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Hey ladies!

I've noticed in my older age (28 in 2 months!!) that I don't care to do a lot of things I used to do that involved a social life. I don't party with friends. I don't go out as much at all really. I see my boyfriend in my free time or stay in after work. I catch up with close friends maybe 1-2x a season.

I think this is because I only did social things (INFJ/INTJ) in order to FIND a bf and once I have that, I go back into my intro oasis called my apartment and read books or plan my week :3 Things that don't involve people because it's so draining.

What does your social life (with or without your SO) consist of? Do you have one at all? LOL


[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm with you /u/Sunhappy_DC. I'll be 28 in September and I have no desire to go out like I used to. My husband and I met while out with a mutual friend bar hopping and we would go out 2-3 times a week to bars and dinner and stuff with our group of friends. When we started dating officially 7-8 months later we began staying in. We go out occasionally but the highlight of our social life now is bible study on Wendesday nights. πŸ˜‚ But we are happy with our life, we are both homebodies.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

ESFJ here - In your face social butterfly.

It's actually really hard for me to stay social with my friends because my husband moved us away from the city so I'm learning to embrace more alone time. It's challenging. I'm really great with people I know, but I actually struggle to make new quality friends. What I do try to do is plan 1 event a month with 4-6 other women in my social circle. We make a to-do about it. We plan in advance so everyone's schedule is set and we go DO something. Painting with a twist, a wine tasting, a show/concert, a physical event like yoga/brunch on a Sunday morning.

I think it's very common for late 20 somethings to fall into a friendship rut. We see shows like Grays, and Sex in the city, Friends, HIMYM and we are kinda pulled into the fantasy that we'll get to keep being with all our friends all the time. Gone are the days of just walking down the hall to meet up with a dorm friend, watching movies all night. We have work, we have SOs we start having pets, and kids and responsibilities. It's hard to be spontaneous, but if you plan ahead you'll find it easier to keep up with everyone.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think it's very common for late 20 somethings to fall into a friendship rut. We see shows like Grays, and Sex in the city, Friends, HIMYM and we are kinda pulled into the fantasy that we'll get to keep being with all our friends all the time.

I'd love to have a Meredith Gray to my Christina Yang. I am SO Christina Yang. :O

It's hard to be spontaneous, but if you plan ahead you'll find it easier to keep up with everyone.

The thing is that I'd LOVE to plan everything! I even have a planner to see it on paper. Others want to be spontaneous and if I can't prepare to be social and build up an energy reserve, the social activity is a waste.

I've said to some ladies in chat that I'd like to do a bible study monthly with other ladies. That would be fun and social. But 1) I'd feel guilty being sexually active while being in a bible study, like I'm a hypocrite and 2) usually full of old ladies :/

Suggestions?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You said you already talked to a few girls about a bible study. Are they old ladies - you could start the group yourself and ask that guests bring their own guests in a hope that it snowballs. Additionally, there are lots of really great christian blogs that discuss a more "modern" view I guess. I'm not particularly religious but if you get a good group of ladies you can have friendly discussion about where the line is today, vrs where the line was before. Isn't that a bit of the point of bible study, to read, discuss, and kinda debate a bit about it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you could start the group yourself and ask that guests bring their own guests in a hope that it snowballs.

Initiate social activities? Shudders.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe one of the people who you have been talking to already about it would like to initiate it?

[–]LauraXVII25 β™‘ Monk Mode 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

  • I chat with 2 of my best friends over WhatsApp every couple of days

  • I have lunch at university with my friend/mentor every weekday

  • I briefly interact with people on Facebook if they post something interesting

  • Once a month-ish we go to the pub with our group of friends for a catchup

  • Once a month-ish we go to the pub with the aerodynamics/structures team of the project we're volunteering on and then once a month we have a team meeting which is more like a casual chat/catch up

  • Every Monday, Thursday and Sunday is gaming night with our online group

  • Sometimes we'll go on date nights/days but that's usually a last minute decision :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

hmmmm..,. this sounds very structured and formal!! :V Maybe I can make a similar structured social group so I don't feel like a leper. Thanks!

[–]LauraXVII25 β™‘ Monk Mode 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Engineers have a tendency to be over-organised :P

[–]lady_bakerEarly 30s, Married 8 years, together 10 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I am also an INTJ. I suck at small talk (both f2f and online,) I don't make new friends easily, and I find most women quite irritating.

So, now that I've nicely alienated everyone, I'll try and actually answer your question!

I have 3 real friends, and a small number of friendly acquaintances. My personal life is composed of a rare weekend in DC visiting my best friend or with couple friends of my husbands - or a glorious day alone making tamales from scratch/refinishing a table/riding a new rail line, which is just as good.

