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Routine Happiness (self.RedPillWives)

submitted by RPWives

What part of your routine (self care, beauty, work-related etc) never fails to make you smile or boost your confidence? Is there a particular piece of makeup that always brightens your mood? Stretching after a workout? Talk about the moments in your daily routine(s) that never fail to make things a little better. Or, if you’re feeling slightly less ‘one with the universe’ - feel free to complain about the things you really dislike having to do (but have to do anyway).


[–]Katiescarlett5Late 20's, married, 10 years 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I've recently gotten back into running. I used to run some with my hubs before our third was born, but after he arrived I never picked it back up.

I've been gradually getting back into it for 2 weeks now, and it feels good! I go almost every night after the kids are in bed (and when it's cooled off a little!). We live in a rural area, so it's just me and the stars and the trees. I really enjoy the quiet and darkness and feeling the energy and strength coming back.

[–]cats_or_get_out 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Yesssssss! High five running sister! It's my drug of choice.

Your running area sounds beautiful--so jealous! I get to run along the beach, but unless I'm out there at 5 am, I'm with 100 other people :-(

[–]Katiescarlett5Late 20's, married, 10 years 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's still a gorgeous view! Not to mention the background noise of the waves. Now I'm the one getting jealous.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

A bath after working out is just wonderful, I always feel mentally and physically relaxed and if i've achieved my goals then i could lie in a warm little bubble of contentment for ages.

The thing I hate doing (not that it's every day) is dropping my daughter off at childcare, she is really awkward about going sometimes and even though she loves it she tries to guilt me into not taking her. It's like having a tiny lawyer trying to find loopholes in my argument whilst I get ready for work and try to get her to eat breakfast.

[–]tintedlipbalm 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I miss having a bathtub! Where I currently live we just have showers. I miss living as a mermaid.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aw poor you, a shower just isn't the same :(

You just can't melt into super hot water and let all your soreness out in a shower I find, a steam room and jacuzzi at the gym is quite close, but being at home is better!

[–]cats_or_get_out 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I totally get that! We call our daughter "Loophole Lucy" (not her real name) because she tries to lawyer her way out of everything.

She always was cranky at drop off (even as she was older), but I realized that as soon as I left, she was having fun. So I let go of the guilt. Looking back, it was so important for her to get around other kids (only child) and play and have fun.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Your attitude to the guilt is where i'm aiming for, but the hamster is strong on this! She's also an only child, and it is great for her, but i sometimes still need a hug and reminding that i'm not the bad guy, as hubs says.

He's agreed to do the first day of proper school though, i'd be in bits if she cried and pleaded, but he's pretty good at focussing our daughter with a little "You need to do this to learn and become a good grown-up when you're big, you'll be ok, and I'll be proud of you" speech and calm confidence.

[–]cats_or_get_out2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Getting out of our comfort zones is always good even if it feels terrible at the time. The same goes for her. Here's an analogy that will kill your hamster:

When you get dental work done, it can hurt, right? Does this mean we forgo dental work? Nope. It is not harmful; it is beneficial. It hurts, but it doesn't harm.

New scenario: eating candy all day doesn't "hurt" but it definitely harms. It "hurts" our kid when we say no to pixie sticks, but it doesn't harm. Again, it is beneficial.

When you see her put up a fuss over something that is good for her (dental work, chores, or school), remind yourself that although it "hurts" (or annoys) her, it does not harm her; in fact, it is beneficial.

It will help you deal with her reactions and remain empathetic without turning into a big pushover. I am a total pushover, so this is my mantra for strength and perseverance.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thankyou, I will try to repeat this to myself!

I think it's partially a leftover hangup from having postnatal depression, I incline a bit too easily to feeling guilty or not a 'good mum' to her, and need a kick to the hamster to get out of such thoughts sometimes. But you're right that being a good mum means doing the beneficial thing, not giving in, and I think your mantra will help :)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

My yoga practice usually puts me in a good mood for the day.

When I'm grumpy, I usually am hungry so I try to eat a small snack.

What I do to just smile go in for a huge hug from my SO. Never fails!!

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What I do to just smile go in for a huge hug from my SO. Never fails!!

