, if that makes any sense.

Ours are about family psychology, not order of birth.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, I agree there are a lot of other important factors that weren't addressed, which could have really helped bring some additional depth and nuance to these descriptions!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd love to have that conversation too :)

What makes an adult out of a child is vast and sometimes not well understood by each individual.

[–]mabeolMid 20s, LTR 1 year2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm the oldest. I never really thought of myself as a stereotypical eldest, because I've never really been a bossy big sister and I'm really not Type A, but there are a lot of things I fit: very independent, always have had my ducks in a row, like to solve stuff myself. I'm also finding that I like having goals and working on new things. So my Oldest Child traits didn't shine through immediately because I don't match up with classic examples. I just seem to express it differently.

For quite a few years, I dated and had crushes on youngest children pretty much exclusively! My current SO is a middle child, but he has some youngest child tendencies: doesn't like being told what to do, does his own thing, etc.

I wonder about the impact of the gender of your siblings. I had a disastrous relationship with a middle child who had only brothers and currently have a wonderful relationship with a middle child who has only sisters.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a middle child (but was youngest for 6 years) and my husband is a firstborn, i'd say we definitely fit those stereotypes! I'm much less confident than my older sister and way more willing to compromise, but it works quite well. He's serious, and take-charge for sure, while I'm a bit reserved and prefer to be a supporter.

I think maybe he'd be different if he'd had a sister rather than a brother, because that is more competitive and they fought (a lot!), but I think he'd have been even more protective of a sister, but perhaps a sister wouldn't have got into as much trouble needing protection. Maybe he'd be more controlling?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You sound like my younger sister, who's also a middle child :)

[–]vanBeethovenLudwig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My LTRs have always been with the eldest of the family. I'm the youngest (out of two) and my brother always took care of me growing up. I've noticed I subconsciously look for this in men, and usually the eldest child has this level of responsibility. I'm easygoing, adventurous and vascillating, I don't like making decisions but I like to follow. My boyfriend is the decision maker and always takes care of the big responsibilities.

[–]SootAngels0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a twin, which is supposed to mean my sibling and I can communicate telepathically. ;)

Sweetie is the oldest of two, but I've dated guys from a pretty wide variety of family groups. The ones I liked the least we're only children.

All I can say on the topic is that I'm actively put off by guys with physical traits that remind me of my brother (tall, blonde, lanky). He's the spitting image of my dad, if that helps.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha identical twins? :P How come you liked only children the least?

[–]Rivkariver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes I wish I wasn't first born. My SOs are very often the youngest. I always feel like they are free to be themselves where I am responsible to a fault about overthinking what I will affect them and others. It kinda sucks. I'm like this in general.

It's probably also though because my parents are insecure and tried to make me into a huge people pleaser and never defended me so.

[–]Igotsfeelingstho0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

An interesting read; I can kind of see how the birth order of my husband and I has influenced our dynamic. He is 32 and the oldest of 3, I am 25 and the youngest of 4. He is very nurturing to me but also stands as a strong leader in my life, sort of the way my older siblings were. Actually, I'm the same age as his littlest brother, who he is also quite protective of - it comes very naturally to him and he enjoys being in that roll. But I'm sure many other factors influence these tendencies as well!

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