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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-rodman-phd/i-save-childrens-lives-yet-my-wife-wont-have-frequent-varied-sex-with-me_b_11644430.html?

In brief this man wrote to a HuffPost Clinical psychologist for advice about his sex life. He is a married man who loves his wife and family. At the moment he and his wife only manage to have sex twice a month, if that.

He has tried different things to try to connect with her emotionally and help her be more in the mood, including taking her for romantic dinners and filling their bedroom with candles and so on. At the moment she is not particularly response to this effort and even told him that the romantic evening was cheesy.

Does he get sympathy or some constructive advice?

No.

"I think you sound kind of irritating to deal with, especially when you are not getting your way."

"You likely tend to be kind of a narcissist".

Then he gets told it's his fault for being a childrens' doctor as his wife has to plan her and her children's lives around him and his schedule. That she chose to have 3 children with this man knowing what his job was doesn't seem to cross this authors mind. Also he's a bastard because people at his job probably think he's cool. It's not explained how this is related to the main issue.

Then he gets told he should wait for his wife to initiate sex because she is the lower libido spouse. No consideration for the fact that his spouse is actually more likely a responsive libido spouse as shown by the anecdote in the mans own letter in which she begins to enjoy sex once he initiates.

Then he gets told that he his job and personality make him so awesome that he makes his wife feel bad by comparison. By being romantic with nice dinners and candles he is making her feel that she is also less romantic then him and therefore also inferior which puts her off.

Then, for reasons which are not clearly explained, he has to write a list of 10 things that make him annoying to live with and give it to his wife.

It's got to be the worst, least understanding, least sympathetic, most likely to destroy a marriage by causing resentment, most sneering at a decent man, piece of 'advice' that I've ever seen.

The comments are really split between people who think it's brilliant advice and people who see it for what it is.

I do see the wife's side of things and I do think given the age of the children it was right of the author to cut her a little slack, but not nearly as much as she did and it was bizarre to belittle this man in the way she did.

This is why I think this sub is important. It counteracts all the terrible marriage advice that is out there!


[–]Littleknownfacts13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"You can only control what you do, not how other people react."

No the author of the article doesn't sound sympathetic, but it's not her job to be sympathetic. Sympathy isn't going to solve his problem. If he is acting needy (romantic) then yes, it's only going to turn her off more.

The list of things that makes him annoying to live with is meant to get him to focus on what he can do to improve the situation. Is he in good shape? Is he nagging or controlling her? Is he taking time to cultivate his own interests or is sex his only interest? All of those thing would greatly effect the sexual relationship between them.

Saying she should just have sex with him because she should doesn't help him actually get sex from her. So I say this is for the most part good advice focusing on the guy and his actions since that is all he can do.

[–]Camille113252 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hahaha oh my gosh I cannot believe this is real! Great find, we are living in such strange times

[–]Ladybargod5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It really seemed like she grabbed onto his few mentions of his job and made that the focus, kind of ignoring that he was reaching out for help, not compliments. I didn't get from his tone that he was trying to boast, but to fully describe the situation, and it seemed like she was just twisting it into something that it wasn't instead of addressing his concerns and offering any constructive advice. It was pretty bad.

[–]Ignored0ne4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, we all know Huffington Post to be the bastion of sanity. How dare a man have a sense of self-esteem, feminism is here to help workon that!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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