So true, when all is rubbish, I always smile if I get a big hug where I get my head in under his chin and hide from the world!

[–]tintedlipbalm 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Do you do it by yourself or in a class? I'm going to a class twice a week because I really don't follow through following online videos. But I might start trying that again in the days off.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I always hug my SO by myself :D

Srsly though, I take yoga classes twice a week now. i was doing it 5-6 times a week but then had to quit cause life got me all messed up. Starting october I'm getting back to that schedule. But I digress. One thing I have found (and I dunno where you live for this to be applicable) is that there are a TON of free classes around. Lululemon has one that is free. Also, where I live they do free ones once a week in the summer along the Charles River. There are so many 'get fit' programs out there that if costs are a thing this could be an alternative.

[–]tintedlipbalm 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

For me it's not about their cost but the convenience, I really don't like inconveniencing myself and I only tried this one because it's literally in my building anyway so there's no excuse. If I do get into it I might try hot yoga, it's further away but still in the neighborhood. Which is why online would be great for me, way less hassle, my problem is actually following through.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh I know exactly what you mean!! Yeah if my class were at any other time than before work I don't think I'd be able to follow through. I get up make my SO lunch then yoga then work. What else would I do for an hour before work? I'm also an early bird so this type of schedule really works for me. Which online yoga vids have you done?

[–]tintedlipbalm 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tried the Yoga with Adriene ones for some time. In fact, I think I even have a YouTube playlist somewhere. Your love for yoga has inspired me to try again!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well she has a great 30 day challenge. It could help you get into the habit of doing it and it is great because they are only 30-45 minutes.

[–]Kittenkajira 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

My problem has always been following through with exercise. I found it doesn't matter how convenient the gym is, how cheap/free (or even how expensive), or having the best stuff at home. I was using all this external stuff as a possible substitute for self discipline. I will always try and talk myself out of exercise. For me exercise works best if I pick something, make a schedule, and mentally file it under the same category as brushing my teeth and showering - as in just freakin' do it.

Even the exercise types that I really enjoy, I don't entirely feel happy until I'm actively doing it, or afterwards. It's the initial push to get up and do it that's difficult. You don't need a fancy gym, or endless equipment, or a FitBit. Exercise consistently for a few weeks before allowing yourself to buy a gym membership or fancy fitness gadget.

[–]tintedlipbalm 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

It's definitely a matter of self discipline, in the sense of turning it into part of my lifestyle forever. Not sure if you said the gym thing in general or to me, I do have access to my building's gym and that's not really the issue for me, it's how fragile my whole system is even if I impose a schedule that seems to work at first.

I don't want to ramble too much, but the key for me is to involve the social aspect in the right ways. I'm very very prone to isolating myself and want to interact with people as least as possible, but in the right dose it makes me follow through when I've made it a social commitment. For example doing yoga by myself is very hard, and easier if I have a class at a certain time that I can only do it at that time. The gym on the other hand, I love doing it and am indifferent of the other-people-are-there aspect of it. Edited to add that I'm not as indifferent as initially thought, but the whole people being there exercising along is appealing for me.

In this spectrum, not-social at all makes me lazy, social-with-distance plus time constraints make me better at following through, but social with one-on-one interactions make me averse to doing it. *Removed the book club example because it was too off topic

[–]Kittenkajira -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

My point is that we overthink all of this exercise stuff, as you seem to be doing. None of that matters, what matters is moving and keeping your mind and body in good shape. The who/what/where/when/why is pointless, and focusing on that can be a distraction from the purpose of exercise. When you simplify it, make it a part of everyday life, it gets much easier to keep up with it.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well enough. I used to think I needed a certain set of criteria to exercise. A gym close to work, exercise clothing, special shoes, heart rate monitor, personal trainer, workout buddy, aerobics classes, aerobics videos... What I've found, from a lifetime of exercising on and off, is that I am more likely to be successful with just a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and heading out for a daily walk. Or in my pajamas doing random yoga moves on the back patio. Or meeting a friend a few times a week to do Fitness Blender videos. Or a foam roller and the Strong Curves book. In other words, success is dependent upon me just doing it, not other people or baubles. Don't get so wrapped up in what you need to exercise that you don't exercise.

