Hi /u/CherokeeStarbright, I'm glad you took the time to provide some more details.

So, I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself so you might understand where I'm coming from a little better

Additional information/background generally tends to help paint a more complete picture. :0)

It's not my intention to come off argumentative, I just want to discuss some points further, and if you think I'm rationalizing, please slap some sense into me!!

Your responses were not argumentative at all. You explained your thought process and your history well. Your childhood, family, and life overall up to this point has provided you with quite the collection of personal red flags. Not that it's all doom and gloom. You seem honest about the problems you have faced, and the scars those experiences have left you with. I find it encouraging that you recognize your personal flaws without falling into the trap of using your history to make excuses.

I've been officially declared a non-crazy member of society, and have spent literally years dedicated to making sure I'm a whole and well person before beginning my excursion into dating. But, I'm not entirely sure I know what a healthy relationship honestly looks like, and I am here to learn. So, I have questions.

One of the things I find most encouraging is that you describe the things you have been through, and the journey you have made without focusing overlong on any one particular aspect, or wallowing in self-pity/emotional masturbation. You have noted overall 'trends' among the dating pool most readily available to you at the moment, and you're right, compared to the rest of that pool - and the men you have already gone on dates with, this guy does seem like a far better deal overall.

Taking into account your own personal red flags, the red flags that a common among the men in your area/the ones you have been dating - a child doesn't seem to be as big of a deal.

I'll present a few more questions for you to consider:

• Have you thought about moving to a different area entirely? Changing your location will allow you to make a fresh start, and allow you to start meeting different (possibly better quality) men.

• If you want to live in a more rural secluded area, it may be a good idea to uproot your life now while you're unattached and start living in a smaller town. The men you meet will most likely be inclined to continue leading that lifestyle, and you may find it easier to create your ideal life with someone else that's already familiar with what it means to live that way.

• You do come from a chaotic family, it's very possible that you will subconsciously seek out men and situations that remind you, and resemble the dynamics you have the most familiarity with. You have your share of red flags - but this:

in the past year I feel like I've been on soo many dates with soo many guys and ALL OF THEM except for this guy and one before him had obvious, obvious red flags that came to knowledge by date 2. Some examples include: meth use, DUI's, restraining orders from their exes, and obvious lifestyle incompatibilities.

shows that there is a lot to be desired when it comes to your dating life. It is not normal to consistently run into these types of men. If these are the only types of men available to you - then you really need to figure out how to expand your dating pool and meet higher quality men. You have been working to improve yourself emotionally, from the inside out. What do you plan to do right now to improve your immediate environment? It's well and good to dream of a brighter tomorrow - but it's better to start working towards that future today.

• This guy looks better right now - but you're also giving him a lot benefit for someone you have only been on three dates with. He is still a stranger, don't take him at is word absolutely, and be aware that it's in his best interest to paint the situation in a certain light.

• You come from a life rife with difficulty and drama - you shouldn't necessarily be so eager, willing, and ready to make complicated ties with men that will continue introducing those things into your life.

I kind of view this as a positive? Like, if he wasn't doing those things he'd be a bit of a deadbeat and to me that's an obvious red flag. I would have already nexted him if I thought fostering a relationship with me was more important to him than his current family.

That's a very kind outlook to have. It's also bullsh-t in my opinion. You are praising a man for pursuing his role as a father (this is good, I agree) - but you go so far as to say that it's admirable, desirable, and attractive that he will be prioritizing other relationships over you. Do you see why that's a bit...dysfunctional? It's one thing to recognize that a man is responsible (and again, it's way too early to know for sure how much his description of the situation will match up with reality at this point) - it's quite another thing to willingly pursue a man you know ahead of time will have to put you lower on his priority list.

I can understand a woman making that choice because she's in love with a man that works as a first aid responder/military/firefighter, or if she is drawn to highly successful and driven businessmen. Those types of men all display the same kind of hard work ethic, selflessness/need to serve, and desire to succeed - being with those types of men also present unique challenges, but there are pay offs as well. In the case of military/police etc career men - women have ready access to a large and vast social circle of support, other people that understand what they're going through etc. In the case of being with a highly successful businessman - it could be living the life of a power couple, hosting and being adept at mingling among certain circles of people and gatherings.

All of the men I described above come with jobs that would meet your criteria of 'admirable' and have to frequently put your relationship second. He's taking responsibility and doing his best to do right by his child (according to him...which again, you can't know for sure one way or another at this point) - but don't fall into the trap of glamorizing his situation either.

Wouldn't this be where you'd want to be his soft place to land?

Do not treat random men like they are your husband. Trust has to be earned. I understand you are making a case for this man - I also see that you are giving him every possible benefit of the doubt and making more than a few (rose-colored) assumptions in the process.

I again, kind of view this as a positive trait... I know sooo many people with kids who wouldn't. They'd drop the kids off at literally anybodies house to go get some tail in a heartbeat.

If you shovel sh-t all day long, you don't notice just how bad sh-t smells. He may look better by comparison to what you are used to - but again, I think that's just all the more reason to make some big changes, and surround yourself with less sh-t.

I could go on, but I hope by this point you can figure out where I'm coming from with my feedback. Yeah, this guy appears to be better - but the men you have encountered up to this point have set a really low bar...it's literally just on the ground waiting to be stepped over.

Dating is just so frustrating

You know what else would be frustrating? Looking for an igloo in the middle of Death Valley. Dating isn't the problem, your environment however...