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No wonder men are reluctant to get married. (self.RedPillWives)

submitted by blushinglilly

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/reasons-people-get-married-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-love_us_5745db97e4b055bb1170e686

This is an article on the Huffington Post at the moment which has taken submissions from an App called 'Whisper' which is some sort of secrets sharing app. It's looking at reasons people got married other then for love.

Assuming these submissions are true and not attempts to get attention it's pretty shocking really.

Out of the 18 submissions, assuming these are all heterosexual couples, 3 are from men the rest are from women. The men's 'non love' reasons for getting married are fairly practical. One marries because his girlfriend is pregnant, another because he wants a more stable home to get custody of his son, the third because he was lonely and hoped being married would resolve that.

I would argue that these are pretty non cynical reasons, even if they were probably bad choices in the long run.

On the other hand these are the reasons some of the women give for getting married. I've reworded slightly for brevity.

  • I'm a lesbian and didn't want anyone to know
  • I don't love him but I'm afraid of dying alone
  • I married him for his career
  • For his money
  • I didn't want to hurt his feelings and now I regret I will never get to be in love.
  • I wanted to get closer to his father who I am actually in love with.
  • I had children with the wrong man and wanted a better one x2
  • I married for companionship but "I pray I get to experience passionate kissing and sex and butterflies again soon. Even if it is not with my husband".

Eugh.

These were bad enough, but the comments in response to the posts just floored me. No one is really calling them out on how cruel they have been. It's all 'this is why divorce shouldn't be stigmatised' and 'it's so sad to be trapped in a loveless marriage'.

There is almost no concern shown for the men in these scenarios who are apparently walking around oblivious of the fact their wives don't love them or are actively planning to cheat. No concern that these people have been lied to.

There is almost no acknowledgement either that none of this had to happen. This is the 21st century, you don't have to marry before you are 21 or risk ending up a spinster of the parish.


[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Omg. The one where she is in love with her father in law... fucking gross!!!!!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Disgusting

[–]sundressesgaloreEarly 20s | Monk Mode9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is part of the "you go girl" culture that needs to stop. The comments probably echo what these women's friends say and validate their choice to get married for shallow reasons that make for a very weak marriage foundation.

Addressing the being alone point, it's exasperating how many women know they're not with "the one" but they keep dating them anyway because they don't want to be alone or because "why not?". I believe you can be using that time more productively in trying to find a good man you want as a partner. (I'm just speaking from generalities I see in my friend circle and friends of friends, however). I always advocate to talk about future goals with your so like marriage and children before you become exclusive to make sure you're not wasting your time.

But honestly while judging these ladies I realize I don't know why I want to be married and have a relationship so badly. It's just a strong want that I've had that appeared just recently during my high school years (and even then I really just wanted to have a baby lol) Any ladies willing to share why they wanted to marry their man or get into a relationship with them or just why you wanted to be in a relationship in general?

[–]liftinginthemoment27 | LTR | 3 years0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

So for me I wanted to be in a position where I didn't need a man per se but where having the right man would add value into my life. Years ago I was not in a position to date (due to depression and also having basically zero self worth) so I took myself out of the dating scene (essentially going into monk mode although I didn't know what that was at the time) and spent a couple years working on myself. I basically didn't want to be in a position where I felt like I needed someone just so that I felt like I had value and so that I didn't feel lonely.

My SO now (although we haven't been together all that long) is absolutely amazing and I really feel that he improves my life and also who I am as a person. He makes my every day naturally happier and better (and he says I do the same for him). I want to be in a relationship with him because everything is just better with him by my side, as corny as that may sound. I like to think that I can be independent if I absolutely need to be and I would rather be single than in a loveless relationship but being in a relationship with the right person can really add a lot of value to your life :)

[–]sundressesgaloreEarly 20s | Monk Mode1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for your reply! You really put a lot of things in perspective and I'll definitely remember to look for a guy who improves my life but when I'm at "wow life is amazing" already". I'm happy you're in such a great relationship, by the way!

[–]littleteafox5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I only married my husband for his money. I don't love him. It bothers me every night"

Well, at least it "bothers her". Good lord. How does she live with herself?

[–]OrganicSprout2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I kept on getting more and more sad the more I read. I feel for these people, but they made this poor choices...

[–]BeautifulSpaceCadet2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

'this is why divorce shouldn't be stigmatised'

Wtf. This is like a case study on exactly why divorce should be stigmatized. I'm in no way opposed to divorce but these are literally the circumstances that give it an even worse stigma.

[–]blushinglillyMarried 5 ys, Early 30s[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think what bugged me about the 'divorce shouldn't be stigmatised' comment is that it implies that these people just happened to find themselves in bad loveless marriages as if by magic, almost as if they were victims when in reality it was a series of bad in in some case selfish choices.

[–]exit_sandman2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

These were bad enough, but the comments in response to the posts just floored me. No one is really calling them out on how cruel they have been. It's all 'this is why divorce shouldn't be stigmatised' and 'it's so sad to be trapped in a loveless marriage'.

Well, some do call them out on it, but others in return don't.

What pissed me personally off the most was the one who only married her guy "because she wanted a better role model for her kids than their fathers", and multiple responses actually lauding her for her sacrificing her happiness for her kids. Chilly.

[–]Reddened0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, a lot of them were pretty painful to read.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Somewhat surprised that all my friends were getting married and I felt left out is not in these.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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