If you want to join a fancy gym with the yoga classes, do it because you enjoy yoga - not because it's just the thing you need to be able to exercise. If you want to join a local running club, do it because you freakin' love running, not because you're expecting running with others to hold you accountable.

[–]tintedlipbalm 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm not overthinking it, I'm weighing in the ways I could make yoga stick according to my actual lifestyle and traits. Like I said, gym is not an issue - my issue here is making yoga a daily practice. You took it and made it about exercise in general which wasn't really the case.

The who/what/where/when/why is pointless

Disagree, these are variables that can make or break a habit. Sure, people can go overboard with focusing on the wrong things, but if it helps, it isn't pointless.

If you want to join a local running club, do it because you freakin' love running, not because you're expecting running with others to hold you accountable.

I don't agree with stances like these. Why is it better to have "loving" something as reason to join a group instead of as a manner of external accountability in goal achievement, which is a valid reason on its own?

[–]Kittenkajira 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Why is it better to have "loving" something as reason to join a group instead of as a manner of external accountability in goal achievement, which is a valid reason on its own?

Because in this case, the external accountability is an illusion. You have everything you need to succeed without having to rely on this external "something". It ties into "if only... then" thinking, such as "If only I had these people to keep me accountable, then I could succeed". So you show yourself first that you can succeed in doing yoga daily on your own, because you love it or enjoy it or it's necessary for pain relief - then you can join groups and such with the confidence of knowing you'll stick with it. It's about personal responsibility. If you don't go into yoga/running/exercise in the right mindset, then you are going to talk yourself out of doing it regardless of accountability. The tools don't matter, the mindset does. And in this materialist world, we get caught up in the tools.

[–]tintedlipbalm 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

While I get what you're saying, I disagree that because it's an illusion it ceases to be helpful. I think the social aspect of physical activities can be an important variable for people in general.

The whole thing about doing things on your own first and then being allowed to join groups still strikes me as an arbitrary dictation. I agree I'm tricking myself by making myself stick to a class by framing it as commitment, but don't see it as wrong as long as it's useful. On the plus side, I enjoy it more than trying it on my own (just like I prefer the gym to other things I could do). You have a set philosophy and that's okay, perhaps I didn't make it clear how much I actually enjoy going to the class now that I'm going, and focused on why I started going, which as per to your way of thinking was the wrong reason.

I'm not disagreeing with you about the whole mindset deal, just about the 'rightness' of one mechanism vs the other. I agree with you in the cases of people who are paying a gym membership without using it, serial dieters, etc. You don't need a specific tool, but that doesn't make tools themselves superfluous (you kinda keep saying fancy gym like that, but since I know I'm more consistent with it than without it that would be my basis for disagreement there).

This was a good convo though, it made me reflect on the many variables of the exercise habit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  • Getting my hair done. I don't care how much money it costs me, I always make time during the week to have a fresh wash and set.
  • Same goes for my nails.
  • Working out. I habitually work out now and have for most of this year. It's the only thing keeping me from being a total BPD mess. It keeps my anxiety down, gives me a nice boost of endorphins to wake me up, and it makes me look and feel my best. I'm 28 and never looked or felt better in my entire life.

[–]cats_or_get_out 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I love that feeling at night when the dishwasher is going and the rest of the house is quiet. ahhhhh It's the sound of I'm done for the day. I used to get this feeling pretty hardcore after tucking the kiddo to bed--freedom!!!!

I also feel really relaxed when I can smell laundry drying. It doesn't even have to be my laundry! If I walk though the neighborhood and smell a neighbor's dryer going, I am instantly relaxed. Weird, huh? All those fake chemical fragrances, should be gross, right?--but I think it reminds me covering myself with hot laundry fresh out of the dryer when I was little or something. Or maybe it makes me feel cozy. I don't know. I just love it.

Also--books, cats, coffee, running, nature and combinations thereof bring me so much peace and joy.

[–]sthuttonEarly 30s | Married 9 years, 11 years total 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cats :) Yep, my little fluff balls always bring a smile to my face!