I've never missed the posse approach, or placed much value on loading my life up with many activities. And people... oh no, not people. So I very much get where you are coming from.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

or a glorious day alone making tamales from scratch

ok... i am going to need a recipe. My cousin says he is going to show me but then never does... womp womp.

[–]lady_bakerEarly 30s, Married 8 years, together 10 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just use supermarket masa and whatever solid fat I've got around - I always have a mason jar of bacon grease in the fridge, so I'll tend to use half that and half a more mild fat. Pretty sure I used the Rick Bayless recipe my first time trying it.

Meat is just seasoned shredded juicy meat, whatever I have. I do toast and grind random chiles at times, and season with that and adobo so that the meat has depth and smokiness.

ETA: cornhusks, tied with twine, double stacked in my 20qt racked canner.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. One day I'll get the courage to try this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just moved to a new city that I know practically no one and have been busy trying to make friends. I've been going to yoga classes, as well as going to the climbing gym with people in a MeetUp Group. So far I have been making progress, but am really having a hard time trying to make girlfriends. Plenty of guys want to be my "friend", but with other women I am at a loss. I feel like I'm in the weird stage of mid-20s where all of my old friends are going their separate ways, and everyone is horrible at actually keeping in touch (thanks a lot Facebook!).

When my SO is around, (currently working in Iraq right now) we would meet up with his friends and their SOs for dinner or going out to beer gardens. It was always a blast. I'm hoping that when he gets back, we'll be able to pick up where we left off!

I definitely understand your sentiments about partying. Yeah, it can be fun sometimes, but who wants to deal with being hungover or really tired the next day. I wonder if growing up and not caring about having a super active social life, is because (hopefully) as we get older we don't have as much FOMO or need to have 12054 friends on Facebook etc. As an extrovert, I definitely love being around people, but want it to be people who actually matter to me and not randoms at some party.

PS Happy early birthday!! :D

[–]maya_elenaMid-20s, married, 3 yrs total 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here's a list of my activities, to give you a data point. For context, I live in the US in a fairly large city.

I am an extrovert, but drinking-based events were never my scene, so college was mostly a lonely affair for me.

But I got lucky - some friends from my past moved into my area; I visited my family in a nearby state often, and also traveled whenever I could: every long weekend and opportunity work afforded (out-of-state clients, conferences, recruitment, etc.). I went out to various dancing venues, happy hours with co-workers, and joined an informal sports group - even had some house parties and hosted friends from far away. It was a good time.

With my husband, it got a lot harder to do some of these. My family-visiting obligations effectively doubled, and now we're out of town so frequently that it puts a damper on our social lives in our home city. (Lots of family live within 2-3 hour driving distance). I now have someone waiting for me at home - so less time for outings, and traveling to practices.

These days, I spend most of my time with my husband. Besides family visits, we see friends, host people for game nights and barbecues once in a blue moon (70/30 his friends), talk to each other a lot about books and work and politics, go to the gym, watch a lot of Netflix, and sometimes do fun unusual things in our area.

For myself, I still go out to dance, once in an even bluer moon; I found myself an amateur performance group; but the best times are still going home and seeing my friends and family, or having someone visit us for the weekend.

A bit mundane perhaps, but whom are we trying to impress anyway?

[–]classy_lassy23Mid 20s, LTR, 1 year 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm usually always with my SO or my family. He and I will go out with his friends sometimes, but I'm a homebody and it seems I've unintentionally turned him into one as well!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I just turned 28 at the end of last month. I too am an INTJ, and also don't tend to socialize.

The weird thing is that I have a desire to - but then once I actually do it, I am almost instantly over it. I have one really close friend who lives about an hour away, and my best friend lives 2k miles away. I have a couple good friends in my hometown 300 miles away that I see maybe twice a year.

I am a lot happier to just socialize with like-minded women online, it gives me more time to work on projects at home. My fiancΓ© and I are both homebodies though, so it works out really well.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The weird thing is that I have a desire to - but then once I actually do it, I am almost instantly over it.

OMG child, are you me???? That's how I feel. It's summer and pretty outside, I feel like I SHOULD be doing stuff, but I know whenever I do, I'll be like "welp that's my seasonal quota for a social life" IDK what's going on with me lol.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe it's a side effect of being happy at home? I mean, socializing is still pretty fun, but it's almost a chore too.

When I do socialize, it's pretty much right after work for a very short period of time or at the gym or yoga. Or a bicycle bar crawl, hahaha.

