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Hello RedPillWives,

I'm in need of some advice. Back story: My boyfriend,G,(36 yrs old) and I(24 yrs old) began dating almost a year ago. He is a wonderful and loving man. He hasn't openly talked about Red Pill, but judging how he carries himself and what is on his bookshelf, I'm pretty sure he has. We are madly in love, and have discussed getting married and eventually starting a family. When we began dating, G was taking some time off for getting more schooling, but I knew our relationship was going to have a third party always lingering in the background...the defense industry. He is a veteran, and after leaving the Navy, he found great career success being a defense contractor overseas. G loves what he does and spent 4 years in Afghanistan and Iraq.

In December 2015, he was offered another contract which he accepted. At the time, he was assigned to a region that was safe, but then a month later he was needed in a very dangerous area and has been working there since. Being the amazing man that he is, nothing worried him over there. In fact, when we talk on the phone it sounds like he's having a blast.

In early May, he asked if I would be willing to move into his home. I accepted and have been loving living here. I've been able to plant some flowers and have been enjoying meeting new neighbors and exploring a new city. He has given me the task to "hold down the fort" while he is away and "de-bachelor padding" the house.

Without him around, and due to limited communication at times, he instructed me to take control of the household, and I don't need to ask for advice as much as I have been. He says he wants it to be "our" home not just his home.

I wouldn't say I'm completely lost, but I am a bit overwhelmed. Where do I draw the line about asking for random advice about the house? How can I go about "de-bachelor padding" his place in a non-threatening way? He's working so hard, and when he's back for a few weeks at the midway point of his contract, I want him to come back to an amazing household so he can have a nice and relaxing vacation. I know his career means that long term time overseas is inevitable, so I am eager to learn how to be the best possible girlfriend (and hopefully wife in the future!) to him.

TLDR: Boyfriend is away kicking ISIS butt. How can I be a kickbutt first mate?


[–]llem2030, married ~1yr6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He's asking you to add the womanly touches that men don't think about. Pictures and mirrors on the walls, curtains, end tables with flowers on them. He's also asking you to add a part of yourself to his house, to make it yours together - so don't take his stuff away, just add yours! He's asked you to take care of him by managing his house, so keep him in mind with everything you do (don't change a colour of a room into a colour you know he doesn't like for example), but also remember that he wouldn't have asked you to change anything if he didn't trust you.

If he has an office or a game room or something, don't change that. Let him have his den that is completely his, where he can be himself alone if needs be.

He also might be testing you slightly, making sure that you are wife material. Good luck and enjoy the experience!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely going to be adding some artwork as I have the money. I'm also hoping to some how display some of the crystal I inherited from my late grandmother. I hate how its sitting in a box, and would love to have it out and ready to be used for entertaining!

Since everyone has been suggesting photos, I've been having so much fun going through our photo albums and picking out which ones to display.

Luckily, he has a man cave where he keeps all of his r/c and drone stuff. When we first started going out, he had it spread all over the place, and one weekend I showed up and he threw it all into a spare bedroom. If he's willing, would like to eventually help him clean the room up, get everything organized, and maybe get him a comfy recliner and a little beer fridge for Christmas so he can really deck the place out. He keeps on saying that he's going help me transform one of the bathrooms into my zen spa, because I take so many bubble baths and give myself at home facials (yay self-care!)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How can I go about "de-bachelor padding" his place in a non-threatening way? He's working so hard, and when he's back for a few weeks at the midway point of his contract, I want him to come back to an amazing household so he can have a nice and relaxing vacation.

Yeah, don't "de-bachelor" his house. How awkward would it be that he comes back from overseas and doesn't feel at home in his own home because it looks different.

You create an inviting home by making it welcoming. It should be clean, warm, full of positive energy. Focus on that and be ready when he gets back :D

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

He's requested artwork for the walls and new curtains. That kind of stuff. Not taking anything away only adding! For instance, all that's in the living room is a green plant, the TV, and a couch.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

oh i see. hmm.

well there was a post in the sub about hygge. It's a Danish, I think, custom on making welcoming homes. Perhaps that's a good place to start.

For reference, I don't decorate and never was good at home decor. I ain't the one to ask haha. But you seem to be doing a good job caring for his home so ease off yourself a bit! Im sure you're doing a decent job.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes it's Danish! I'm flattered ppl are still talking about it! ❤️

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Where on earth has the hygge concept been all my life! It looks like a great way to make things so homey, especially in the colder months.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Some nice pictures, maybe get one of those collage frames and make it a whole collage of just the two of you, tablecloths on the dining table and/or end tables, a potpourri of some kind maybe, a nice area rug somewhere, candles, not just in the dining area but also the living area.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Table clothes never even occurred to me! Thank you for the suggestion! :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're welcome :-)

[–]VintageVee29f, engaged, together 2yrs2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I would agree with adding cosy feminine touches without removing his stuff. Fresh flowers always and a candle or two regularly lit (not tons and not conflicting scents) - I think he's asking for your feminine touches to be shown through the house.

when my man helped me move house he was absolutely amazed a) that the previous house was completely unfurnished and undecorated - everything in there was mine and my touches. He just couldn't believe it that a person could create a cohesive house "look" all by themselves on a really tight budget.

B) he was amazed that I prioritised sorting the little touches very soon after moving. like 2 days I had fresh flowers, candles lit ,curtains and decorations up. It's what makes a house. He's a convert now though and always asks advice on house stuff.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

He just couldn't believe it that a person could create a cohesive house "look" all by themselves on a really tight budget.

Want to come decorate my house? haha. I suck at this. Like I try to get in the mood to decorate but I just cannot for the life of me justify buying stuff to just look at in my house. Everything is functional and that is it. People have joked that it looks like I'm about to move out because there is nothing on the walls, nothing on the mantle. NOTHING!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Glad I'm not the only one! I am completely challenged in the decorating department. I like to think our house is "charming" because it's furnished largely from the thrift store...but sometimes I wish I was better at creating a beautiful home. Anyone want to write a tutorial??

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I second the tutorial idea!!!!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's regular threads for makeup, fashion, etc. Maybe there should be one for home management/decorating?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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