[–]BellaScarletta 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Love

  • I love going to the gym every morning with R. It's not just the gym, and it's not just him..it's really the killer combo. We wake up at 5a, make coffee and smoothies and sit around and enjoy for a few and then show up to the gym just before 6a. I workout for an hour and then get ready for work while he finishes his routine. At 730a he drives me to work and drops me off. I hate my job a lot so having all that time beforehand doing fun things with him, and even just getting a goodbye kiss before walking in, seriously improves my mood for at least a few hours.

  • I love cleaning my apartment before bedtime. I really enjoy knowing I'm starting a new day without any of the day prior's mess. Letting things sit really stresses me out so I've learned to enjoy the therapy of dishes or wiping surface or sweeping (:

Love Less

  • Okay I feel crazy here, but all the things that should be enjoyable to me seriously feel like chores and I don't know why. Like pampering in general is just hard for me to make time for, even when I can tell my skin or whatever really needs it. Clay masks and bubble baths are such a great combo...but working up the motivation to make time for them? I don't know why it feels like a task but I can rarely get in the right state of mind about it. It's so silly lol.

[–]StingrayVC 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't know why it feels like a task but I can rarely get in the right state of mind about it.

I'm the same. I just don't enjoy it.

[–]BellaScarletta 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

CQ nailed it with the lack of stimulus issue. If I felt like I was occupied then I think I would enjoy more but just sitting there gives me an existential crisis lol.

[–]StingrayVC 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's part of it. Part of it is that it's easiest to do these things when my husband is home, but I'd rather hang out with him. The other part is, when I do it when he's not home the kids are like, "Mom. WHAT'S ALL OVER YOUR FACE," or, "What the heck are you DOING?!"

And it's every time like they haven't seen it before. It's a silly reason but I just don't want to hear it every time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Clay masks and bubble baths are such a great combo

See I like to combine those things with OTHER self care things. Clay mask and movie. Bubble bath and reading. Getting nails done and podcasts. Doing hair and music. Those things just don't interest me unless there is other stimulus going on.

[–]BellaScarletta 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

That's 100% my issue is stimulus -- reading the bath sounds perfect but I get so fidgety it turns into read, whoops hands are wet, wipe on towel, read, how did my hands get wet again, towel, read, shit water on book seriously, wipe, read, wipe, wait there wasn't water that time, read, HOW DID I GET MORE WATER ON BOOK.

I think I want one of those bath boards to make a table - have you seen or used one??

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

My sister uses this one because of the wine glass holder. I put a chair next to my tub and use voice commands on my laptop. I don't read physical books :p Another benefit to that is I can netflix in my tub too.

edit: Added link

[–]BellaScarletta 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

NETFLIX FROM THE TUB OMG MY LIFE IS CHANGED!

considers burning just one book

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't need to burn it.. You can donate to some unfortunate soul who needs to be exposed to a wonderful world of whatever book you handoff :D

[–]tintedlipbalm 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's amazing that the things you love are so positive, like cleaning! I don't mind cleaning once I'm doing it (I always have to pair it with youtube watching or series otherwise it's impossible to get through), but it's hard to get to the mindset of wanting to do it.

[–]Kittenkajira 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love bubble baths and rather dislike cleaning, although I love being in a clean house and like you, having things sitting around stresses me out. Something about the bath just gets me ready for a big day. You can't really do anything productive in the bath. Can't make phone calls, can't do paperwork or pay bills, can't do any hobbies. It's like it forces me to slow down and accept the moment. Usually by the time I get out of the bath I'm so ready to go do things!

[–]tintedlipbalm 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love cold brewing my morning tea! Cold brewing requires a long time (I leave mine around 15 hours) so you have to remember the day before in order to have it ready the next morning.

I know this isn't super appealing for the people who are already getting colder weather but you might like to try it when it's warm haha. Right now I'm into white tea blends a lot more because of the antioxidant properties, paired with the fact that cold brewing doesn't release tannic flavors* so it's super fresh and not bitter at all.