P.S. New flair is top notch.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

thankers :V

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a fairly active social life. M-Th usually consists of me going to work and then going home and doing my hobbies (cooking, piano, crochet) and finally relaxing with my SO. Fr I have a standing dinner with some friends but I'm usually home by 830. Then S-Su usually activities that are randomly planned out. So birthdays, graduations, weddings, parties, etc. It is rare that I have a weekend to do nothing. If an when those happen I usually have some errands to run or recipes to try out that take all day to cook. This past weekend for example, I went to a ballet recital on saturday and sunday made banana upside down cake (more like crap cake if you ask me but that is neither here nor there. those gif recipes are really just hit or miss.. ok i digress). But I'm usually up and about doing stuff. I will say I'm a morning person so 'going out' is just not a thing for me anymore.

[–]kitsunethreetails27, married 7 years, together 10 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I spend most of my time doing stuff with my husband, when we're not just hanging around the house together, we go out with his brother and wife, either visiting their house, or out for dinner and drinks.

Other then that, I have a couple good friends I regularly see movies, or go shopping with, since hubby isn't a fan of either activities.

When everyone is busy, I'm happy to just game by myself too.

[–]philomexa32, married 11 years, 1.5 year old toddler 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

New baby, so current social life consists of visiting my one mom friend (her baby is 3 weeks younger than mine). Prior to baby, my social life was essentially my husband's social life.

We've been married for 11 years, so his friends are my friends. We got married young (20/21) around the prime age for making a group of besties. I never much cared for the idea of a group of girlfriends (bad experience in high school) so I've always (happily) been a bit of a loner. When I met my husband I was absorbed into his group and would socialize whenever he wanted to.

So we partied together a lot when we were younger, then we graduated and the friend group dispersed. Moved to the big city and did the DINK lifestyle (concerts, festivals, happy hour, etc) but around 25/26 we slowed down on the DINK and started spending more nights at home. Not sure why, I think we just got tired of it; the scene, the money, the hangovers.

Had kiddo when I was 30, and my social life effectively died. But I'm ok with that, like I said I've always been a loner at heart. So far I've been to 1 party since kiddo arrived and I'm good until my birthday. My husband still likes to go out, but he prefers to stay close to home. He'll hang out with the neighbors, or venture down to the neighborhood bar for a few hours. He sometimes misses his college gang, but he manages to get his closest college friends to visit every few months or so.

I don't need to see people; they suck my energy away. I catch up with friends on facebook, and if I really need to get out I visit my mom friend so our babies can play together.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What's DINK?

[–]philomexa32, married 11 years, 1.5 year old toddler 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dual Income No Kids.

[–]am3liia 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm introverted, but I've always enjoyed having a fairly active social life. In university, I was in a sorority, and I'm still friends with a lot of those girls. I just joined my city's junior league, and I think that will be really fun too! When I see friends it's usually for lunch, shopping, a movie, stuff like that. I have a few friends from university/high school who now live in other cities, so we try to talk on the phone or skype regularly too.

My fiance and I don't have friends in common yet, but we hang out just us two a lot also. We try to go hiking every week, and we generally spend our evenings just relaxing together.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What's been your experience with the Junior League? Some ladies in chat have discussed wanting to do that too.

[–]PixieDelightsMid 30s | Married 8 years | total 12 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Once a week we host a gathering of friends; anywhere from 3-10. It has been something that has been going on for over 8 years now. It started out hanging out at a local coffee shop once a week. When we had our daughter, everything shifted to being here at the house. Us and one other friend are the only three that has stuck with it the entire time, the rest of the group is fairly fluid.

I host larger parties twice a year, once in the spring and once at Christmas. My sister does one at the 4th and one in the fall, and we have a lot of overlap in our groups.

Then the weekends are a toss up; meetups with a parenting group sometimes, visit my family, or visit his. If there is an event going on we might met up with whoever. I like to schedule up hiking trips once a month if I can with whoever wants to go. Then there are birthday parties of kids from school or friends, or a friend hosting a memorial day thing, or my cousin hosting a bar-b-q, or the chit chat at swimming class or tumbling class.

My husband isn't really sociable at all. He enjoys the weekly gatherings, the parties are meh, and weekend outings are case by case.

[–]ragnarockette 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We don't go out all that much, despite living in a party city. My social life consists of:

  • the gym with a couple girlfriends
  • grabbing a glass of wine with a friend after work
  • bridal showers, baby showers, birthday parties, and events within our larger friend group
  • concert about once a month
  • hosting other couples for dinner or BBQ around once a month

I definitely stay in loads more than I used to. I never thought I would love being a homebody as much as I do. I now often leave things early so I can get home and relax!

[–]LadyOneEarth 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My social life consists of hanging out with SO (and/or chilling on the couch with his sister) and occasionaly eating out with groups of coworkers (I work at a call center and the teams usually go out once and a while). Sometimes I go out with SO and his friends.

I don't really go out with friends as I don't have many.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwig 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I spend most of my time alone (gym, cooking, reading) but when I do go out with girlfriends we go get massages, go to orchestra concerts, museums, restaurants, shopping malls or cook together at someone's home.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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