I just wanted to give a quick field report about something that has been going on with me. It's more of a negative then a positive update, but I still wanted to share it because I felt that it was interesting.
For background we have one young child and we run our own business, which I am only involved with part time. About a month ago our child moved up a level education wise, which means that he is out of the house for longer periods and in theory I have a lot more free time in the day.
The first week of this changed schedule was 4 weeks ago, and I decided to spend my first few days out of the house. To my annoyance (stay with me here, I know I was wrong) my husband kept calling me home in the middle of the day asking me to do work related things that I felt could have waited. I was seething internally about this and felt that he was being insensitive to my needs for space and my need to adjust to this change in my life. I didn't say anything however.
So a few weeks passed and we are now into the fourth week. I decided I was going out and I told my husband. He was perfectly nice to me about it and didn't make any comments about me going out and showed no interest. I walked down the street and found myself complaining to myself about his attitude, telling myself that he didn't show any interest in what I was doing, that he didn't care where I was going and other negative things like that.
I almost started laughing when I caught myself in what I was doing. Not only were both of my thought processes completely unfair to him as he was totally justified in his actions both times, they were also completely contradictory. I'd set him up in my mind in a situation in which it was impossible for him to win!
I spent the morning thinking about it and I realised that the reason I was in such a weird state of mind was because I wasn't coping well with the change in our schedule and I was looking for other things to blame this on, rather then looking at myself and my own part in it.
Now luckily I'd kept these thoughts to myself, partly because I was out of the house when they occurred each time, so I didn't take my bad mood out on him.
It made me stop and realise that sometimes the things that he 'does' that annoy me sometimes aren't things that he does at all, they are just dramas that I create in my own mind in order to deal with what is going on in my life or just because my mind is a bit of a cesspit.
So I just wanted to share that reflection with you all. I hope it made sense.
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