So the day before I grab a 1 liter glass jar, put the water, and then put the desired amount of loose leaf tea in disposable empty tea bags I got for this purpose (I use 2 in my case since they're big and can hold more), because at first it wasn't so appealing to have to filter out the leaves the next morning (you could also do the whole thing in a french press, but I use mine expressly for coffee so I didn't want to go that direction). I tend to press the tea bags a bit once I've steeped them, and when I close the jars I shake it a little.

The next day is the best feeling because I know I have a huge fresh jar of tea waiting for me, and then I use the tea bags for my undereyes (before my Vit C) while I internet in the morning! It made me so happy to manage to combine it into a beauty step so those leaves aren't wasted.

Overall this is fresh, gets me into a great mood and makes me sure I get through my first liter of water before a certain time (when I have to start the next batch). It fits quite well into the structure of my day! I basically only drink water otherwise so sometimes it gets a bit boring, and I liked that it reminded me to have tea more often, because while I'm a tea lover and have a lot of blends in my collection/the whole shebang I could never get into drinking a hot cup of tea as a daily thing in the long term, it's was a lot more periodical and a lot of the times I couldn't remember to finish it while hot.

If you like the concept but like a bit more flavor in your daily drink (and if you're in a weather where cold drinks are still appealing) this video had some good ideas.

*Allegedly, since it draws out less tannins, it's supposed to interfere less with iron absorption as opposed to hot brews. Generally I space my tea and make sure not to drink it while I'm having leafy greens/protein for example. So be aware of this in terms of how much/when you are drinking.

Edit: Also, adding watercress to my smoothies! I can't believe how much it improved them. I always base my smoothies around berries because I dislike almost every other fruit, but the taste of watercress in the right amount is just a fresh leafy blessing. It takes my mind to a happy place.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Coffee on the weekend.

During the week, coffee is a tool for me - I drink a few cups in the morning to get my brain up to speed. It's a necessity, and if I don't have it my performance suffers. But on the weekend, I actually get to enjoy my coffee. I get to enjoy the taste, just because I love coffee. I feel like it goes a longer way when you can actually take the time to savor it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Do you have all the fancy gizmos and gadgets for your coffee making? My so just like cheap drip coffee. I could buy some fancy dancy organic free trade from the jungles of guatemala and he would be like "meh". lol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Nah, we're simple coffee folk. I think it was Camille a while back that was suggesting we try French press, but my SO doesn't care for fancy and I just prefer it to be hot and black.

[–]tintedlipbalm 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

French press sounds 'fancier' but it's way simpler. It's less stuff in the way, but with more possibilities for customizing if you start getting into it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If I recall, she was suggesting it when our old coffee maker decided to bite the dust. My SO ended up just buying a different one after the repairs kept failing, I suggested it and he was not keen on the idea.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What kind of coffee do you use? We use Cafe Bustelo. Stuff is cheap!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love that stuff! We switch it up pretty frequently, it depends on what's on sale or fuel saver at the store. Dunkin Donuts is a popular one, or Caribou Coffee. It's his choice on whatever we get though because he needs to bring his own coffee to work and I just drink the free stuff at work.

[–]QueenBee126 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

SMILE: * I love to read. A lot! And it makes me smile when I can multitask and do yucky chores while listening to an audio book or podcast :)

BOOST CONFIDENCE: * Mascara! And shiny hair. But I just loveeeeee the way my face looks even without a stich of makeup if I have lashes on. I am even looking into lash extensions or reusable false lashes. :)

[–]sthuttonEarly 30s | Married 9 years, 11 years total 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Having a cup of coffee in the mug that belonged to my grandfather (my tradition every Sunday morning). Happiness.

Painting my fingernails. I always keep my toes painted and touched up but my fingernails are my 'special pretty', haha.

Wearing a bracelet. This one is random, but I'm so accessory-challenged that when I actually remember/coordinate a bracelet with my outfit, I feel all fancy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A cup of Tetley and Instagram feed of very curated bloggers - my guilty pleasure. However, recently they have been inspiring me to keep my home clean, my nails polished, hair styled so I love the overall and long-lasting effect.

Stretching and feeling my back muscles warm up. Going to the nature and just feeling little (forest, mountain, ocean). Walking about in the city and seeing the civilization humans have created.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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