TheRedArchive

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Hi!

Some of you may remember my post from a few weeks back, because several ladies tried to make me understand that a man I was seeing wasn't good for me. I posted here beause I wanted to hear good advice, but it obviously still wasn't easy to hear. It's painful to have everyone tell you that you need to next someone you've really grown to like. People have a tendency of looking through their fingers sometimes and I was just like that. I wanted to believe the things this man was telling me because I had decided he's great. Sometimes I felt like I don't even have anything to lose, so why not just go along with it for as long as we are not having sex.

Well, I do have a lot to lose. I have my youth and my innocence. I don't want to be someone who wasted their time with a man who makes them doubt themselves. I don't want a relationship that's not going anywhere. He would probably stick around without sex for a while (he already invested time and effort into me and obviously he can get his fix elsewhere in the meanwhile..) but he will never love me. I realized something. I deserve real love. I deserve someone who will make me feel safe. And so does everyone reading this. Have self-worth. Don't be stupid. A player is a player, no matter what he makes it look like.

I can be proud to say that we are no longer talking.

About those sexual interests.. I was pretty convinced I'd need to meet someone through this mutual interest anyway and I considered going to a fairly innocent meet-up (socializing over some food at a restaurant) but I ditched that idea. My sexuality is really important to me but do I want it to define me? I've never had a boyfriend, am I seriously going to look for the love of my life somewhere like that? Yeah, no.

Recently I went somewhere with my friends to spend a lovely summer weekend together. There were new guys there, friends of my friend's boyfriend. I was just my normal cheerful self and when it was time to go home I left knowing someone wonderful who is super interested in me. I've met so many friends of his, he seems really proud of being seen with me, he treats me absolutely amazing and his hug is the best, most comforting hug ever. It's too early to tell where this will go or if anything comes of it, but the contrast between him and the previous guy is MASSIVE. I can truly see what a slimy predator the other one was now.

I just want to say thanks. So, thanks! If someone reading this is also a little naive like me, I hope you listen to your heart. Seek other people's opinions. Listen to them. Take care of yourself. Only a good man deserves your endless dedication.


[–]TempestTcup 9 points9 points [recovered] | Copy Link

This is a wonderful field report, and I am so glad you quit wasting time with the first man so that you could free yourself up for the current one!

Only a good man deserves your endless dedication.

Absolutely, and very well put.

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I'm glad too.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]neiti[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men who are interested in you for some alternative lifestyle aren't looking for a wife and mother of their children

This was so important to understand. No matter who I would've met in that community they all would've been interested in me for that lifestyle or interest rather than my true self. You're right, they're not in the scene to meet wives.

Thank you too!

[–]twelfth_floor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

that's great to hear :) sometimes we can get wrapped up in someone and not see what they're truly like until there's a contrast right in front of us. it's happened to me before. learn from it, and good luck!

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's scary how blind you can get. Luckily we can learn and become better women. Thanks!

[–]Camille113251 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wonderful! Moving forward, this post on vetting men will definitely help you with your dating strategy.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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